Made stupid comments to pregnant gf

[Got it]

My gf has our son more, that is what the courts decided. I have him every other weekend and two afternoons a week. So technically I have 4-6 nights with him a night. That being said, there are many nights that I spend with her on the couch to help. She nursed until 4, but she stopped night feedings much earlier. She is the active parent, she is the one who comes up with everything, decides everything, plans everything, etc. That's the dynamic of the relationship. She is better at it than I am and I go with the flow. I spend as much time with my son as I can, I go to all his sports games, I help him with music, etc. She is more involved but I am involved as well. A lot of it comes down to custody/time with him.

 

Sex is important to me, I have a much higher sex drive than she does. Being exhausted doesn't take that urge and need away from me, just as it doesn't stop me from having to eat and ****. I will say, she often does not want to have sex. She always says she is tired, has no drive anymore etc. When she went and screwed 3 (at least) guys was during a transition week were I had our son for a week (summer holiday).

 

I think she lied about the IUD because really, what is the chance of getting pregnant with an IUD, while supposedly making sure it was still there properly, and it just happens to occur when our relationship is rocky? The odds are she lied. I know she had the IUD at one point, I could feel it if I tried but she very easily could have had it removed without me knowing. She says she has to have the IUD out, of course it's a out-patient surgical procedure so I cannot witness it.

 

We have done a little bit of counseling. She doesn't ever want to open up/be vulnerable so it goes no where.

 

So if you want more sex take more off of her and then she would be less tired.

 

And screw the "better at it" piece, that is bunk. If she is better than it is just by practice and time in position. You could be better as well.

 

Listen, if you want change, you want something, it is a give and take. Right now you have your son 4-6 nights a month. That is minimum especially if there is still a sleep impact. I think there is room for you to step up on the raising of your son, far more than you are doing. My husband works a high level position (as we both do), but he shoulders a good 40% of the daily care of our daughter (with breastfeeding/pumping more is still on me). That means, ever night splitting bedsharing with her, daytime care, cleaning, playing, appointments, etc. I would refuse to accept less than that to be honest.

 

And if he was complaining about sex and was doing less than that I would tell him to set up, take on a bigger burden and then come to me with solutions on how to meet in the middle.

 

In regards to the IUD, it comes down to trusting her which is a major issue. Apparently you do not trust her since you have no evidence she lied here but you are assuming she has. There is a chance of getting pregnant with an IUD and complications if one does. You could push the envelope and accompany her to her appointment. It would also give you a chance to talk to the OBGYN about the pregnancy, issues with having had an IUD in place. There are ways to reassure yourself of the truth as well as supporting her, but it would take some effort/actions.

 

Pregnancy With an IUD: Is It Possible?

 

I do suspect you are more comfortable with speculating on things, instead of actively finding out the truth, because you have an end result/idea that you are more comfortable with/desiring. I think assuming she lied gives you an out so you don't have to be invested in her/the child. I think you would prefer that the child was a deliberate action on her part so you have an excuse to not have to be an active parent.

 

Regardless of what has happened the child, once born, has rights and desires of his/her own. S/he has a right and desire to a father whom cares and is interested in her/him. Regardless of how you feel about the mother, have you put yourself in the child's shoes and what they will feel like being ignored by you especially with a full sibling that isn't? Have you thought about the emotional and psychological damage that will do? Even if the mother did everything you suspect of her, should the child bear the punishment for it?

[sandylee1]

Why were you with her long enough to have your son if she was so bad in bed back then?

 

Are you the first guy she slept with?

 

Maybe she wanted to be sure she could keep you by being better in bed ... hence she tried out the other guys. Her timing wasn't great, but no wonder she needed a boost after hearing what she heard. I know you didn't intend her to hear it, but it was your honest truth.

 

Practice makes perfect and it seems like she has improved a bit. I'm sure it's a bit of a knock to you, that the other guys made her better in bed than she was with you. Are you a good and patient teacher /lover? Is the sex with you good for her? Does she enjoy it?

 

Who knows whether she has a coil fitted. Women have fallen pregnant with a could before now. With waking up every hour that falls primarily on her, it wouldn't have been wise to get pregnant deliberately knowing you might not stick around. She would know that she's the one who'd be left with the kids.

 

You were already giving it a second chance exclusively, so she had you. She didn't need to get pregnant. She knows that having a baby is no guarantee to keep a man, as you broke up after your son.

[Lady2163]

I have been seeing my gf for a couple months. We had a LTR a couple years ago and had a child. We are making an attempt to mend the R and be a stable family for our kid. Right after we started an exclusive R she slept with 3 dudes, on separate occasions. She didn't contact them again and I let it go. Or at least I tried. I cannot help but look at her differently. I have asked her for more details on her cheating, in hopes that knowing what happened will clear the image of her in my mind. She does not want to go into detail and thinks it will be detrimental to the R. Despite her not wanting to fully open up she is trying to make up for it and is disgusted with herself for doing it. She still says she only did it to feel more confident and see if she was bad at sex. She said it sucked and she regrets doing it. She doesn't talk to any guys now and I have full access to her things. She's been more accommodating to my needs.

