LikeAStone777 Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 Do girls know what they are looking for? Ive been casually seeing a girl (26 y.o.), we have plans to see each other again...the 4th date in a month. Nothing physical aside from a hug at the end of the last (3rd) date. I have not attempted anything physical, like a smooch since she has repetaedly said how she doesnt want to be smothered. She has also told me she doesnt know what shes looking for and says she has been hurt before and thinks she is incapable of being in a relationship. But we hang out and have a really good time...have good internet conversations...have not talked on the phone much, maybe 5x. I recognize that after we hang out or talk...she becomes distant and I dont hear from her for a while...like she backs off. But, so far, we have talked or hung out again. Could she be having feelings for me that make her nervous? Is she a wack-a-doo? HELP!!!
ggallin13 Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 She's a wacko. Trust me. What is it with women telling men that they have been "smothered" before? Here's the future of your relationship: You'll hang out more and more, she'll tell you how you are such great friends. Meanwhile, you will pine away for her and torture yourself, and when the time comes where you FINALLY tell her how you really feel she'll freak out on you and tell you she never wanted that from you, and that she doesn't know what she wants from relationships, blah blah blah. Then, you'll see her less and less and less until she's forgotten about you while you sit in agony over it. When a woman tells you she doesn't know what she wants in a relationship she is telling you she doesn't want you. It sounds a lot like this thread, too: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t66111/
westernxer Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 Originally posted by LikeAStone777 I have not attempted anything physical, like a smooch since she has repetaedly said how she doesnt want to be smothered. She has also told me she doesnt know what shes looking for and says she has been hurt before and thinks she is incapable of being in a relationship. Boo-hoo! She's giving you an exit, so take it.
Marshbear Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 She knows what she wants and she means it isn't with you. Women never give you a direct answer and then will get mad when you don't get the hint. Just slowly back away from her and if she really likes you she will contact you. Women pick the men they want to pursue them. I recognize that after we hang out or talk...she becomes distant and I don't hear from her for a while...like she backs off. Women do not back off men they like. She is seeing something in you that makes her nervous and is pulling away. Take her cue and find a gal who is really into you.
Jennifer'sSecret Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 She's not quite a wacko, but she's not being direct and upfront and HONEST with you either. When I'm not sure I like a guy, if there's something just not quite right or I think I can do better (sorry), I use the "I don't know what I want...not sure I can be in a relationship" line. Truth be told, I DO know what I want, but sometimes I wonder whether or not I can make it to another serious relationship. But even when I'm thinking this way, when a guy comes along that I really like, the LAST thing I would do is say the things that this girl said to you. Why? Because when a girl really likes a guy, she's not going to give him mixed signals. When a girl really likes a guy, she lets him know - sometimes in obvious/overt ways, sometimes it's more subtle. But we don't d!ck around like this. She's not 19, or 21. She's 26. If she's somewhat educated and somewhat financially independent from her parents (I'm thinking of a certain stage in her life), she knows what she wants. This is how women think - at 19 and 21, still in college age, dating is just for fun. It's to have a boyfriend, to have someone fun to spend time with. We're not really thinking about anything serious. By 26, 27, 28...dating has a different purpose. We're looking for (gasp!) future husbands. Yup, I just let the cat outta the see-through bag. By her age (I'm there too), we're looking for "the one," and we know - usually - right away whether a guy is NOT "the one." But sometimes we're a little confused, and worried that this nice, great, funny guy that we're just not that attracted to is "the one" and yet we might let him slip through our fingers... Some women will BS you, like this one, because she's trying to figure that out. But she's kinda being a twit - keeping you on the back burner while she "decides" what she wants, and whether or not you're it. Odds are, by the fourth date (that's a lotta time for no smoochin', dude), you're not it. We all deserve to be with someone who wants to be with us just as much as we want to be with them. She's not it. Not too much time wasted. I say move on.
ggallin13 Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 Originally posted by Jennifer'sSecret She's not quite a wacko.... Hee hee hee! I don't know why, but that made me laugh. In a good way! It's almost like I could hear your voice or something. Perfect. You're right, she probably isn't a "wacko" but it feels good to say or think that when in that situation. At least for me. You really brightened my day. Thanks!
Jennifer'sSecret Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 ggallin13 - Funny, "wacko" seems to be being used all over the LS dating forum. Glad to have made you giggle!
