jacobjet84 Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 Hi guys, Brief outline of the situation. I met my now ex partner around a year and a half ago. We were friends for months before we became a couple. When we met, neither of us were in a good place emotionally, used each other as an emotional punch bag before I took the lead in getting some councilling to deal with my issues. Got myself it a good place, evened myself out, however she was still holding on to some anger and resentment from months worth of arguing. We managed to get through the rocky period and into a good place together eventually though. Fast forward a few months and my mother passed away after a long illness. I begin to slip and arguments begin again, before eventually I left her. For two weeks we didn't see each other, but we would have horrific arguments via email every few days. She blocked me on all social media. It all really hurt her. Eventually, once again we got back together. We agreed that we loved each other, would take things slowly and that I would work to make up for walking out on her. Iv worked hard for the last couple of months,, however a couple of weeks ago I noticed she bagan to pull away from me emotionally. The long conversations during the day via text messages began to fade, she began making less time for me and didn't seem particularly bothered at all about me in the slightest. She would create arguments out of nothing. Then the sex stopped. She's alway had a high sex drive, but the sex and all talk of sex stopped altogether. Last week, I eventually pulled her up on it, saying I'd been working hard for her as she'd asked, but that I was starting to feel like a spare part. she wasn't even taking me to social events. The result of that was her flipping out at me completely irrationally and refusing to talk to me at all! We haven't spoken for a week, but last couple of days she has been messaging me with small talk, showing a bit more interest, probably out of fear that I'd vanished. I said to her that I'd been thinking and thought we should talk, at which point she said the only thing she wanted to do is meet face to face so we could leave things on good terms. But that the relationship was over. I didn't fight it, I accepted it, but there was a part that has raised my suspicions alongside other signs. I said to her at the end of my last text that I accept her decision and she is free to go and do as she wishes..... to which she replied "I don't need your permission to go and do as I wish" in a really firm tone. Now that last comment, coupled with the sudden pulling away emionally and sexually over the last couple of weeks and the fact that we are friends on social media, but I am restricted from seeing her page, but she can see mine, is screaming at me "other man". Could be wrong and she could just be done with me, which is fair enough. I'm not going to go out of my way to find out, her life is her own and she has a right to do what she wants, but am just curious to get opinions so I can prepare myself. Thanks guys.
BluesPower Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 Yes, she just does not have to gut to end it. She already has another guy. You might as well break up now so you get to be the dumper and not the dumpee... Might as well get a head start on finding a new girl. How old are you anyway? Sorry about all this, good luck...
elaine567 Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 Whether it is another man or she just wasn't feeling it any more who can say? BUT I guess it is really over this time, so who cares? YOU checked out first, and now she has checked out. The relationship ran its course and now it is time for you to grieve, heal and move on. Keep going with the NC, remaining in contact will not be good for you, because even if she has no-one at the moment, she will probably have a new guy pretty soon. Save yourself the heart-ache, keep away from her. 1
Author jacobjet84 Posted October 17, 2016 Author Posted October 17, 2016 *update* she has just sent me another message now asking if we can be friends
RyanO1991 Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 *update* she has just sent me another message now asking if we can be friends I tried this for a while but she ended up just making me angry and it made accepting the end harder. But you might decide differently. My advice would be to stop listening to your heart and have a hard think about what you need. Good luck! 1
Author jacobjet84 Posted October 17, 2016 Author Posted October 17, 2016 Yeah I'm never playing the friends game, I'm not silly
LargoLagg Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 At this point, it just seems like a formality, doesn't it? If you go to wrap this up face-to-face, you should have some prepared remarks. Don't say whatever comes to mind, because then, you'll just be reacting to what she says, which, by the way, seems like what doomed this relationship... each of you reacting to events and to each other. From what you described, I would start out something like this: Wow, were one f*cked up couple, weren't we? How'd we last as long as we did?
aloneinaz Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 Here's what I read in your initial post. * You two were not compatible. * You two fought way too much. * You two had too many break ups and get back togethers. * You both need to find someone you're compatible with. Whether she was with another guy or not really doesn't matter much now. Some women do all those things that are making you suspicious of her having another guy when they check out emotionally. You have two choice here my friend. A- Be mature and call/text her. Let her know you've decided you need to move on w/your life, wish her luck and say goodbye. It would be the best for you both. Then, block her number and email and vanish from her life. Don't engage again, heal and find someone you can get along with. Or B, continue on with all this stupid off/on drama filled with hurt feelings, nasty emails/texts, stress, anxiety and starts and stops. Personally? I'd go with A. 1
Author jacobjet84 Posted October 17, 2016 Author Posted October 17, 2016 I agree with above poster. It's hard to let go but ultimately you are right.
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