Ohwell77 Posted October 18, 2016 Posted October 18, 2016 (edited) So me and my ex broke up about a month and a half ago. I have 2 kids from a previous relationship so I wasn't sure how he'd handle this as he was single with no kids. We g=dated for 4 months and broke up for 7 months and then got back together for roughly the last year and a half. He always brought me out for dinner and took care of everything around the house. He brought us on vacation a couple of months ago as a "family", so he was everything I could ask for. We had an argument one night and he didn't speak to me for three days, during these three days it really opened my eyes as to what I wanted and it wasn't him. Unfortunately we bought a house together so things became a little more complicated with the breakup. We really didn't speak and when we did most times there was anger coming from him and myself as I did not want him around me and my kids so as not to screw them up. He relented and only came by on weekends which was too much for me anyways. Well last night he sent me this text: Listen I love you and the kids, I want this to work out. I apologize for my actions the night this all started. You are the sexiest woman I have ever met. I love all your little intricacies, faults and imperfections. The John Legend song is you to a tee for me. I think of that sexy little body and I get an adrenaline rush. I don't need you I want you. Your smile, your laugh, your kisses are what I want. It's my job to make things better that's what men do. I'm stepping up to the plate so let me take a swing at this I feel guilty about breaking his heart but I really don't see a plan for him to come back in to our lives. I think he is a great guy but I would always pick on him for trivial things and I don't want to live my life like that. A friend of ours actually said to him why do you let her treat you like that. Obviously subconsciously I didn't want to be with him until the fight happened which open my eyes. Do I text him back saying what's done is done and there is no turning back or just ignore the text. I feel sad for him as I know he really loved me and my kids and it just breaks my heart that I couldn't return the love he wanted. Edited October 18, 2016 by Ohwell77
PrincessWarrior1 Posted October 18, 2016 Posted October 18, 2016 (edited) That's hard I'm sorry. Did you really say that you bought a house with someone after dating them only 4 months? That seems a little crazy to me. I don't know hun but if you don't really feel it with him then you are not going to be happy and it's not fair to neither you nor him. So I'd be upfront and let him know so he can start to move on with his life and you both can find someone that you actually want to be with. Life is too short to be unhappy and wise people always look forward to the future and make decisions based on a positive outcome for the future, not the here and now, living for the moment crap. That stuff usually always blows up into your face and most likely has devastating consequences... Edited October 18, 2016 by PrincessWarrior1
Author Ohwell77 Posted October 18, 2016 Author Posted October 18, 2016 I think I'll just leave it alone. Maybe not the right forum to be in, seems like the one that causes the heart break gets no advice. We all make mistakes in life and not everyone is meant for each other but if you do truly care for someone it still hurts whether you broke their heart or not
Author Ohwell77 Posted October 18, 2016 Author Posted October 18, 2016 (edited) That's hard I'm sorry. Did you really say that you bought a house with someone after dating them only 4 months? That seems a little crazy to me. I don't know hun but if you don't really feel it with him then you are not going to be happy and it's not fair to neither you nor him. So I'd be upfront and let him know so he can start to move on with his life and you both can find someone that you actually want to be with. Life is too short to be unhappy and wise people always look forward to the future and make decisions based on a positive outcome for the future, not the here and now, living for the moment crap. That stuff usually always blows up into your face and most likely has devastating consequences... Thanks for your reply, dated for 4 months and split for 7 months, got back together and have been living together for a year but been together for a year and a half. He was stable and good to me and my kids, just thought it would good for everyone. Maybe it's me but the feeling was there and left so I'm not sure if I should just be straight with him and tell him there is no chance or just ignore. Both are heartbreaking for me. He deserves someone that appreciates him and I obviously don't Edited October 18, 2016 by Ohwell77 1
Scarlett.O'hara Posted October 19, 2016 Posted October 19, 2016 last night he sent me this text: Listen I love you and the kids, I want this to work out. I apologize for my actions the night this all started. You are the sexiest woman I have ever met. I love all your little intricacies, faults and imperfections. The John Legend song is you to a tee for me. I think of that sexy little body and I get an adrenaline rush. I don't need you I want you. Your smile, your laugh, your kisses are what I want. It's my job to make things better that's what men do. To be honest, the message just sounds like he has a specific agenda. If I'm right, and it is just missing the physical side of your relationship, then you don't need to feel bad about breaking his heart again. It was probably just a horny moment. Perhaps I'm just being cynical because of his language, but it just sounds like a guy who is willing to say whatever necessary to get laid, even if deep down he knows the relationship wasn't working. It may last a few more months, but old habits tend to repeat themselves, and what drove you apart will will still be there. There is nothing worse than a partner that brings out the worst in you so I think you are doing the right thing staying away. As for whether you should reply to his text, how is he likely respond? Will replying just make him more persistent or will silence get the message across? Do whatever you think he will accept the easiest. 2
basil67 Posted October 19, 2016 Posted October 19, 2016 Scarlett just echoed my thoughts. His letter was all about the physical. There's nothing in there about your personality. Nor are there any comments about what went wrong and what he would have done differently. It's what he didn't write which is most important.
Author Ohwell77 Posted October 19, 2016 Author Posted October 19, 2016 He wasn't like that at all, it wasn't just about me and the sex, he was truly engaged with my kids which actually took away from our personal life. We lost our way, I wish we had more intimacy but I think having kids around 6 of 7 days a week was draining on him. Anyways Thank you for the responses but I will let things pass and hopefully he will move on as well. Still very sad about everything though
Stercrazy Posted October 19, 2016 Posted October 19, 2016 He sounds more into you then you into him. I'm sure he'll make some other girl happy once he gets over you. Best if luck.
Author Ohwell77 Posted October 19, 2016 Author Posted October 19, 2016 He sounds more into you then you into him. I'm sure he'll make some other girl happy once he gets over you. Best if luck. You are probably on point with this. It seems the one who cares the least holds all the power and I know he is hurting right now. We just listed our house but I have not spoken to him. I am doing all correspondence through a friend. He will be receiving some legal documents today about the house so hopefully he takes it well. I don't want to contact him in case I give him any false hope which might set him back. It's crazy how sad I feel about all this
aloneinaz Posted October 19, 2016 Posted October 19, 2016 What was the line from Dragnet (dating myself here), "Stick to the facts Ma'am.) * This relationship has already sustained 2 break ups. * Many, many signs of incompatibility through it. * Push/pull dynamics in play which speaks to a potentially unhealthy partner. We've all had a relationship like this. We TRIED to make it work. We sustained too many break ups. The end result were always the same. It ended for good. You know in your heart that this will not have a happy ending. Recycling it yet again will have the same end result. Happy, healthy, loving, enriching relationships don't sustain ANY break ups or have the drama this one did. It took me too many decades to realize this. Learn from our mistakes.
PrincessWarrior1 Posted October 19, 2016 Posted October 19, 2016 Sometimes love is a choice and not a feeling. The feelings come afterward. I hope everything works out for you. I know it's hard either way I have been going through the same thing for the past 3 years.
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