thecrucible Posted October 16, 2016 Posted October 16, 2016 Hey everyone, Was wondering what your take is on giving out your number via online dating? I prefer not to give out my number too easily but I frequently get questions like "do you have whatsapp?" and "I'm bored of talking on here. How about we text? My number is...". The reason I don't like giving out my number too easily is that there's been occasions when certain guys haven't left me alone if say we didn't click as a potential couple. It also adds more time commitment for me when we don't know each other yet. I'm not a big texter even with close friends as I don't like conversations over text. I only use texts to say things like "I'm almost there. I'm just leaving the train station" or "When's the next time you're free to meet up?". I'm anxious about giving out my number and then suddenly having to meet expectations about more frequent contact (if he is that kind of guy). Sometimes guys say it's easier talking via text than the app but I find the app just as easy. Don't get me wrong. I'm not against giving out my number. I just don't want to give out to someone I've not met yet. What do you think is the best way to approach this?
SwordofFlame Posted October 16, 2016 Posted October 16, 2016 I would say right before the first date to confirm the date and to communicate last second cancellations for whatever reason.
BlueIris Posted October 16, 2016 Posted October 16, 2016 Say that you want to meet first and maybe spend time (in public places) so you can both see if you two might be a match before giving personal information. Any man who understands and respects that women must be careful will be fine with that. Men who don't are not good boyfriend material anyway.
hippychick3 Posted October 16, 2016 Posted October 16, 2016 You can just tell them that you prefer to wait until after you meet. I don't think that's unreasonable. Reminds me of a guy I went on 4-5 dates with a few years ago. We only communicated through the dating app because he never asked for my number. It was so odd. I am one who doesn't mind exchanging numbers before a first meet so would have gladly given him my number if he asked. I eventually chose not to see him anymore because I just wasn't feeling it. So I was glad in the end we didn't exchange numbers. But, to have to log into the app every time to respond to a message from him after SEVERAL dates was strange!
Gr8fuln2020 Posted October 16, 2016 Posted October 16, 2016 When you are comfortable. I give out my number when I have conversed enough online and feel that a real life date is imminent. I can always block her if she becomes an undesireable. :-) I haven't had any issues, but perhaps it's b/c I've been lucky or b/c I'm a man(?). Anyway, someone a while back reminded me that I could have the dating app to communicate in real-time if that is what is desired. If all he wants is real time communication, ask him to install the dating app. The problem with that is that it then appears you are online all the time and there are more temptations and distractions any and every time it goes off telling you that you have interest, message, etc. from someone else. Use the app until your first or second good date, perhaps? Then, if you feel up to it, give him your number? Just some ideas... 1
LD1990 Posted October 16, 2016 Posted October 16, 2016 Use a burner number. Burner and Hushed are two popular apps with free trials and a low monthly fee (under $5). You get a temporary number that works for texting and calls, and you can burn it at anytime, at which point whoever has the number can't reach you anymore. As a guy who uses dating apps, I think you'll miss out if you adopt the "I don't give out my number until after we've met" mindset. People are flaky enough as it is, and when a girl says that, I typically assume she's not serious about meeting. I've tried scheduling dates with girls who've said that but it has never really worked out.
Author thecrucible Posted October 16, 2016 Author Posted October 16, 2016 Thanks guys. I think it's just what I'm comfortable with. I agree that giving out a number just prior to date can be a good idea to check that you've both arrived at the location (and that way I can leaving talking until the actual date). I like that - that's a happy medium. Yeah I understand that it can come across as flaky. I'm a little anxious about online dating because I've met a few guys who put me on edge but sounded intelligent and sent eloquent messages so I find it pretty awkward to meet men from online now. Actually I also get anxious because of what they might think of what I look like. Maybe online dating is not the place for the socially anxious? I can freak out a little when it starts to feel like it's getting real! Anyway I will have a think about what everyone has said here.
angel.eyes Posted October 16, 2016 Posted October 16, 2016 For me, I give mine out right after he gives me his. Only one guy continued to bother and harass me via text after I didn't want to go on another date. Just block the person. Simple. Easy. Done.
