Mystyry Posted October 18, 2016 Posted October 18, 2016 How many dates will you give it before throwing in the towel? I am not talking about really terrible first dates with glaring incompatibilities, but about an average not great date, where you lean towards no, but want to give it a fair chance because the other person looks good on paper (and let's face it, these days it's tough to find on OLD)... Would you give it a second date? Or would you be honest up front and say you aren't sure, and if he still wants a second date, you would want one too? I worry I am saying no to too many second dates without giving it a chance, but going out when I am not really interested hardly seems fair (and just to address up front, I am only talking about time investment, as bills are always split...) It's also difficult to have this first date spark with OLD... How many dates does it usually take for you to get to know someone?
Hyperfocal Posted October 18, 2016 Posted October 18, 2016 I have often been given 2 dates by the women. I do the same. Had one that dressed down for 1st date, was OK. By 2nd date I realized beauty on many levels that was not there on first. Others I kinda get the hypothesis going, and prove it with time. It takes 2... 1
Ami1uwant Posted October 18, 2016 Posted October 18, 2016 First off why are you saying this isnt working on a first meeting??? You really should not be looking for love at first sight or a spark. This is very different meeting and its also based on reality than a romance novel. My rules on a first date..... If there arent obvious red flags like they are nuts/psycho or you find some fundamental difference like on religious views or wanting to have kids....you should have a second date. There are countless examples of poor first dates that that actually became marriages. Especially when meeting online where there are more nerves in a first meet than maybe how you traditionally might have met people. 1
sunshine2 Posted October 18, 2016 Posted October 18, 2016 I always give it more then one date to see if I have any connection or chemistry with some of the men I have met on OLD. I am always nervous on the first meeting, so I think that I am not giving it my whole attention to know if Im into him or not. Of course if they are just awful, I will not meet with them again. Its also happen the other way around. I had a first meeting with a man I met on OLD and had a really great time with him. Then the second date was awful! That is rare for me, but it happens. I just started dating someone new from OLD. We have been on three dates. The first was good, we had a great conversation over drinks and then had dinner. I was feeling 50/50 about him after that. The second date he took me to a winery he is a member of and we did a wine and food tasting. We again had a great time together and I felt more chemistry with him for sure. Then the third was dinner and I now feel attracted to him. So yes, give it more then one date, you might be missing out on someone great! 1
Jejangles Posted October 18, 2016 Posted October 18, 2016 I usually gave it two to three dates, or until it was a solid "no". It took a few dates for me to warm up to my current boyfriend, it was probably date four when I really started to see potential for us. If I hadn't given him and us a shot, I would have been missing out on something really good. 1
strawberryshortstack Posted October 18, 2016 Posted October 18, 2016 Unless there are obvious red flags, I always give at least two dates before making a decision. In August, I had a first date with a guy. Super nice guy, but I felt that the date was terrible. There just wasn't a lot of good conversation. Since I knew that I was incredibly nervous, I told him I'd like to see him again, but wasn't expecting him to feel the same. Two months later, I'm glad he decided to give me the second date, because we're still seeing each other and very happy together. The week after our first date, I had another first date with another guy who kissed me. On the neck. In a record store. I've been known to kiss on a first date, but not like that. He did not get a second date. 1
Miss Spider Posted October 18, 2016 Posted October 18, 2016 It really depends on circumstances and what is meant by not good. People can be weird in first stages of dating. I'm feeling 50/50 I usually give chance .. 20%.. pass... 1
Author Mystyry Posted October 18, 2016 Author Posted October 18, 2016 F You really should not be looking for love at first sight or a spark. This is very different meeting. ..... Especially when meeting online where there are more nerves in a first meet than maybe how you traditionally might have met people. I definitely agree that it is different and maybe partially that's the issue for me that it is more akin to a job interview than a ten-years-ago traditional date. I am not looking for a blinding spark, but would like to sense some kinship of interests, or possibility of attraction. Having said that, your rules of "if there is no red flags, go out again" are solid ones for sure.
Author Mystyry Posted October 18, 2016 Author Posted October 18, 2016 I just started dating someone new from OLD. We have been on three dates. The first was good, we had a great conversation over drinks and then had dinner. I was feeling 50/50 about him after that. The second date he took me to a winery he is a member of and we did a wine and food tasting. We again had a great time together and I felt more chemistry with him for sure. Then the third was dinner and I now feel attracted to him. So yes, give it more then one date, you might be missing out on someone great! Thanks, that's very helpful to hear. I am doubtful because in the past when I went for dates 2/3 in situations like this it didn't work out, but of course not all situations or people are the same!
Author Mystyry Posted October 18, 2016 Author Posted October 18, 2016 The week after our first date, I had another first date with another guy who kissed me. On the neck. In a record store. I've been known to kiss on a first date, but not like that. He did not get a second date. You made me laugh with that story. Yes, there is also a fair share of strange folk you meet too. That would certainly be a clear cut sign of no 2nd date Thanks all for feedback. Starting to wear out on the whole OLD thing, so getting a nudge definitely helps.
babylonsfire Posted October 18, 2016 Posted October 18, 2016 eh, first date, sure; as long as it wasn't horrible, it can be a bit awkward. think of it this way, in a non-online way, how many guys have awkwardly asked you out, and then turned out to be a great first date? for a lot of guys, its a confidence issue, and working up that confidence for the first encounter, can be a real stumbling block, whether its asking you out (much harder to do in person than online) or meeting you for your first one. After the first time, a lot of the "jitters/nervousness" should go away, conversation should open up, date should be a lot better second time. If it's not, then I say can it 1
smackie9 Posted October 18, 2016 Posted October 18, 2016 Everyone will have a different opinion about that....me it almost never went past the first date. No real attract, then why bother.....but that's just me. I'm not one of those who grows fondness over time. 2
Miss Peach Posted October 18, 2016 Posted October 18, 2016 If you're a woman, it may take a little bit to warm up to a guy but if there are no sparks by the third date I would let him go. If it was awkward or just not as fun but he seems like a good, compatible guy I would give him another chance. Guys aren't mind readers and sometimes their plans don't always work out well. 1
Author Mystyry Posted October 18, 2016 Author Posted October 18, 2016 . think of it this way, in a non-online way, how many guys have awkwardly asked you out, and then turned out to be a great first date? very good point! A second date in these situations is almost like a first date really, given that the first date is more of an initial meeting.
Author Mystyry Posted October 18, 2016 Author Posted October 18, 2016 Everyone will have a different opinion about that....me it almost never went past the first date. No real attract, then why bother.....but that's just me. I'm not one of those who grows fondness over time. I am normally this way too, but hoping that maybe I will find that I can, in fact, grow fondness over time if I give it a chance?
Author Mystyry Posted October 18, 2016 Author Posted October 18, 2016 If you're a woman, it may take a little bit to warm up to a guy That is very true. And I agree on giving it a certain timeline by which you'd need to feel something to move forward.
babylonsfire Posted October 18, 2016 Posted October 18, 2016 very good point! A second date in these situations is almost like a first date really, given that the first date is more of an initial meeting. yeah, I use that rule for ONLY OLD. for anything else, if the first dates a no go, I usually don't repeat. for OLD, fine, first date, I try to keep it short anyways, a coffee, a drink, at most, a dinner, and then move on to date number 2, where I really see if its going to gel or not. 1
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