llsandyll Posted October 15, 2016 Posted October 15, 2016 I recently just went through a really bad break up for the second time with the same guy. The first time he broke up because his family was not supporting of the relationship. He said he couldn't see the future with me.. After the broke up... I was very sad... And unintentionally had a really early miscarriage because I did not know I was pregnant. After a few weeks, he found out about my miscarriage and he came to see me once. However, he still decided to leave me without giving me any support or care because he said we already broke up. After a while, I told him I couldn't take it alone... And seeing how hurt, depressed and sad I was... He kept in touch with me for a while. Long story short... After a while, he decided to talk to his mom again and saying how he still wanted to be with me and wanted to treasure me better and his mom agreed. He also promised me he will never leave me again... After a few months... His parents talked to him again about how they will never support him of this relationship with me and if he chose me, they will disown him... So he decided to break up with me again... I am hurt so badly that I have started seeing counselling for help. I still believe that he loves me because He cried a lot and was very sad for that decision as well... But we just can t be together... Am I lying to myself? Or this has happened to anyone else before?
ExpatInItaly Posted October 15, 2016 Posted October 15, 2016 What do his parents have against this relationship? He might in fact love you, but you two won't wind up together. He has made a choice to abide by his parents' wishes and there's not much you can do about that, unfortunately.
Author llsandyll Posted October 15, 2016 Author Posted October 15, 2016 His parents don't like me from the beginning because I came from a single parent family. His parents dislike how one of my parents was so irresponsible. My ex's mom doesn't want her future grandkid got the same irresponsible genes as my parent... (Not making this up... true word that my ex told me...
clam Posted October 16, 2016 Posted October 16, 2016 Good heavens! If he's buying this ridiculous bunk from his parents and is too spineless to stand up to them, just let him go. Do you really want to be with someone like this? 1
DarrenB Posted October 16, 2016 Posted October 16, 2016 I'm sure he loves you, I'm sure very much. However, family can often take a HUGE toll on the OP's decisions and even our own sometimes. It's obviously affected him, which it really shouldn't. Considering your age? (hasn't been clarified yet), I'm sure he's at a mature enough age to stand up to his parents and fight for you. If not then he's clearly oblivious to love and supporting your other half of whom you supposedly 'love and adore'. I find it quite ridiculous, when family and parents get involved when it's just not necessary. I don't think it's appropriate at all. Yes, they are of course completely entitled to having an opinion and such, but to actually make such horrible and abrupt actions to ultimately stop you being together and hurting you in the process, is a completely different story. I definitely think you should go to counselling, you need a place in which you can vent out to in real-life instead of just on this forum - regardless of how much help it may be, it can only go so far. I'm sure with time, he might come to his senses about it and decide what's right for the both of you and attempt to reconcile with you and make an effort. If not then I am sorry but he is definitely not worth the grief if that's the case.
Author llsandyll Posted October 16, 2016 Author Posted October 16, 2016 His parents started to dislike me because of it. Then they don't see any good coming out from me so they still got many other reasons that they dislike me. My ex tried to stand for me once and talked to his mom and his mom agreed back then so we got back together after the first break up. After a few months… His mom told him that she would just never accept me and said that if he chose me, they wouldn't have this son anymore... That was why we broke up for the second time... when we got back together... he promised me before that he would never leave me again and if he had to choose one side one day... he would not leave me... I guess that was why I hurt so badly. We had some great time while we were together… and I knew I truly love him.
preraph Posted October 16, 2016 Posted October 16, 2016 I am so glad you are in counseling. Stay in counseling. They can help you work through all this. Listen, anyone who lets their parents dictate who they date or marry is NOT mature enough to be in any type of serious relationship -- and certainly NOT mature enough to have a child with. You MUST use birth control and not get chained to this guy or any other when they are not mature enough to make their own decisions and aren't treating you right. Please use birth control. Don't do this to a child. He left you once when you were pregnant. So that is running him away, not encouraging him to stay. The fact you both let that happen tells me you are both too immature to have a child because you were not thinking of that child's welfare when you let that happen in this chaotic situation. Stay in counseling. Forget about him. He isn't ready to be a man yet. 1
DarrenB Posted October 16, 2016 Posted October 16, 2016 We are both 24.. Yeah that's definitely an age of which he should be able to stand up for things he should be believing in, especially a partner. If I was in his position, I'd disregard everything and anything my parents had to say, parents are for life yes, but your life is a living progression and most of that will be with a future partner. Do not jeopardize that. Focus on you, if in time he approaches you don't take him back immediately. Let him work for your love and commitment.
Author llsandyll Posted October 16, 2016 Author Posted October 16, 2016 Yeah that's definitely an age of which he should be able to stand up for things he should be believing in, especially a partner. If I was in his position, I'd disregard everything and anything my parents had to say, parents are for life yes, but your life is a living progression and most of that will be with a future partner. Do not jeopardize that. Focus on you, if in time he approaches you don't take him back immediately. Let him work for your love and commitment. As stupid as it sounds... I do still wish and hope that day when he comes to realization of coming back to me... Cuz when we broke up... he did say that he still has a lot of love left for me but he will not have the courage to love me anymore (as in be with me I guess) ... Or am I just too naive to believe in what he said? Thank you for all the advices you have given.
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