It's over.

[buglet78]

I feel bad for his boys (reading about how the kids were begging not to go back - heartbreaking).

 

I'm in the same spot re. being conditioned to expect that contact. It is going to feel rough tomorrow morning at around 5:40 am not getting that "good morning" text, not having a date night tomorrow night, even now when we would normally start texting each other about how our day went it's really starting to hit me that this is over.

[LaurAnn378]

You can't fix him but your really need to fix yourself. Keeping yourself in limbo for a spineless weakling? Why?

 

I don't know. That's why I'm here, I guess. I know the ways I can try to fix myself in the upcoming days and weeks, but right now I can hardly get up off the couch and get through the hours.

 

He IS a spineless weakling; but I love him. I can't wait for the day when I view him with pity and indifference, but that day isn't coming anytime soon.

 

 

I'm in the same spot re. being conditioned to expect that contact. It is going to feel rough tomorrow morning at around 5:40 am not getting that "good morning" text, not having a date night tomorrow night, even now when we would normally start texting each other about how our day went it's really starting to hit me that this is over.

 

buglet78, I'm 100% feeling your pain. He never called last night. Blessedly I just fell asleep at 8 pm but then I woke up at 4, and now it's 5 and I'm waiting for the phone to ring but I know it won't. I wonder if he'll miss talking to me all morning like we always did. I feel like I'm missing it a lot more than he is.

 

I don't know how someone goes from loving you and obsessing over you to dropping you like a bad habit. No matter how bad he claimed to feel about doing this, his silence is deafening now.

 

Normally I see his girlfriend at school drop off, and she gets my ear for 20 minutes. I'm dropping my son off at a friend's house and she'll get him to school for the foreseeable future, so I can avoid D. As curious as I am about what's going on over there, I can't bear to hear her telling me happy things about their life.

 

I'll do the same thing for school pickup; my friend will get my son and bring him back to her house and I'll pick him up from there. I want to see R so bad but I know it's pointless, and if I go there and he ignores me or acts weird towards me it'll make me even worse.

 

I hate all of this so much.

[sandylee1]

I'm glad you've found a way to avoid them at school drop off and pick up.

 

I know people have said it's none of your business ..... but safeguarding a child is everybody's business.

 

Those boys are suffering and the one parent they have left is failing woefully in his duty to protect them.

 

God forbid anything ever happened to you .... and your Ex took up with a woman who treats your little boy like this ... and he stayed there subjecting your son to her nastiness. Doesn't bear thinking about I'm sure. What would you think of your son's dad didn't protect your son?

 

Now think again. Is this the spineless invertibrate disguised as a man that you really want to be with?

[BTDT2012]

My original post was so long that there was a lot I couldn't get in. Her and I got to know each other this year, so I saw firsthand how she treated the kids and him. She has few friends because of her personality, but she took a liking to me and another friend of mine, and would trash him and the boys every chance she got.

Why would you befriend her knowing you were having sneaking around with her man? Edited October 17, 2016 by BTDT2012

[elaine567]

Why would you befriend her knowing you were having sneaking around with her man?

 

I noticed that too...

[Asenok baby]

Why don't you write a letter and what pain he does to you

Make a comparison of advantages and disadvantages.

Then burnt it. It's a very powerful healing process.

 

Seriously, you seem like a wonderful woman.

Imagine he would back again,then any time can left you out of blue. How much more you like to sacrifice you time.

 

My advice is be grateful that man like that left you..

When door closes ,another door opens.

 

 

You have you kid and it's important as a parent give stability and reliable relationship.

 

Can he provides it all?

 

Just forgive and forget about him

 

Put yourself first and kid.

 

Really appreciate that's it's over

[Miss Clavel]

 

I don't know what to do with myself. And even if I did, I wouldn't want to get up and do it.

 

whiskey?

 

 

p.s. how do you want to play this? is it really over? i mean, NC for sure but...

[Cloudcuckoo]

I'm glad you've found a way to avoid them at school drop off and pick up.

 

I know people have said it's none of your business ..... but safeguarding a child is everybody's business.

 

Those boys are suffering and the one parent they have left is failing woefully in his duty to protect them.

 

God forbid anything ever happened to you .... and your Ex took up with a woman who treats your little boy like this ... and he stayed there subjecting your son to her nastiness. Doesn't bear thinking about I'm sure. What would you think of your son's dad didn't protect your son?

 

Now think again. Is this the spineless invertibrate disguised as a man that you really want to be with?

 

^^^^^^^^^ this! A MILLION TIMES.........

