Texting goes cold fast and I always initiate

[William]

Looks like the OP had two threads running on the same topic so they have been merged to keep the conversation together so there may be some overlap or references to the previous thread ~T

[ctlguy]

Sorry about that. I wanted this one to get a general idea of this subject and didnt intend on them running together or be about the other conversation

 

Looks like the OP had two threads running on the same topic so they have been merged to keep the conversation together so there may be some overlap or references to the previous thread ~T

[ctlguy]

So the last conversation was I may be home sooner than later but may stop to see family. She responded I have commitments all the way thru the weekend, if that help you make a decision.

 

So I think I spun it. I said I wasn't talking about that silly. I meant now I have more time to see my my family and try to tame their wild ass horse. Trying my may is light and enthusiastic.

 

Her response was nice! I was just sharing (blush face emoticon)

 

So I ask her when she leaving for Mexico and thanksgiving. Basically when I get back I have a 8 day window, so I said well we at least have 8 days to get together.

 

Now..... crickets as of early yesterday. Since I'm the topic of I initiate text, I have to leave it at that no matter what if she doesn't respond. How long should I go? 12 days when I'm driving back? 1 week?

 

I know it's going a little cold but just trying to figure when and how to attempt to get the interest level back up.

 

Either way things were hot when I left when we are face to face, so I at least to make more go at it, but don't want let is fade away completely by playing to far off?

[LD1990]

I think you have to dial it back and accept that she isn't nearly as into you as you are to her. What do you think those "commitments all weekend" are? She has dates lined up. You are one of multiple men who text her and try to set up dates with her, and she loves feeling in demand.

 

Don't contact her while you're gone anymore. If you want to keep dating her when you're back, contact her then and ask her when she's free. But don't take it too seriously, because she's not.

[ctlguy]

Oh yea I get that. She does a good bit of stuff with friends but yea she is dating "a little" according to her.

 

Either way I have taken expectations off the table and really want to see if I can get her to chase and initiate contacting me and even ask me out instead.

 

Basically If it got back on track cool, but i also want to use it as practice.

 

I have have wasted time with girls and been the emotionally unavailable guy so I used to being chased and after so long not being chased has thrown me off track so to speak.

 

I think you have to dial it back and accept that she isn't nearly as into you as you are to her. What do you think those "commitments all weekend" are? She has dates lined up. You are one of multiple men who text her and try to set up dates with her, and she loves feeling in demand.

 

Don't contact her while you're gone anymore. If you want to keep dating her when you're back, contact her then and ask her when she's free. But don't take it too seriously, because she's not.

[suzymil62]

It doesn’t sound like she is serious into you if she is dating around. Dating should be between one man and one woman at one time. Dating multiple people does not give the parties the chance to really see how the relationship might work out and it does not build a trusting relationship either. Having sex with multiple people is also something that should I would avoid. I would not move from your own beliefs and she can decide if she wants to date just you. My current husband and I did just that. When we started dating, we talked about it and decided that we wanted to be exclusive to figure out if our relationship would work. We couldn’t have done that if we were dating other people. Good luck with your situation,

 

Suzy

[Miss Peach]

problem is, she's dating other people, you can't have multiple text conversations going easily, with multiple people, keeping all those balls juggled; most likely she's picking 1 or 2 guys to have longer conversations with.

 

also, she had sex with you on 2nd date, and is dating other guys, most likely having sex with them too, since they probably have a similar, or less amount of communication.

 

definitely seems like interest level is not the same here.

 

I disagree. At one point I was juggling about 10. Multiple texting is easy. Multiple face time and phone calls is more difficult to juggle. That's partly why I consider it more telling a guy is into you if he calls and sees you.

 

You have to assume both parties are possibly having sex with others. If that bothers you then you need to negotiate exclusivity beforehand.

