So I had a date.

[ZA Dater]

I don't understand why you are viewing this as a failure and being all down on yourself?

 

You went out, met a nice woman, had a lovely date and from the sounds of it you had a great time.

 

Instead of regarding this in such a negative light take the experience going forwards and concentrate on the positives. "I had a great time, I proved to myself that I can engage a nice woman in conversation and interest her with what I have to say."

 

You mention that there was a bit of an age gap? Perhaps she too was conscious of this and although she would have loved to pursue some further dates with you/ jump your bones she just couldn't get over the age gap.

 

No experience with OLD but from the outside it looks like a bit of a minefield.

 

I personally feel you are pushing this too much and expecting too much from the outcome. Relax, enjoy yourself, have fun and great convos and the rest will take care of itself.

 

I know this has probably been suggested to you but can't you join some sort of organisation, club or sporting activity? A man with interests, passions and a career is a very marketable man indeed.

 

Ya know, even Mr Stud McStudlypants doesn't always get the girl. You're at an added disadvantage because you are understandably a bit unsure of yourself.

 

I honestly feel that you are the kind of guy who will find love and companionship sneaks up on you on your blind side when you are least expecting it.

 

I'll put my cards on the table for the sake of the forum.

 

My passion is supercars, I am in the fortunate position that I get to drive them often and write about then equally often. My other interests are politics and world affairs as well as writing. I currently near 50k words into a fictional novel. I also manage a rather exclusive mutual interest club. I spent time out doors and on the beach.

 

I work extremely hard, I try to be articulate, thoughtful and take an interesting in people who grab me. The last two words are important.

 

My passion allows me to live in a very diverse world, one which most cannot relate to. I have quite proud of my business successes and the fact I beat the odds in many respects. However I have zero inclination to boast and sell myself unless people ask.

 

What people need to understand is I am looking for a very specific type of person, one I find extremely rarely. If I am going to bring someone into my world and the things I do they need to have certain non negotiable attributes.

 

The age gap was 5 years which is hardly massive. I don't see the positive mentioned above because I am about the end result that being a second date. Its for this precise reason I find dating so draining. I just never ever get there.

 

I have always maintained if I am going to date it must be with someone I like who ticks the boxes and can integrate with me, i.e. intellectually and in truth very few people do.

 

I have always been perfectly happy to compromise once I have met that person but I am not prepared to compromise to try and meet he person, that implies taking myself back to a time where I did compromise and tried to be someone I was not hoping it would make me more attractive. It didn't work at all.

 

For me its just better to walk away because all these dating experiences just poison everything else.

[Wade Lamare]

Well therein may lie your problem chap.

 

You've set up an almost impossible set of criteria for a girl to match (I assume from the looks of your post) and then complain when nobody meets those criteria.

 

I still think you are trying way too hard. Just relax, have a giggle, a bit of fun and let your hair down.

[ZA Dater]

Well therein may lie your problem chap.

 

You've set up an almost impossible set of criteria for a girl to match (I assume from the looks of your post) and then complain when nobody meets those criteria.

 

I still think you are trying way too hard. Just relax, have a giggle, a bit of fun and let your hair down.

 

Its not impossible at all.

 

I don't ever let my hair down so it was nice to meet someone as intense and driven as me.

 

At least I know I am done now, been there got the rejection T shirt.

[insert_name]

I'll put my cards on the table for the sake of the forum.

 

My passion is supercars, I am in the fortunate position that I get to drive them often and write about then equally often. My other interests are politics and world affairs as well as writing. I currently near 50k words into a fictional novel. I also manage a rather exclusive mutual interest club. I spent time out doors and on the beach.

 

I work extremely hard, I try to be articulate, thoughtful and take an interesting in people who grab me. The last two words are important.

 

My passion allows me to live in a very diverse world, one which most cannot relate to. I have quite proud of my business successes and the fact I beat the odds in many respects. However I have zero inclination to boast and sell myself unless people ask.

 

What people need to understand is I am looking for a very specific type of person, one I find extremely rarely. If I am going to bring someone into my world and the things I do they need to have certain non negotiable attributes.

 

The age gap was 5 years which is hardly massive. I don't see the positive mentioned above because I am about the end result that being a second date. Its for this precise reason I find dating so draining. I just never ever get there.

 

I have always maintained if I am going to date it must be with someone I like who ticks the boxes and can integrate with me, i.e. intellectually and in truth very few people do.

