ZA Dater Posted October 16, 2016 Posted October 16, 2016 And I think it went quite well. Took the advice of the forum and tried to apply it. It was someone off OKcupid and I wasn't really sure what to expect, she looked great in pictures and if anything looked even better in person. What I found was that rare person, a professional single lady with way above average intelligence, way above average intellect and a fantastic personality. I had to find my A game but the fact we sat for nearly 3 hours talking must be a good thing. I think. She was warm, friendly, happy, smiling, laughing and it was one of those few times I felt I could just be me. The only small thing is she is 38 which isn't really a deal breaker for me, she looks 28, she has a superb job is hugely well spoken. Of course the proof will be whether I can get date two... This is worth being happy about because the number of really good dates like this that I have had can be counted on one hand. 11
Amber_K Posted October 16, 2016 Posted October 16, 2016 That is great and happy for you! Where did you take her to? If you really like you could always take her for a wine tasting at Lourensford, or a champagne tasting at JC le Roux. =)
Author ZA Dater Posted October 16, 2016 Author Posted October 16, 2016 That is great and happy for you! Where did you take her to? If you really like you could always take her for a wine tasting at Lourensford, or a champagne tasting at JC le Roux. =) Well welcome to someone else from SA We actually went for ice cream. A rather different date idea.
Amber_K Posted October 16, 2016 Posted October 16, 2016 Well welcome to someone else from SA We actually went for ice cream. A rather different date idea. I wish I was from SA (I am a Kiwi) Though I visit there often as my brother is married to a South African girl. Have you ever gone to the Old Biscuit Mill in town? That would be a wonderful second date =D
GemmaUK Posted October 16, 2016 Posted October 16, 2016 Good for you! Did you talk about a second date on the first date or have you asked her for a second date yet?
Author ZA Dater Posted October 16, 2016 Author Posted October 16, 2016 Well seems my joy was short lived. "Hey, I really enjoyed spending time with last night, I am still smiling today" Her "yes it was great meeting you". Hardly a ringing endorsement. Oh well, I'll see it for what it is, a great few hours and again a glimpse into something nice, however fleeting and rare these glimpses are.
Author ZA Dater Posted October 16, 2016 Author Posted October 16, 2016 Good for you! Did you talk about a second date on the first date or have you asked her for a second date yet? I didn't know but when I walked her to her car I did mention I would really like to see her again. I also tried to adopt your smiling advice.
GemmaUK Posted October 16, 2016 Posted October 16, 2016 Well seems my joy was short lived. "Hey, I really enjoyed spending time with last night, I am still smiling today" Her "yes it was great meeting you". Hardly a ringing endorsement. Oh well, I'll see it for what it is, a great few hours and again a glimpse into something nice, however fleeting and rare these glimpses are. So you replied back by asking her out for another date yes? Or have you given up before that? Her response was positive - she is probably wondering why you haven't asked her for a second date - as am I. 2
elaine567 Posted October 16, 2016 Posted October 16, 2016 Well seems my joy was short lived. "Hey, I really enjoyed spending time with last night, I am still smiling today" Her "yes it was great meeting you". Hardly a ringing endorsement. Oh well, I'll see it for what it is, a great few hours and again a glimpse into something nice, however fleeting and rare these glimpses are. AND... This is not a no. I suggest you ask her out for another date. Date, time and place. 1
Author ZA Dater Posted October 16, 2016 Author Posted October 16, 2016 So you replied back by asking her out for another date yes? Or have you given up before that? Her response was positive - she is probably wondering why you haven't asked her for a second date - as am I. How soon should I do this? I was thinking perhaps later today? I don't want to come off all desperate and pushy.
GemmaUK Posted October 16, 2016 Posted October 16, 2016 How soon should I do this? I was thinking perhaps later today? I don't want to come off all desperate and pushy. Asap, so in your next reply. You've already texted her today so she knows you are up and about. Just reply within the same ish time frame she replied. It's not needy nor desperate. And don't hedge around just ask her - date and time like Elaine suggested. If she comes back with no alternative suggest one yourself for a couple of days later. You have no idea of her text style - she could be like me, short and to the point. 1
Author ZA Dater Posted October 16, 2016 Author Posted October 16, 2016 Asap, so in your next reply. You've already texted her today so she knows you are up and about. Just reply within the same ish time frame she replied. It's not needy nor desperate. And don't hedge around just ask her - date and time like Elaine suggested. If she comes back with no alternative suggest one yourself for a couple of days later. You have no idea of her text style - she could be like me, short and to the point. Well she replied about 3 hours ago....which was about an hour after I sent the initial text. Will ask later. Not getting a good vibe to be honest or maybe I am just clueless/defeatist.
