Don't know what to talk about anymore.

[Solkin]

Hiya, I am new to the forum.

 

I am in an interesting situation when it comes to relationships. I am 26 years old and currently with my second girl friend. We have been together for almost 6 months. The first girl friend I had was in high school and I was only 16 and it only lasted 3 months. So there was a huge 10 year gap between relationships. I am an only child also in my family.

 

If you looked up the word introverted in the dictionary you would probably find my picture, lol. hehehe, anyways. For the longest time I would NEVER get invloved in any of the conversations that were going on around me, I would just sit back and listen. ONLY saying something if I felt that it was needed to be said. Probably the major reason that I was single for 10 years. I used to find that talking was useless and I only said something if it was something important. I couldn't talk about just "stuff", it was pretty much impossible.

 

Over the years, I was able to get jobs that pretty much forced me to interact with the customers on a daily basis. This was extremely hard for me and I would say that I lost quite a few of them jobs cause I wouldn't deal with the people. Eventually, I was able to keep one of them and become the manager of the place as well. I have seen, and also my family a huge change in my communications skills, but I still feel there is so much more room for improvement.

 

What I am scared of is losing my current girl friend, the same way that I lost the first. I was dumped by the first one because I didn't talk enough, or so she says. I have actually done a very good job talking to my current girl friend on the phone for these six months, but its starting to get a little lost somewhere. Everyday I seem to be losing more and more things to talk about, and it ends up that she does most of the talking. My ability to say something witty almost every time she says something that makes her laugh, is keeping my head above the water, but pretty soon, It isn't going to work anymore and I will drown.

 

I am still in a learning stage with the comunication thing, but I am getting better at it with time. Being alone most of my life as prevented me from learning this much needed skill early on in my life. I love my current girl friend to death, but I am scared that I will lose her because I am gradually falling back into the state of not saying anything. In fear of sounding repeatitive and recylcing topics I stay away from talking about the same things over and over. Maybe thats not a good thing, I don't really know.

 

What the heck do couples talk about to keep the relationship fun and exciting? She has absolutly no problems with talking, she will giver till she passed out if she could. Me on the other hand, I struggle greatly to start a conversation, although I can join in after one has been started.

 

Cheerio!

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

Having various interests, hobbies and activities outside of the relationship is what helps to keep the conversation going. Read newspapers every day, stay current on events and newsworthy topics. And remember that when the conversation hits a lull, you can always say, "Have I told you today how much I love and value you?".....in a pinch that will always get you a good reaction.

[Pendawn]

First thing I think you should talk about, is your fear to your gf! If you let her know you worry about this, she'll be understanding and appreciate what an effort you are making to try and keep things nice between you.

 

My bf is a bit like that on the phone, he hates phone conversations but makes an effort cos he knows it's important for me to catch up with him on days I don't see him. But i also know to try and make it easier for him, so i trya nd ask him about stuff I know he'll enjoy/find easy to tlak about. He loves talkign food, so i ask him what he's eaten today etc. How was his work, what did he watch on TV, did he talk to any of his friends today, what were they saying etc. Just generally catching up.

 

To me the talking is the important part where you are SHARING your lfie with someon. it doesn't matter to me how mundane it is, I just like the fact he's sharing his days and life with me so I know lots about him.

 

Why not keep a list of things you might like to start discussions about and pick one or two when you are on the phone. Ask her opinion on things in your life and things about life in general (what she thinks of current news stories, or a film, or a band). And share stories about your life, things that have happened to you before you met.

[acrobaticmonkey]

This sounds like me! I was so shy when I was younger that people would joke about me talking 2 words an hour. I'm a lot better now and even though I'm not really sure what happened between then and now I know that a big part of finding things to talk about was having confidence. Once I was confident about myself to feel comfortable I stopped caring so much about what others thought of me. Focus more on your thoughts and not the other person and instead think about what is going on in your head. If you just sit for a second your mind will drift somewhere. Also talk about things that can stimulate thought like how mountians where created or where does the universe end. Ask lots of questions, listen to the answers and lastly, don't be so afraid of silence. It doesn't always have to be awkward or covered in noise.