marxman2015 Posted October 16, 2016 Posted October 16, 2016 Could not making a move on a girl you are dating when she is showing the signs of interest hurt her and make her back off? I used to date a girl, she was very interested in me in the beginning, she touches me, compliments me, initiate text, looks happy around me. I didnt make a move (didnt touch her at all cos I was so inexperienced and afraid) for 3 dates, on the fourth date, she seemed less engaged, but it was still okay, I still havent made a move. Then she start giving me the busy thing when I ask her out, nevertheless, she still go out with me later, and she seemed still interested and engaged, that was the fifth date, I still didnt make a move on her.... After that... she start making more busy excuse, and I didnt see her for an entire month... After the month, she respond to text really slow, but still agree to go on another date with me. On the date, she bought me a birthday present, but she looked distracted. I jokingly neg her, and she got serious and said how could I say such a thing to her... Then the atmosphere gets really bad, she goes really cold and distant looks like she wanted to leave. .. Then I realised it is my FINAL chance or I might never see her again. I took her out for a walk after dinner. And I made my move, I place my arm around her shoulder, and she seemed to warm up from that. I keep escalating, making her laugh and tease her about anything, she became delighted and interested, and she even keep hitting me on my arm! We sat together on the bus and ask her to sleep on my shoulder, she did, and then we finally held hands, she was smiling all the way. While we got off bus and I walk her home, we were holding hands. What gives?
basil67 Posted October 16, 2016 Posted October 16, 2016 All seems fairly normal to me. Which bit of her behaviour confuses you? Oh, and don't 'neg' a girl you're trying to woo. Not even jokingly. 1
Author marxman2015 Posted October 16, 2016 Author Posted October 16, 2016 All seems fairly normal to me. Which bit of her behaviour confuses you? Oh, and don't 'neg' a girl you're trying to woo. Not even jokingly. but then, after that night, I ask her out, she said she have to see and will let me know, but we still flirt on text and she respond instantly. Then after a few days again, I ask her out again, and she said she need to settle down with her new job first....
Author marxman2015 Posted October 16, 2016 Author Posted October 16, 2016 What did you say when you negged her? She was sick on that date, she kept coughing and at one point she said "I dont know why I kept getting sick these months", to which I jokingly respond "Could it be karma?", she then look really upset and said "how could you say such a thing to me?" I immediately explained I was just kidding
Erik30 Posted October 16, 2016 Posted October 16, 2016 Yes, if you don't make a move, a woman will lose interest eventually. She might get the impression that you're not really into her, and all of your dates could have a vibe of just friends hanging out. I don't know how old you are, but only holding hands after the fifth date is probably moving to slow for a lot of women.
GemmaUK Posted October 16, 2016 Posted October 16, 2016 She was sick on that date, she kept coughing and at one point she said "I dont know why I kept getting sick these months", to which I jokingly respond "Could it be karma?", she then look really upset and said "how could you say such a thing to me?" I immediately explained I was just kidding Karma coming back does mean that a person has done something bad to someone and it's not a good idea to joke about. Just kidding doesn't work - it was a neg and you already know it. Aside from that though she has been on date after date and it took ages for you to make any kind of move so even if she likes/d you then it just wanes and boredom sets in when you become aware that someone who appears interested doesn't act as if they are. I think she is just over it to be honest - ya took too long. I would move on if I were you. 1
Erik30 Posted October 16, 2016 Posted October 16, 2016 She was sick on that date, she kept coughing and at one point she said "I dont know why I kept getting sick these months", to which I jokingly respond "Could it be karma?", she then look really upset and said "how could you say such a thing to me?" I immediately explained I was just kidding Dude that's not funny, especially if she often feels really sick.You can only say something like that and be sarcastic if it has a positive spin. That's not even "negging," you basically insulted her
Author marxman2015 Posted October 16, 2016 Author Posted October 16, 2016 Karma coming back does mean that a person has done something bad to someone and it's not a good idea to joke about. Just kidding doesn't work - it was a neg and you already know it. Aside from that though she has been on date after date and it took ages for you to make any kind of move so even if she likes/d you then it just wanes and boredom sets in when you become aware that someone who appears interested doesn't act as if they are. I think she is just over it to be honest - ya took too long. I would move on if I were you. Yet, in the end she still come out for the sixth date and brought me a gift, if she had completely gave up after the five dates of "no actions" she wouldnt come out again
GemmaUK Posted October 16, 2016 Posted October 16, 2016 Yet, in the end she still come out for the sixth date and brought me a gift, if she had completely gave up after the five dates of "no actions" she wouldnt come out again Yes, because she is only just now working through things that happened in her mind. Ever heard of hindsight?
Author marxman2015 Posted October 16, 2016 Author Posted October 16, 2016 Yes, because she is only just now working through things that happened in her mind. Ever heard of hindsight? alright...... I dont know, but she still respond to text quickly and didnt drop contact, maybe I will just wait and see
Author marxman2015 Posted October 16, 2016 Author Posted October 16, 2016 Yes, if you don't make a move, a woman will lose interest eventually. She might get the impression that you're not really into her, and all of your dates could have a vibe of just friends hanging out. I don't know how old you are, but only holding hands after the fifth date is probably moving to slow for a lot of women. But there is an important point to add, we live in a society which is very conservative compared to say USA bascially, our norm here is like: - kissing is for couples only - holding hands signals that you two are ready to go official - sex happen after the exclusive relationship is stable in the long run and both party is comfortable
GemmaUK Posted October 16, 2016 Posted October 16, 2016 But there is an important point to add, we live in a society which is very conservative compared to say USA bascially, our norm here is like: - kissing is for couples only - holding hands signals that you two are ready to go official - sex happen after the exclusive relationship is stable in the long run and both party is comfortable Where are you from? Understand that any request for help within a culture that is vastly different it's better to point out your culture is different so that folk can give correct advice. You never mentioned any cultural differences at all OP. We are not mind readers.
Author marxman2015 Posted October 16, 2016 Author Posted October 16, 2016 Where are you from? Understand that any request for help within a culture that is vastly different it's better to point out your culture is different so that folk can give correct advice. You never mentioned any cultural differences at all OP. We are not mind readers. Sorry about that I am from china, very conservative asian culture here Girls are taught to act very coy
preraph Posted October 16, 2016 Posted October 16, 2016 What is happening is she has some standards. You were treating her like a jerk and playing games with her and negging her and trying to make her bite the hook by treating her bad because you read that on some crap website, and that slowly and steadily made her back off more and more. Then you started being nice and she is giving you a chance for as long as that lasts. But don't go thinking you can revert back to your abusive ways of trying to control her with holding back. She's a woman. She has options, and she'll use them.
Author marxman2015 Posted April 16, 2021 Author Posted April 16, 2021 Update: In the end, she gone out with me and eventually became my girlfriend and fell in love with each other. We had an amazing relationship for years
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