Breadcrumbs on a whole other level!!!

[mg4514]

Ok LS community--these past few months I have reeeeally relied on your insight. Now HERE is a stumper for you.

 

Brief recap:

I'm 44, she's 45.

Relationship was five years.

She was the dumper.

Two months after our breakup she started texting me and my 13 year old son. (I never responded).

At the nine month mark, I elected to block her on my phone and my son's.

 

Now here it is: Today she contacts my ex-wife via FB!!! W. T. F.!?!?

 

She hated my ex-wife. I mean, h-a-t-e-d, my ex-wife.

 

Her text was: she bumped into a friend of mine, and heard my son was doing very well. She texted my ex-wife to ask her how proud she is of my son. My ex-wife (not wise to any of the past) responded to her, and then immediately texted me to ask the same thing: w.t.f. is she texting me for?

 

I liken this to me reaching out to her ex-husband (with whom I had a decent relationship)---which would NEVER happen.

 

So LS community, have you ever heard of such a thing?

What in the ----is that all about?

[PrincessWarrior1]

OMG I'm so sorry you're going through this. She sounds like a narcissist or sociopath. I've read that they can wait and wait and wait then try to come back around. I mean if she didn't get the hint and move on when you blocked her, that suggests that she has some serious issues.

[mg4514]

--Princess Warrior, I should have added we have been broken up now for 14 months.

 

I did all the right things--block on my phone, block on my sons phone, block on social media, told all my friends not to feed me info, etc....I would have NEVER imagined she would contact my ex wife. If you only knew how much she despised my ex wife.

 

Part of me thinks it's sad, pathetic, and desperate. Am I right?

(To be fair, I don't think she wants to get back together--I think she just wants me to contact her so she can have some sense of validation).

[Nadine123]

hi there,

 

so sorry you're going through this. After a break up, he was the dumper too, i deleted him everywhere. weeks later, his friends starts following me on social media and checking my every move so I blocked her too. Ofcourse, it was probably him because why would she have any interest and no, he doesnt want to get back together.

 

Unstable people (like your ex) do crazy things for validation. even though they dumped you, part of them cant accept the fact that you arent running or chasing after them anymore. Stay NC and dont give her anything at all.

[aloneinaz]

Part of me thinks it's sad, pathetic, and desperate. Am I right?

(To be fair, I don't think she wants to get back together--I think she just wants me to contact her so she can have some sense of validation).

 

I think you're on point. She's simply fishing to see if she can get a response from you since you've successfully ignored all her previous attempts. Simple, stupid games on her part. You've knocked the chip off her shoulder that she had when she dumped you by ignoring her since. Now, it's a challenge to see if she can get some attention from you which would (in her mind) make her believe she still has power over you.

 

Ignore, ignore, ignore.. Let your wife know to block her as well.

 

That ex needs to call 1-800-get-alife

[PrincessWarrior1]

--Princess Warrior, I should have added we have been broken up now for 14 months.

 

I did all the right things--block on my phone, block on my sons phone, block on social media, told all my friends not to feed me info, etc....I would have NEVER imagined she would contact my ex wife. If you only knew how much she despised my ex wife.

 

Part of me thinks it's sad, pathetic, and desperate. Am I right?

(To be fair, I don't think she wants to get back together--I think she just wants me to contact her so she can have some sense of validation).

 

Yes sounds pretty reasonable to me. Who doesn't try to move on after that long or maybe she thought contacting your ex would help her move on...

[PrincessWarrior1]

hi there,

 

so sorry you're going through this. After a break up, he was the dumper too, i deleted him everywhere. weeks later, his friends starts following me on social media and checking my every move so I blocked her too. Ofcourse, it was probably him because why would she have any interest and no, he doesnt want to get back together.

 

Unstable people (like your ex) do crazy things for validation. even though they dumped you, part of them cant accept the fact that you arent running or chasing after them anymore. Stay NC and dont give her anything at all.

 

Yes, this!! It's unbelievable it's like the moment you feel better after some time and space w NC, there they are pouncing out of the shadows..

[Toodaloo]

--Princess Warrior, I should have added we have been broken up now for 14 months.

