ctlguy Posted October 15, 2016 Posted October 15, 2016 What is everyone's thoughts on being intimate, having sex, and still dating? I'm a little imapartial especially in the beginning however. However I met this girl, both 40. We only spent a little over a week together and went out 4 times while having sex from the 2nd date on. We are both into each other and she stated I am the first and only guy she has slept with in 7 months since she broke up with her ex. While she has been dating most of that, she hasn't found anytime she connected with until she met me and something about me that made her feel safe. Well she admitted that is still dating a little which I totally get. We've been out 4 times. This is just me, but I put dating on hold so I can get to know someone without focusing on multiple girls at a time. I don't have time for it anyway. I know it totally irrational to expect the same but for me it kinda diminishes it a little bit to me. I totally get not having sex with others but being interested in dating, maybe a kiss or something just throws me off and I mentally just check out. It's like someone is into you BUT I'm going to see if the grass is greener. I told her that and had to leave town and she admitted this is going to give her time to think.
preraph Posted October 16, 2016 Posted October 16, 2016 You need to let a person know before sex if you are just dating around and intend to keep it that way. 2
Ami1uwant Posted October 16, 2016 Posted October 16, 2016 Little surprised. Usually it's the guy still dating and the woman is venting. Each operate differently in deciding when to be a couple/exclusive. If you are fine having sex with her knowing she still is dating then that is your choice. One question to ask, is she a hypocritical if you said you will date others then
Author ctlguy Posted October 16, 2016 Author Posted October 16, 2016 Well we met on bumble and I deleted mine after date 3. I actually had to leave town for a few weeks and talked the other night and noticed I got rid of it. Question is. Why does dating exclusively slowly translate into in a relationship. There really isn't a fine line. I told here I don't plan on dating others if we are having sex, but never insisted she cut it off. When she ask "where does this leave is"? I simply said I do. It know and we can see where we are when I get back into town (2 weeks) So I've been thinking and I say heck with it. I'm going to date others if she is, but I already told her I wasn't. She said it's fair game. So speaking of being hypocritical. If the conversation comes up I will be honest and let here know. Well shall see if that happens Little surprised. Usually it's the guy still dating and the woman is venting. Each operate differently in deciding when to be a couple/exclusive. If you are fine having sex with her knowing she still is dating then that is your choice. One question to ask, is she a hypocritical if you said you will date others then
Author ctlguy Posted October 16, 2016 Author Posted October 16, 2016 Well the sex kinda happened after a long night of drinking. Wasn't much talking once the door opened You need to let a person know before sex if you are just dating around and intend to keep it that way.
thecrucible Posted October 16, 2016 Posted October 16, 2016 I think maybe she is still getting used to being single and finding out what she wants. She is in a self-exploration phase rather than in a phase of finding someone who's long-term boyfriend material. She's trying to figure out what's for her.
Author ctlguy Posted October 16, 2016 Author Posted October 16, 2016 I get that. But then again for someone who has been dating and hasn't been physical with anyone this whole time gets physical with me and we tells me how she has had great times. Wouldn't that constitute maybe I did find and figure out what I want, and explore it. She said she feels safe with me and mentioned it feels like we have know each other forever, and it's been forever since someone has made her laugh like I do. Without sounded arrogant she said the sex was amazing and was taken back by it. My guess is she doesn't see me as her "long term" type as in marriage, but I am giving her a feeling she has never had. I told her having sex and having a lot of mutual interest is when I simply put dating on hold but I'm not looking to jump into anything serious! By me holding to that will probably flip the script. She is hot, fit (personal trainer), and I know that no guys tell her no. I'm going to be the first and see att happens. If it ends then I have the answer I want. She is not for me. I think maybe she is still getting used to being single and finding out what she wants. She is in a self-exploration phase rather than in a phase of finding someone who's long-term boyfriend material. She's trying to figure out what's for her.
Sendmewings Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 You sound like you have healthy ways of dating. She sounds like she doesn't want anything serious. Did she bring up that she was dating others on her own? If so she might have been feeling guilty which is why she brought it up. She doesn't sound ready.
NVO Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 I had a similar situation not too long ago. Also was the first guy to date her after her break-up, some six months before. She wasn't emotionally available and I think your girl is the same. Since your the first since her break-up, I wouldn't bet on her commitment to you. Which isn't that odd. She just wants to play the field some more. I guess it's not about what we think about dating others after sex. It's how you think and feel about it. If you feel like you can't handle her dating others, time to break it off.
