Becauseimbatman28 Posted October 18, 2016 Posted October 18, 2016 (edited) Hello everyone, I'm an 18 year old guy and I'm new here and I have lurking around this site since I broken up with my gf around 3 months back and I have been reading other people's threads to get some better insight. 3 months after the breakup I finally decide to create an account and reach out for help here as almost all of my friends and even my family is sick of hearing my sad story continuously, I'm feeling alone and depressed. What I'm going to write now is going to be a bit long and complex but I hope someone will put up the time and effort to read this and help me as I need it desperately. So I'll begin P. S I have written everything below on the verge of breaking point and please excuse me for any grammatical or spelling errors. And I humbly request you if possible to go through this entire story as I really request for some kind of help Well me and my gf were in a relationship for almost 12 months and she dumped me exactly the same week we were gonna finish an year because she lost it. She was my first ever girlfriend and my first actual love, we started dating in July 2015 and we had met 3 months before where she approached me during the final days of my junior college (12th grade) She was extremely beautiful and soft hearted in nature like seriously almost every guy in my town had a crush on her. So naturally as a guy even I started to develop an attraction for her but I found out later that she was in a commited relationship with a guy for almost 3 years, hearing that kinda made me let go of any hopes regarding any chances with her. Soon a month later after I finished my JC I saw her make a new account on Facebook and I immediately sent her a friend request, she quickly accepted and we began chatting and then we exchanged our digits. She was one of the most unique girls I had ever talked to and I enjoyed texting her. And at that point in my life I was going through the pain of unrequited love affair with an another girl who used me up emotionally and rejected me quite badly so I was quite a bit afraid getting attached with this mysterious new girl in my life. Soon we started talking day and night and we used to share pretty much everything about ourselves and our deepest secrets, trust began to grow and our bond grew deeper and deeper and thanks to our mutual friends we used to set up hangouts and I had a sense of feeling that there is definitely something that is going to happen between me and her. We used to flirt a lot over text and when we used to meet aswell, my friends knew about my feelings and warned me to stay away from her because she was already committed or else I'll end up repeating my past and being hurt again. I pretty much ignored everyone and continued talking with her and eventually I asked her out for a early morning walk on the beach as that particular day it was my late moms Bday(My mom had passed away two years ago) She understood my pain and agreed to come and during that meet we had a moment together and we kissed. Well that day pretty much changed everything and we started meeting, hanging out, going on dates, movies etc and getting intimate pretty much every time(She was still with the other guy at that time but she told me they used to rarely talk now). Eventually we had sex and lost our virginity to each other and then she broke it off with the other guy as she later revealed that her relationship has dried out and she dosent feel for him anymore, the sparks had been gone and she was tremendously thankful and glad for my arrival in her life. Well everything was pretty much sunshine and roses from that point onwards and I felt I had finally found the love of my life and I was on the 7th Cloud for having such an amazingly gorgeous girl as my partner. But reality hit me hard as she eventually had to move 173 KM away from my town to a completely different city a month later as she was getting accepted into a med school. She was going to live the grand and brand new college life away from home and all alone on herself while I got accepted into another city close to my town but nowhere near as grand as her college. Well after that our relationship turned long distance and intinally everything was smooth and we were going strong but things began changing and being difficult and tough. it was quite depressing and it sucked to have to put up with the hurdle of distance between my new actual first relationship and I had read some horror stories on the Internet regarding college LDRs and how these couples eventually breakup or one of them cheats. My family were well aware of my relationship and situation and they supported me and accepted her aswell which was very very awesome. Soon her new life began while I was in tremendous heartache but we used to manage, she used to come back home to meet me and her family once in every two weeks and I used to travel 173 km twice or thrice a month to visit her over there. Soon months passed and things started to get hard as I lost myself completely and began investing everything in this relationship, I stopped hangout with my friends, stopped going out more, stopped exploring myself or making new friends or embracing new opportunities in my new college as I used to be stuck on my phone all day long either texting her, calling her or making plans for our meet ups. Even though it was expensive as hell my parents still gave me money so I could travel to her city to meet her but this was getting tedious but I kept