[Cyra]

But it's 7:00 and I'm here waiting for him to call me, praying he'll call me, this sad pathetic horrible man who doesn't deserve even one of these tears.

 

Did you not say you blocked his number?

[LaurAnn378]

What a day so far.

 

As far as me befriending her--yes, it was a completely awful thing to do. In May they moved from one house into a house across the street from the school. I'd only been around her a handful of times before then, because she'd drop the kids off in the car at the front door and go. Once they moved, she started walking to school and would stop and talk to me. I didn't know how to avoid her or turn my back and cut it short when she knew that R and I were close. Basically I was afraid that being unfriendly or short with her would raise suspicions. From there she just took a liking to me for a while and when summer came, she took to dropping over whenever she felt like it. So that's how that happened. It was all part of the cover up, all part of the sham.

 

I did block his number on Saturday but I unblocked it in a fit of panic yesterday. Nothing last night but at 5:45 this morning he called from another number.

 

And he's all over the map. He loves me, he misses me, she keeps asking what's wrong and he can't tell her I'M what's wrong, he wants us to be friends even though he doesn't know how we could ever be "just friends..." I bullied him into confessing that he slept with her this weekend, out of my sick twisted need to know, then lost it when he said yes.

 

You see, she started realizing something was wrong when he couldn't get an erection for her anymore around August. So I'm amazed that he can magically get an erection all the sudden.

 

He kept asking me not to hate him, saying how can I claim to love the boys and now deny them play dates and not want them over anymore, telling me he's mentally a mess but if I cut him off then I'm not giving "us" any shot anymore.

 

The conversation was a huge mess of jumbled emotions on both sides, until I hung up on him and texted him that that's why we shouldn't talk...because all I'm going to do is abuse him and ask questions that aren't my business. He tried me again a few hours later but I didn't pick up.

 

And that's that. Here I am back to crying and waiting.

[Cyra]

He kept asking me not to hate him, saying how can I claim to love the boys and now deny them play dates and not want them over anymore, telling me he's mentally a mess but if I cut him off then I'm not giving "us" any shot anymore.

 

Sorry but this man is a joke. So now it's YOUR FAULT that you are not giving him a shot? Seriously?? After he left you to go back to her and then had sex with her! And trying to emotionally blackmail you over the kids?

That is ridiculous.

 

Genuinely block him delete him dont answer any unknown numbers. This guy is bad news! You are so much better off without him. Imagine what he would be putting you through if you were together!

 

Does his gf know about your relationship?

[LaurAnn378]

He just called me a few minutes ago. As I mentioned earlier, we have another mutual friend--an angel, actually--who is going to be dropping off picking up my son from school for the foreseeable future. I'd told him I would do this. But when he got to the school a few minutes ago he called me losing it because I wasn't there. "Laur, don't do this Laur, don't ruin the boys' friendships, the boys are so close, they need their play dates, I wanted a play date this week, our mistakes shouldn't affect the boys, Laur." Flipping out.

 

He also said D already questioned him about why I wasn't at drop off this morning. He claimed not to know. So he's panicking about that. That if I really go ghost and I'm never at the school and there are no more play dates, it'll raise her suspicions even further. I said I don't care, that it's his problem to sort out.

 

As for her knowing about him and me: she knows but has no solid proof other than knowing that him and I are very close, and he played house with me all her workdays since June, and he left to MY house when he left. She's told him outright that she thinks he's cheating with me but has never let that on to me. However, she thinks it only started in August, not back in November. She's not stupid. She knows without knowing for sure.

 

And he's right: me dropping out and disappearing is going to make her even more suspicious and right now I do not care. She knew and begged and pleaded him to come back anyway, mainly because her ego couldn't handle him leaving for another woman. If he'd left and gone to a mans house, or his mother's house, she wouldn't have given a care. Last time she didn't care at all.

[BTDT2012]

And he's all over the map. He loves me, he misses me, she keeps asking what's wrong and he can't tell her I'M what's wrong,

 

She doesn't know he was at your house for 5 days?

 

Don't take anymore calls from him. He wants to keep you as a sidepiece. For whatever reason, he decided after staying with you he preferred to be elsewhere. Don't let him play you.

[Cyra]

He also said D already questioned him about why I wasn't at drop off this morning. He claimed not to know. So he's panicking about that. That if I really go ghost and I'm never at the school and there are no more play dates, it'll raise her suspicions even further. I said I don't care, that it's his problem to sort out.

 

Haha this man is unbelievable! Let me get this straight.. YOU should keep seeing him at school and having play dates with his kids, so that SHE is not suspicious and HE does not get into trouble?

