im_lil Posted October 16, 2016 Posted October 16, 2016 So...I'm in a serious relationship with a guy for more than 2 months, but we "dated" for a year (being like bf and gf). I suffer from anxiety and he knows it, he loves dancing and clubbing...but i don't. I confessed him i didn't know how to dance and he said "it's ok, you'll learn". Last night we were going to a club with him and some friends, i saw him staring a girl and i felt so bad...I just said "I knew u were like this, no worries" (I know a lot about his past, why am i with him? He says he's different when he gets into a serious relationship) after he apologized for doing that. Then we got into the club and I didn't want to dance, i remembered the times when he said "You dance so bad. I don't want to teach you, i just can't" so i told him I felt bad and wanted to go home. He didn't understand anything but then i explained why i was feeling like that. He said "Should i go with u?" (YES! I wanted him to go home with me but once before i asked him crying to do it so...he did and then he regret about not going out with his friends) so i told him to do whatever he wants to do. Guess what, he first said "i want to stay here with u"....i obviously couldn't do that, I felt so bad. After a 30 min discussion he decided to stay at the club an letting me go alone because he felt "i was a little more relaxed" he stopped a taxi for me. He didn't call to know if i was right, again the reason was he didn't know if i was going to get mad if he'd do that (Really?) The thing is, i don't know if i'm being to clingy, i'm in process to get better i really don't want to mess everything. I'm afraid of blaming him and being wrong. What do you guys think? 1
Space Ritual Posted October 16, 2016 Posted October 16, 2016 Very sorry that happened to you. I suffer from extreme anxiety myself as well as terribly violent outbursts and I know how absolutely paralyzing the anxiety side of it it can be when an attack sets in. I have been on literally every med on the market for it since I was diagnosed 6 years ago and literally nothing has helped. Thus it has really hampered my social interaction much more than before I was diagnosed as the side effects of some of the meds have contributed to the violent side of it. One of the societal drawbacks of having the condition we do is that in a lot of situations the people we interact with have no understanding of it or are easily annoyed at it and are prone to accuse us of being over dramatic. Even those who we are close with a times can often roll their eyes and say under their breath that it is us just being goofy. As sad as it it, it is a reality that we are not much able to change. In your case, I think your BF was of the latter opinion and figured you were just being overdramatic. His subsequent actions speak volumes. While you are rightfully upset, you actually have a silver lining in all of this. You now know that someone you are close to has the capacity to be dismissive of your condition, so perhaps some critical thinking on your part would be in order as to whether you want to invest more of your heart to someone who can be so dismissive. Part of the dynamic of being in a successful relationship is being able to compromise and accept someone for who they are, warts and all. Taking you to a club where you were literally guaranteed to feel the walls closing in was a bad move on his part. Even worse was leaving you to your own devices when the episode occurred. I don't keep very many friends in real life for two reasons. 1. I do not like subjecting people to the devils of my nature, and 2. I have a hard time dealing with those who refuse to even make an attempt to understand it. Even though they are under no obligation to do so, it still doesn't hurt any less. It leaves me feeling like the proverbial turd in the punch bowl. for lack of a better term. Do some thinking, take some time for yourself and examine the risk/reward ration of being with this guy. In the meantime, I hope your medical treatments have been more successful than mine have. 1
preraph Posted October 16, 2016 Posted October 16, 2016 Don't think your problem is being clingy. I think your problem is anxiety that you need to deal with by going into therapy if you're not already. This kind of stuff, going out and then ruining the night for your man, will break up a relationship. And it's not you that wants to ruin it, but it's you demanding that he cater to your anxiety that's ruining it. Without the anxiety, which might be as easy to cure as the right prescription, you might be perfectly happy to sit and talk to friends while he dances or visits with friends. Go do something about it and don't let it ruin your life. 1
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