hippychick3 Posted October 15, 2016 Posted October 15, 2016 (edited) I am curious what others' expectations are from their SO during a weekend with friends. My bf is attending a bachelor party weekend at a hotel in the city with his best friend (the groom) and all the groomsmen. Their plan is to mostly go bar hopping and hang out together. Although we are long distance (approx. 3 hours drive) from each other, we see each other most weekends and are in constant communication during the weekdays. This weekend is the first weekend in over 4 months that we have not spent together. My expectations may be too high so wanted to get a consensus of others' opinions. He rarely goes out with his friends, so I don't want to expect too much. I trust him and want him to have a good time, but I would like to know if it's too much to expect him to keep in touch over the weekend (more than a good morning and goodnight text). And just for the record, I have no intentions of reaching out to him and interrupting his time. Edited October 15, 2016 by hippychick3
lilmissjava Posted October 15, 2016 Posted October 15, 2016 I wouldn't expect too much, they are on a guy getaway. That way if he keeps in touch with you throughout the weekend, it would be a pleasant surprise. 2
Popsicle Posted October 15, 2016 Posted October 15, 2016 I wouldn't expect anything. If he didn't, I wouldnt be disappointed. If he did, lots of brownie points for him. 2
mortensorchid Posted October 15, 2016 Posted October 15, 2016 It's a bachelor party. This means "no girls allowed" who are not there for entertainment purposes. Rest assured that most guys who are in them look but do not touch. It's almost like he's an actor in a play, it's not even real. Don't sweat it.
Author hippychick3 Posted October 15, 2016 Author Posted October 15, 2016 It's a bachelor party. This means "no girls allowed" who are not there for entertainment purposes. Rest assured that most guys who are in them look but do not touch. It's almost like he's an actor in a play, it's not even real. Don't sweat it. I am not sure what you're saying.... They aren't going to strip clubs, just bars if that is what you meant. There actually aren't any strip clubs in the area they are staying. My issue isn't about him being at a particular place. It's strictly about communication expectations.
phineas Posted October 15, 2016 Posted October 15, 2016 when I do this with my guy friends cell phones are put down and only looked at occasionally to make sure there is no emergency.
Redhead14 Posted October 15, 2016 Posted October 15, 2016 I am curious what others' expectations are from their SO during a weekend with friends. My bf is attending a bachelor party weekend at a hotel in the city with his best friend (the groom) and all the groomsmen. Their plan is to mostly go bar hopping and hang out together. Although we are long distance (approx. 3 hours drive) from each other, we see each other most weekends and are in constant communication during the weekdays. This weekend is the first weekend in over 4 months that we have not spent together. My expectations may be too high so wanted to get a consensus of others' opinions. He rarely goes out with his friends, so I don't want to expect too much. I trust him and want him to have a good time, but I would like to know if it's too much to expect him to keep in touch over the weekend (more than a good morning and goodnight text). And just for the record, I have no intentions of reaching out to him and interrupting his time. You need to evaluate why it is you expect/need/would be comforted by having communication from him. If you are coming from a place of fear/distrust, you need to figure out if that is based on internal insecurities or on empirical evidence/behavior by him in the past. If you are sitting there stressing and hanging on to your phone, stop. Go out and make some plans for yourself with your friends and then the two of you will have some fun things to talk about when he gets back. This weekend is the first weekend in over 4 months that we have not spent together. -- There will be more if you two have a healthy relationship that allows each other to breathe and not feel smothered. are in constant communication during the weekdays. -- Constant? Is that because you call/text him all the time and can't go without talking to him for even a day? If he calls or texts, great. If not, hopefully he's just having a very good time for himself. 1
GemmaUK Posted October 15, 2016 Posted October 15, 2016 No contact at all, same in reverse when I go for a weekend with the girls. 1
Ami1uwant Posted October 15, 2016 Posted October 15, 2016 Plan on not hearing from him this weekend. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted October 15, 2016 Posted October 15, 2016 I wouldn't really expect to hear much at all. A goodmorning or something would be nice, but not essential. 1
Author hippychick3 Posted October 15, 2016 Author Posted October 15, 2016 You need to evaluate why it is you expect/need/would be comforted by having communication from him. If you are coming from a place of fear/distrust, you need to figure out if that is based on internal insecurities or on empirical evidence/behavior by him in the past. If you are sitting there stressing and hanging on to your phone, stop. Go out and make some plans for yourself with your friends and then the two of you will have some fun things to talk about when he gets back. This weekend is the first weekend in over 4 months that we have not spent together. -- There will be more if you two have a healthy relationship that allows each other to breathe and not feel smothered. are in constant communication during the weekdays. -- Constant? Is that because you call/text him all the time and can't go without talking to him for even a day? If he calls or texts, great. If not, hopefully he's just having a very good time for himself. Whoa whoa. First, we've been together for more than 3 years so have spent many, many weekends apart. Second, I don't text him or call him all the time. He calls me daily. I'm very independent. We have a normal relationship so keep in touch daily as most couples do.
basil67 Posted October 15, 2016 Posted October 15, 2016 You are asking too much if you expect frequent contact during the weekend.
Redhead14 Posted October 15, 2016 Posted October 15, 2016 Whoa whoa. First, we've been together for more than 3 years so have spent many, many weekends apart. Second, I don't text him or call him all the time. He calls me daily. I'm very independent. We have a normal relationship so keep in touch daily as most couples do. Well, you didn't present that information. You mentioned 4 month period. And, since the above is the case, I'm questioning why you're posting about this particular weekend apart. Has he been behaving in a way that's making you feel insecure recently?