 

I have always been perfectly happy to compromise once I have met that person but I am not prepared to compromise to try and meet he person, that implies taking myself back to a time where I did compromise and tried to be someone I was not hoping it would make me more attractive. It didn't work at all.

 

For me its just better to walk away because all these dating experiences just poison everything else.

 

Well that changes my opinion a bit. With the utmost respect OP, with the way your responses in this thread have been so 'woe is me' this new information makes you come across like a child who cries on Christmas Morning because his parents didn't buy him a top of the range mountain bike with 52 gears, front suspension....in desert rose red.

 

It is okay to have standards, in fact for a guy I would say it is great to value yourself in that way (women are always being told they are the prize and never to settle so guys should do it too) but I don't think you can justifiably complain as you are doing and coming across like the world is against you when realistically only a very small percentage of the female population is going to be good enough for you. You are complaining about your luck because you can't find a needle in a haystack!

 

I myself have very exacting standards: hourglass figure, extrovert, long hair, very feminine etc. I'm not really willing to compromise on any of it but at the same time I accept that I am most likely pricing myself out of the dating game because I won't date the women who would date me. That is the way it goes, if you are going to limit yourself in that way you have to accept that there are consequences to doing that and it is not the world's fault, it is you exercising your choice to be single rather than settle.

[Wade Lamare]

Its not impossible at all.

 

I don't ever let my hair down so it was nice to meet someone as intense and driven as me.

 

At least I know I am done now, been there got the rejection T shirt.

 

I actually said almost impossible.

 

In a further post you wrote the below. My bolding.

 

I have always maintained if I am going to date it must be with someone I like who ticks the boxes and can integrate with me, i.e. intellectually and in truth very few people do.

 

If your criteria are such that very few people are able to meet them then I think that is a fairly good definition of 'almost impossible to meet'.

[ZA Dater]

Well that changes my opinion a bit. With the utmost respect OP, with the way your responses in this thread have been so 'woe is me' this new information makes you come across like a child who cries on Christmas Morning because his parents didn't buy him a top of the range mountain bike with 52 gears, front suspension....in desert rose red.

 

It is okay to have standards, in fact for a guy I would say it is great to value yourself in that way (women are always being told they are the prize and never to settle so guys should do it too) but I don't think you can justifiably complain as you are doing and coming across like the world is against you when realistically only a very small percentage of the female population is going to be good enough for you. You are complaining about your luck because you can't find a needle in a haystack!

 

I myself have very exacting standards: hourglass figure, extrovert, long hair, very feminine etc. I'm not really willing to compromise on any of it but at the same time I accept that I am most likely pricing myself out of the dating game because I won't date the women who would date me. That is the way it goes, if you are going to limit yourself in that way you have to accept that there are consequences to doing that and it is not the world's fault, it is you exercising your choice to be single rather than settle.

 

What would date me is so totally and utterly incompatible I would rather just pay if I ever get desperate enough before I would ever go out with the admittedly few people who would date me.

[ZA Dater]

I actually said almost impossible.

 

In a further post you wrote the below. My bolding.

 

 

 

If your criteria are such that very few people are able to meet them then I think that is a fairly good definition of 'almost impossible to meet'.

 

Oh well I guess I am just floundering around in the impossibility of dating. Now you get why rejection continuously hurts as much as it does.

 

For what its worth I haven't heard from her today either.

Edited October 17, 2016 by ZA Dater

[insert_name]

What would date me is so totally and utterly incompatible I would rather just pay if I ever get desperate enough before I would ever go out with the admittedly few people who would date me.

 

Well there you go- stop being depressed, embrace the fact that you still have a choice here and have chosen to be single and (again, with respect) stop wallowing in your misery and disappointment. Look on the bright side....

[Wade Lamare]

Oh well I guess I am just floundering around in the impossibility of dating. Now you get why rejection continuously hurts as much as it does.

 

For what its worth I haven't heard from her today either.

 

Rejection!

 

Meh!

 

Try this one.

 

I really fancied this girl, mooned after her with love sick eyes, the works.

 

One weekend I gathered my courage, got nicely dressed up and got into my open top sports car.

 

I must have driven past her place a dozen times trying to screw up that last little bit of courage to ask her out. I probably looked like some crazy stalker dude.

 

Knocked on her door and she answered. "gulp". I saw she had a group of girlfriends behind her which wasn't ideal in my estimation.