 

I did all the right things--block on my phone, block on my sons phone, block on social media, told all my friends not to feed me info, etc....I would have NEVER imagined she would contact my ex wife. If you only knew how much she despised my ex wife.

 

Part of me thinks it's sad, pathetic, and desperate. Am I right?

(To be fair, I don't think she wants to get back together--I think she just wants me to contact her so she can have some sense of validation).

 

It is sad and pathetic and also rather desperate. She has obviously tried and discovered she can't get to you through you or your son so now she is branching out and looking for a way in.

 

Ask your ex wife to block her as well. And your parents, your friends and anyone else she may be able to trace... Chippy chop cut her down.

[mg4514]

--Toodaloo, and aloneinaz,

 

So happy to hear from both of you. I read your input on other threads, and value your opinions.

 

The scenario I described---It begs the question: Why? What's the angle for her? Validation? Power? Guilt?

 

Part of me shakes my head and thinks it's a little sad. The other part of me admits it's a bit of a setback for me.

 

I'm fairly certain she has a boyfriend, and after 13 months of getting my life back in order, she texts my ex wife?

 

Your best guesses would be very much appreciated.

[Toodaloo]

--Toodaloo, and aloneinaz,

 

So happy to hear from both of you. I read your input on other threads, and value your opinions.

 

The scenario I described---It begs the question: Why? What's the angle for her? Validation? Power? Guilt?

 

Part of me shakes my head and thinks it's a little sad. The other part of me admits it's a bit of a setback for me.

 

I'm fairly certain she has a boyfriend, and after 13 months of getting my life back in order, she texts my ex wife?

 

Your best guesses would be very much appreciated.

 

You get these men and women in life who just "have" to have all the attention. they can't cope unless they have everyone fawning over them and they will do anything to get it.

 

Really sad if you ask me but ho hum...

 

If she can get a snippet of info back that you still think of her its all she needs to blow it up into "he isn't over me" and "oh aren't I the bees knees"... They get some sort of kick out of it. Personally I think they would be better off getting a more constructive hobby like sky diving or fencing or painting for kicks but apparently attention seeking is addictive like that. Instead they like to create these little dramas and things to entertain themselves... Don't know why they can't just watch Walking Dead or something...

 

I shouldn't bother trying to figure it out because you will waste a whole heap of brain space only to discover at the end of it that you are some dumb founded and amazed at the truth about how self centred these people can be that you have no idea why you even dated them in the first place then you end up using even more brain space in the "what the hell was I thinking?"...

 

Far better off to just shrug. Tell your ex wife that you don't know why she contacted her, you don't want her in either yours of your sons lives any more and give her free rein to tell your ex to p*** off and what ever it is people do these days... I am sure your ex wife is perfectly capable of saying as she sees it.

 

I know these things can set you back sometimes but trick is to realise that thinking about it is setting you back and get back onto your path again.

 

You can always tell when I am determined to get back on my path as my rowing steps up and I end up waking the neighbours and I attack my rowing machine at 5:30 - 6am each morning!!!

 

Truth is she probably does have a boyfriend and she probably rebounded from you, she probably isn't very happy so figured she could get her kicks from you while looking for the next one. But who cares? We are not here worrying about her! We are worrying about you! So carry on and keep going. You will be just fine and all this muck is nothing to worry about as long as you wash it off and don't let it stick.

[mg4514]

Toodaloo,

 

Can it be that simple? Seems like an awful lot just to get some juvenile kick from it.

 

That was a fantastic post by the way. Amazing insight. I never knew that people thrived on attention quite like that.

 

I truly believe she hopes for me to contact her just so she can tell me she has a new boyfriend, life is grand, blah, blah, blah.

[aloneinaz]

I also agree with what T says. Bottom line, who cares why she's doing this. It could be a myriad of reasons. My best guess is she's seeking some form of validation and her insecurity needs an ego stroke from someone who once loved her. It speaks volumes as to why you're better off w/out someone of her character.

 

I'm a HHUGGEEE advocate of the power of dead silence. It to speaks volumes when someone is on the receiving end of it. It couldn't be any clearer that you simply don't care enough to even respond to her childish games.

