J dub Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 My break story is http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t66544/ if it matters at all... I am wondering - would it be ok if I gave him this "Thank you" letter I wrote to him? It's just a long list of specific stuff he did for me and how much I appreciated it. I dont want him to ever think I took advantage of him or didnt notice his efforts. It's only been 2 days since we parted but I really feel it will put some of my anxiety at ease if I know he knows all of this. It doesnt beg for him back, or say anything to make him feel guilty for his decision. Its' very loving and supportive and just a "you made a huge difference in my life" type of letter. Since I'm trying to do NC - cant I just go put it on his car while hes working or something? Its not like I am calling him and intruding in on his day, what do you guys think?
Tony Posted July 10, 2005 Senior Moderators Posted July 10, 2005 I've been in the same place and it did make me feel better to communicate some final feelings. I think it would not be good to put it on his car. Mail it to his home if you can. Don't expect a reply because you won't get one. Otherwise, put all your feelings on paper and put the paper in a drawer. In the end, the most important thing here is the lesson you have learned. Let people know how you feel about them often and express your appreciation at the time a deed is done. Don't save it up to submit after a parting. Here's a link to something nice that may make you understand give and receiving a bit better, written quite sometime ago ----> http://www.columbia.edu/~gm84/gibran5.html Pay particular attention to the last three lines.
FlutterBug Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 Sweetie, don't do it. Don't give it to him. Doing so will give him power and you will regret it at a later date. NC is NC in any way, shape or form. I know it's hard and seems like the end of the world but its not. It will get better!
Author J dub Posted July 10, 2005 Author Posted July 10, 2005 Originally posted by FlutterBug Sweetie, don't do it. Don't give it to him. Doing so will give him power and you will regret it at a later date. NC is NC in any way, shape or form. I know it's hard and seems like the end of the world but its not. It will get better! He is making his decision right now about what is right for him to do - I am doing NC so he has room to do what he needs to do, think, and I can try to keep my sanity. I cant really see how me expressing my gratitude towards all his immensely kind efforts would be giving him "power"? I just want to share it because he seemed to think I was unappreciative of him and my "No, I always appreciated the things you did for me" doesnt do sufficient justice, you know?
ggallin13 Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 Don't do it. It seems like it'll make you feel better, but it will just make you feel worse. When he doesn't respond that's just another thing that'll bother you.
westernxer Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 Don't send anything... you don't need to emphasize your sincerity during your time together. The fact that you were together speaks for itself. But now it's over, so do as Tony says and shelve that letter. Trying to justify yourself after the fact is counter-productive to his getting over you.
Author J dub Posted July 10, 2005 Author Posted July 10, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer Trying to justify yourself after the fact is counter-productive to his getting over you. He is taking time to decide what is right for his future, its not like I WANT him to get over me
FlutterBug Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 You really don't want anyone's advice so put it on his car. He will not respond, he will have the "power" of knowing that you want him so badly you're willing to sacrifice your dignity. "He is taking time to decide what is right for his future" - is just a typical breakup line. Be realistic.
lindya Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 I read your break-up post. It sounds as if the two of you care a good deal about eachother, but circumstances just aren't right for the relationship to continue. In a situation like that, I really can't see anything wrong with writing a short, affectionate goodbye note (though as Tony says - post it, don't leave it on his car). I don't think that's about giving him power - it's just acknowledging that the two of you had a sweet and lovely time together, and that you'll miss him. Take care. We've all been there, and you're no doubt feeling pretty wobbly just now.
Author J dub Posted July 10, 2005 Author Posted July 10, 2005 Its not that I wont take anyones advice here, because trust me I will definitely consider it all from each angle. I am just on the fence right now you know what I mean? I cant really decipher whats right and wrong right now because my emotions are getting in the way of my thinking process. I didnt really think about the fact that I would be hurt if I didnt get a response, but I was just thinking back to when we broke up a while back (me doing it that time) and he left me a note just emphasizing that he understands I have to make my choice and if thats what I want then he is going to accept it. It gave me a lot of peace of mind and helped me think a little more clearly knowing that he didnt have any harsh thoughts towards me. I am going to sit on it for a while and decide, re-read it and whatnot to really evaluate my words and whatnot. If I do give it to him it'll definitely be by USPS I wont go all stalkerish and leave it on his car. I only thought of that because thats what he did for me which I thought was sweet, but the circumstances were entirely different and what females think is sweet can be a turnoff for a male. Please dont think I am disregarding your suggestions though, I am just indecisive and trying to see everyones point of view!!
Sal Paradise Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 Doesn't really sound like you're on the fence, sounds like you've made the decision and want to hear its the right one. Good luck.
Kat Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 If you can handle them ignoring it and even burning it, then do it. If you can't don't
Author J dub Posted July 10, 2005 Author Posted July 10, 2005 Originally posted by Kat If you can handle them ignoring it and even burning it, then do it. If you can't don't Burning it?? WTF? We seperated on better terms than hating eachother, sheesh. And no, I really am on the fence. I did not make the decision to send it at all.