 

So I simply said "Hi, I was just wondering if you fancy going out for spin somewhere."

 

 

 

 

And....................................................

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She laughed at me.

 

 

 

 

 

Holy cow, all I wanted to do was crawl into a hole and pull the top over my head.

 

But guess what, once I'd licked my wounds and tried again the next girl I asked said "love to" and we had a great time.

 

If you're shy, and like me a bit fugly the odd success in amongst the rejections tasted that much sweeter.

[ThorntonMelon]

ZA - from how you describe yourself, you and I view the world very similarly. So maybe this will help - and I am not going to blow any sunshine at you at all.

 

First of all, you have a 6 page thread devoted to basically a standard first date. You should realize this is because you're touching a nerve in many of us - the frustration of wanting so badly for things to go right, and then realizing completely out of your control that they didn't.

 

If you're anything like me you're a driven guy, busy, and used to being in control of your affairs. By its nature, dating relies on you completely being out of control of the other person's reaction and feelings - no matter if you "execute" the date flawlessly, if she isn't interested, it isn't going anywhere. There is no "try harder" or "do better".

 

So for 3-4 years I viewed it exactly like you - a waste of time. Most dates were terrible, but to a degree it was a self fulfilling prophecy. I went in with a failed mentality.

 

So my advice to you is simple - do a quick self evaluation - if you're being 100% honest with yourself, what trait do people most like about you and which trait do you feel they try and help you with?

 

For me it was people love how blunt and honest and open I am, but my close family gets on me sometimes because I have a need to overexplain and beat things to death.

 

So I started dating focused solely on three things. 1) Show that open, honest side of me. 2) Try like hell not to beat things to death; 3 (MOST IMPORTANT) - Dates 1 and 2 are about nothing more than whether I am interested in her. I don't spend any energy worrying about whether she likes me. She is applying for the job of my girlfriend.

 

Now, in real life, it doesn't come off that way, it's like any other activity - you get the fundamentals right and everything else runs smoother. You are not on a date to impress her - you are on a date to be yourself, to find someone to share what an awesome life you have and if she wants to impress you she will. And if she doesn't then her loss.

 

I will tell you that just doing that changed my outcome drastically.

 

Also, lastly, make sure you own two outfits that you feel you look really good in and make sure you wear them on your dates. That little bit of confidence makes an absolutely huge difference.

 

Don't stop dating. You quit and the only loser is you.

[GemmaUK]

I'll put my cards on the table for the sake of the forum.

 

My passion is supercars, I am in the fortunate position that I get to drive them often and write about then equally often. My other interests are politics and world affairs as well as writing. I currently near 50k words into a fictional novel. I also manage a rather exclusive mutual interest club. I spent time out doors and on the beach.

 

I work extremely hard, I try to be articulate, thoughtful and take an interesting in people who grab me. The last two words are important.

 

My passion allows me to live in a very diverse world, one which most cannot relate to. I have quite proud of my business successes and the fact I beat the odds in many respects. However I have zero inclination to boast and sell myself unless people ask.

 

What people need to understand is I am looking for a very specific type of person, one I find extremely rarely. If I am going to bring someone into my world and the things I do they need to have certain non negotiable attributes.

 

The age gap was 5 years which is hardly massive. I don't see the positive mentioned above because I am about the end result that being a second date. Its for this precise reason I find dating so draining. I just never ever get there.

 

I have always maintained if I am going to date it must be with someone I like who ticks the boxes and can integrate with me, i.e. intellectually and in truth very few people do.

 

I have always been perfectly happy to compromise once I have met that person but I am not prepared to compromise to try and meet he person, that implies taking myself back to a time where I did compromise and tried to be someone I was not hoping it would make me more attractive. It didn't work at all.

 

For me its just better to walk away because all these dating experiences just poison everything else.

 

So, to get this all straight you don't talk about all this unless someone asks but also you need them to be equally as passionate about these things as you are?

So she has to be passionate about your driving, your opinions on world affairs, your opinions on politics and your writing?

It's not very clear so I'm just wanting to clarify.

 

 

And, did she respond to your dinner request which you sent yesterday in any way at all?

[ZA Dater]

Well there you go- stop being depressed, embrace the fact that you still have a choice here and have chosen to be single and (again, with respect) stop wallowing in your misery and disappointment. Look on the bright side....

 

I think you misread what you quoted.

[ZA Dater]

Rejection!

 

Meh!