Edited October 19, 2016 by Miss Peach

[Miss Peach]

It doesn’t sound like she is serious into you if she is dating around. Dating should be between one man and one woman at one time. Dating multiple people does not give the parties the chance to really see how the relationship might work out and it does not build a trusting relationship either. Having sex with multiple people is also something that should I would avoid. I would not move from your own beliefs and she can decide if she wants to date just you. My current husband and I did just that. When we started dating, we talked about it and decided that we wanted to be exclusive to figure out if our relationship would work. We couldn’t have done that if we were dating other people. Good luck with your situation,

 

Suzy

 

I disagree with this too. I am not committing until I find a man I want to commit to who also feels the same about me. Until that is clarified, I may really like him but I will keep my options open until we discuss it. After that point I totally agree. Once exclusive you need to focus on each other only unless you have a different arrangement going on.

 

I was dating 4 men when I met my last BF. I was really into him. As soon as we decided to be BF/GF then I broke it off with the others.

[Gr8fuln2020]

I disagree with this too. I am not committing until I find a man I want to commit to who also feels the same about me. Until that is clarified, I may really like him but I will keep my options open until we discuss it. After that point I totally agree. Once exclusive you need to focus on each other only unless you have a different arrangement going on.

 

I was dating 4 men when I met my last BF. I was really into him. As soon as we decided to be BF/GF then I broke it off with the others.

 

Multi-dating certainly does make for a more complicated dating. I tried multi-dating and had a tough time as all three ladies were great, each their own pros and cons. Didn't work out with the one and subsequently lost any additional chance with the other two...oh, well.

 

Curious. Did the lucky guy know that you were dating other guys while dating him? Was he doing the same?

[ctlguy]

Well I can understand it all, but people are different. It was 4 great dates and sex. She brought up she is still dating a little.

 

All I said was its not my thing to see others after sex, and date one girl at a time. She says it's fair until there is a commitment. While I stressed I was. It looking to jump into anyone serious at all and didn't mean that. I kinda feel she still took it that way.

 

Either way...... I've done the multi dating, texting, etc. and dating became a mess. People got hurt.

 

When I turned 40 I finally said I want to be serious finally, and I'm sticking to what feels right. If anyone doesn't respect that then are not for me.

 

 

 

I disagree with this too. I am not committing until I find a man I want to commit to who also feels the same about me. Until that is clarified, I may really like him but I will keep my options open until we discuss it. After that point I totally agree. Once exclusive you need to focus on each other only unless you have a different arrangement going on.

 

I was dating 4 men when I met my last BF. I was really into him. As soon as we decided to be BF/GF then I broke it off with the others.

[thecrucible]

It doesn’t sound like she is serious into you if she is dating around. Dating should be between one man and one woman at one time. Dating multiple people does not give the parties the chance to really see how the relationship might work out and it does not build a trusting relationship either. Having sex with multiple people is also something that should I would avoid. I would not move from your own beliefs and she can decide if she wants to date just you. My current husband and I did just that. When we started dating, we talked about it and decided that we wanted to be exclusive to figure out if our relationship would work. We couldn’t have done that if we were dating other people. Good luck with your situation,

 

Suzy

 

I agree with this actually. I like the way you've put your point across because you've not dismissed multiple dating entirely. It obviously works for some people. Personally I have done this before and would never do it again as it generate a bit of drama and I found that I couldn't be fully relaxed in any dating situation where I'd be involved with too many people. I think it's okay to do that in the sense of communicating with more than one person on a website but if you've been on enough dates to begin liking a guy and with a chance of getting intimate, then you should go exclusive. If you're still multi dating and unsure which his for you, no sex should be involved.

 

But as you said Suzy, I also kind of think that if I liked a guy enough, I wouldn't need to compare him side by side with others or agonise over whether to choose between him and other men. I know what you are getting at here. When you both like each other, it's simple. This doesn't even become an issue.

 

I think people should stick to their beliefs when it comes to this. I think that while you're not exclusive, people can technically do what they want...but people will rightly feel uncomfortable about it if they really like someone.

[Popsicle]

This is simple. You just say "Will you be my girlfriend?"

[ctlguy]

This is simple. You just say "Will you be my girlfriend?"

 

It was 4 dates in 1 week!

 

Sure way to get someone to run for the hills.

[Popsicle]

It was 4 dates in 1 week!

 

Sure way to get someone to run for the hills.

 

Not true, and it sure sounds like you want her to be your girlfriend if you don't want her to see anyone else, and vice versa.

