jarheadgirl Posted October 18, 2016 Posted October 18, 2016 I've been dating a guy for 4 months now, we made it exclusive about 2 months after meeting. He lives an hour away. In those 4 months, I've only seen him a handful of times. The times we've seen each other, it's just been him coming to my place to drink and have sex. We did go out one time, but I paid for everything. He has yet to spend a dime on me, not a cent. To be honest, him spending money is not a big deal. My main issue is that he doesn't make time or put in effort to spend time together. He was the first one to say I love you. And many times he's told me he wants a family with me and wants to marry me. That's what confuses the hell out of me. We text all day, every day. It's been almost a month and I haven't seen him. Either because things "come up" up on his end, or I get annoyed that he hasn't texted all day to firm up our plans and I'm left wondering....so I cancel. He keeps telling me to be patient and that things will change, and that the distance is inconvenient...but of course my intuition is telling me he's hiding something. Am I getting played or just being insecure and expecting too much? 1
gorf Posted October 18, 2016 Posted October 18, 2016 I've been dating a guy for 4 months now, we made it exclusive about 2 months after meeting. He lives an hour away. In those 4 months, I've only seen him a handful of times. The times we've seen each other, it's just been him coming to my place to drink and have sex. We did go out one time, but I paid for everything. He has yet to spend a dime on me, not a cent. To be honest, him spending money is not a big deal. My main issue is that he doesn't make time or put in effort to spend time together. He was the first one to say I love you. And many times he's told me he wants a family with me and wants to marry me. That's what confuses the hell out of me. We text all day, every day. It's been almost a month and I haven't seen him. Either because things "come up" up on his end, or I get annoyed that he hasn't texted all day to firm up our plans and I'm left wondering....so I cancel. He keeps telling me to be patient and that things will change, and that the distance is inconvenient...but of course my intuition is telling me he's hiding something. Am I getting played or just being insecure and expecting too much? Expecting wayyy too much out of a fling. A long distance fling at that. He told you and has shown you everything you need to know. Btw, under the circumstances and time, the I love you's and want to get married, all that, I would totally disregard it. I think if you are naieve you will wonder if he is really a long term man of your dreams, but if you are wise at all, you already know what is going on and what to do about it 1
Space Ritual Posted October 18, 2016 Posted October 18, 2016 I've been dating a guy for 4 months now, we made it exclusive about 2 months after meeting. He lives an hour away. In those 4 months, I've only seen him a handful of times. The times we've seen each other, it's just been him coming to my place to drink and have sex. We did go out one time, but I paid for everything. He has yet to spend a dime on me, not a cent. To be honest, him spending money is not a big deal. My main issue is that he doesn't make time or put in effort to spend time together. He was the first one to say I love you. And many times he's told me he wants a family with me and wants to marry me. That's what confuses the hell out of me. We text all day, every day. It's been almost a month and I haven't seen him. Either because things "come up" up on his end, or I get annoyed that he hasn't texted all day to firm up our plans and I'm left wondering....so I cancel. He keeps telling me to be patient and that things will change, and that the distance is inconvenient...but of course my intuition is telling me he's hiding something. Am I getting played or just being insecure and expecting too much? Sounds like he is hiding a whole different relationship. He may be married or have a live in GF and have kids already. Sorry this is happening, but the "telling me to be patient" routine is man speak for: "I just want sex and I don't have the balls to tell her that I am never leaving my current relationship for a new one. Best to keep her on the hook so I can get laid once in awhile and make her think I really want something other than a free meal and sex." Again I am very sorry but that is a dead giveaway. Chalk it up to yet another guy that makes all of us guys look bad and move forward. 2
hippychick3 Posted October 18, 2016 Posted October 18, 2016 Sounds like he is hiding a whole different relationship. He may be married or have a live in GF and have kids already. Sorry this is happening, but the "telling me to be patient" routine is man speak for: "I just want sex and I don't have the balls to tell her that I am never leaving my current relationship for a new one. Best to keep her on the hook so I can get laid once in awhile and make her think I really want something other than a free meal and sex." Again I am very sorry but that is a dead giveaway. Chalk it up to yet another guy that makes all of us guys look bad and move forward. ^^^this OP, you are being played. Save your dignity and dump this dude ASAP. In the future, only choose exclusivity with someone who treats you with care and respect and has proven himself to be loyal and consistent. A man who is truly interested would make arrangements to see you as often as possible and actually take you out on DATES. 2