basil67 Posted October 16, 2016 Posted October 16, 2016 Defeatist. It's all sounding good to me. Don't worry about her not being effusive in her response. Both my husband and daughter are like that and I've had to learn that it doesn't mean they aren't keen for something. 1
Author ZA Dater Posted October 16, 2016 Author Posted October 16, 2016 Defeatist. It's all sounding good to me. Don't worry about her not being effusive in her response. Both my husband and daughter are like that and I've had to learn that it doesn't mean they aren't keen for something. Her body language seemed really good throughout the date, she was super attentive, asked me questions and we really communicated well I think. I think I think managed to get rid of most of my awkward traits, there is something quite nice about being on the same level as someone else, not something I get to experience that often. She also seemed interested in what I had to say. Tellingly "I have almost come to the conclusion I may be alone forever" My response "Absolutely not, I think you are amazing with many great attributes" she is intense (like me) and its easy to see how guys are probably scared off by her success and intelligence but both of those things I really like, major draw cards for me. 1
elaine567 Posted October 16, 2016 Posted October 16, 2016 She no doubt will also have some walls up, so will not want to come across as "too keen" either. It is never a good idea to blow up someone's phone early doors (I am guessing that is not your style anyway), but you have to declare your intentions for another date, else she will friend zone you in her mind, and think you are not interested in her as relationship material. 3
Author ZA Dater Posted October 16, 2016 Author Posted October 16, 2016 She no doubt will also have some walls up, so will not want to come across as "too keen" either. It is never a good idea to blow up someone's phone early doors (I am guessing that is not your style anyway), but you have to declare your intentions for another date, else she will friend zone you in her mind, and think you are not interested in her as relationship material. I'll ask her this evening. My idea is perhaps dinner (she mentioned she likes good food). She also likes hiking. What might interest people here is she has lived in many countries and finds SA very far behind the curve when it comes to OLD and the general standard of people on OLD.
GemmaUK Posted October 16, 2016 Posted October 16, 2016 She replied in an hour, you have left it over 3 hours!!! WTF!!! She played fair with you yet you are coming across as uninterested in her by leaving something new so damn long. Reply now, have the grace and kindness and ask her out now. 3 hours in though - she knows you are up and about so by this time you could have lost out. Show her some respect just like she has done you for goodness sake! 2
Author ZA Dater Posted October 16, 2016 Author Posted October 16, 2016 She replied in an hour, you have left it over 3 hours!!! WTF!!! She played fair with you yet you are coming across as uninterested in her by leaving something new so damn long. Reply now, have the grace and kindness and ask her out now. 3 hours in though - she knows you are up and about so by this time you could have lost out. Show her some respect just like she has done you for goodness sake! I don't follow this post at all. She hardly seemed conversational at all. I send her a pic of a nice hiking trail I did last week, she hasn't read that yet. I'll add clueless to my repertoire.
GemmaUK Posted October 16, 2016 Posted October 16, 2016 So you said all this about your actual date: Her body language seemed really good throughout the date, she was super attentive, asked me questions and we really communicated well I think. Maybe she isn't a great texter but she has expressed positives and interest 100% - the ball is now in YOUR COURT!! PICK UP THE BALL!! No game happens when the ball is sat unmoving in the court and eventually everyone will or do something else out of boredom. So either text her or call her to ask her for a date but do it asap, not this evening. Why wait if you like her? What do you gain by waiting? It sounds like you are just putting it off to me.
Author ZA Dater Posted October 16, 2016 Author Posted October 16, 2016 So you said all this about your actual date: Maybe she isn't a great texter but she has expressed positives and interest 100% - the ball is now in YOUR COURT!! PICK UP THE BALL!! No game happens when the ball is sat unmoving in the court and eventually everyone will or do something else out of boredom. So either text her or call her to ask her for a date but do it asap, not this evening. Why wait if you like her? What do you gain by waiting? It sounds like you are just putting it off to me. Because I don't want to appear desperate and over eager.
GemmaUK Posted October 16, 2016 Posted October 16, 2016 Because I don't want to appear desperate and over eager. So I take it that you think it was desperate and over eager of her to reply to you in an hour? I am tearing my hair out here, trying to help you! It's so darn frustrating!!! She doesn't want a pic of a hike - save that kinda stuff for months down the road and pictures can take hours to come through on a phone. If you want a date call her NOW. 2
BaileyB Posted October 16, 2016 Posted October 16, 2016 You won't appear desperate and over eager - you will appear interested. Women like that... Don't waste too much time, it won't look good to her. Good luck to you. 5
mortensorchid Posted October 16, 2016 Posted October 16, 2016 If you like her and you want to see her again, contact as soon as possible. If I have not heard from the man within 48 hours from the first get together, I will not hear from him again. And it has to be a phone call, not a text. Texting is a passive way of communicating. Eventually the two people fade away into obscurity.
morrowrd Posted October 16, 2016 Posted October 16, 2016 Don't feel bad, it happens to everyone. I went on a date with a girl and I loved talking to her, and we had quite a few things in common. That date went about three hours, like yours and I actually was excited to get to know her better. After the date, she went cold on me and it took me a couple texts to get the drift....not interested. I didn't understand, but had to respect it.
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