Miss Peach Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 (edited) Use a burner number. Burner and Hushed are two popular apps with free trials and a low monthly fee (under $5). You get a temporary number that works for texting and calls, and you can burn it at anytime, at which point whoever has the number can't reach you anymore. As a guy who uses dating apps, I think you'll miss out if you adopt the "I don't give out my number until after we've met" mindset. People are flaky enough as it is, and when a girl says that, I typically assume she's not serious about meeting. I've tried scheduling dates with girls who've said that but it has never really worked out. Google voice does this for free. I have a number that that ties to my phone so I can call and text from it through their app. You can also block numbers if needed. I do this more for safety since mobile numbers are becoming easier to track and harder to change. I don't mind it after a few messages. I'm not a big texter but I've found text and chat to work better with some men than long messages. I have a date this week with a guy who I chatted this way with and he keeps telling me how excited he is to meet me. It took some back and forth to build that up. Edited October 17, 2016 by Miss Peach
PegNosePete Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 Yeah I understand that it can come across as flaky. I wouldn't say it's flaky. What I would say is that it's inconvenient. If I'm running 10 minutes late for example there is an accident on the road and I am stuck in traffic, then it is useful to be able to fire off a quick text to say I'm unavoidably late and I'll be there in 10 minutes. Whereas if I don't have a number then I can't let you know, we would both have a wasted evening (time and travel expenses), and on top of that you would go home annoyed and call me a flake and not want to see me again. So yeah that's why I would usually want to have a number before arranging a meeting. 1
aileD Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 Text free, Sideline. Both will give you a free second phone # for texting so you don't have to give out your real #. If someone harasses you, just delete the app, reinstall and get a new # thru the app
babylonsfire Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 Burner is your friend, temporary numbers!!!
Author thecrucible Posted October 24, 2016 Author Posted October 24, 2016 Thanks everyone. I've figured out a way for this to work for me. I'll give out my number to men I might meet for a date but I'll give it to them a few days prior or something like that. That way we can text if one of us will be late/has to cancel.
phineas Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 You give the number when I ask or I move on because you aren't interested. Every woman I know online dating knows to give their number out to show the guy they are interested. Any woman that wants to meet without exchanging numbers I learned the hard way is not really interested and just wasting my time and will flake 100%. It's just a phone number. 2
Sunkissedpatio Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 I never give out my number but I will have a phone chat before I decide to meet a guy. Saves a lot of bad surprises. I'm not into texting before meeting either so no whatsapp endless bull**** texts or texting ad nauseam to fill in the daily void. One phone chat to see if he sounds just as hot on the phone and then we meet. I also don't use my actual number when communicating with online strangers, I use an app that spits out a new phone number to use every three days. You can turn it on off off and either call from your own number or the app "number" designated for that day. It's great. Then if you end up with a loser who can't take a hint you just delete the number and no harm done! The guy I choose to see regularly will get my real number.
dojob1234 Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 Hey everyone, Was wondering what your take is on giving out your number via online dating? I prefer not to give out my number too easily but I frequently get questions like "do you have whatsapp?" and "I'm bored of talking on here. How about we text? My number is...". The reason I don't like giving out my number too easily is that there's been occasions when certain guys haven't left me alone if say we didn't click as a potential couple. It also adds more time commitment for me when we don't know each other yet. I'm not a big texter even with close friends as I don't like conversations over text. I only use texts to say things like "I'm almost there. I'm just leaving the train station" or "When's the next time you're free to meet up?". I'm anxious about giving out my number and then suddenly having to meet expectations about more frequent contact (if he is that kind of guy). Sometimes guys say it's easier talking via text than the app but I find the app just as easy. Don't get me wrong. I'm not against giving out my number. I just don't want to give out to someone I've not met yet. What do you think is the best way to approach this? I rarely give out my number unless I know the person well, or met him/her up. Probably you can try other chat apps which don't required number? Like wechat? Line? Or something? This way can 'chat' with the person still, yet don't reveal your number.
Sunkissedpatio Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 And that attitude that it's "just a phone number" may work for some but for me it's the same phone number I've had for many years and I am not about to compromise it with some freak who had nothing better to do than to call me incessantly. It happened to me last time I was single. Met a guy at a bar who became OBSSED with me and would call me and text me all hours of the morning wanting to see what I was up to or wanting me to come meet him here or there, yet we had not gone out on even one date. Byyyyye! No thanks, never again. Most guys are fine though. But it is online...you never know as a woman....different for guys. Any guy who doesn't understand that women need to take extra precaution is a guy who is not in tune with what women go though.