Author hippychick3 Posted October 16, 2016 Author Posted October 16, 2016 Well, you didn't present that information. You mentioned 4 month period. And, since the above is the case, I'm questioning why you're posting about this particular weekend apart. Has he been behaving in a way that's making you feel insecure recently? I can see that my post can be confusing in that aspect. This weekend apart is only different in that it's a Bachelor party weekend rather than the typical weekend apart. There are no communication issues on a normal weekend. He hasn't been behaving in any way that makes me feel insecure. I think it's just me and my issue.
Author hippychick3 Posted October 16, 2016 Author Posted October 16, 2016 You need to evaluate why it is you expect/need/would be comforted by having communication from him. If you are coming from a place of fear/distrust, you need to figure out if that is based on internal insecurities or on empirical evidence/behavior by him in the past. If you are sitting there stressing and hanging on to your phone, stop. Go out and make some plans for yourself with your friends and then the two of you will have some fun things to talk about when he gets back. I wanted to address this part of your post which I couldn't do earlier because I've spent a very busy day with my kids and friends (to address the 2nd part of your post). Regarding the first part, there is no evidence whatsoever of him doing anything to question my trust or make me feel insecure. I really just want to know what others' expectations are so I can gauge the appropriate level of my expectations.
Redhead14 Posted October 16, 2016 Posted October 16, 2016 I wanted to address this part of your post which I couldn't do earlier because I've spent a very busy day with my kids and friends (to address the 2nd part of your post). Regarding the first part, there is no evidence whatsoever of him doing anything to question my trust or make me feel insecure. I really just want to know what others' expectations are so I can gauge the appropriate level of my expectations. I don't live with expectations for little things like phone calls while someone is on a weekend getaway once in a while. I only expect to be treated with respect and love and demonstrating that I can trust them while they are with me. If those things are firmly in tact while we are together, I don't sweat the little stuff. I don't start wondering about the "one offs". I look at the bigger picture . . . 1
Author hippychick3 Posted October 16, 2016 Author Posted October 16, 2016 I don't live with expectations for little things like phone calls while someone is on a weekend getaway once in a while. I only expect to be treated with respect and love and demonstrating that I can trust them while they are with me. If those things are firmly in tact while we are together, I don't sweat the little stuff. I don't start wondering about the "one offs". I look at the bigger picture . . . That's good feedback. I can agree with this. Thanks. 1
preraph Posted October 16, 2016 Posted October 16, 2016 (edited) I am not sure what you're saying.... They aren't going to strip clubs, just bars if that is what you meant. There actually aren't any strip clubs in the area they are staying. My issue isn't about him being at a particular place. It's strictly about communication expectations. They always hire strippers or a prostitute at bachelor parties. No one may do anything but watch her dance, but one will be there because even if the groom doesn't want one, one of the other guys there will want one and will see to it. As long as you trust your SO, just let him have a good time. Even if he stays in constant touch, it won't stop him from seeing the stripper strip. Don't ask him to check in with you. It's too untrusting and motherly. Maybe the fact that you turn loose of the reins will keep him guilty enough not to do anything you wouldn't want him to do, whereas acting like you don't trust him by demanding check-ins might make him rebel. Plus he doesn't want to look like he's whipped in front of the guys and would incur some serious criticism for it if it looks that way in front of all his friends. I would add that if he doesn't hear from you, he'd probably be MORE likely to check in with you than if you are checking in with him, which he may find annoying. Go have fun with friends while he's gone. Then you'll both have something to talk about when he's back. Edited October 16, 2016 by preraph
Author hippychick3 Posted October 16, 2016 Author Posted October 16, 2016 They always hire strippers or a prostitute at bachelor parties. No one may do anything but watch her dance, but one will be there because even if the groom doesn't want one, one of the other guys there will want one and will see to it. As long as you trust your SO, just let him have a good time. Even if he stays in constant touch, it won't stop him from seeing the stripper strip. Don't ask him to check in with you. It's too untrusting and motherly. Maybe the fact that you turn loose of the reins will keep him guilty enough not to do anything you wouldn't want him to do, whereas acting like you don't trust him by demanding check-ins might make him rebel. Plus he doesn't want to look like he's whipped in front of the guys and would incur some serious criticism for it if it looks that way in front of all his friends. I would add that if he doesn't hear from you, he'd probably be MORE likely to check in with you than if you are checking in with him, which he may find annoying. Go have fun with friends while he's gone. Then you'll both have something to talk about when he's back. Well, I'm pretty sure there weren't any strippers at the party. Regardless, I'm not even thinking in that direction and have no trust issues. I would never ask him to check in with me. I don't believe anyone should tell their SO to call them, text them, or contact them. It should be something they do because they WANT to do it. Our relationship is pretty healthy. And for the record, I didn't check in with him and only responded to his texts (yes, he did text me here and there during the weekend). And, I spent the weekend with my kids and friends having a great time...I stay very busy with my life, kids, and friends when not with my BF. This weekend was no different for me. My question was really only about expected communication during a Guys out weekend/Bachelor party weekend.
Author hippychick3 Posted October 16, 2016 Author Posted October 16, 2016 Its Sunday now, has he been in touch? Yes, he has. In addition to the good morning and good night texts (which he always does regardless of where he is or what he is doing), he did check in with me to make sure I arrived safely to the event I attended as well as if I arrived home safely as it was quite far away. He also texted a few times to share what they were doing and ask what I was doing. Thanks to those who gave their feedback in this situation. That definitely contributed to me no longer having too many expectations this weekend. 2
veggirl Posted October 16, 2016 Posted October 16, 2016 I would expect a once a day check in, maybe late afternoon or early evening before they head out for the night. I would also LIKE a random texts here and there, this has all been my experience with guys going on weekend trips. 1
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