I might scream......again.

[memomma]

I'm so frustrated I could scream.

I have filed for divorce. It was a long time coming. My husband refused to attend counseling during our marriage despite the fact that I told him repeatedly if things did not change between us.....we would divorce. I told him I did not want a divorce but COULD NOT and WOULD NOT live the way we were.

We were both terribly unhappy.

Now.....he cannot accept the fact that we are getting a divorce. The papers have been filed and we need to have a property settlement. Each and every time I approach him about doing this he walks away, cries or falls apart and says "I don't want this".

Okay....not that I'm unfeeling but I don't care that he doesn't want it. It's happening. I need to know what my future holds.

I would like to buy out his share of the equity in this house because my job is dependent on staying in the house. He will not agree to this but he will not agree to anything. I take care of a child with multiple handicaps and I need to inform the state that he can remain in my home until an opening occurs in a long term care facility. I feel unable to do this because of my husband lack of communication regarding the settlement.

I just want to scream at him.... Stop your friggin crying and help me make decisions! I'm sick and tired of being the bad guy in all this. We need to move forward and stop this nonsense. He won't move out of the house....I can't move out of the house so every day we have him crying, me being mad and feeling trapped in this situation. My kids think the whole thing is crazy and it was my intention to shield them from this. My kids are grown....17,20 and 21....but they are still impacted by the sight of a grown man weeping. This is the same person who went 8 solid weeks living in the same house without speaking to their mother. This is the same person who went years ignoring my son. I'm like ......sorry about those tears buddy but .....it's over. Over. Over. Just let it go so we can continue with our life.

[SunnySG]

I'm at the same point, but my husband finally agreed to move out.

 

After almost a year of fighting, loathing, silent treatment, no sex, and cold shoulders, I filed papers.

 

For months I asked him to MC.

 

For months he refused.

 

Holy crap, filing divorce papers has magic powers because SUDDENLY he claims he's ALWAYS wanted to go to MC.

 

Too little, too late.

 

And a leopard doesn't just stop being an ass over night. He's like a needy child asking the same thing over and over and over "Why, why, why?"

I keep telling him the reasons but it's not sinking in - "Tell me the REAL reason." He'll say.

 

He doesn't understand that him loving me isn't enough. Picking fights with me in public has taken it's toll. Mocking me in front of my friends has gotten old. Standing me up for events, dates has gotten too frustrating. Calling to say he's coming home and then showing up 5 hours later hurts beyond repair. Emailing me from the other computer the answer to a question I asked hiim face to face has grown tiresome. Avoiding our issues by staying outside in the yard until it's too dark to see was killing us.

 

And he said I'm the one with the problem.

 

Well, NOT anymore pal.

[memomma]

Yeah......that's what I'm talking about!

Good for you.

[Blackfrost]

wow....these two guys sound like the biggest pussies I've ever heard.....one walks around crying and mumbling all day, and won't move out. The other is just in freakish denial of what a relationship is suppose to be.....I feel for you ladies. Kick these guys to the curb. Contrary to alot of the problem posts on this board, there are plenty of way better guys out there then these two. Good for both of you, for saying enough is enough and this is my life and I will not live it this way.

 

cheers

[smile95]

This is kinda off topic, but I was wondering...when you are married and things go south, do wives/husbands reach a point where there is no going back. I mean you just break and have had enough? Nothing anyone could say would change the way you feel?

 

For example, could you NEVER imagine being with your husband in a marriage again?

[Blackfrost]

that's the way my divorce was with my first wife. We both knew when it was over, and that there was no going back. Too many things had been said and done that were simply not going to fade away from our memories. Of course you always wonder during the few months following the divorce as to whether or not you could have done SOMETHING to work it out. This is a natural feeling, and is just part of the healing "learning about yourself" faze that follows a seperation from a person that you believed you would be with forever. Learn from your mistakes with the other person, and make sure you do not enter another situation in the future like that again - unless you're a crazy masochist haha.

 

From my first wife and our experiences in our brief marriage, I was able to finally understand what I was looking for in a long term relationship / and marriage for the future. I severed all ties from this woman,and moved to a new place with a new address and phone number, and proceeded to start my "relationship" life over, armed with this new knowledge of what I did not want in my future ever again. Luckily we never had kids, so I can't speak from first hand knowledge as to how to deal with having to ever see that person again. I've never seen my first wife again, and it's been ten years now.

 

It hurts to get over someone who was a serious part of your life, but always remember, you will get over it. Move on, find happiness again. There are good people out there, you just can't let the bad ones make you think that there are no good ones left.

 

I found a good one six months later, and we've been happily married for over 9 years now.

[smile95]

I love hearing stories like that(well the fact that you loved,lost, and found love again)it gives so much hope to those of us who feel kinda down and hopeless. Thanks for sharing that!

[memomma]

I did scream.

Alot. On the front porch. Foul language. All those thing I had wanted to avoid.

Oh well......maybe he'll understand the meaning of the word "over" now.

Yes, you do reach a point that no matters what is done or said or promised.....it's just over.

Takes alot to get there but once you're there......for me at least......there is no changing direction. It's just done. Finished.

Do I feel better about screaming?

Maybe.

Maybe I will be listened to at this point.......maybe instead of me always trying to make everything "nice" for everybody......maybe he will notice that I've had it. I'm serious. Let's move with this.

I don't know.

I'm done talking. Done yelling. Just done.

Whatever is going to happen.......will.

Can't force him or anything if it's not meant to be.

So.....we'll see, huh?