[ctlguy]

Not true, and it sure sounds like you want her to be your girlfriend if you don't want her to see anyone else, and vice versa.

 

 

Different people see things, and each scenario and the dynamics are different.

 

I don't want to jump into anything or be BF/GF at all. I would like to get to know her more to see if could lead there. The only thing I prefer if there is a good connection and sex it on the table to put dating others on hold, to take the time to get to know each other.

 

Call me old fashion but be played the serial dating, juggling women, but when I hit 40 I said I'm going to take it serious to find the one that I could marry. I take it serious and want to approach from a healthy view. The other way just gets to complicated.

[Miss Peach]

Curious. Did the lucky guy know that you were dating other guys while dating him? Was he doing the same?

 

He never asked but I ran into one of the guys socially afterward and explained it to him. One difference though that not all women/men do is that I sleep with BFs so there was no sex involved with any of these guys until x-BF and I got serious.

 

Well I can understand it all, but people are different. It was 4 great dates and sex. She brought up she is still dating a little.

 

All I said was its not my thing to see others after sex, and date one girl at a time. She says it's fair until there is a commitment. While I stressed I was. It looking to jump into anyone serious at all and didn't mean that. I kinda feel she still took it that way.

 

Either way...... I've done the multi dating, texting, etc. and dating became a mess. People got hurt.

 

When I turned 40 I finally said I want to be serious finally, and I'm sticking to what feels right. If anyone doesn't respect that then are not for me.

 

I understand where you're coming from. I recently ran into many men who tried to tell me this before on or before a first date. Honestly the actions of all these guys didn't support what they were telling me. As a woman it makes me suspicious. I need some sense of history with a guy to get a read on him. I find guys who feel they have locked me down after a 30 minute coffee date to be pushy. I try to judge each guy individually but so far each guy who has acted like this has been using it to manipulate me to sex faster, was controlling, pushy, couldn't emphasize with me, etc. It feels to me like the guy is looking for the instant-GF; not really me. They hardly know me.

 

Granted I don't typically do the sex part, but I do want to get to know people and try on different relationships until I have some sense of who I'm seeing. I just don't see how I can get this in a few hours of interaction. It's not that I'm not willing to make commitments, I just want to have a sense on who I'm committing toand what type of guy he is before I do.

Edited October 20, 2016 by Miss Peach

[ctlguy]

He never asked but I ran into one of the guys socially afterward and explained it to him. One difference though that not all women/men do is that I sleep with BFs so there was no sex involved with any of these guys until x-BF and I got serious.

 

 

 

I understand where you're coming from. I recently ran into many men who tried to tell me this before on or before a first date. Honestly the actions of all these guys didn't support what they were telling me. As a woman it makes me suspicious. I need some sense of history with a guy to get a read on him. I find guys who feel they have locked me down after a 30 minute coffee date to be pushy. I try to judge each guy individually but so far each guy who has acted like this has been using it to manipulate me to sex faster, was controlling, pushy, couldn't emphasize with me, etc. It feels to me like the guy is looking for the instant-GF; not really me. They hardly know me.

 

Granted I don't typically do the sex part, but I do want to get to know people and try on different relationships until I have some sense of who I'm seeing. I just don't see how I can get this in a few hours of interaction. It's not that I'm not willing to make commitments, I just want to have a sense on who I'm committing toand what type of guy he is before I do.

 

That's makes sense bringing it up on the first date. I don't even have a serious conversation. I focus on fun dates from the get go and I can get a decent idea if I would like to at least it further. Especially if it was 4 find dates and lots of laughing.

 

The not initiating text anymore has me stumped and hopefully she is not the type that still thinks a guy should ALL the initiation after a while.

[Popsicle]

Different people see things, and each scenario and the dynamics are different.

 

I don't want to jump into anything or be BF/GF at all. I would like to get to know her more to see if could lead there. The only thing I prefer if there is a good connection and sex it on the table to put dating others on hold, to take the time to get to know each other.

 

Call me old fashion but be played the serial dating, juggling women, but when I hit 40 I said I'm going to take it serious to find the one that I could marry. I take it serious and want to approach from a healthy view. The other way just gets to complicated.