Marshbear Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 By her age (I'm there too), we're looking for "the one," and we know - usually - right away whether a guy is NOT "the one." But sometimes we're a little confused, and worried that this nice, great, funny guy that we're just not that attracted to is "the one" and yet we might let him slip through our fingers... Thanks, JS. I'm glad a women has finally admitted that when women are just dating for fun they are looking for the hottest guy they can get but when the marriage clock is ticking then they are looking for the nice, great, funny guy for the father of their children. You nice, funny guys should take note that when that window is open it is time to make your move.
LikeAStone777 Posted July 11, 2005 Posted July 11, 2005 Originally posted by ggallin13 She's a wacko. Trust me. What is it with women telling men that they have been "smothered" before? Here's the future of your relationship: You'll hang out more and more, she'll tell you how you are such great friends. Meanwhile, you will pine away for her and torture yourself, and when the time comes where you FINALLY tell her how you really feel she'll freak out on you and tell you she never wanted that from you, and that she doesn't know what she wants from relationships, blah blah blah. Then, you'll see her less and less and less until she's forgotten about you while you sit in agony over it. When a woman tells you she doesn't know what she wants in a relationship she is telling you she doesn't want you. It sounds a lot like this thread, too: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t66111/ yeah yeah...I think I know what thread ur referring to. wink-wink But I'll tell u what g-dub, you sound alot like Dr Phil, I HATE THAT MFer. I do appreciate your "opinions" tho. Its good to be so confident in urself and your "opinions" on other peoples tribulations. However, youre personal experiences are not exactly like anyone elses personal experiences. Peace, Love and Happiness to you...carry on...
Jennifer'sSecret Posted July 11, 2005 Posted July 11, 2005 Originally posted by Star Gazer Now, now. When women are dating just for fun, they are not necessarily looking for the "hottest guy they can get," they are just looking for fun. They can be "committed" but not really thinking about long term potential, so whether any particular guy is perfect for her really doesn't matter, because in her head she's thinking "the one" will probably be someone else down the road. And when you're looking for a husband (I'm around that late 20's age as well), you still need to be attracted to them. I think her point was that at this age, "the fun" isn't enough. You need more of a connection, even if you call it "attraction." Right. This girl is thinking "the one" is more likely down the road, but isn't quite ready to write you off yet. That said, you deserve better, someone who's reeeallllyyyy into you, someone who's giddy about you, who dances around the room excited when she sees it's you calling on the caller ID. She's not. Again, move on.
Merin Posted July 11, 2005 Posted July 11, 2005 It seems from what you've said that this Girl likes hanging out with you from time to time, but gets distant after the 2 of you've spent time together because she doesn't want to give you the impression she is looking for anything more with you than what the 2 of you already have going on.. which is hanging out as friends and not much else. IME IF I like a Guy as a friend, while I would be good to go to hang out now and then I make sure not to ever give them the impression there would be anything more... that could be in telling them I'm not down for a relationship, or being more indirect in saying I don't want to be smothered as in "Don't call me, I'll call you" I cannot think of a single time I was really into a Guy when I said I wasn't sure what I wanted, or I wasn't sure if I wanted a relationship, or I don't want to be smothered... again this is just my experience, but yeah.. I dunno... I guess if you're looking for something more with this girl then leave her be for a bit and see if she ever takes any initative to make some plans with you. Good Luck
Sweets1919 Posted July 11, 2005 Posted July 11, 2005 Just a question, I am wondering why there has been so little physical contact (ie. a kiss or such) on your four dates. I'm also wondering if the threadstarter is calling her (prob. not if they have only talked on the phone five times in a month) or, in a sense, pursuing her, instead of coming off more as a friend. We hear so much about that theory of "he's just not that into you" and that if he's not calling/asking you out, then he is not into you, that I'm wondering if this guy has made it clear how he feels. I understand she said she has been hurt, is not sure what she wants etc, but if he is not making it clear what HE wants and is coming off as just as a friend who she chats on the computer with and Hangs Out with once a week or so, wouldn't that make her feel a bit more unsure of what she is getting into (because she is not sure how he feels) and that might make her a bit more cautious about opening up and therefore a bit more standoffish??
Kat Posted July 11, 2005 Posted July 11, 2005 hahah not so. My partner came across as friendly and nothing else. For weeks I was there itching to be with him or at least make my feelings known to him. He made it OBVIOUS that he didn't want a woman in his life. Turns out he was afraid of me rejecting him so he waited until he KNEW there was no mistaking my feelings...i.e. I had to kiss him first
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