KamaKyzie Posted October 18, 2016 Posted October 18, 2016 Hi all, This is in relation to a long distance relationship My girlfriend and I got into a fight on Sunday about her Year 12 graduation. Bottom line is, I had reservations about her going to the after party celebrations. We fought about it, I came to my senses and apologized as I realized I had no right to be upset about it. She thinks that it's because I don't trust her, but that's not the reason. It's caused her to be slightly off with me lately. Here is the reason behind my reaction. At the age of 13 I lost my cousin who liked to party and alcohol was ultimately the reason she died. It was the only way she dealt with her problems and at the age of 28 she lay dead on her bedroom floor. She was like a big sister to me and I took her death hard. I miss her dearly. I'm 20 now. Girlfriend is 18. We've been dating two months. Hearing about the after party brought back old memories of the morning I received a phone call out of the blue saying that she had died. I began to picture all sorts of terrible things happening to her and that's why I was fearful of her going. I find this extremely difficult to talk about, but I don't want her thinking that I don't trust her. I don't want her thinking that I'm controlling, because I'm not. I don't care if she has guy friends, I don't get upset if she goes out. The only other time I've been upset is when she contacted a guy she used to have a thing with to see how he was doing (but that's a perfectly reasonable reaction, if the tables were turned she'd be upset too). It wasn't done with any bad intent, but with that kind of thing you have to nip it in the bud. She apologized and I moved on. How can I explain this to her? Is it acceptable to write a letter, as I find it hard to talk about this?. I accept that this is something I need to overcome and I'm willing to seek help if need be. I know that past tragedies should not stop us living life. I'm not insecure in general, except for this weakness. Any input would be greatly appreciated.
lillybelle Posted October 18, 2016 Posted October 18, 2016 Maybe you should just tell her exactly what you typed here. It makes perfect sense and isn't very unreasonable.
smackie9 Posted October 18, 2016 Posted October 18, 2016 Sorry you had to go through such tragedy BUT this is something you on your own will have to deal with emotionally. Life goes on my friend, this is her life and if she wants to go to a grad party, like millions of kids do every year since the beginning of time, then back off and let her go. If we stopped doing things like driving because someone we loved died in a traffic accident, then no one would be driving anymore.....see what I mean. You can't let the past dictate yours or anyone else's life. We all must move on from it. You can't live life being afraid of something bad is going to happen. 1
Gaeta Posted October 18, 2016 Posted October 18, 2016 Hi all, At the age of 13 I lost my cousin who liked to party and alcohol was ultimately the reason she died. It was the only way she dealt with her problems and at the age of 28 she lay dead on her bedroom floor. This is very tragic and I am sorry for your loss but I fail to see what parallel there is between your gf going to her prom party at 18 and your cousin dying of substance abuse at 28. If your GF was a drug or alcohol abuser then yes I can make the connection but not so far. I think at 2 months dating it has not been long enough to build trust in her and deep down you are afraid she'll drink and lack self control and cheat. Your cousin sad story was a handy explanation to cover up your real discomfort. 1
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