 

Seriously, I am lost for words. Please girl do yourself a favor and blank him completely!

[elaine567]

He's as obsessed with her as he was with me. Honestly there were times I watched him with her this year and wondered why he was even cheating with me when he was straight obsessed with her. Not in a loving way, not in an affectionate way, just in a had-to-be-on-top-of-her way. Doesn't want her but doesn't want anyone else to have her; same as she is with him.

And you really believed this?

 

You see, she started realizing something was wrong when he couldn't get an erection for her anymore around August. So I'm amazed that he can magically get an erection all the sudden.

Yeah sure...

He was a cake eater, a man with two besotted women willing to do just about anything for him. What's not to like?

[aileD]

Your kids will find new friends he's using that to guilt you.

 

Move the hell away.

 

He's toxic. He's a liar. Why doesn't he just dump his wife and be with you?

 

Don't answer that because they are ALL excuses.

 

He's so bad for you. Don't worry about what anyone thinks about you ghosting him. Just do it. Wife already suspects so you dont have to pretend for her sake.

 

What a mess.

[LaurAnn378]

She doesn't know he was at your house for 5 days?

 

Don't take anymore calls from him. He wants to keep you as a sidepiece. For whatever reason, he decided after staying with you he preferred to be elsewhere. Don't let him play you.

 

No, she knows he was here. It was 9 days, not that it matters since he left in the end.

 

Yeah, now he's super mad that I'M ruining the kids' friendships. My house was the meeting house; nobody goes to their house, or the other family's house. It really does sort of kill the play dates for his kids but like I keep telling him, they'll make new friends and see each other at school. He's flipping out over it but I warned him that everything was going to end, EVERYTHING, last week.

 

And I'm not being spiteful--I just really can't mentally handle seeing his kids right now. I can barely care for my OWN kid right now. I can't have play dates where everyone comes over and I pretend I'm fine with him and I being just friends. I can't. I'll break even further.

 

The last thing he screamed at me was "and accept my friend request!", meaning on Facebook, but I don't have a request from him and if I did I wouldn't accept it anyway. I'm sure he's worried that she'll see that we're not FB friends anymore (if she hasn't gone checking for that already) and start questioning him further.

[Jemima1234]

What a day so far.

 

As far as me befriending her--yes, it was a completely awful thing to do. In May they moved from one house into a house across the street from the school. I'd only been around her a handful of times before then, because she'd drop the kids off in the car at the front door and go. Once they moved, she started walking to school and would stop and talk to me. I didn't know how to avoid her or turn my back and cut it short when she knew that R and I were close. Basically I was afraid that being unfriendly or short with her would raise suspicions. From there she just took a liking to me for a while and when summer came, she took to dropping over whenever she felt like it. So that's how that happened. It was all part of the cover up, all part of the sham.

 

I did block his number on Saturday but I unblocked it in a fit of panic yesterday. Nothing last night but at 5:45 this morning he called from another number.

 

And he's all over the map. He loves me, he misses me, she keeps asking what's wrong and he can't tell her I'M what's wrong, he wants us to be friends even though he doesn't know how we could ever be "just friends..." I bullied him into confessing that he slept with her this weekend, out of my sick twisted need to know, then lost it when he said yes.

 

You see, she started realizing something was wrong when he couldn't get an erection for her anymore around August. So I'm amazed that he can magically get an erection all the sudden.

 

He kept asking me not to hate him, saying how can I claim to love the boys and now deny them play dates and not want them over anymore, telling me he's mentally a mess but if I cut him off then I'm not giving "us" any shot anymore.

 

The conversation was a huge mess of jumbled emotions on both sides, until I hung up on him and texted him that that's why we shouldn't talk...because all I'm going to do is abuse him and ask questions that aren't my business. He tried me again a few hours later but I didn't pick up.

 

And that's that. Here I am back to crying and waiting.[/quote

 

Oh am so sorry to read all this! Must be very painful for you. Especially that he slept with her! So sorry

[aileD]

No, she knows he was here. It was 9 days, not that it matters since he left in the end.

 

Yeah, now he's super mad that I'M ruining the kids' friendships. My house was the meeting house; nobody goes to their house, or the other family's house. It really does sort of kill the play dates for his kids but like I keep telling him, they'll make new friends and see each other at school. He's flipping out over it but I warned him that everything was going to end, EVERYTHING, last week.

 

And I'm not being spiteful--I just really can't mentally handle seeing his kids right now. I can barely care for my OWN kid right now. I can't have play dates where everyone comes over and I pretend I'm fine with him and I being just friends. I can't. I'll break even further.