 

Try this one.

 

I really fancied this girl, mooned after her with love sick eyes, the works.

 

One weekend I gathered my courage, got nicely dressed up and got into my open top sports car.

 

I must have driven past her place a dozen times trying to screw up that last little bit of courage to ask her out. I probably looked like some crazy stalker dude.

 

Knocked on her door and she answered. "gulp". I saw she had a group of girlfriends behind her which wasn't ideal in my estimation.

 

So I simply said "Hi, I was just wondering if you fancy going out for spin somewhere."

 

 

 

 

And....................................................

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She laughed at me.

 

 

 

 

 

Holy cow, all I wanted to do was crawl into a hole and pull the top over my head.

 

But guess what, once I'd licked my wounds and tried again the next girl I asked said "love to" and we had a great time.

 

If you're shy, and like me a bit fugly the odd success in amongst the rejections tasted that much sweeter.

 

Agree, must been a terrible experience. Which is why is never so something like that because the odds would never be in my favour. Kudos and respect for trying it and succeeding eventually.

 

I would find it much easier if I had some success but I simply never had, what I do have is a bitter taste of consistent rejection.

[ZA Dater]

So, to get this all straight you don't talk about all this unless someone asks but also you need them to be equally as passionate about these things as you are?

So she has to be passionate about your driving, your opinions on world affairs, your opinions on politics and your writing?

It's not very clear so I'm just wanting to clarify.

 

 

And, did she respond to your dinner request which you sent yesterday in any way at all?

 

Can have completely different passions but in terms of knowledge it's good that she has some worldly knowledge. Not a word from her at all.

 

She just needs to able to speak, well spoken and carry herself with class.

 

Needless to say I feel really down. And it doesn't help much I have nobody to talk to. So thanks everyone for listening.

[AMJ]

Hi again ZA,

 

I suppose, if other guys say it is possible for a woman to hang out with you on a first date for 3 hours and never want to see you again (really though guys? why do ladies do this? in this case it was just ice cream so the date/activity itself should have been over in 30 minutes) then I am mistaken. I personally wouldn't do that, my time is valuable and I think it's rude to waste other people's time. Though I admit, I've dated people for various amounts of time well knowing I saw no long-term potential, but just enjoyed their company for a short while anyway. But isn't that the whole point of dating?

 

I get criticized often for over thinking things- especially by guys I date. But when I fail at achieving something I want, it's pretty much my natural instinct to pick apart what happened and how I could have done it differently. I am an analytical and critical person, some people are exhausted by that and others intrigued. I've learned to tone it down in most social or workplace situations, because it can be overwhelming or off-putting for lots of people. But then I met a boatload of likeminded critical thinking people in grad school, and never felt like a weirdo with that crowd. So, there are other people in the world like you. May not be easy to find, sure. But they're out there.

 

So when people say "you're overthinking things" to me, that sort of remark is almost telling me to not be the person I am at my core. And why would I do that? To find an unfulfilling relationship? Critical people are introspective and considerate, and I think we may find it's more difficult to find a compatible partner- but we may be more likely to last with that person.

 

My best friend for example, has been in a relationship always, since we were kids. She's maybe been on five dates her entire life. And she's always in unhappy relationships, because she's complacent and is terrified of being alone. It would be good for someone like that to be more critical when picking a partner.

 

And sometimes for people who tend to be more critical, we should learn to let go a little bit and not try so hard. When you mention that you didn't want to appear like you were needy/clingy, I was thinking, well that may have come off as uninterested. It's not needy to ask her out for date 2 right away, not at all. I think when women are interested, we want you to ask us out again right away.

 

Needy or clingy is sending her texts all day long, or asking for a level of commitment that's unrealistic too early on, like- will you be my girlfriend and come meet my parents next tuesday.

 

Consider that if she's as wonderful as you describe, she's also used to men pursuing her. I think women sometimes are used to men being very aggressive to get our attention, and so we become used to a certain level of interest and think that anything less is not genuine.

Which is why the emails that just say "hello" don't get responses and maybe you need to ask a woman out 2-3 times before she says yes.

 

I think that most people who are over the age of 30 have had their heart broken at least once. Maybe she's extra careful because she doesn't want to get hurt again. And if you seem uninterested, she doesn't take you seriously.