going on for months. She on the other hand had started enjoying her new life and started to explore herself in her new environment and began to settle in and she even made amazing new circle of friends that included guys as well. Initially all of her friends were aware of her relationship but as she was so good looking she was getting hit on by almost everyone of her guy friends frequently but one of her roommates who I also developed a friendship with assured me that I'm the only guy that she ever thinks about. But I hate to admit it since I was and I still am an immature guy I used to get jealous and clingy over the amount of attention she used to receive and sometimes I used to restrict her from having fun or going out because of fears and insecurities of loosing her or her cheating on me. She used to put up with my behavior like it's fine but I knew deep down she was getting irritated aswell and I used to make up my mind to stop or else I'll drive her away but then sometimes her behavior also caused rifts among us. I then started controlling my restrictive unattractive behavior with alot of struggle but then she started hiding things from me and she used to lie about who she used to go out with and started clearing up her trails on social media and deleting her chats etc. I know it sucks that I was acting so insecure but there was also a reason for that as I was completely 100% honest with her and I never reciprocated any hints or flirting signs from other girls around me and because of my negative past that included unrequited love, loss of a parent etc made me feel anxious about loosing her aswell. And she was never a very expressive girl as I did most of the work in this relationship such as calling, making handcrafted gifts especially for her, sending flowers cards and making visits etc and she used to do all those things rarely and only after she saw I was getting irritated and I used to vent out my frustration through my emotion of disappointment as I felt that I'm the only one doing these special things. I admit I'm naive and stupid to think like this and I knew a relationship isn't about the amazing sex or giving each other gifts and such as much as it is about being there for each other as a pillar of emotional support system, but it irritated me that she never used to invest as much effort as I used invest in her. Eventually after all trails and obstacles we crossed months through fighting our differences and problems, my downfall in my personal social life and career while everything regarding her life seemed stable as she never gave me more priority compared to these things while I use to do the complete opposite. Eventually our relationship came to a point where we used to fight on a daily basis, cry on the phone all the time, emotional abuses to each other, our meets became less as she used to rarely come back home and everytime she did came all we had was sex. All this because of her busy schedule in her med school. Sometimes later she started constantly lieing to me and hiding things from me only for me to later on catch her lies through means of social media, seeing pictures of her other guys online or just by observing her tone and way of speaking that eventually made it easily for me to catch that she was hiding something from me. There was also this gut feeling or my instinct that has never proved me wrong in my past that told me she was very much cheating on me and that if she was able to cheat on her 3 year old relationship with an other guy over me then it was very much possible she would do the same thing to me as well since our relationship was going through those same phases. Every time when I used to catch her red handed lieing or hiding from me she just cried or apologized or denied, This behavior of hers made me extremely emotionally worn out and I turned towards smoking and alcohol as an escape. Some months passed and eventually 3 months ago the week we were gonna finish an year she broke it off with me telling that she doesn't want to do anything with relationships anymore and she is done, afterwards I cried and begged and pretty much done everything what a dumpee is not supposed to do after being dumped that pushed her further away and then it seemed she moved on within an heartbeat. She told me that we can remain friends and all bs and she didn't block or unfriend me anywhere on social media but for me that is something that I will never agree or accept to. A few days later I saw her post pictures on social media with an another guy who was one of the the major topic of our fights and my insecurities as he had already confessed his feelings towards her when she was with me long time back but she continued being good friends with him as she told me that she only thinks of him as a friend and nothing more. But now she was posting pictures with him online and the very night she broke up with me I found out later that she was with him and her another best girl pal roommate who also used to talk with me, She lied that day aswell including her roommate . I also used to feel that her roommate shipped them both together as that guy was her best pal as well. Later they started hanging out more partying, drinking together etc while I used to sit at my home crying and entering the state of depression again. Fast forward 3 months today I'm still stuck up on her, very much still in depression, though I have made significant improvement in my life after the breakup itself serving as a major motivation for me to improve myself