faunus Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 I've been dating two guys for a couple of months and things are getting more serious. Soon, I'll have to make a decision, but I'm not sure who to choose. Guy #1: * chemistry intense * we get along well * educated, accomplished at work * seems less eager to pursue relationship with me, moving things forward very slowly (maybe more cautious) * extremely flirtatious and sociable, which makes me think he will be unfaithful Guy #2: * a little bit of chemistry * get along well * very educated, accomplished at work * more eager to pursue relationship with me, moving things forward faster (1 date every 1-2 weeks) * not as flirtatious, seems more focused on me I am almost in love with guy #1, but guy #2 tries to move things forward with me more. Who should I choose? Logically, I think guy #2 is the better choice, but I don't feel much attraction to him. I hear attraction and romantic love can develop over time. What do you think? Should I break it off with #1 and go with #2?
Hopeful30 Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 (edited) I always give the same advice when I encounter people who are facing this choice. "Don't choose the better man. Choose the man that makes the better YOU." Pick the guy you feel better about yourself with. The one that brings out the real you. The one that you express your true self with more. Choose the man with whom you are your truest self. This is the beauty of relationships, when you can be exactly who you are. Edited October 17, 2016 by Hopeful30 2
babylonsfire Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 Only you can answer that question. How many dates have you had with them? Who makes you feel like you more? Do you have to compromise or change yourself for one of them? Those are the types of questions I would ask. 1
Author faunus Posted October 17, 2016 Author Posted October 17, 2016 (edited) I always give the same advice when I encounter people who are facing this choice. "Don't choose the better man. Choose the man that makes the better YOU." Pick the guy you feel better about yourself with. The one that brings out the real you. The one that you express your true self with more. Choose the man with whom you are your truest self. This is the beauty of relationships, when you can be exactly who you are. It's great advice but the picture in my situation isn't so clear. The one who I can be myself with is probably guy #1 but I know for a fact that he is more promiscuous and more likely to cheat. So, I am also likely to feel worse with him too Edited October 17, 2016 by faunus
babylonsfire Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 Then neither? That is always option 3...lol There's more guys. 4
preraph Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 Keep dating both until you're either certain or one throws a fit about it. Then choose the one who didn't throw a fit.
Author faunus Posted October 17, 2016 Author Posted October 17, 2016 Then neither? That is always option 3...lol There's more guys. Hah! This seems to be the best option most of the time!
Gr8fuln2020 Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 Classic.... You're more attracted to the guy who is BAD/NAUGHTY and NOT as attainable. Let me ask you about this amorphous, ambiguous chemistry that you have with guy #1....what is it? Is he better looking? Taller?
babylonsfire Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 I would honestly go with option 3 in this case, if you can't be yourself with option 2, I've done that twice in my life, even married the 2nd one and it just doesn't work. If option 1 is likely to cheat on/be a naughty boy though? You definitely don't want that either. So I'd just let them both go (or date them both, whatever, your choice) while you look for a third (or even fourth) option. 1
Hyperfocal Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 * more eager to pursue relationship with me, moving things forward faster (1 date every 1-2 weeks) Quote from your #2 guy list... How is dating you every ten days "faster". How slow is the other one. Parking dates leads to lost interest for me. Guy 1 sounds like your winner, unless you can better establish unfaithfulness thru his social ways... I would feel similarly in some cases, some people just give off that (cheater) vibe, idk. 1
Author faunus Posted October 17, 2016 Author Posted October 17, 2016 (edited) Classic.... You're more attracted to the guy who is BAD/NAUGHTY and NOT as attainable. Let me ask you about this amorphous, ambiguous chemistry that you have with guy #1....what is it? Is he better looking? Taller? Somewhat. He is taller and better looking but it's not like George Costanza vs. Brad Pitt (more like Johnny Depp vs. Brad Pitt though neither guy is anywhere nearly that good-looking). But with guy #1 we share more common interests, more similar cultural background, and we work in the same career field. In the end though...it's just chemistry. I just feel more excited to see guy #1. Edited October 17, 2016 by faunus
RecentChange Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 If the decision is hard, neither are right. What's your end goal? Someone to kill time with, or spend the rest of your life with? Personally I would keep your options open until you meet a guy that leaves you feeling like you have no choice. 2
Miss Peach Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 OP - How many dates have you gone on with these guys? If I don't feel chemistry after 3 dates I assume I never will.
Author faunus Posted October 18, 2016 Author Posted October 18, 2016 OP - How many dates have you gone on with these guys? If I don't feel chemistry after 3 dates I assume I never will. Only one so far so I might be jumping the gun here... Guess time will tell.
BluesPower Posted October 18, 2016 Posted October 18, 2016 If you don't know, it is neither. When you meet the right person, you know. When it is right, you don't have questions. You need to keep dating and dump these two, because you don't know about either. When the right person comes along, it will basically stop your heart. You will have no doubts and you won't have to ask yourself any questions. Until you meet that man, you are just killing time...
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