nightskyreader Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 I'm curious as to what element of a separation is the toughest to deal with. What do you think? Is it purely the sense of loss? You loved her (smile/charm/personality) so much that you can't bear to be without her. In that case I would think that the emotion would be similar to the death of a spouse. Is it the rejection? That he doesn't love you anymore because you're not good enough for him? Is it betrayal? Did she run off with another man and now you're feeling like trampled dirt? What about financial issues? Did the bastard leave you with three kids and no job, and now you're financially strapped? If you could put your finger on the one thing that upsets you the most about your separation/divorce, what would it be?
Kat Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 I was more angry at myself for allowing myself to be treated that way. I felt like the biggest fool on the planet
VirginiaBob Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 I think it is worse than losing someone that died, because at least if someone died, they did not reject you. When losing someone in a relationship, it is like they died and rejected you all rolled into one.
Zaira Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 I put so much into my relationship to make HIM happy that I forgot about myself. In the end I didn't even get a thanks. That is what hurt the most.
Lonestar Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 Originally posted by VirginiaBob I think it is worse than losing someone that died, because at least if someone died, they did not reject you. When losing someone in a relationship, it is like they died and rejected you all rolled into one. VirginiaBob said it... the worst part of it for me was the feeling of rejection.
J dub Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 1. Rejection 2. Feeling foolish or taken advantage of 3. Losing your best friend in the process of it all
greyskies Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 The sound of their voice, the feel of their touch, the way they smiled at you when they walked in the door at the end of the day, the little notes left in hidden places, their scent, etc etc....Its been over a year and hes married and has a baby on the way and just thinking of those things still hurts. My motto now is... Love = Pain Period!!!
Kat Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 Originally posted by greyskies Love = Pain Period!!! Awww. The wrong love hurts, the right one doesn't. You will find your true love one day
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 Originally posted by VirginiaBob I think it is worse than losing someone that died, because at least if someone died, they did not reject you. When losing someone in a relationship, it is like they died and rejected you all rolled into one. I agree with VB and when someone dies the closure is left entirely on us. We start to grieve and accept almost from the beginning. When someone leaves or rejects you it can leave all kinds of questions that you just have to have the answer to and you look to them to give you closure instead of finding it within.
broken guy Posted July 11, 2005 Posted July 11, 2005 For me its EVERYTHING! I miss her cooking, speaking a different language to her family, her hair, her clothes. But what HURTS me is that I believed a bunch of OBVIOUS lies and that another guy now has all of the stuff I had. I walk around in CONSTANT agony and I still cant shake it.
lindya Posted July 11, 2005 Posted July 11, 2005 Something along the lines of Bridget Jones' summary. It feels as if you've allowed someone, over an extended period of time, to carefully take apart and inspect all the different bits and pieces that went together to make "you". Only to have the bits chucked back at you with a mumbled apology. Then you have to go to the bother of putting them all back together again.
DogBrain Posted July 11, 2005 Posted July 11, 2005 Well, just after the breakup occurred - I missed being able to speak with her (she said she wanted to keep talking, but that tanked 4 days later when she had me threatened) After the threats, I didn't miss a thing, except an opportunity to make her feel as "special" as she did me LOL!!! Now, 7 months later, I am so glad she dumped me - and explaining my relief will have to wait until I have time to write my next book - I had to decide whether she was crazy or malicious - and eventually realized the two go hand in hand with her.
RecordProducer Posted July 11, 2005 Posted July 11, 2005 I disagree that death is easier. I would rather that my BF dumps me than dies (even if he dumps me first! ). All the reasons you mentioned together make the break-up difficult. I was left with two kids, no job, no friends, completely in love with my ex-husband. The most difficult part was that I missed being with him. But I knew I was unhappy with him so it made things easier for me. The most ideal break-up would be if you are so busy with wonderful things at work and you have great new opportunities for dating right away. But only Hollywood actors can have such glamorous break-ups and they still probably suffer. If I would lose my BF now I would feel quite different from when my ex-husband left me, because I believe that he is Mr. Right and I never got the chance to be disappointed in him. I guess the worst part would be to be forced to let go off someone who you believe is the right one for you. Broken dreams hurt more than a broken heart. The love itself fades away after a year or two or three, we meet someone else and get over.
avoj Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 I would have to say what hurts the most are the unanswered questions. Was she cheating when all signs point to that, yet she denied it? What did I do that was so wrong for her to act that way? 7-years together and all of a sudden the person doesn't care.
Pyro Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 For me, I am most upset at the fact that for so long, I had put my heart and soul into something that was incredible. I had put so much time and effort into one other person because I thought that they were my best friend. Then in the end, that person is not interested in putting in the same amount of time and effort as I had been to make the relationship work. Makes me feel like that I wasted my time, and that they didn't give two sh#ts about the relationship.
Fallen_Angel Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 Originally posted by The Riddler For me, I am most upset at the fact that for so long, I had put my heart and soul into something that was incredible. I had put so much time and effort into one other person because I thought that they were my best friend. Then in the end, that person is not interested in putting in the same amount of time and effort as I had been to make the relationship work. Makes me feel like that I wasted my time, and that they didn't give two sh#ts about the relationship. Wow. I couldn't have said that better if I tried. We do only get so much time, and to invest in something you think is truly worthwhile, only to find out the other person doesn't value your investment...ouch.
SoftDrink Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 for me, it's the almost sudden transition; being violently shoved into a whole new world after being tossed from a familiar one. i've always done the dumping, and i still feel that way when it happens.
Pyro Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 Originally posted by Fallen_Angel Wow. I couldn't have said that better if I tried. We do only get so much time, and to invest in something you think is truly worthwhile, only to find out the other person doesn't value your investment...ouch. I guess that part of life is taking the risks. I sometimes wonder if its even worth it to try for another relationship because I could get the same results as before, but I am pretty confident that I will eventually meet someone nice.
Drivetildriven Posted July 29, 2005 Posted July 29, 2005 Relationships have huge rewords, but both people have to put in 100%. If one is only doing 99% than it isn't going to work. As soon as they think they found someone "better" they're gone. That could take two months or ten years. They'll always have an eye out for something better. People like that are never satisfied and when we're all married and living a good life, our ex's will probably still be looking for something just a little bit better.
AleroGurl Posted July 29, 2005 Posted July 29, 2005 for me... its the betrayal...dumping me and then running to the one person who i loathe the most(and him knowing that) then its losing my best friend, the person who was there for me to talk to about everything(when he was ready that is) and never being able to be near to him or hold him again... BAH
katheryn Posted July 31, 2005 Posted July 31, 2005 If one is only doing 99% than it isn't going to work. As soon as they think they found someone "better" they're gone. That could take two months or ten years. They'll always have an eye out for something better. People like that are never satisfied and when we're all married and living a good life, our ex's will probably still be looking for something just a little bit better. i now feel this about my ex as he got dumped a week ago by female friendl but phoned me for help which i did but i was still hurting from when he left me 2mths previously after being with me nearly 16 yr, he was considering comming back untill i took an overdose and tried to harm myself i now feel violated because i started to trust him again but before i got home from hosptiall he had got back with female friend, wat is the point
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