 

Most people (like her clearly) HATE to be flat out ignored which makes it even sweeter.

[mg4514]

Toodaloo and aloneinaz,

 

My ex wife agreed to block her, and she got quite a kick out of this whole episode--so we got that taken care of. Now:

 

In my own twisted, juvenile sort of way, should I view this as some sense of validation for myself? Am I wrong or misguided in that belief?

 

I admit, that sure would make me feel better about the whole break up. Maybe I wasn't such a s**t after all.

[aloneinaz]

Toodaloo and aloneinaz,

 

My ex wife agreed to block her, and she got quite a kick out of this whole episode--so we got that taken care of. Now:

 

In my own twisted, juvenile sort of way, should I view this as some sense of validation for myself? Am I wrong or misguided in that belief?

 

I admit, that sure would make me feel better about the whole break up. Maybe I wasn't such a s**t after all.

 

I could go either way. To reach out to your wife simply screams desperation in getting a response from you. She's like a spoiled child not accepting you ignoring her as she accustomed to getting her way, especially if she wore the pants in your relationship with her.

 

So for dumpers like her, it's now a challenge more than anything. It's not that they want you back or that they want to restart the relationship. Rather, they're shocked that they've lost all their power over you and getting a response from you (the dumpe) validates their egos in that they still have that power.

 

There's another recent poster on this site. She comes across as totally controlling, bossy, entitled, etc.. She "yelled" at her boyfriend several times. She describes the relationship as unhealthy and toxic. Well, he FINALLY reached his limits with her and ended it by ignoring her. They had limited contact based on business but then he flat vanished. Blocked her on everything. She's going absolutely crazy and is incredulous that he has the nerve to do this to her. WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS.. Your ex sounds a lot like her and you get the gist of what the silence is doing to her. If I was you, I'd be smiling alot as I thought about it.

[mg4514]

I could go either way. To reach out to your wife simply screams desperation in getting a response from you. She's like a spoiled child not accepting you ignoring her as she accustomed to getting her way, especially if she wore the pants in your relationship with her.

 

So for dumpers like her, it's now a challenge more than anything. It's not that they want you back or that they want to restart the relationship. Rather, they're shocked that they've lost all their power over you and getting a response from you (the dumpe) validates their egos in that they still have that power.

 

There's another recent poster on this site. She comes across as totally controlling, bossy, entitled, etc.. She "yelled" at her boyfriend several times. She describes the relationship as unhealthy and toxic. Well, he FINALLY reached his limits with her and ended it by ignoring her. They had limited contact based on business but then he flat vanished. Blocked her on everything. She's going absolutely crazy and is incredulous that he has the nerve to do this to her. WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS.. Your ex sounds a lot like her and you get the gist of what the silence is doing to her. If I was you, I'd be smiling alot as I thought about it.

 

OMG! This is no exaggeration. You just described her as though you've known her all these years. I won't hit on each and every point, but my mouth was wide open as I read your post.

 

With that in mind, she's only agitated/annoyed that I won't respond-NOT that she harbors any regret or feelings of loss?

 

Reading what you wrote is astounding.

[Toodaloo]

Toodaloo,

 

Can it be that simple? Seems like an awful lot just to get some juvenile kick from it.

 

That was a fantastic post by the way. Amazing insight. I never knew that people thrived on attention quite like that.

 

I truly believe she hopes for me to contact her just so she can tell me she has a new boyfriend, life is grand, blah, blah, blah.

 

Humans are really very basic and simple creatures. We like to think that we are not but we are. And it normally is something as simple and very basic like that.

 

Take all the validation you want. People who love dramas tend to exaggerate anyway so I doubt you were that big a s***...

 

I have noticed that the secure and happy people in this world are the ones who just cut that crap dead and ignore. I have started doing this and you know what? I am not perfect at it yet but damn life is so much easier and better. I feel so much happier and more free! Its a wonderful thing to not care what others think or are doing and just think about me for a change!

[VienneseCoffee]

I have to say she sounds like a stalker, probably mentally unhinged.