Samhain Posted October 18, 2016 Posted October 18, 2016 Definitely sounds to me like he's involved in a whole different relationship and you're his "side girl" he goes to for drinks and sex whenever it's convenient for him. He's telling you he wants a future with you as a means to keep you sweet so he doesn't lose his sex supply. Just out of curiosity, have you ever suggested you visiting him and having an evening at his place and in his surroundings? Maybe you should, but I bet I know what the answer would be. He doesn't live in your vicinity and it's been a relatively short space of time, so you shouldn't be too overly invested..Drop him like a hot coal, and be glad you're rid of him, before at some point in the future you become the live in lover while he's off lying to and banging someone else in the exact same position you're in now. 1
RecentChange Posted October 18, 2016 Posted October 18, 2016 Where I come from an hour is nothing. People will scale mountains to be with the one they love - but an hour is inconvenient? My husband and I were long distance for a period early in our relationship. 380 miles to be exact. We still managed to spend 2-3 weekends a month together. When you are crazy about someone, when you love them, and want nothing more than to be with them - you make it happen, you don't tell them to be patient. I wouldn't be surprised if he has a live in GF or wife. Have you ever been to his place? 1
gorf Posted October 18, 2016 Posted October 18, 2016 Definitely sounds to me like he's involved in a whole different relationship and you're his "side girl" he goes to for drinks and sex whenever it's convenient for him. He's telling you he wants a future with you as a means to keep you sweet so he doesn't lose his sex supply. ^^^^ this, on point
Author jarheadgirl Posted October 18, 2016 Author Posted October 18, 2016 Definitely sounds to me like he's involved in a whole different relationship and you're his "side girl" he goes to for drinks and sex whenever it's convenient for him. He's telling you he wants a future with you as a means to keep you sweet so he doesn't lose his sex supply. Just out of curiosity, have you ever suggested you visiting him and having an evening at his place and in his surroundings? Maybe you should, but I bet I know what the answer would be. He doesn't live in your vicinity and it's been a relatively short space of time, so you shouldn't be too overly invested..Drop him like a hot coal, and be glad you're rid of him, before at some point in the future you become the live in lover while he's off lying to and banging someone else in the exact same position you're in now. I actually brought it up many times and he's told me he lives with his brother so it's not easy for me to just come over to his place. Of course i knew that was a load of crap.
Author jarheadgirl Posted October 18, 2016 Author Posted October 18, 2016 Sounds like he is hiding a whole different relationship. He may be married or have a live in GF and have kids already. Sorry this is happening, but the "telling me to be patient" routine is man speak for: "I just want sex and I don't have the balls to tell her that I am never leaving my current relationship for a new one. Best to keep her on the hook so I can get laid once in awhile and make her think I really want something other than a free meal and sex." Again I am very sorry but that is a dead giveaway. Chalk it up to yet another guy that makes all of us guys look bad and move forward. You are absolutely right about everything. I think I just needed some outside validation that I wasn't just being a crazy, insecure woman. I'm breaking it off with him today. I've put too much time and attention into this and I'm about fed up. I really should have known better... 3
RecentChange Posted October 18, 2016 Posted October 18, 2016 Yeah that is a load of BS. He has to hide you from his brother? Have you seen his Facebook page etc? This guy does not sound single. 1
Author jarheadgirl Posted October 18, 2016 Author Posted October 18, 2016 Yeah that is a load of BS. He has to hide you from his brother? Have you seen his Facebook page etc? This guy does not sound single. I found it but it doesn't look like he's actively on it, or its private. And I agree, the brother thing is BS. He says his brother isn't very friendly. Lamest excuse ever. 1
Samhain Posted October 18, 2016 Posted October 18, 2016 I actually brought it up many times and he's told me he lives with his brother so it's not easy for me to just come over to his place. Of course i knew that was a load of crap. Everything he says to you is a load of crap. You know this, I think. And as someone above said, an hour is nothing when it comes to being apart from someone you truly want to be with. He hasn't seen you in a month because he's busy, but has the time to text you all day every day? You haven't been "together" long and he already wants to marry you and have kids, even though he can't be arsed to take you anywhere, or visit you often. He's BS'ing you so you cling on to him because he's using you to his own convenience. He wants easy sex, (no offense) behind his partners back and that's it. Get rid.
RecentChange Posted October 18, 2016 Posted October 18, 2016 Well at least it was only 4 months! Cut your losses and move on. Oh, and I hate to say it, but unless you were meticulous about using protection, get tested too..... who knows what this guy has been up to, it's clear that he is a lair
Space Ritual Posted October 18, 2016 Posted October 18, 2016 I found it but it doesn't look like he's actively on it, or its private. And I agree, the brother thing is BS. He says his brother isn't very friendly. Lamest excuse ever. His brother isn't friendly? I suppose my brother wouldn't be very friendly either if my brother was actually my wife...lol. He is the type of guy you warn other women about.
