Is it safe to assume I'm not gonna get the date, even though she said yes?

[xxgreen20]

Just yesterday, I asked a pretty girl my age out to dinner for next week, and she said she wanted to go with me as long as she didn't have too much schoolwork or too many hours at her job. I know for a fact that school and work are stressing her out a lot right now, because she told me that. I gave her my number, but her friend showed up and I got distracted, so I never got hers. I Facebook messaged her asking her for her number, and she did not read the message (I could tell because there was a checkmark next to the message and not a picture of her face). I ran into her again in person and got the number and told her I would text her, to which she smiled and nodded and then we parted ways. I texted her today saying, "I hope you're having a great day! Just wondering if you happen to like Thai food?" I had seen her in person at the bagel store at around 6 in the morning but didn't discuss the date then. This text was at 9am, and it's now 12:34am and I haven't heard back from her. I know for a fact that she takes a very long time to reply to Facebook messages or doesn't reply at all because she hasn't read them (the messages are on her phone) so do you think I am right to assume that this date will not happen or am I being paranoid? When she is with me or her friends, she is never on her phone, so a variety of things could have happened, but what do you guys make of the situation? Please be honest. She is very quiet and shy, by the way.

Edited October 16, 2016 by xxgreen20

[smudge21]

This is pretty much the definition of over thinking. Calm the flip down and accept that just because YOU react a certain way and respond to people, doesn't mean anyone else is like that. She has reasons not to make contact but keep in mind that she may not be interested. I think you've made it clear you are, and now it's time to back down, maybe simply leave it with a "okay, give me a call when you've got some free time, would be great to hang out" sort of thing. Casual, still interested, but not desperate or chasing. Leave that ball in her court and go window shopping elsewhere. Sometimes as much as we want someone, they don't feel the same and we have to just move on.

[xxgreen20]

This is pretty much the definition of over thinking. Calm the flip down and accept that just because YOU react a certain way and respond to people, doesn't mean anyone else is like that. She has reasons not to make contact but keep in mind that she may not be interested. I think you've made it clear you are, and now it's time to back down, maybe simply leave it with a "okay, give me a call when you've got some free time, would be great to hang out" sort of thing. Casual, still interested, but not desperate or chasing. Leave that ball in her court and go window shopping elsewhere. Sometimes as much as we want someone, they don't feel the same and we have to just move on.

 

I heard from her this morning about 8, saying that she had been with family all weekend and basically never stopped moving, and she is also stressed out about school and her job right now and very busy, so she turned down dinner. I then suggested a quick lunch instead for whichever afternoon during the week worked for her, and she said her schedule is too strict for that also, that between homework and her job, her afternoons and nights are completely taken up. I was pondering asking her if we could get lunch in the cafeteria or take a walk around our campus when we both had free time, but I figured I'll just back off and still show that I'm interested by friendly texting, like "Hope you had a good day!" or "Good luck on your exam!" but not actually mention a date unless she does. Meanwhile, if someone else comes along that catches my fancy, I'll ask her out instead. Good idea, or should I approach it differently? Keep in mind that I have classes 4 days a week with her.

[ChatroomHero]

Seems pretty clear she is nicely rejecting you. Nobody, and I mean nobody, is that busy. She spent time with her family all weekend...yeah, ok, I'm sure she spent an entire weekend sitting around studying with her family. Never had time to go to lunch or dinner with them. Not likely.

 

 

"I saw her in person at the bagel store at around 6 in the morning"

if you had asked her to meet you at 6am at the bagel store what would she say? "I'm soooo busy and stressed I don't have time for that".

 

 

"When she is with me or her friends, she is never on her phone"

Ummm, she is sooo busy and sooo stressed, how would she have time for friends?

 

 

"She is very quiet and shy, by the way"

I think you are projecting here to rationalize why she won't say yes...like she really, really wants to go out with you but is too shy. It doesn't work like that.

 

 

Bottom line, unless she is studying to become a doctor or trying to pass the bar exam, if she had any interest in you she would make time for at least lunch. I mean, do you really think she has not gone out for an hour or two for lunch or dinner in the recent past?

 

 

Let's face it, it sounds like you have some of the same classes so you are probably in the same major, are you studying 24-7 with no time to meet someone for a free lunch?

 

 

Let her go, she used one of the easiest, least confrontational excuses to turn you down. If you keep pushing it you'll get the old "I am dealing with family issues right now" excuses next. Then you'll see on FB that she solves her family issues by going to the bar with friends.

[xxgreen20]

Seems pretty clear she is nicely rejecting you. Nobody, and I mean nobody, is that busy. She spent time with her family all weekend...yeah, ok, I'm sure she spent an entire weekend sitting around studying with her family. Never had time to go to lunch or dinner with them. Not likely.