both physically and mentally but it's still a long way to go and that heartache void and feeling of emptiness still actively persists. I also got all my friends back but I still feel lonely and alone cause not all them support me that much while she on the other hand seems thriving ever since we broken up and has a strong support system. She also told our mutual friends and my sister as well since they tried to talk her out for reconciliation but she told them many times that she is happy living her life without any committments and she is thoroughly enjoying herself and her newfound freedom of single life. I contacted her many times after the breakup (I know a big mistake) in hopes that somewhere someday she will change her mind buy all she did was push me away or insult me. She changed so much in short amount of time and seemed like a completely different person and a big huge slap towards my perception of her after being with her for almost a year. At one point I even told her to block me completely since I was constantly stalking her social media which she got frustrated and agreed to block me afterwards which brought a sense of relief for me as I couldn't stalk her anymore even If I wanted to and slowly began the road to my recovery. Until a few days back she unblocked me again for some reason but she didn't text me or anything and I have once again began the hopeless toxic cycle of cyber stalking and checking out her social media where she posts her pictures all the time, and seeing all these thirsty hungry guys liking and commenting on her pictures, all this attention she receives from people makes me feel like **** and undesirable and absolutely miserable. Even though I make up my mind to stop seeing her profile on social media my temptation gets the better off me and I end up doing it. Now I have reached a point on life where I have turned into a miserable cow constantly crying everyday, fighting my emotions and watching her being hit on by tons of guys and seeing her thriving after leaving me in such a horrible way makes me feel absolute ****. Like I am not good enough and that I'll never find someone as beautiful as her ever or I'm the loser here in this breakup while she had already moved on and enjoying. I also heard that she started talking with the guy she was with before me, she also seems even better looking now than before. All these things are bottling up inside me and I'm loosing it. I pretty much did every damn thing for her, making her feel loved and special and that she was one of the most amazing beautiful girl ever by doing all those cheesy stuff all the time that will make another guy throw up and I agree some of these things might have made me seem needy or clingy. After all this even though myself am miserable I still pray for her safety and happiness but it hurts that even after all this I'm the loser here, broken and living a hopeless life. Why do I care so much and why am I the only person who is suffering and going through the stages of breakup while she seems like on the top of the world, why do I feel like one of the worst boyfriend and absolute disgrace and it feels unfair. Even after writing all this there's still so much things left to say and if you have read this up to this point completely than I'm really really grateful, please someone help me put some sense into my mind and I accept my mistakes but still I need some closure or else I just getting even more depressed and broken and matter of fact I still very much lover her. Please someone help me Edited October 19, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Toodaloo Posted October 19, 2016 Posted October 19, 2016 Classic case of young love. Never mind her blocking you go on there and block her yourself. Get tough with yourself. Thing is if you allow yourself to wallow and get all dramatic about it then that is what you get and where you end up. If you decide that you are going to get over this and you are going to move on and heal then that is what you will get. Oh you will slip up and have your moments. You will be tempted to go and look for her on Facebook or twitter etc but you will know its just because you are having a weak moment rather than being weak yourself. So how do you get through and do this. 1. Get strict with yourself. Block and delete from your phone, facebook, twitter, snap chat and whatever else it is you kids are using these days 2. Get fit. Start some form of sport or physical activity to work off that angst and pain. 3. Educate yourself. Enroll in a class or start learning a new language, anything that will better yourself that you fancy having a go at. 4. Eat properly and sleep properly. Easier said than done but make sure you get three square healthy meals a day and get into a routine of going to bed at a reasonable time and getting up in the mornings. 5. Distract yourself. 6. Give yourself targets (I will learn to do a new trick each week with my new poi, I will be able to run 5k withing 5 weeks etc) 7. Go out with your friends. Talk to them about other stuff and about what they are doing 8. Talk to your family about what they are doing and get involved with their bits and bobs that they are doing even if it is the washing up! Eventually you soon start to forget about her and you start to move on. Do not try to forget but simply keep distracting yourself and doing new things until you are more worried about going segway racing next week than looking up her facebook page.
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