Chelsea51 Posted October 19, 2016 Posted October 19, 2016 (edited) Hi. I'm going to try and make this as short as I can I just need advice as I'm so down at the moment and trying to move on but I just can't understand why my ex treated me so bad. We broke up in march after 4 years together we was engaged and due to get married this year. We had some really good days together and I gave the guy everything he wanted. He always looked after me aswell and would tell me he loved me everyday several times and I would him but there were times we would argue, well I would at him because he showed no interest in anything. At times he was distant and cold and I felt like I was on my own and he was just lodging with me. There wasn't much intimacy because he wasnt that interested and moan if I asked to snuggle up on sofa and would reject me in the bedroom. I'd have to wait for him every time to be in the mood and I wanted us to go out more and do more things together where he was more of a homebody so we stayed in quite alot he would rather stay home playing PlayStation and watching movies. He would always go bed early before me and gave other way. He refused to talk about these issues I had with him and they never got solved or did he have any interest in trying to meet me half way. He would just tell me to shut up and he ain't doing this. So we would just carry on until it came round again and so on. He told me he thought we were two different people and he couldn't give me what I wanted and was fed up and fed up of the arguing. I said but you won't talk to me or try and meet me half way and I just feel bored and fed up and want things to change. He told me he didn't want to be here and I said if that's what u want and ur unhappy and i can't make you stay just go and he thought about it for a bit and left. The next day he texted saying he missed me and I asked if he wanted to meet to talk and we did but again he still looked unhappy saying we was incompatable and he doesn't know what he wants so I told him to take time and let me know. I would call him see how he is and then as the days went on he stopped answering my calls and completely ignored me then I was locked off completely I couldn't understand it. I called his mum but she wouldn't tell me anything I text him and my reply was I want to be on my own sorry. I was locked of for 2 months during this time I would email him to see if I could get some answers telling him I love him and would like us to try again and meet and try and work it out but he would only respond now and again I think I'm better on my own. It's what I'm used to. Then end of may he messages me asking to meet up for a drink. I met him and it was great we got in so well he was happy just like the guy I met. He told me he had massive feelings for me and he wanted us back together i was so happy and just put all the two months of him locking me off behind me. For the next 3 days we were great he couldn't make his mind up if he was going to watch football with friends or stay with me on the sat but decided to go. On the even we got into a little argument on the phone about a comment he made to my son that upset me but I just tried to talk to him about it there was no arguing and he said they you go kicking off again you havnt changed. I asked him about it and he said he never said it and that I'm bound to believe my son over him and went all funny with me and hung up the phone and never spoke to me for 4 days. I texted him and tried to call but nothing then the 5 th day I called again and he answered and said that he just wanted to be on his own and that I wanted too much too soon and he doesn't want to just make someone happy. He said his battery was going to die and I asked him to plug phone in so we could talk some more but it just cut off and he had never spoke to me since I'm cut off again. He's blocked me on social media which is a good thing so I'm not looking at what he's up to. I can't call him because he won't answer. I emailed him still 5 months on to try and meet or talk but he's just not interested I just get a reply through email saying I think I'll pass thanks I'm staying on my own now. I'm not looking at being with anyone. So here I am now hurt confused and I've tried so hard just to talk to him. He told me them 3 days he was back that he still loved me and he's happy again then gone. I've found out now he's got himself a new house near his mum and he seems happy now. I know he's not coming back I'm accepting but it's so hard because I still love him. I have not contacted him for 2 weeks and I'm going to stick to it now because I'm making myself look ridiculous because he doesn't care about me no more. I've sent him all kinds of messages..angry ,frustrated lived up messages just telling him I love you why u treating me like this. We could have just sat down and talked and saved our relationship. I was willing to do anything to make us work but he hadn't given us a chance. How can someone just lock you off like that after telling you they love you and want to be with you and now its like I don't exist and hes just moved on. I think it's time I just move on and try and get over him any advice? Edited October 19, 2016 by Chelsea51 1
whatnot Posted October 19, 2016 Posted October 19, 2016 Others will be along that knows more than I do about relationships. It just sounds to me as if the guy bit off a little more than he could chew. And, from your writings, it doesn't sound to me like he's much of a negotiator. It's hard (impossible?) to have a relationship with a person who doesn't negotiate. I can't give advice. HOWEVER, (lol)...don't treat yourself badly by chasing after some man who doesn't want to be with you. Everyone deserves to be happy. And this includes you.
sharkbite0 Posted October 19, 2016 Posted October 19, 2016 he left...let him go. Try to focus on your own life, and your son. Believe that there are men out there that will treat you better than this guy. No one deserves to be the back up supply to someone and it seems this guy knows that he can get you back whenever he wants. Stick to NC and focus on working on yourself. Build up your self-esteem, it sounds like you are relying on him to make yourself happy. That's not how it works, I promise. Keep your chin up, this too shall pass....
Buddhist Posted October 19, 2016 Posted October 19, 2016 This relationship had been in it's death throws for months before the breakup occurred. Someone can love and not want to be with you. That happens. It's happens because of the situation you experienced. Intimacy dies, the relationship just becomes a circular argument, nothing gets resolved. It's been five months, stop reaching out trying to get closure. He will not give you any. Find your own answers and closure and go no contact. The more you hang onto closure from him, answers from him the longer you will be in this state of limbo. There is nothing more to say. Intimacy died and you both got into a habit of arguing. That's when a relationship is over, and it's the reason the relationship is over. Move on.
Author Chelsea51 Posted October 19, 2016 Author Posted October 19, 2016 I think he didn't realise what is was going to be like. He had always lived alone before all his life and I was his first proper relationship at 40. He had no kids and didn't want any and I guess we moved in too soon and he did bite as much as he could chew but I just wish he would have told me slot early than our 4 year anniversary and also if this is the case and you have left and lock a person off why come back saying I love you and we are back together again and get my hopes up just to leave for the slightest thing again and lock me off...why come back??...I know my nagging at him during the relationship hasn't helped and I blame myself for him going because if this. He doesn't like confrontation or arguments I should have just let things be. I just wish he could have give us a chance...I tried everything to make him happy and give him what he wanted I just wanted some effort in return and now I've lost him.
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