 

 

"I saw her in person at the bagel store at around 6 in the morning"

if you had asked her to meet you at 6am at the bagel store what would she say? "I'm soooo busy and stressed I don't have time for that".

 

 

"When she is with me or her friends, she is never on her phone"

Ummm, she is sooo busy and sooo stressed, how would she have time for friends?

 

 

"She is very quiet and shy, by the way"

I think you are projecting here to rationalize why she won't say yes...like she really, really wants to go out with you but is too shy. It doesn't work like that.

 

 

Bottom line, unless she is studying to become a doctor or trying to pass the bar exam, if she had any interest in you she would make time for at least lunch. I mean, do you really think she has not gone out for an hour or two for lunch or dinner in the recent past?

 

 

Let's face it, it sounds like you have some of the same classes so you are probably in the same major, are you studying 24-7 with no time to meet someone for a free lunch?

 

 

Let her go, she used one of the easiest, least confrontational excuses to turn you down. If you keep pushing it you'll get the old "I am dealing with family issues right now" excuses next. Then you'll see on FB that she solves her family issues by going to the bar with friends.

 

The bar example doesn't apply since we're both 18, but why would she say "yes" when I asked her to dinner if she wasn't interested? I mean, she did say, "If I am not too busy, I would like to go to dinner with you," but to me that still is a "yes." I did say "next week" when I asked her out, and people are telling me I did the wrong thing by not saying a specific day, but I was trying to do her a favor since she does have a busy schedule. Do you think she is rejecting me just because I didn't say a day? And to answer your other question, we are only in 2 of the same classes with different majors, but I spend at least an hour in the dining hall for lunch and dinner, so I don't entirely get it.

[LD1990]

She may just have not felt like rejecting you in person. Or she changed her mind. The reason she agreed and then went back on that later doesn't really matter.

 

Don't text her anymore. She blew you off and gave you a stupid excuse as to why. If you kiss her ass with nice little messages after that, you look like a chump. She'll consider you another one of her admirers. You tried, she declined. The most attractive thing you can do here is move on. She may contact you, she may not, but there's a much better chance of her contacting you if you stop chasing her.

[smackie9]

I heard from her this morning about 8, saying that she had been with family all weekend and basically never stopped moving, and she is also stressed out about school and her job right now and very busy, so she turned down dinner. I then suggested a quick lunch instead for whichever afternoon during the week worked for her, and she said her schedule is too strict for that also, that between homework and her job, her afternoons and nights are completely taken up. I was pondering asking her if we could get lunch in the cafeteria or take a walk around our campus when we both had free time, but I figured I'll just back off and still show that I'm interested by friendly texting, like "Hope you had a good day!" or "Good luck on your exam!" but not actually mention a date unless she does. Meanwhile, if someone else comes along that catches my fancy, I'll ask her out instead. Good idea, or should I approach it differently? Keep in mind that I have classes 4 days a week with her.

She KNOWS you are interested, so you don't need to give her any heads up texts. Dude she put on the brakes for whatever reason. The ball is in her court if she wants to contact you. Dump it and move on.

 

Don't look at it as a fail, look at it as you actually put yourself out there and tried....kudos to you. Most posters can't even make contact and ask someone out because they are so damn scared.

[xxgreen20]

She KNOWS you are interested, so you don't need to give her any heads up texts. Dude she put on the brakes for whatever reason. The ball is in her court if she wants to contact you. Dump it and move on.

 

Don't look at it as a fail, look at it as you actually put yourself out there and tried....kudos to you. Most posters can't even make contact and ask someone out because they are so damn scared.

 

Yes, unfortunately that's what I'm doing at this point. My last relationship ended exactly a month ago, and I am completely over my ex, but I found out from a mutual friend that she started talking to a new guy immediately after we broke up, and they have been official since a week after our breakup. I had/have genuine feelings for this girl at school, but it shocks me how a horrible, selfish, disrespectful person like her finds a new boyfriend right away, and I, a nice and kind person who always treats people with respect, gets rejected on my first attempt to move on and am single. The fact that she started talking to a new guy literally a few hours after we broke up shows that she never cared about me as a person and never had any respect for me as a friend or a boyfriend. It's so classless and rude I can't even describe it. I'm not upset, just angry and pissed off at that, and this rejection has only added to that.

Edited October 17, 2016 by xxgreen20

[ChatroomHero]

The bar example doesn't apply since we're both 18, but why would she say "yes" when I asked her to dinner if she wasn't interested? I mean, she did say, "If I am not too busy, I would like to go to dinner with you," but to me that still is a "yes." I did say "next week" when I asked her out, and people are telling me I did the wrong thing by not saying a specific day, but I was trying to do her a favor since she does have a busy schedule. Do you think she is rejecting me just because I didn't say a day? And to answer your other question, we are only in 2 of the same classes with different majors, but I spend at least an hour in the dining hall for lunch and dinner, so I don't entirely get it.

