gulfball Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 A month ago, my ex broke up with me (for a second time), because he said he needed space. I'm used to him pushing me away, but this push felt much more permanent than the previous ones. I gave him the space he asked for, and tried to force myself to accept that, this time, he was gone for good. A little over three weeks later, he asked to hang out and we started frequently spending time together again, and even sleeping together again. He eventually told me that he had been on tinder recently, but that "none of the girls on tinder were me." I got so angry and hurt that he had tried to move on so quickly, so I made an online profile of my own. I wasn't really hoping or expecting to find anyone on there, but I guess I wanted to even the score. I surprisingly did find someone who seemed like my perfect match on the site and started talking to him and clicking with him right away (all the while still spending time with my ex, even though I knew I shouldn't have been). My ex found out that I was on a dating site through friends. He got very upset and asked if I was planning to meet anyone. I told him I was planning on meeting someone in a couple of days. He seemed sad, but didn't object. He drove past my house the day of my date and saw the new guy's car parked outside (we didn't even hug, he just wanted to continue talking after our date and to meet my dog). After he saw the car, my ex kept texting me questions like "did you have sex?" and "do you like him?" and calling me over and over to talk. He came over later that night, and told me how much it hurt him. He said he couldn't believe that I would go on a date with someone else (even though he had kissed two other girls while we were dating), and he asked if we could be together again. I told him that he had hurt me so many times while we were together, reminded him that he had broken up with me, and told him that I needed some time to think things through. I'm so madly in love with my ex, and I would love to go back to him, but I know that the new guy would be so much more thoughtful of my feelings and less afraid of commitment than my ex. The new guy asked for a second date, but my ex is already acting like we're in a relationship again. I really don't know what to do. Help would be forever appreciated
smackie9 Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 Kick your ex to the curb for good. All he is doing is trying to control you.....this has nothing to do with love, it's a form of abuse. As for the new guy, you are going to have to be honest with him that yo are not emotionally ready for a new relationship....you are still busy trying to shake off your last relationship. Like you said you are still in love with him, and that isn't fair to the new guy. I think you need to take a break and clean up your house before you move forward dating again. 1
Redhead14 Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 A month ago, my ex broke up with me (for a second time), because he said he needed space. I'm used to him pushing me away, but this push felt much more permanent than the previous ones. I gave him the space he asked for, and tried to force myself to accept that, this time, he was gone for good. A little over three weeks later, he asked to hang out and we started frequently spending time together again, and even sleeping together again. He eventually told me that he had been on tinder recently, but that "none of the girls on tinder were me." I got so angry and hurt that he had tried to move on so quickly, so I made an online profile of my own. I wasn't really hoping or expecting to find anyone on there, but I guess I wanted to even the score. I surprisingly did find someone who seemed like my perfect match on the site and started talking to him and clicking with him right away (all the while still spending time with my ex, even though I knew I shouldn't have been). My ex found out that I was on a dating site through friends. He got very upset and asked if I was planning to meet anyone. I told him I was planning on meeting someone in a couple of days. He seemed sad, but didn't object. He drove past my house the day of my date and saw the new guy's car parked outside (we didn't even hug, he just wanted to continue talking after our date and to meet my dog). After he saw the car, my ex kept texting me questions like "did you have sex?" and "do you like him?" and calling me over and over to talk. He came over later that night, and told me how much it hurt him. He said he couldn't believe that I would go on a date with someone else (even though he had kissed two other girls while we were dating), and he asked if we could be together again. I told him that he had hurt me so many times while we were together, reminded him that he had broken up with me, and told him that I needed some time to think things through. I'm so madly in love with my ex, and I would love to go back to him, but I know that the new guy would be so much more thoughtful of my feelings and less afraid of commitment than my ex. The new guy asked for a second date, but my ex is already acting like we're in a relationship again. I really don't know what to do. Help would be forever appreciated Help would be forever appreciated - - Go no contact and maintain it . . . forever. You owe this man nothing. You don't love him, you love the man you wish he would be. He was hot and cold before you broke up with -- pushing you away and coming back. He hasn't changed. my ex is already acting like we're in a relationship again. -- You aren't and therefore he has no right to interfere, stalk you or question your activities. He drove past my house the day of my date -- I doubt it was a coincidence . . . he goes by your place often. Block and delete his number right now. 1
JewelD Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 You should definitely stop contacting your ex. He's broken up with you twice. He's clearly not madly in love with you, he just doesn't want you to move on and be happy with someone else. He's treating you like property. I also don't think you should try dating this new guy on a serious level either. If you're still in love with your ex and thinking of going back to him, this new guy will be nothing more than a bandaid. 3
Author gulfball Posted October 17, 2016 Author Posted October 17, 2016 Thank you so much, smackie. I told the new guy that I was still recovering from a very recent breakup, and he said that he was too! We agreed to take things very slow, if we do decide to keep seeing each other. 1
Buddhist Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 You know what being with your ex is like, you don't know what being with this guy is like. Your choice which way you go.
Author gulfball Posted October 17, 2016 Author Posted October 17, 2016 Thank you for the insightful words, jewel. I think you could be right that the new guy is a bandaid, even though it feels so good and right spending time with him. 1
hippychick3 Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 Don't go back to the ex. He only wants you now because he doesn't want anyone else to have you (which is normal for most guys, even those who are no longer invested in the girl or relationship). This kind of jealousy does not equal love. Soon after he gets you back, he will surely dump you again. The challenge to get you back will have ended. 2
smackie9 Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 Hey if you and the new guy want to rebound off each other have at it...as long as you both are on the same page, why the hell not......enjoy each others company, have no expectations, have fun. 3
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