SoThatHappened Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 It's your attitude, man. Plain and simple. Same attitude we came down on you for in one of your previous threads. If you're as smart as you claim, you'd see this and fix it. Women tend to not like defeatists with a "holier than thou" attitude. Go get your ball from out of your closet and bring it back to the field. 1
Author ZA Dater Posted October 21, 2016 Author Posted October 21, 2016 It's your attitude, man. Plain and simple. Same attitude we came down on you for in one of your previous threads. If you're as smart as you claim, you'd see this and fix it. Women tend to not like defeatists with a "holier than thou" attitude. Go get your ball from out of your closet and bring it back to the field. Thanks. I wasn't defeatist on this date at all, I suspect the real reason was a dire lack of physical attraction more than any personality attribute. Cant really change how I look so yes perhaps what I can get doesn't match up to what I want. Which I fine, I'd rather have nothing than something I don't want. Unlike many I refuse to resort to "that will do". Oh, and isn't dating supposed to be fun, strange I have never found it so, its nothing more than a job interview.
kmack513 Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 Keep your head up ZA, don't really know what to tell you other than there are girls out there you are compatible with.
elaine567 Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 Oh, and isn't dating supposed to be fun, strange I have never found it so, its nothing more than a job interview. And isn't that another one of your issues - too business-like. Negative, arrogant, cold, business like,
Author ZA Dater Posted October 21, 2016 Author Posted October 21, 2016 Keep your head up ZA, don't really know what to tell you other than there are girls out there you are compatible with. Thanks but I decided today to just give up. I'll enjoy the things I can and chase the material things I like. I can't think of any good reason to keep at it, sure it would have been nice to be wanted but that ain't going to happen. Wish things were different but they are not.
elaine567 Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 Unless you start warming up, lightening up, and put away the arrogant, and business like demeanour, then you will get nowhere fast. Some woman may be willing to give you a try, but I doubt she would get past your rigorous selection procedure. In order to be successful, something has got to "give", and as you don't want to end up with just anyone for the sake of it, then I suggest the thing to "give" is you. 2
kmack513 Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 Thanks but I decided today to just give up. I'll enjoy the things I can and chase the material things I like. I can't think of any good reason to keep at it, sure it would have been nice to be wanted but that ain't going to happen. Wish things were different but they are not. That isn't a bad idea, you just might accidentally bump into someone you like.
joseb Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 Thanks. I suspect the real reason was a dire lack of physical attraction more than any personality attribute. Cant really change how I look so yes perhaps what I can get doesn't match up to what I want. Oh, and isn't dating supposed to be fun, strange I have never found it so, its nothing more than a job interview. You are right, lack of physical attraction. Why? Because you didn't create any. She was willing to go on a date, so you were obviously good looking enough for her to meet. I think what you don't seem to understand is that attraction needs to be created. And that's done with tone, mood setting conversation, flirting, banter, body language, some physical touch. Which leads to...a fun date. It's not created by having interview like dates. And it's not created by 'selling' yourself. 7
NuevoYorko Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 Well here is what I don't understand. You must not sell yourself but you must make the person want you as much as you want them? Seems pretty much impossible to me to achieve that without some degree of selling. So do you actually, honestly believe that all the couples you see around you every day are only paired up because one, or both of them are sell-outs or have very low standards? 1
Author ZA Dater Posted October 22, 2016 Author Posted October 22, 2016 You are right, lack of physical attraction. Why? Because you didn't create any. She was willing to go on a date, so you were obviously good looking enough for her to meet. I think what you don't seem to understand is that attraction needs to be created. And that's done with tone, mood setting conversation, flirting, banter, body language, some physical touch. Which leads to...a fun date. It's not created by having interview like dates. And it's not created by 'selling' yourself. You are right I don't understand that. For me someone is either attractive within 30 min or they are not. Mood setting, sound like interior design to me. I don't understand any of those things to be quite honest. Just seems like more subjective things which are impossible to determine. Here I thought selling myself have the person a reason to like me. Oh well. This illustrates perfectly why I can't be bothered with dating anymore.
Author ZA Dater Posted October 22, 2016 Author Posted October 22, 2016 So do you actually, honestly believe that all the couples you see around you every day are only paired up because one, or both of them are sell-outs or have very low standards? No I believe that mostly attraction has nothibg to do with intangibles and everything to do with how the person is seen on society how well they integrate with their friends, how many friends they have, what sort of experiences they can offer. Yes I believe a lot of people simply settle and I can partly understand why when this is called fun activity called dating is so dam tough.
Author ZA Dater Posted October 22, 2016 Author Posted October 22, 2016 Unless you start warming up, lightening up, and put away the arrogant, and business like demeanour, then you will get nowhere fast. Some woman may be willing to give you a try, but I doubt she would get past your rigorous selection procedure. In order to be successful, something has got to "give", and as you don't want to end up with just anyone for the sake of it, then I suggest the thing to "give" is you. Or I just concede defeat and do my own thing. Probably better, I am who I am and if people don't like that well. I'd rather feel ok about myself than be rejected all the time. A misfit i can live with being dejected, not really. I concede nothing with me us fundamentally right in terms of dating and so be it. I have given more than enough, tried hard enough and got nothing positive from it so why bother continuing. Yes there won't be
Moves Like Jagger Posted October 23, 2016 Posted October 23, 2016 Or I just concede defeat and do my own thing. Probably better, I am who I am and if people don't like that well. I'd rather feel ok about myself than be rejected all the time. A misfit i can live with being dejected, not really. I concede nothing with me us fundamentally right in terms of dating and so be it. I have given more than enough, tried hard enough and got nothing positive from it so why bother continuing. Yes there won't be I think one mistake you made is that "newer" is "better". Online dating is a a really convenient way of dating. No driving from one part of a city to another. No getting stuck in traffic and looking for parking. You don't have to worry about girls in bars acting rude and bad mouthing you in front of her friends. The downside is that other guys know that online dating is convenient too. Girls get hit on a lot more online than in real life. As a result, they can be a lot more pickier about looks. Imagine a bar where 70% of the bar patrons are guys and 30% are women. Not only that, but all the guys there have no fear of approaching women. I suspect that the woman rejected you because you were her 7th or 8th date of the month and there were other guys you were competing against. I don't think that you did "enough". I already talked about dating coaches already. However, I think that you didn't give it your all when exploring social circle and bars and nightclubs. It sounds like that offline, people just didn't talk to you. Sometimes, you're going to have the bite the bullet and create the chemistry by approaching and doing most of the talking at the beginning. Sometimes, you get rejected harshly. That's life. I never seen you create a thread about what happened at a bar or a singles group. Nothing about how you suspect that one of the girls in your social circle developed a crush on you. Nothing about what you should say in the bar. You keep on mentioning how you don't drink when we recommended "bars" as just a place to practice your skills.
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