Author ctlguy Posted October 17, 2016 Author Posted October 17, 2016 Well I had to leave town for work for a few weeks which sucked. On my drive we were texting and I joking said "you better be there when I get back". She volunteered and said whether I was here or there, she is still dating a little. I briefly told her I am the type to focus on one girl at a time, and she as where it left us? I said I'm not really sure but we have stayed in contact. I know she is dating but I'm somewhat loosing. Before that she did say that me being home would allow her time to think. Well an update as of today. I text her I may come home early. Her response was "I have commitments all the way the way through next weekend, if that helps you to decide what to do" Texting over the time I've been here, is basically I initiate the text. I called one night and talked for 30min. Now on the weekends or some night I can text at 6pm and won't here anything until 11pm. You sound like you have healthy ways of dating. She sounds like she doesn't want anything serious. Did she bring up that she was dating others on her own? If so she might have been feeling guilty which is why she brought it up. She doesn't sound ready.
Author ctlguy Posted October 17, 2016 Author Posted October 17, 2016 yea I am getting the same feeling. The only question is she has dates for a while and not been within anyone and then bam, spends 4 great days and has sex 3 times. Seems to me maybe she found it but still says I'm still dating. I reiterated that I am not looking to get serous by any means or define anything. WAY too early!! But I did say I want to spend the time to get to know here more which she reciprocated the same. Basically I am going to go home. Go out and if she wants to date, then I'm going to let her know "do what makes you happy" and figure out what you want and let me know down the road when you figure it out. I won't invest much into her if there is any other guys or even her still online actively trying to meet NEW ones. Not my style and I give it respect and we don't see eye to eye then I'm not the guy right now. I will find out her real interest then. I had a similar situation not too long ago. Also was the first guy to date her after her break-up, some six months before. She wasn't emotionally available and I think your girl is the same. Since your the first since her break-up, I wouldn't bet on her commitment to you. Which isn't that odd. She just wants to play the field some more. I guess it's not about what we think about dating others after sex. It's how you think and feel about it. If you feel like you can't handle her dating others, time to break it off.
Author ctlguy Posted October 17, 2016 Author Posted October 17, 2016 What are girls opinions on initiating text. Seeing a girl (can see selerate post about it) and I always initiate the texting after 4 greats dates. It's been 3 weeks. I always initiate the text and when she responds we go back and forth 3 times maybe and that's it. I try to keep it fun, but it goes cold and then I am having to initiate again. I just went 2 days to see wht would happen and nothing.
smackie9 Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 You are backup guy and she is just keeping her options open....you have an expectation of reciprocation like most INTERESTED people do.....she doesn't reciprocate, she's not that interested on a level you expect...stop wasting your time, and move on...there is no loss of opportunity here.
babylonsfire Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 What are girls opinions on initiating text. Seeing a girl (can see selerate post about it) and I always initiate the texting after 4 greats dates. It's been 3 weeks. I always initiate the text and when she responds we go back and forth 3 times maybe and that's it. I try to keep it fun, but it goes cold and then I am having to initiate again. I just went 2 days to see wht would happen and nothing. What is everyone's thoughts on being intimate, having sex, and still dating? I'm a little imapartial especially in the beginning however. However I met this girl, both 40. We only spent a little over a week together and went out 4 times while having sex from the 2nd date on. We are both into each other and she stated I am the first and only guy she has slept with in 7 months since she broke up with her ex. While she has been dating most of that, she hasn't found anytime she connected with until she met me and something about me that made her feel safe. Well she admitted that is still dating a little which I totally get. We've been out 4 times. This is just me, but I put dating on hold so I can get to know someone without focusing on multiple girls at a time. I don't have time for it anyway. I know it totally irrational to expect the same but for me it kinda diminishes it a little bit to me. I totally get not having sex with others but being interested in dating, maybe a kiss or something just throws me off and I mentally just check out. It's like someone is into you BUT I'm going to see if the grass is greener. I told her that and had to leave town and she admitted this is going to give her time to think. problem is, she's dating other people, you can't have multiple text conversations going easily, with multiple people, keeping all those balls juggled; most likely she's picking 1 or 2 guys to have longer conversations with. also, she had sex with you on 2nd date, and is dating other guys, most likely having sex with them too, since they probably have a similar, or less amount of communication. definitely seems like interest level is not the same here. 2
Author ctlguy Posted October 17, 2016 Author Posted October 17, 2016 I know she is dating a little. She was honest. She made sure to tell me I was the first and only guy who she has had sex with, since her ex 7 months ago.... which they dated a year. Right before that she was married for 18 years. She is conservative and seems to come from a family with very high morals, so I believe her there. Now this started happening when I left town for the 3 weeks. So not to jump threads but what do most girls do? When just it switch from the guy needs to initiate? problem is, she's dating other people, you can't have multiple text conversations going easily, with multiple people, keeping all those balls juggled; most likely she's picking 1 or 2 guys to have longer conversations with. also, she had sex with you on 2nd date, and is dating other guys, most likely having sex with them too, since they probably have a similar, or less amount of communication. definitely seems like interest level is not the same here.