 

And then the other thought is she could be hyper sensitive to quirky things- like one friend of mine, who wouldn't go out with a guy because of the specific words he used to ask her out. I can't remember exactly what he did that she didn't like, but I thought it was odd of her to turn him down for that reason. He wasn't rude or anything, but she wanted a well written date proposal and instead it was something like, "Drinks on tuesday?" and I guess that was a big no-go for her.

 

And another thing- is that she could be dealing with something big totally unrelated to you. A huge project at work, a family issue, the things that cause us to not respond to texts in timely manner are endless sometimes. Maybe she's not over a bad relationship and thought you were great but doesn't have the heart to tell you that she's not over her ex. Nothing much you can do about situations that are out of your control.

[NuevoYorko]

What people need to understand is I am looking for a very specific type of person, one I find extremely rarely. If I am going to bring someone into my world and the things I do they need to have certain non negotiable attributes.

 

 

I have always maintained if I am going to date it must be with someone I like who ticks the boxes and can integrate with me, i.e. intellectually and in truth very few people do.

 

OK - that's fine. You are very particular and have quite specific requirements. That limits your options, but there is NOTHING wrong with it.

 

What seems wrong to me is how you can be so discerning, yet come off all wrathful and dejected about having dating woes. Again, an attitude adjustment would be helpful. You find most women (and people in general, evidently) unacceptable for relationships or friendship. Therefore, it is extremely rare for you to find anyone who meets your requirements. Naturally, not everyone who meets your requirements is going to reciprocate. It's extra challenging. There it is.

 

Just take it philosophically, like that. It doesn't have to be all about never again, kicked in the teeth, impossible, rejection, etc. How about sticking with "not many tick all the boxes and I might remain single forever; meanwhile, I'll keep my eyes open."

[Miss Spider]

You must not give up

[ZA Dater]

OK - that's fine. You are very particular and have quite specific requirements. That limits your options, but there is NOTHING wrong with it.

 

What seems wrong to me is how you can be so discerning, yet come off all wrathful and dejected about having dating woes. Again, an attitude adjustment would be helpful. You find most women (and people in general, evidently) unacceptable for relationships or friendship. Therefore, it is extremely rare for you to find anyone who meets your requirements. Naturally, not everyone who meets your requirements is going to reciprocate. It's extra challenging. There it is.

 

Just take it philosophically, like that. It doesn't have to be all about never again, kicked in the teeth, impossible, rejection, etc. How about sticking with "not many tick all the boxes and I might remain single forever; meanwhile, I'll keep my eyes open."

 

Dont see much point to be honest. Why keep going through the same thing over and over again.

 

I suppose you propose I just date anyone who will date me. No thanks.

 

Oh and nobody ever reciprocates.

[GemmaUK]

Oh and nobody ever reciprocates.

 

Someone must have or you wouldn't have just been on a 3 hour date and also communicated afterwards.

 

Has she been on What's App since you messaged her? You can see what time and date she was last on there.

 

I suspect she is wondering why on earth you haven't called.

She was short and sweet in her text to you - big hint that she isn't into texting right there.

You won't call her though and you won't contact her again either as I think that a second date is too scary an option for you and would be outside of your comfort zone.

[Miss Spider]

Work on self confidence, believe that you can have what you want. If you don't believe it, it will show through on date. Don't whatsapp. Call or at least text

[ZA Dater]

Someone must have or you wouldn't have just been on a 3 hour date and also communicated afterwards.

 

Has she been on What's App since you messaged her? You can see what time and date she was last on there.

 

I suspect she is wondering why on earth you haven't called.

She was short and sweet in her text to you - big hint that she isn't into texting right there.

You won't call her though and you won't contact her again either as I think that a second date is too scary an option for you and would be outside of your comfort zone.

 

Has been on since then. Calling I deem to be intrusive when clearly she is sending me a clear message of not being interested.

 

 

I'd love to see her again but really I have little inclination to be rejected over the phone.

[ZA Dater]

Work on self confidence, believe that you can have what you want. If you don't believe it, it will show through on date. Don't whatsapp. Call or at least text

 

Id love to believe that, sadly every experience I have ever had had reduced that theory to garbage status.

[normal person]

What people need to understand is I am looking for a very specific type of person, one I find extremely rarely. If I am going to bring someone into my world and the things I do they need to have certain non negotiable attributes.

 

Beggars can't be choosers. Not to say you are a "beggar," but the basic principal still applies.