Author thecrucible Posted October 26, 2016 Author Posted October 26, 2016 And that attitude that it's "just a phone number" may work for some but for me it's the same phone number I've had for many years and I am not about to compromise it with some freak who had nothing better to do than to call me incessantly. It happened to me last time I was single. Met a guy at a bar who became OBSSED with me and would call me and text me all hours of the morning wanting to see what I was up to or wanting me to come meet him here or there, yet we had not gone out on even one date. Byyyyye! No thanks, never again. Most guys are fine though. But it is online...you never know as a woman....different for guys. Any guy who doesn't understand that women need to take extra precaution is a guy who is not in tune with what women go though. Yeah that's what I'm worried about. I know it sounds silly but you just never know what people are like until you've got to know them a bit better. I mean I have slight trust issues because of certain guys in my past. A recent ex of mine kept sending me messages for 2 years after our break-up. I never replied to any and he's stopped now at last. And there's also been guys where I've been clear in the most polite way possible that maybe we aren't a match (not even a judgement on the guy at all as some of these guys have been much better looking than me) but the guy has been persistent in trying to be my friend. I have nothing against this in principle as I already have some male friends but I would feel uncomfortable being friends with a guy who wants more as this would be very awkward indeed. I also worry that they will expect me to text them all the time if they have my number. I mean one of my male friends is like this. He tries to spin out long conversations when there is nothing to talk about. I prefer texting for really matter-of-fact messages rather than flirting like "can you get a bottle of milk on your way back from work?" kind of thing. If I had a boyfriend I'd rather we called each other rather than text. I try and adjust what comes naturally and text more when I'm just getting to know a guy but it's not my natural rhythm.
Gaeta Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 In my Country mobile numbers are untraceable and nowadays all phones have a block options. I don't stress because I gave my number to a stranger. 1
phineas Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 The only way you are going to get to know someone is by meeting them. Period. You aren't going to meet many men online if you aren't going to give out your number. 1
Author thecrucible Posted October 26, 2016 Author Posted October 26, 2016 The only way you are going to get to know someone is by meeting them. Period. You aren't going to meet many men online if you aren't going to give out your number. Thanks. I like how to get straight to the point on every thread on here. I can just imagine you in real life. Well I'll try and be more flexible and not worry about this whole thing so much.
Ruby Slippers Posted October 27, 2016 Posted October 27, 2016 I agree with the suggestion to get a burner phone or number. Plenty of unsavory people populate dating sites, and of course they never reveal the dark side until after they get your number, so you have to be careful.
Sometymeswhy Posted October 27, 2016 Posted October 27, 2016 Mobile numbers when googled will often lead to Facebook or other identifying sources leading to potential mayhem. If you have a smartphone you can email from an anonymous gmail account if you are stuck in traffic etc. takes two minutes to set up a gmail account which is private. 1
Sunkissedpatio Posted October 27, 2016 Posted October 27, 2016 Yeah that's what I'm worried about. I know it sounds silly but you just never know what people are like until you've got to know them a bit better. I mean I have slight trust issues because of certain guys in my past. A recent ex of mine kept sending me messages for 2 years after our break-up. I never replied to any and he's stopped now at la I don't think it's silly at all. Better to be safe than sorry later. Personally, I simply don't want a bunch of strangers online having my number Nor do I want to be getting a bunch of texts from someone I might never see again beyond one date. You aren't going to meet many men online if you aren't going to give out your number. Not true, met plenty of guys last time around I did OLD without ever giving out my phone number. Guys generally respect our wishes online. Having said that I think a phone call is good to hear what's on the other side. Heck if you really want to you can use your gmail to call anyone you want and you don't even need a phone.
phineas Posted October 28, 2016 Posted October 28, 2016 I agree with the suggestion to get a burner phone or number. Plenty of unsavory people populate dating sites, and of course they never reveal the dark side until after they get your number, so you have to be careful. google voice if you are THAT paranoid. Thanks. I like how to get straight to the point on every thread on here. I can just imagine you in real life. Well I'll try and be more flexible and not worry about this whole thing so much. haha. probably why i always get woman from online hitting me up months later out of the blue. i'm very straight forward with women I want to date and it frustrates the hell out of them because they seem to love playing games and trying to make me chase. I usually end up telling them their games are a turn-off and we should part ways. 3-6 months later they are texting me wanting a date or even finding me on facebook and sending me a message. Mobile numbers when googled will often lead to Facebook or other identifying sources leading to potential mayhem. If you have a smartphone you can email from an anonymous gmail account if you are stuck in traffic etc. takes two minutes to set up a gmail account which is private. don't put your phone number on your facebook profile?
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