 

Of course no reconciliation can go smoothly. Our sex was piss-poor in our R the first time around and while we were not exclusive. AFTER she slept with those clowns she started getting more confident and while the sex isn't good it's better. On one hand, that's good. On the other hand, I'm hurt that she slept with them and let them in more to learn more about herself and others. The sex still isn't mind blowing but it's better.

 

Regardless of the less-than-stellar sex, we very recently found out that she's pregnant again. I made the mistake of saying a couple things in the heat of the moment. One being "whose kid is it", the other "did you get pregnant on purpose" and the third being about abortion. I'm not going to say that I'm still not thinking those things, but I shouldn't have said them in that manner. She's upset and just crying all the time and I don't want to make it worse. How do I go about mending this issue and dealing with it? No way in hell should another kid be brought into this.

 

Your timeline is a bit confusing. I hate to quibble on details that probably aren't important, but it is.

 

You've been back with her for a couple of months. So, if that is 2-5 months and she had sex with three other men in those first few weeks, but is just finding out she is pregnant, chances are the baby is yours.

 

You had your first child when you were ages 21/26. So, that makes you 25/30 now? It sounds like you're both pretty immature and not prepared for life.

 

YOU chose to have sex without a condom. YOU chose to not practice two methods of birth control. Until you can get some definitive proof that it is not your child, you need to go on the assumption that the baby is yours.

 

Your sex life is bad. I'm putting that on you as well. I'm past the age of making babies, but if after 2-3 times of having sex with a man, if it is still bad, I move on. I've got pretty good communication skills. If we don't click, I don't force the issue.

 

What have YOU done to make the sex life better? Have you told her n and out out of the bedroom what you like and don't like? Have you shown her how to touch you multiple times? Have you shown her how NOT to touch you?

 

Sex with my exH was awful. One strange thing - I truly despise having the back side of my forearms stroked. It doesn't tickle, it doesn't feel erogenous, it isn't foreplay for me at all. I'd move my arms away from him in the bedroom and when he started doing it as an attempt to start something while we were outside of the bedroom, I told him how it was a game stopper for me. Tickling my neck, playing with my hair and rubbing my back and shoulders were all great signs of affection and interest. Damned if he didn't start touching my forearms MORE and ignoring spots that could get me warmed up. I left no doubt what I liked and didn't like.

 

Yet, he would probably say our sex life sucked because I was never in the mood and he tried to be affectionate.

 

I'm spinning off topic, but so much about your post is immature drama, I just don't know where to start. I know I'm old and I have old fashioned ideas, but you made a baby with this woman and didn't marry her or cohabitate or consider looking for more convenient living accommodations. You got a woman pregnant at age 26. Maybe that's too young to buy or build a duplex, but if you weren't planning to marry her you should have been looking for apartments in the same complex or living within a few minutes of each other.

 

My feeling is....you're not old enough NOW to have sex if you can't accept the consequences of what could happen.

[Popsicle]

She doesn't want you around. There's nothing more to talk about. It's over.

 

Just continue with the courts child custody orders and move on.

[VeveCakes]

Can't get pregnant with an IUD...so thats a blatant lie if she said she had one.

[Got it]

Can't get pregnant with an IUD...so thats a blatant lie if she said she had one.

 

That is completely untrue. In fact I have a link to it above.

 

Sigh, I love when people spout off on information they do not actually research.

[VeveCakes]

That is completely untrue. In fact I have a link to it above.

 

Sigh, I love when people spout off on information they do not actually research.

 

ok well...I know you can, but it is like MINIMAL chance - and if she was she would need the IUD removed asap. So OP has she had the IUD removed?

[Lady2163]

Can't get pregnant with an IUD...so thats a blatant lie if she said she had one.

 

I think the odds are pretty slim, but nothing is impossible. I've known two couples in the last year who have had a "miracle" baby. Couple one she had a tubal ligation and couple two he had a vasectomy. They get together frequently for their six month old babies to play...

[Toodaloo]

ok well...I know you can, but it is like MINIMAL chance - and if she was she would need the IUD removed asap. So OP has she had the IUD removed?

 

My mother got pregnant with an IUD... she lost the baby and a Fallopian tube...

 

Just saying...

 

The only 100% effective form of birth control is abstinence or total hysterectomy...

[Just a Guy]

Hi folks, isn't it sad that it is the woman who has to take most of the precautions to avoid unwanted pregnancies? I have heard that IUDs can sometimes cause cervical cancer in women so one wonders if it is the safest way to practice birth control.

[sandylee1]

Can't get pregnant with an IUD...so thats a blatant lie if she said she had one.

 

Of course you can. No method of BC is 100% guaranteed.

 

OP - any update?