Kat Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 Originally posted by J dub Burning it?? WTF? We seperated on better terms than hating eachother, sheesh. You don't have to hate someone to burn the stuff they gave you while in a relationship
Author J dub Posted July 11, 2005 Author Posted July 11, 2005 Originally posted by Kat You don't have to hate someone to burn the stuff they gave you while in a relationship I guess its different for me then -- burning stuff is not my usual passtime
Kat Posted July 11, 2005 Posted July 11, 2005 Originally posted by J dub I guess its different for me then -- burning stuff is not my usual passtime haha true. Some people just want their past gone and want to be witness to it. Others can just hate them with a passion
Author J dub Posted July 11, 2005 Author Posted July 11, 2005 Originally posted by Kat haha true. Some people just want their past gone and want to be witness to it. Others can just hate them with a passion I suppose if anyone would be burning stuff it should be me, since he was the one who walked out on me. I did this once to get over an ex, it gave me a lot of release come to think of it. Anyway, the burning just came as a surprise as no one else ever said anything even remotely close to it. But I've pretty much made up my mind that I wont be giving him anything - letters or otherwise. Whats the point you know? It ended on a good note, thats enough.
Kat Posted July 11, 2005 Posted July 11, 2005 Originally posted by J dub Whats the point you know? It ended on a good note, thats enough. If that is good enough for you, then that is all that matters
Author J dub Posted July 11, 2005 Author Posted July 11, 2005 Originally posted by Kat If that is good enough for you, then that is all that matters Yeah seriously screw all that!! He is only worried about himself at the moment, why the hell am I concerned about what he thinks of me? Dang I think I just woke up!
Kat Posted July 11, 2005 Posted July 11, 2005 Originally posted by J dub Dang I think I just woke up! Want a coffee?
Author J dub Posted July 11, 2005 Author Posted July 11, 2005 Originally posted by Kat Want a coffee? LOL nah but I'll take a nice cool drink
ButtonPusher Posted July 11, 2005 Posted July 11, 2005 God you people need to stop carrying round so much anger. Dub, you sound like you have a certain level of maturity about breaking up, which cant be said for a lot of people posting here. You havent begged or pleaded or behaved like a pathetic teen, which is admirable. If the letter is only to express your gratitude for the time you spent with your ex, then send it. He will appreciate it. You were in a loving relationship with the guy, so there is no reason for you to behave like child and pretend that you hate him. A lot of people that post here seem to feel that because you get dumped by someone, you shouldnt show any compassion for them . But this is such an immature path to follow. To be able to say thank you and that you appreciate someone that has left you, and which resulted in you feeling hurt, takes maturity and wisdom. My advice, say thank you and the rest in the letter, tell him what he meant to you, but dont as you seem to know not to do, say "whhhhhhhhhhhhhyy did you leave me??? I want you back! pleeeeeeeeassssee" lol. I sent a letter to my ex weeks after we broke up, expressing my appreciation for the time I spent with her, and it really moved her and made her happy. We didnt get back together, but we both felt happier getting on with our lives.
Author J dub Posted July 11, 2005 Author Posted July 11, 2005 Originally posted by Dukkha God you people need to stop carrying round so much anger. Dub, you sound like you have a certain level of maturity about breaking up, which cant be said for a lot of people posting here. You havent begged or pleaded or behaved like a pathetic teen, which is admirable. If the letter is only to express your gratitude for the time you spent with your ex, then send it. He will appreciate it. You were in a loving relationship with the guy, so there is no reason for you to behave like child and pretend that you hate him. A lot of people that post here seem to feel that because you get dumped by someone, you shouldnt show any compassion for them . But this is such an immature path to follow. To be able to say thank you and that you appreciate someone that has left you, and which resulted in you feeling hurt, takes maturity and wisdom. My advice, say thank you and the rest in the letter, tell him what he meant to you, but dont as you seem to know not to do, say "whhhhhhhhhhhhhyy did you leave me??? I want you back! pleeeeeeeeassssee" lol. I sent a letter to my ex weeks after we broke up, expressing my appreciation for the time I spent with her, and it really moved her and made her happy. We didnt get back together, but we both felt happier getting on with our lives. Nah trust me if I decided to send the letter (which I dont think I will because it seems pointless right now, but maybe a little later when I'm past all the emotional rollercoaster business) it would never be in a "why did you leave me please come back I need you" fashion. I just want to express my gratitude is all. But at this point its only been 2 days, I need to get a little deeper in the moving-on road before I start appreciating him. I will focus on me right now. Yes I do agree that there are some people on here with a lot of negativity, perhaps brought on from past relationships that went sour and didnt have a chance to make a clean break from. I dont want to carry baggage into my next relationship and that is exactly why I wrote the letter to begin with, I am working thru my emotions to get over him.
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