I can't maintain a friendship with my ex and best friend if I dont "support her love"

[thatfeel]

I'm in a very rough spot that is absolutely devastating my mental health. Just when I feel like I have a shred of personal integrity and strength I cave and allow myself to get walked on.

 

Me and my ex had a very interesting relationship for about 3 years. It ended on a weird note and I suspect she was getting close to my best friend and used an event around that time to justify the ending of it and kicking me out. Unfortunately I truly believe she is a great person to have as a friend when I already don't really have many. The problem is she grew to fall in love with my best friend. What really rubs salt in my wound is I met her at my old job and I helped him get that job after I left it. So this could have all been avoided...

 

I was not okay with this. I could have gotten over her and healed even as friends with her but I simply know I would never be able to heal or remain comfortable around my best friend if they pursued their love. I began to make things awkward for her when I confronted my best friend about this multiple times. Because I suspected towards the end of the relationship that he was courting her. He admitted he was and it stopped but it was an on and off thing even after I got dumped.

 

I went to her house this past weekend and we talked a bit. She continuously asked me if I would stand in the way of love. I told her that if she dated my friend that I would have no choice but to end my friendship with him. She basically called me selfish and told me I don't support her and that I can't control peoples lives like that. I feel like I am just as much entitled to my feelings as she is hers except I find more rational basis in mind. It would make me very unhappy and it would pain me to be with my friend knowing he is dating my ex. Sorry but that should be enough for anyone to just move on. Instead she is the one who tells me to move on when when she is literally just in love, and is not even dating him, and can get over him and move on. She is forcing me to play my hand against a 6 year old friendship with my buddy and it deeply saddens me to think she doesn't seem to care.

 

The problem is she holds things over my head and uses financial incentives to keep me reeled in and in check. She added me to her life insurance policy so if she dies I could claim. And a few other things. She had no problem keeping me on even after she dumped me but now she is saying if I don't move out of the way of love she has no reason to be my friend and support me financially. She knows how much I care about it(and honestly who could easily resist the prospect of sweet beneficiary money) so it sways my opinion. At the end of our talk this past weekend I made some statement that could have been taken as I support her love.

 

The reality is I don't though. As soon as I got home I just immediately felt sick about the whole thing. About how she is gonna date my best friend and when I hang out with him I know he will be with a woman whom I dearly loved. My self respect has been compromised and I can't seem to put my foot down because I am sad to lose her as a friend. I told my best friend that if he pursues anything I can't remain comfortable maintaining a friendship with him and I believe he understands. He wishes things would just remain the same between us all where we're just all good friends and that he barely talks to her. My friend says he really doesn't want everything to fall apart.

 

I can't find any peace with myself or with these people and it's taking a toll on me. Am I wrong to feel so strongly about being against her dating my best friend? How can her "love" outweigh the pain I would endure from them being together? I can't tell what's right and what's wrong.

[BC1980]

I would have no more contact with either one of them. You can't be friends with them. I think doing so would lead to misery for you. I'm sorry you are losing a 6 year friendship, but they've hardly left you with any choice. Also, if this guy was really your friend, he would not date your ex. That is just common courtesy and an unwritten rule. He obviously prioritizes his feelings for your ex over any friendship with you, which isn't much of a friend if you ask me.

[Nowty V]

It's a bummer.

 

Avoid them like the plague or it will be like a kick in the balls each time.

 

If you carry on mind ***king this situation you will send yourself around the twist.

 

If you need professional help then seek it.

 

I would recommend reading 'Awareness' by Anthony De Mello.

 

It will challenge your concepts & perspective; this could help you see things in a better light.

 

This too will pass.

[LostOnes05]

Bro, cut them both out of your life. What best friend gets with his best friend's ex? And after you got him a job??! You've been stabbed in the back at least 4 times...and you're still bleeding.

 

She has no respect at all and is incredibly selfish. Of the 7+ billion people on Earth, she felt compelled to get with your best friend? How can she be such a great friend? Imagine the blowout if you got with her female best friend and asked her to support your love...LMAO!! That would be like dropping an atomic bomb on a hydrogen bomb wrapped in TNT and C4 (you get my drift).

 

And dude, letting her hold an insurance policy over your head? Odds are you're going to checkout before she does anyway. Our life expectancy is a bit lower than women's life expectancy. So you're going to put yourself through crap, immense pain, and all for money you may never see?? C'mon man, wise up!! Do you think that if she gets married to someone, that you'll still be on the her insurance policy as beneficiary? Let me give you the quick answer...NO.

[Frozensushi]

About how she is gonna date my best friend and when I hang out with him I know he will be with a woman whom I dearly loved.

 

I think you are still in love with her. You definitely aren't over her. If you were completely over her, this wouldn't be hurting you like this. Also, your "best friend" isn't really that much of a friend.

 

I agree with the others, you need to cut them out of your life and find people who will appreciate and respect you. You are allowing this to happen to yourself. You have the choice to let it keep hurting or not.