 

Being old fashioned would be wanting to be GF-BF. And I don't know why that's so scary. It's not marriage.

 

No ones going to understand wanting to be exclusive without at least that.

[Miss Spider]

I disagree with this too. I am not committing until I find a man I want to commit to who also feels the same about me. Until that is clarified, I may really like him but I will keep my options open until we discuss it. After that point I totally agree. Once exclusive you need to focus on each other only unless you have a different arrangement going on.

 

I was dating 4 men when I met my last BF. I was really into him. As soon as we decided to be BF/GF then I broke it off with the others.

 

What if you are seeing 4 men and you like one more than the others and the guy is only dating you/concentrating only on getting to know you but he's not sure yet to agree to be bf/gf in a relationship. You keep seeing others anyway?

[introverted1]

I must be an outlier. I don't have the energy, let alone the desire or time, to be sexing one guy while in various stages of dating 3 other guys!

 

I can't imagine how this woman would have the time to carry on long text exchanges with OP if she is dating multiple guys in addition to him and presumably also has a job, friends, life...

 

OP, I would think that something you might want to clarify is whether she is looking for a bf/gf situation with you or if she is content with FWB. Her behavior suggests more of the latter than the former to me.

[ctlguy]

I must be an outlier. I don't have the energy, let alone the desire or time, to be sexing one guy while in various stages of dating 3 other guys!

 

I can't imagine how this woman would have the time to carry on long text exchanges with OP if she is dating multiple guys in addition to him and presumably also has a job, friends, life...

 

OP, I would think that something you might want to clarify is whether she is looking for a bf/gf situation with you or if she is content with FWB. Her behavior suggests more of the latter than the former to me.

 

I agree that the best approach and ask in general however she has stated her goal is to have a relationship with someone. She said also the is not looking to jump into anything fast or ready for a commitment "in this moment". That's understandable. The main issue is keeping options open to see if something better comes along. To me that just makes me loose interest level and makes me question hers.

 

Her one comment was "it's weird, I already feel safe with you". Well I expect the same in return.

 

Here is what I feel. If you have 4 "amazing dates" and already having sex and a guy wants to focus one one girl at a time, he is the guy that is looking for that someone and it's "easy" to walk if the other is not seeing eye to eye. If you with someone who is having sex and dating others "to see what is out there", then they are not the ideal long term mate. Possibly in a self exploring phase to figure out what they are looking for.

 

Just my 2 cents and do not expect everyone to agree with. I'm sure many casual dating scenarios have led to great long term relationships.

[introverted1]

I agree that the best approach and ask in general however she has stated her goal is to have a relationship with someone. She said also the is not looking to jump into anything fast or ready for a commitment "in this moment". That's understandable. The main issue is keeping options open to see if something better comes along. To me that just makes me loose interest level and makes me question hers.

 

Agreed.

 

Also, having a goal of being in a relationship with *someone* is not the same as saying that she believes she could be in a relationship with YOU.

 

The question is: are you just keeping her bed warm while she finds Mr. Right?

 

Her one comment was "it's weird, I already feel safe with you". Well I expect the same in return.

 

That could mean many things.

 

Here is what I feel. If you have 4 "amazing dates" and already having sex and a guy wants to focus one one girl at a time, he is the guy that is looking for that someone and it's "easy" to walk if the other is not seeing eye to eye. If you with someone who is having sex and dating others "to see what is out there", then they are not the ideal long term mate. Possibly in a self exploring phase to figure out what they are looking for.

 

I could not agree more.

[ctlguy]

Agreed.

 

Also, having a goal of being in a relationship with *someone* is not the same as saying that she believes she could be in a relationship with YOU.

 

The question is: are you just keeping her bed warm while she finds Mr. Right?

 

 

 

That could mean many things.

 

 

 

I could not agree more.

 

Ah.... so many questions! She was all giddy then I left for 3 weeks. While she is dating she gets to focus on that while I'm gone. Keep in mind it was week. All I know the text have gone fewer and fewer. I will be back in a week on the 1st. She knows that. If she reaches out around then to see if I'm back or on my way I may give it another date. If not that's finally the confirmation I want.