Miss Peach Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 I don't initiate texts with a guy until he's my BF. I always try to be enthusiastic but to be honest sometimes men don't give me much to work with. Have you engaged her, asked her questions, etc.? It doesn't necessarily mean you're a back up...
introverted1 Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 Eh, I find her behavior a little tacky. And maybe it's just me, but I wonder if she is really only having sex with you, in spite of what she's said. There's a disconnect between her saying that you are so special that she wants sex with you but not so special that she'll stop dating others at the same time. 1
introverted1 Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 I just replied in your other thread. Wish I had seen this one first. My take is that either she is sexing other guys in addition to you (most likely), in spite of what she said OR, if she truly is only having sex with you, she's still looking for the guy who ticks all her boxes. The only possible exception to this would be if you have conveyed -- directly or indirectly -- that you are unwilling to be exclusive with her. IIRC, though, you have already disabled your OLD profile, so I'm guessing that's not it. And by always being the one to initiate texts, she's clear about your interest and choosing not to reciprocate. I don't like it. I don't think she's being straight or fair with you, no matter how high she wants you to think her morals are.
Author ctlguy Posted October 17, 2016 Author Posted October 17, 2016 Yea I have but honestly not every time. Sometimes maybe just testing the waters to see if she picks it up. I do know when we are together she isn't on her phone. Having said that! When she doesn't respond for hours she is not on her phone. We both as questions, but more of the lines of being jovial. We both have a favorite band, and I just happened to see them the other night. I videoed her favorite song (which she plays it on repeat when we have sex). Her response was "that just gave me chills! Nice choice of song and lyrics" with a blush face emoticon. So I know the interest level is there but I have 2 more weeks being gone, and she is dating. Who knows. Should I just not initiate anymore and let her reach. That could answer my own question but I don't want her to think I'm not texting due to loosing interest. I don't initiate texts with a guy until he's my BF. I always try to be enthusiastic but to be honest sometimes men don't give me much to work with. Have you engaged her, asked her questions, etc.? It doesn't necessarily mean you're a back up...
LD1990 Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 I know she is dating a little. She was honest. She made sure to tell me I was the first and only guy who she has had sex with, since her ex 7 months ago.... which they dated a year. Right before that she was married for 18 years. "You're the only guy I've been with since my ex and that was a serious relationship." - Every woman ever Some are telling the truth. Some are saying that because it sounds better than "Currently I'm banging 3-4 dudes per week." She is conservative and seems to come from a family with very high morals, so I believe her there. You're quite confident in the morality of someone you have known a short period of time. Now this started happening when I left town for the 3 weeks. So not to jump threads but what do most girls do? When just it switch from the guy needs to initiate? Every woman is different. But why do you care so much about texting? I'd put far more stock in how your dates went than whether this girl texts you to say what's up. 1
Author ctlguy Posted October 17, 2016 Author Posted October 17, 2016 While I do believe her about not having sex with others, you have good points. I have had plenty of experience with liars and my instinct was never wrong. I don't have that feeling here. One reason is mainly or texting or few talks have been right before bed. Just my thoughts. I don't want to bring up again, and won't but it's driving me nuts wanting to know where she is at. Eh, I find her behavior a little tacky. And maybe it's just me, but I wonder if she is really only having sex with you, in spite of what she's said. There's a disconnect between her saying that you are so special that she wants sex with you but not so special that she'll stop dating others at the same time.
Author ctlguy Posted October 17, 2016 Author Posted October 17, 2016 Well the dates were amazing. Leaving town for 3 weeks and her dating you can't exactly keep it going. "You're the only guy I've been with since my ex and that was a serious relationship." - Every woman ever Some are telling the truth. Some are saying that because it sounds better than "Currently I'm banging 3-4 dudes per week." You're quite confident in the morality of someone you have known a short period of time. Every woman is different. But why do you care so much about texting? I'd put far more stock in how your dates went than whether this girl texts you to say what's up.
basil67 Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 A different take from me. I'm old. A little bit older than you. Do people our age really do all this texting? I thought it was mostly the kids who do that. Perhaps she'd prefer real conversation - like a phone call.
Author ctlguy Posted October 17, 2016 Author Posted October 17, 2016 It's funny you ask. This has been a question of mine. We talked 4 night again for 30 minutes. My reaction was when we were texting, I said can I call you later!" She responded "sure, I will just be on the couch watching shows" Now I felt compelled to ask for some reason. I think texting gives someone there own time to respond and sometimes calling seems like you might be bothering them. I've had a girl tell me that. Heck I said call/text me anytime which she started more often. Something I think is when I don't call often and just call out the blue you are risking bugging them and seeming too interested. I KNOW that is the wrong thinking before anyone tells me that ha A different take from me. I'm old. A little bit older than you. Do people our age really do all this texting? I thought it was mostly the kids who do that. Perhaps she'd prefer real conversation - like a phone call.
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