 

 

 

The first thing is you did nothing wrong. It doesn't matter how you ask, where you ask, if you give specific details or ask her out for some general time in the future. If she is really interested it would come together. Don't ever stress the details, the important thing is you asked her out which is probably the hardest part. Look at it like this, if a woman that you had no interest in whatsoever asked you out, would it matter how she asked you out? If this girl you are after asked you out, would you reject her in any way based on the specifics of how she asked you out? Are you going to say she's really hot but she asked me out for some time in the next week or two and didn't give me a specific date so forget it!

 

 

I have asked quite a few women out and the general answer is always yes, even if it is really a "no". I honestly don't think I ever got a "no, not interested" but I did get plenty of "yes" answers that I immediately knew were a "no".. They say yes and give you the correct number because they want to avoid rejecting you outright and in person...In fact, that is exactly how a shy girl would respond to someone she was not really interested in.

 

 

If she gave you the wrong phone number or flatly said, "no thanks", you see her often enough that it would be really awkward. Think about this, if a girl you had no interest at all in asked you out and you saw her often, would you just come out and say, "Nope, I'm not interested. See you in class on Tuesday!"? Most people will give a "Yes" with conditions...if I am not too busy with xxx, maybe in a month after I finish yyy. If they are interested the answer will be, "here's my number, call me after 8pm. Tuesday nights are sometimes ok and Saturdays I can usually make some free time".

 

 

The other telling part was you gave her your number and if she was interested, despite any distractions, she would have made sure you had hers before she left. Anytime I have asked someone out the way I could tell how interested was on how eager they were to give me their number as opposed to me trying to extract it. Even if I said, I'd get it from a mutual friend they would something to write it down on.

 

 

I think you just need to be realistic in dating and dealing with rejection. It sounds like you think because you are a nice guy every girl you are interested in should be interested in you. Yet I'm sure there are plenty of nice girls that you would not date for many reasons. I doubt you are attracted or interested in every girl that is a "nice person".

 

 

I'd also add that you can see Facebook Messages on your phone from the preview without actually opening it and having it show it was read.

Edited October 18, 2016 by ChatroomHero

[xxgreen20]

The first thing is you did nothing wrong. It doesn't matter how you ask, where you ask, if you give specific details or ask her out for some general time in the future. If she is really interested it would come together. Don't ever stress the details, the important thing is you asked her out which is probably the hardest part. Look at it like this, if a woman that you had no interest in whatsoever asked you out, would it matter how she asked you out? If this girl you are after asked you out, would you reject her in any way based on the specifics of how she asked you out? Are you going to say she's really hot but she asked me out for some time in the next week or two and didn't give me a specific date so forget it!

 

 

I have asked quite a few women out and the general answer is always yes, even if it is really a "no". I honestly don't think I ever got a "no, not interested" but I did get plenty of "yes" answers that I immediately knew were a "no".. They say yes and give you the correct number because they want to avoid rejecting you outright and in person...In fact, that is exactly how a shy girl would respond to someone she was not really interested in.

 

 

If she gave you the wrong phone number or flatly said, "no thanks", you see her often enough that it would be really awkward. Think about this, if a girl you had no interest at all in asked you out and you saw her often, would you just come out and say, "Nope, I'm not interested. See you in class on Tuesday!"? Most people will give a "Yes" with conditions...if I am not too busy with xxx, maybe in a month after I finish yyy. If they are interested the answer will be, "here's my number, call me after 8pm. Tuesday nights are sometimes ok and Saturdays I can usually make some free time".

 

 

The other telling part was you gave her your number and if she was interested, despite any distractions, she would have made sure you had hers before she left. Anytime I have asked someone out the way I could tell how interested was on how eager they were to give me their number as opposed to me trying to extract it. Even if I said, I'd get it from a mutual friend they would something to write it down on.

 

 

I think you just need to be realistic in dating and dealing with rejection. It sounds like you think because you are a nice guy every girl you are interested in should be interested in you. Yet I'm sure there are plenty of nice girls that you would not date for many reasons. I doubt you are attracted or interested in every girl that is a "nice person".

 

 

I'd also add that you can see Facebook Messages on your phone from the preview without actually opening it and having it show it was read.

 

Yeah, I'm accepting now that it's definitely a rejection. Oh well...

[ChatroomHero]

Yeah, I'm accepting now that it's definitely a rejection. Oh well...

 

Hey, getting rejected means you are out there. It doesn't mean she might not change her mind at some point, but it means stop investing in her. I guarantee the next woman you meet that you are interested in will make you forget her in a second.

[Erik30]

Maybe I missed a part, but you never really planned a date.

You just suggested to do something (on the same day) and she never got back to you. When you first asked her to go out "next week," that's when you should've picked a day that would work for the both of you.

 

But if she wasn't interested, she would've given you a lame excuse anyway.