Poutrew Posted October 16, 2016 Posted October 16, 2016 How do you propose the OP gets rid of that feeling? I'd be fascinated as to the answer to that. Take an acting class at the local college. Seriously, you may not be able to get rid of that end-of-the-world feeling, but if you know enough to mask it, then who cares what's really percolating deep down inside? At least it'll give the girl time to get to know the real you and not just cut you off after a single date.
Ruby Slippers Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 How do you propose the OP gets rid of that feeling? I'd be fascinated as to the answer to that. I think the quickest way to cultivate and maintain a disposition of faith that things will always work out in the end is to focus on what you want, and focus on your blessings, the things that are working out well in your life. What you focus on tends to expand. Women want to be with men who have a vision for their life and the drive to achieve it. Find things in your life to get fired up about, and build upon that momentum until you're really going for it again. This will translate to your romantic life and give it a boost.
Redguitar35 Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 So I have been single for 10 months now. After my ex ended our relationship and I returned home I tried dating different women online to try and replace what I had lost. The first few dates went ok. The 2nd women I met we went on for dates, then she ended it quickly. Since then it's always ended after 1 date. Always the same line though. " Your'e a nice guy but the chemistry isn't there ". Physical chemistry is there yes, but other chemistry no. So after 11 or 12 of these dates and same lines, I took 2 months off to focus on my work, gym, my dogs etc. Met a really nice girl last Sunday online, we chatted a lot. Met her today, had butterflies hard as she was different from the other women I had met. I thought we connected, chatted very easily. As we left she said " see you next time ". I tried a different mindset, even saying to myself that it will be a no answer. Hour later, got the same old tired message I always get. I really don't know what I'm doing wrong. I'm 37, in good shape, good job, own half a house, girls say I'm handsome, as that is all we have when we like someone online. I really feel like giving up and accepting online I will never meet anyone, and your pride takes a massive hit every time you are rejected, and I will be single forever. I'm not convinced you're doing anything wrong. Your experience is par for the course for men with online dating. I did online dating for three years, and had very similar results, despite being educated, well dressed, good conversation, etc. At the end of the day, it's a lot like the lottery. In theory you could win, and you hear about people who do from time to time. But they are the exception, not the rule. I don't think relationships are meant to come together through dating algorithms. Those of us who aren't able to meet single women through our social circle, we're out of luck. That's just the way it is.
Redguitar35 Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 I think the quickest way to cultivate and maintain a disposition of faith that things will always work out in the end is to focus on what you want, and focus on your blessings, the things that are working out well in your life. What you focus on tends to expand. Women want to be with men who have a vision for their life and the drive to achieve it. Find things in your life to get fired up about, and build upon that momentum until you're really going for it again. This will translate to your romantic life and give it a boost. Most men aren't guys with a "grand vision" etc. That's like saying every woman is with an Adonis, which doesn't match what I've seen. I see women dating guys who are complete losers. Most guys are just average joes. I'm in the same position as OP. I'm educated, well dressed, etc., but havent ever been in a long term relationship. It comes down to some guys having luck with love and some not.
Ruby Slippers Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 It comes down to some guys having luck with love and some not. You could argue that luck is a factor, since characteristics like height, looks, and level of natural intelligence are luck of the draw. But from what I've observed, the man's attitude goes a very long way in determining his success with women. The upbeat go-getter attitude in a man is very attractive to women. Most women will overlook a lot if he has that fire. And the good news is this is something most any man can cultivate and improve.
Miss Peach Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 My guess from what you described is a sense of confidence and take-charge ability. Women want a manly man. They don't want a guy who is too polite. They want the man who will ask their number, ask them out, pick a place, etc. Things like height, weight, money, etc. will melt away if the connection and everything else is there. Similar to men, women go a lot based on how they feel in someone's company. For example, I have a friend who is under employed, balding, old, heavy, short, etc. He has no trouble getting women half his age to throw their numbers at him. He is able to do it through confidence and humor. He also has the ability to make people feel comfortable. This sort of thing works really well with women IRL.
mac25 Posted October 20, 2016 Posted October 20, 2016 You've been single for 10 months. That's NOTHING. Try 3 years. Many people i know have been single for longer, and not necessarily by choice. As someone who has been single for most of my 20s (i'm 29), 10 months is not enough to get deep into single life, and truly appreciating taking care of yourself and your needs. You need min 1 - 2 years. As for your failed dates, as a girl, I can tell you that a guy can be great on paper and fill the standard qualities that women are looking for, but if your approaching dating as a means to an end (the end being a GF) you're going to have a tough time my friend. Mens and women can immediately sense this. Seeing anyone as means to an end makes people feel as if your using them to fill a need or void that you have. It makes them feel like you do not truly care about getting to know them and that they are just a vehicle for your needs. So my advice is to first take time enjoy being single for longer. Because if your single and miserable you will always subconsciously project this during your dates. Second, is to dig deep inside and figure out why you feel this strong need to be in a relationship. Do you feel societal/cultural pressure? Is it something from your past? Take time to reflect on why you feel this way, and challenge the **** out of it. And last tip, once you start dating again, take the mindful approach. This means being present and in the moment. Try to avoid projecting your imagined future onto these women. Simply enjoy a date, conversation and flirty moment for itself in the present. One last thought. Instead of feeling the need to impress these women, you could wonder instead how will they impress you? If you take this approach, I assure you, things will slowly start to change. good luck.
Zippy2000 Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 Hey, think about it in a positive way. At least you are geting dates. I struggle to even get one date.
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