 

The last thing he screamed at me was "and accept my friend request!", meaning on Facebook, but I don't have a request from him and if I did I wouldn't accept it anyway. I'm sure he's worried that she'll see that we're not FB friends anymore (if she hasn't gone checking for that already) and start questioning him further.

 

 

Oh my god are you serious? It makes me wonder if his wife is abused. Y home (emotionally)!

 

You are dodging a bullet! How old are the kids? It's not like you can't have the kids over WITHOUT him if you wanted

 

Hold your ground. Threaten to tell his wife if he keeps on bothering you.

[LaurAnn378]

Oh my god are you serious? It makes me wonder if his wife is abused. Y home (emotionally)!

 

You are dodging a bullet! How old are the kids? It's not like you can't have the kids over WITHOUT him if you wanted

 

Hold your ground. Threaten to tell his wife if he keeps on bothering you.

 

Oh no, she's not abused. She's the abuser. I think that's why he likes his relationship with me; he's in charge and he can manipulate me. At home she's the man, she's in charge, and he's her lapdog.

 

His kids are 7 and 8. I know I could have the kids over without him, but right now it's really, really too painful to imagine doing that. I don't even want to see him to have him drop them off or pick them up.

[elaine567]

He sounds like he is losing it, his nice cosy little double life just came apart at the seams and he is now soooo worried his gf is going to find out for certain about his cheating ways.

 

My guess is that she probably didn't rate you as OW material and no doubt he did his best to put her off the scent too.

[Joie]

**snort**

First you are making the kid thing to complicated. They live across the street. They are 7 and 8. I am sure they can figure out how to come across the street and ask if little so and so can play. Your kids don't need organized play dates at that age. An frankly, it is sad that BOTH of you are clearly using your kids to carry on an affair.

 

This guy sucks and I don't say that lightly. Either he is a liar or he is willing to let his children be miserable. It doesn't matter, that is no one you want to be in a relationship with.

 

Cut this guy out of your life! Best of luck.

[LaurAnn378]

**snort**

First you are making the kid thing to complicated. They live across the street. They are 7 and 8. I am sure they can figure out how to come across the street and ask if little so and so can play. Your kids don't need organized play dates at that age. An frankly, it is sad that BOTH of you are clearly using your kids to carry on an affair.

 

You're right. I'm very guilty of that. We've been doing that all along and I never liked myself for it. I've done a lot of things to keep this affair going that are not "me." A lot. And I don't like myself for it.

 

They live across the street from the school, not from my house. Play dates involve someone driving and picking up. Sure, they could get dropped off and picked up at my door and I could ignore him, but at this point I can hardly manage to stand up and take care of my own son, let alone supervise 4 children.

 

Anyway.

 

I should really put him back on block, but I'm failing at that right now. I had therapy yesterday and we talked about how this man is like a drug to me, an addiction, and quitting cold turkey is the best way. But I'm failing at that.

 

He called me last night and basically let me scream at him for an hour. He is sorry, he knows he's an idiot, he doesn't know why he went back, he just has to give their relationship another shot. He misses me. Yeah, I'll bet! He claims that he's leaving her at the first sign of mistreatment (sure). He wants us to be friends, although he doesn't know how he'll ever be "just friends" with me when his feelings for me are so strong.

 

"I had everything I wanted there with you until she got in my head...I don't know how to be happy, I messed it all up." And how he's so so so sorry he did this to me, he hates hearing me this way, he can't stand what I've turned into. Yeah. Whatever.

 

I'm just rejecting all his BS and throwing it back in his face...but I was climbing the walls until he called me.

 

And he called me at 5:30 this morning like always, but the first thing he said was "If I get stuck [at an appointment] tomorrow, can you pick the boys up from school?" Like I always would have done. I said NO, I WON'T, she can figure out a way to wake up and pick up her children. No more bailing him out and playing second wife to fill all the duties she can't possibly fill because she works and sleeps all the time.

 

Then we got off the phone because I said I had nothing to say. If I start talking I'm just going to hurl abuse at him which he deserves (and will take) but there's no point.

 

I will hurt him more by not being available, by not taking the calls, by disappearing. So I'm tempted to try to do that, much as it'll bother and hurt me to not speak to him, but that's not the point, either--I should be cutting him out of my life for real, for myself, not to play a game and hurt him and keep him after me.

[aileD]

He sounds like an 8 year old too

[BuddyX]

Umm, why are you picking up the phone when he's calling? Do you enjoy the drama?

 

Put the following on your phone, fridge or in a notebook (somewhere you can see it).

 

I will not be your "sometimes"