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What should I have done instead?

Veralex

By Veralex
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Veralex New Member

Veralex

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Posted (edited)

I have a friend that, I thought, was getting more intimate with me. Her back story, she was in a bad relationship and she started hanging out with me instead. At first, we would just talk, and then we started hanging out. She seemed to open up to me and shared a lot of details about her life, and I did too. We like to hang out together and play games, or watch anime, or just do anything really. She talked about her sexual life, what she likes, her kinks, etc. It turns out her kinks are really similar to mine, and we hit it off great with how similar we are. We starter hanging out more, and just overall hanging out almost everyday. Keep in mind though, this was all still while she is with a boyfriend of 2 years.

 

Honestly, I think I really like her, and wanted to date her, especially after she finally broke up with her boyfriend. After that though, she started becoming kind of distant, and I began having trouble trying to get in contact with her. It was, at this time, that I was starting to think, I was just a substitute for her boyfriend while she was still in the process of breaking up with him. Obviously, this hurt a lot, because I care for her, and I really thought we enjoyed each other's company, no alterior motive. I wasn't really mad though, just hurt.

 

So, I got into contact with her through text, and just straight up asked her, and told her my thoughts. I felt like I handled it poorly though, and ended up being an ass hole for even thinking it, even after the stuff she said. Towards the end of it, I just decided to apologize and let it go.

 

 

I've screenshotted the conversation, and I would like anyone's advice on what I should do, or should have done.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Removed note about duplicate thread and removed URL pending mod review ~ V
pinkerton15 Member

pinkerton15

Posted
Posted
I have a friend that, I thought, was getting more intimate with me. Her back story, she was in a bad relationship and she started hanging out with me instead. At first, we would just talk, and then we started hanging out. She seemed to open up to me and shared a lot of details about her life, and I did too. We like to hang out together and play games, or watch anime, or just do anything really. She talked about her sexual life, what she likes, her kinks, etc. It turns out her kinks are really similar to mine, and we hit it off great with how similar we are. We starter hanging out more, and just overall hanging out almost everyday. Keep in mind though, this was all still while she is with a boyfriend of 2 years.

 

Honestly, I think I really like her, and wanted to date her, especially after she finally broke up with her boyfriend. After that though, she started becoming kind of distant, and I began having trouble trying to get in contact with her. It was, at this time, that I was starting to think, I was just a substitute for her boyfriend while she was still in the process of breaking up with him. Obviously, this hurt a lot, because I care for her, and I really thought we enjoyed each other's company, no alterior motive. I wasn't really mad though, just hurt.

 

So, I got into contact with her through text, and just straight up asked her, and told her my thoughts. I felt like I handled it poorly though, and ended up being an ass hole for even thinking it, even after the stuff she said. Towards the end of it, I just decided to apologize and let it go.

 

 

I've screenshotted the conversation, and I would like anyone's advice on what I should do, or should have done.

 

You definitely shouldn't have talked about it with her like that. You should've just went on a date with her, and kept hanging out with her... you know try to win her over... now that she's single?

 

Being all desperate and needy and accusing her of using you, when she was bored with her boyfriend, is pretty stupid sorry to say. What did you think was gonna come out of that?

Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
Posted (edited)

I'm gonna be blunt. I've been through similar. She's not interested in you like that. She flirted with you and turned to you for attention and emotional support or to relieve boredom. Her bf is used to her and probably not as keen about her as you. When you called her out for using you, you struck a nerve because it was true. She gaslighted you/turned it around on you and made you apologize for feeling rightfully used. She shows weak character by lying to her bf and playing people like toys. Unless one of your kinks is cuckoldry/being cheated on/left just move on she will most likely cheat on you as soon as there are problems or she needs more attention/validation due to her insecurities.

Edited by Cookiesandough
Deonce Member

Deonce

Posted
Posted

Sorry to say, but you have no chance with this girl. I read the conversation and you really come off as needy, insecure and weak. You shouldn't have brought it up in the first place, and why did you have to apologize so many times during the conversation? Never apologize to a woman if you don't believe you're wrong or if it's something that isn't that important. And if you do, just apologize once and leave it at that.

The reason you shouldn't apologize in this case is simply because she'll lose respect for you since you can't even stand up for yourself. And do you really believe her? You know you're right and she probably just used you to feed her ego.

 

What you should do is, forget about this girl because she isn't interested. Learn from this and move on. Also remember what I said, never apologize if you're not wrong. Stand up for yourself.

Best of luck.

phineas Established Member

phineas

Posted
Posted

c'mon dude.

She just got out of a bad relationship and the first thing you do is try to swoop down on her like a vulture?

 

I think that's worse than calling her out and acting like a butt-hurt.

 

I get women friends who do this also when their R's are on the ropes with crappy BF's.

Guess what?

I tell them unless they want to head into the bedroom so they can show me their skills and technique's we should probably change the subject.

 

Basically I make it clear i'm not going be a Boyfriend without benefits.

Also, I don't sit around with them at either of our houses alone.

 

I take them out and try to show them a fun time and get their mind off their problems.

 

Once the R implodes and they have gone through the 1 week of getting back together i'll hang with them here and there and if they are interested, they will let me know.

 

I've made the mistake of catching feels for women friends before. It never ends well.

But when I don't catch feelings for a female friend....they always seem to end up wanting me. go figure.

babylonsfire Member

babylonsfire

Posted
Posted

use this as a learning experience, never date someone fresh out of a relationship, who hasn't gotten over it yet, plain and simple, it ends badly every time. people need time to chill, relax, think; for everyone that's a different amount of time.

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

Posted
Posted

Dude you were totally friend zoned. She just wanted a friend, and if you didn't get all up in your feelings for her you would have seen that. Just because a girl spends time with you talking about personal things doesn't mean she is interested in you romantically.

 

If she was interested she would have been sticking her tongue down your throat, grabbing at your crotch. Or she would have shared her interest in you verbally, and make it known.

ChatroomHero Established Member

ChatroomHero

Posted
Posted

She gas lighted you as a poster above said. In a manner of speaking, you were her non sexual girlfriend. She knew what she was doing, using you for the comfort and support her bf was not giving her. She feels bad because you were right, not her fault she wasn't interested but if she is confiding in you her kinks and crying on your shoulder, then she knows she led you on to get what she needed.

Next time, don't be a girlfriend, don't chase someone with a bf if you don't want to be in the situation.

You were honest, but the only reason to tell her what you initially said would be to tell her why you won't be talking to her anymore. The rest made you look needy with no balls. No need for that.

Joga_31 Established Member

Joga_31

Posted
Posted

I think that she did use you unfortunately, but I think it was healthy that you let her know how you feel, but also you can't expect that you have a chance with her either.

 

I agree with one of the posts I saw up there and I think that if you wanted to be with her a date could have been set up and if you do get the chance to see her again.

 

Pull your moves ;) don't be that supportive guy, be that guy that will take her home ;)

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