Author jarheadgirl Posted October 18, 2016 Author Posted October 18, 2016 His brother isn't friendly? I suppose my brother wouldn't be very friendly either if my brother was actually my wife...lol. He is the type of guy you warn other women about. LOL...my dumb a-- was in denial for so long. But it's gotta be a wife or gf.
babylonsfire Posted October 18, 2016 Posted October 18, 2016 LOL...my dumb a-- was in denial for so long. But it's gotta be a wife or gf. we've all been there, I'm lucky I didn't die from it once...had a long lasting fwb that always used my place, we used hers once, and I quickly found out the hard way she was married to a marine, who was out of town a lot. ended the fwb, I think the only reason he didn't kill me that night is he believed me when I told him I genuinely didn't know! 2
RecentChange Posted October 18, 2016 Posted October 18, 2016 we've all been there, I'm lucky I didn't die from it once...had a long lasting fwb that always used my place, we used hers once, and I quickly found out the hard way she was married to a marine, who was out of town a lot. ended the fwb, I think the only reason he didn't kill me that night is he believed me when I told him I genuinely didn't know! :laugh: Sorry not to make light of - what I am sure was a frightening experience! Gees, bet that sobered you up real quick! Did he come home and find you two in the act?
babylonsfire Posted October 18, 2016 Posted October 18, 2016 not quite in the act thankfully, or I might not have lived, but, uhm, getting dressed from the act! so close enough 1
lily999 Posted October 18, 2016 Posted October 18, 2016 (edited) I had been with a guy like this, and he fooled me for nearly half year. He told me the sweet things like "I will marry you, I want to have a kid with you" to keep me around. Guys like this are manipulators and know what you want to hear. He never took me out for a date and didn't wanna spend a dime on me, he couldn't even text much and he was never free in the evenings. Eventually I found out he had a live in girlfriend which he never admitted. I never saw him again since I found out he had a gf. One month later he started to sweet talk to me again and I asked him to f*ck off. His intention was only to have sex with me Edited October 18, 2016 by lily999 1
Author jarheadgirl Posted October 18, 2016 Author Posted October 18, 2016 I had been with a guy like this, and he fooled me for nearly half year. He told me the sweet things like "I will marry you, I want to have a kid with you" to keep me around. Guys like this are manipulators and know what you want to hear. He never took me out for a date and didn't wanna spend a dime on me, he couldn't even text and he was never free in the evening. Eventually I found out he had a live in girlfriend which he never admitted. I'm pretty sure that's the case with my dude too, but I just don't have proof. I don't need it though...the shady stuff is enough for me. But I was a sucker for all that sweet talk...
Poe77 Posted October 18, 2016 Posted October 18, 2016 I actually brought it up many times and he's told me he lives with his brother so it's not easy for me to just come over to his place. Of course i knew that was a load of crap. Yeah hes ether married or living with a gf you are the side entertainment been there done that when they only call you from work? and say its "complicated" with their "family" at home.. yeah I walked away dont regret it you should too...good luck! heads up they will say almost anything to keep their side dish dont fall for it..
lily999 Posted October 18, 2016 Posted October 18, 2016 I'm pretty sure that's the case with my dude too, but I just don't have proof. I don't need it though...the shady stuff is enough for me. But I was a sucker for all that sweet talk... The guy I had been with was a big liar, and I kinda believed what he said as he made the lies sound so real. I think he knows how to make girls to believe him psychologically. My instincts always told me that he had a girlfriend, but I am a sucker for sweet talk too...He lied to me everything about himself, even lied about where he is from except his first name and age. I searched his first name on facebook, ironically I found his profile just on the top of the page. On his profile picture it was him and his girlfriend, and the girl was hugging him from behind. 1
kendahke Posted October 18, 2016 Posted October 18, 2016 Drive to his town, call him and tell him you're there and see what his reaction is. That will tell you everything you need to know. 2
Author jarheadgirl Posted October 18, 2016 Author Posted October 18, 2016 Yeah hes ether married or living with a gf you are the side entertainment been there done that when they only call you from work? and say its "complicated" with their "family" at home.. yeah I walked away dont regret it you should too...good luck! heads up they will say almost anything to keep their side dish dont fall for it.. Yes! I don't think he's ever called me from home. Always when he's on the road or at work.
Author jarheadgirl Posted October 18, 2016 Author Posted October 18, 2016 Drive to his town, call him and tell him you're there and see what his reaction is. That will tell you everything you need to know. Oh I already know....he would come up with some excuse. Or tell me I'm crazy and hang up. I tried asking for his address once to send him a birthday gift, and of course he wouldn't give it to me. That should've been enough right there!
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