 

Let's think about this logistically. If you want someone with very rare, non-negotiable qualities, one can only assume that to be with that person, you'll have to also fit their criteria of rare, non-negotiables as well. Maybe you do, maybe you don't, but it certainly will make things difficult for you one way or another.

 

Population of Cape Town - 3.7 million, so let's say 1.85 million women. Let's say ~275k are between the ages of 23 and 33. Let's say half of them are single, so we're left with 137k single women in your age group.

 

Now you're looking for a rare type of person. How rare? Let's say 1 in 200, and that's being generous. So you're left with potentially ~688 women in your city. Now let's consider physical traits, what percentage of people are you attracted to, 3-5%? Now we're left 34 people, or even less than that if you consider other factors like racial preferences, etc. So it's not unrealistic to say .00001% of the population of your city is left in play for you.

 

Now, think about this, of those 34 women left, you have to also meet all their requirements. Think about how quickly we just eliminated 1.8 million people from contention and how easily you could be discarded if we were playing this game with those women. What are the odds of you falling into one of those other person's .0001%? Then, what are the odds of you crossing paths with this person, meeting, and going out? Exponentially smaller still.

 

I'm not suggesting you settle for someone who doesn't make you happy, but it might help to consider that having such stringent criteria might also make you unhappy if it prevents you from getting the things or people you want. Either do whatever needs to be done to meet the person of your dreams -- optimize your search, your efforts, and your life on all fronts -- or, maybe accept that you might have to compromise on a few things. Maybe you meet a girl who isn't exactly what you thought you were looking for but is great in other ways, even if she can't talk about "X" with you, or doesn't want to spend a whole lot of time doing "Y." Honestly, most relationships aren't so absolutely perfect, there is a lot of compromise being made between people who generally enjoy each others' company for the most part. I'd suggest you soften expectations for this reason, or if you're really determined, pull out all the stops and treat finding the right person like a full time job. I know one is easier than the other.

[babylonsfire]

Beggars can't be choosers. Not to say you are a "beggar," but the basic principal still applies.

 

Let's think about this logistically. If you want someone with very rare, non-negotiable qualities, one can only assume that to be with that person, you'll have to also fit their criteria of rare, non-negotiables as well. Maybe you do, maybe you don't, but it certainly will make things difficult for you one way or another.

 

Population of Cape Town - 3.7 million, so let's say 1.85 million women. Let's say ~275k are between the ages of 23 and 33. Let's say half of them are single, so we're left with 137k single women in your age group.

 

Now you're looking for a rare type of person. How rare? Let's say 1 in 200, and that's being generous. So you're left with potentially ~688 women in your city. Now let's consider physical traits, what percentage of people are you attracted to, 3-5%? Now we're left 34 people, or even less than that if you consider other factors like racial preferences, etc. So it's not unrealistic to say .00001% of the population of your city is left in play for you.

 

Now, think about this, of those 34 women left, you have to also meet all their requirements. Think about how quickly we just eliminated 1.8 million people from contention and how easily you could be discarded if we were playing this game with those women. What are the odds of you falling into one of those other person's .0001%? Then, what are the odds of you crossing paths with this person, meeting, and going out? Exponentially smaller still.

 

I'm not suggesting you settle for someone who doesn't make you happy, but it might help to consider that having such stringent criteria might also make you unhappy if it prevents you from getting the things or people you want. Either do whatever needs to be done to meet the person of your dreams -- optimize your search, your efforts, and your life on all fronts -- or, maybe accept that you might have to compromise on a few things. Maybe you meet a girl who isn't exactly what you thought you were looking for but is great in other ways, even if she can't talk about "X" with you, or doesn't want to spend a whole lot of time doing "Y." Honestly, most relationships aren't so absolutely perfect, there is a lot of compromise being made between people who generally enjoy each others' company for the most part. I'd suggest you soften expectations for this reason, or if you're really determined, pull out all the stops and treat finding the right person like a full time job. I know one is easier than the other.

And that is exactly why even though I have more stringent requirements myself, most of them are not non-negotiable; or so hard that I can't bend a little. I just refuse to bend on more than 2 or 3 at a time, or some at all...like no currently married woman.

 

Luckily, I found a friend, that only violates one of mine, and things seem to be going fairly well.

[BDJ_1]

To be honest, you sound downtrodden, entitled and whiny which are very unattractive personality traits. And before you say "but I don't come across like that on dates", yeah you do. I'd bet a large amount of money that's why you're not being successful in your dating endeavours. So focus on fixing that.