Did I have the right to be angry if she didn't put out?

[insert_name]

Ha ha... I had few chuckles with this post.

 

You, sir, do not sound like a morally driven individual, nor a gentleman. Your very post incriminates you.

 

First, yes, you have every right to be pissed, but only b/c you didn't get what you wanted and b/c she did play you. But she also has every right, at any time, to say NO.

 

Based on your post, I suspect your intentions were SEX first, maybe relationship SECOND. You even say that you'd 'probably' dated her. You gave her the typical 'I think there's a connection BS' to get her to sleep with you, but oddly lambast her for being narcissistic, etc. Of course you knew or suspected this BEFORE you decided to "give her a chance."

 

I suspect she dodged a bullet...and you.

 

They both dodged a bullet.

 

Reading this again the one thing that jumps out at me is....

 

If she is 'not that kind of girl' (as she said herself) then why on god's Earth did she go back to his place in the first place?! What was she hoping to achieve if not lead him.on for a bit and then shut him down?

 

The take away from this which stops situations like this from developing into angst ridden posts like these is: if you don't want to have sex, don't go back to his place!

/end-thread

[j_flow]

I respect you more for accepting you're feeling and doing what you thought was right at the time. Everyone here is chewing you out for kicking someone out you felt lead you on; I would have thought you were weak and desperate if you buried all those emotions and just said "OK, feel free to sleep in my bed and eat my food despite rejected me and putting me in this state after so much build up."

 

That said, if all you wanted was sex you should have sucked it up

[Swan89]

No means no. Remember that. Remembering this is for your benefit in this litigious society. At any moment prior to sex, she can say no. Just an ounce more of entitlement could cause you to do something that could ruin your life.

 

That said, she didn't know you. She was taking a big risk in going back to your place alone with you and getting hot and heavy. She should thank her lucky stars that all you did was get pissed and kick her out. If I were her I'd steer clear of you from now on.

 

Why, are you seriously implying that I'm a potential rapist? wow.

You are all very quick to go on about the 'no means no' concept, which I agree with, hence why I didn't rape her. I just wasn't happy about her leading me on and I also had every right to tell someone to leave my house if I felt we weren't on the same page. To the other poster, yes, you're absolutely correct that what I wanted was sex first, and then dabble with the idea of dating to see how things turn out. I know a lot of people who's relationships started out as a one night stand. I understand in my post I contradicted myself in my suspicions of her and what I was saying to her, but in the haze of alcohol and fun conversation, I believed at that time that I DID feel a connection with her.

[elaine567]

The truth is he didn't respect her as a human being enough to accept her saying no.

 

To him, she was just a flirty, selfie posing, ONS quality, two a penny, throwaway sort of a "thing" that was supposed to put out and when she didn't, he got mad in the same way a man paying for a prostitute would get mad if she said she didn't want to have sex with him.

 

In the OP's mind, it wasn't her "place" to say no, he was the one making the decisions, she was only there to pleasure him, but when she said no, his ego was bruised, how dare this "thing" refuse him. Who does she think she is? and so he got mad and threw her out, like the garbage he decided she was...

 

Oh dear.

Entitlement rules.

[Gr8fuln2020]

They both dodged a bullet.

 

Reading this again the one thing that jumps out at me is....

 

If she is 'not that kind of girl' (as she said herself) then why on god's Earth did she go back to his place in the first place?! What was she hoping to achieve if not lead him.on for a bit and then shut him down?

 

The take away from this which stops situations like this from developing into angst ridden posts like these is: if you don't want to have sex, don't go back to his place!

/end-thread

 

Absolutely could not disagree. They were playing each other!

[phineas]

Ha ha... I had few chuckles with this post.

 

You, sir, do not sound like a morally driven individual, nor a gentleman. Your very post incriminates you.

 

First, yes, you have every right to be pissed, but only b/c you didn't get what you wanted and b/c she did play you. But she also has every right, at any time, to say NO.

 

Based on your post, I suspect your intentions were SEX first, maybe relationship SECOND. You even say that you'd 'probably' dated her. You gave her the typical 'I think there's a connection BS' to get her to sleep with you, but oddly lambast her for being narcissistic, etc. Of course you knew or suspected this BEFORE you decided to "give her a chance."

 

I suspect she dodged a bullet...and you.

 

based on both of their behavior neither were looking for a relationship so i fail to see why that should even be a factor in this.

[phineas]

Why, are you seriously implying that I'm a potential rapist? wow.

You are all very quick to go on about the 'no means no' concept, which I agree with, hence why I didn't rape her. I just wasn't happy about her leading me on and I also had every right to tell someone to leave my house if I felt we weren't on the same page. To the other poster, yes, you're absolutely correct that what I wanted was sex first, and then dabble with the idea of dating to see how things turn out. I know a lot of people who's relationships started out as a one night stand. I understand in my post I contradicted myself in my suspicions of her and what I was saying to her, but in the haze of alcohol and fun conversation, I believed at that time that I DID feel a connection with her.

 

Welcome to LS Bro.

If a woman doesn't call you a rapist, potential rapist, or use the word rapey when responding to you, then you are not a real man.

 

Had you just cuddled with her you'd be cheered.

Even though no woman cheering you here would actually find a guy who accepted cuddle buddy status as attractive or sexy.

[stillafool]

Right, well thankyou for your insight. I hate the idea of having personality flaws and I can see your point, and I'm always striving to improve myself even though occasionally I mess up and go about things the wrong way. I think we'll just have to chalk this one up as a learning curve and move on?

 

Next time, if you want to bring someone home for sex, tell them that so neither of you will be mislead. She had every right to say no to you as it's her body. You shouldn't have thrown her out (and I don't know if you meant physically) but politely asked her to leave.

[Swan89]

Welcome to LS Bro.

If a woman doesn't call you a rapist, potential rapist, or use the word rapey when responding to you, then you are not a real man.

 

Had you just cuddled with her you'd be cheered.

Even though no woman cheering you here would actually find a guy who accepted cuddle buddy status as attractive or sexy.

 

Exactly! that would be submissive behaviour and showing her that she can walk all over you if it is in her mind to tease you. I have taken women home before and they did the same thing, we just slept in the bed together and they left the next day and I'm thinking 'what the hell was the point of that?'

[Swan89]

Next time, if you want to bring someone home for sex, tell them that so neither of you will be mislead. She had every right to say no to you as it's her body. You shouldn't have thrown her out (and I don't know if you meant physically) but politely asked her to leave.

 

Good advice, thanks!

[stillafool]

Dude you screwed up.If you had just said ok I don't want you to do anything you are uncomfortable with she would have been very impressed with you and you could have gone to sleep together.

Then you could have had great morning sex!

 

Maybe he didn't want to sleep with her. Having sex with someone and waking up to them the next morning are two different things.

[insert_name]

The truth is he didn't respect her as a human being enough to accept her saying no.

 

To him, she was just a flirty, selfie posing, ONS quality, two a penny, throwaway sort of a "thing" that was supposed to put out and when she didn't, he got mad in the same way a man paying for a prostitute would get mad if she said she didn't want to have sex with him.

In the OP's mind, it wasn't her "place" to say no, he was the one making the decisions, she was only there to pleasure him, but when she said no, his ego was bruised, how dare this "thing" refuse him. Who does she think she is? and so he got mad and threw her out, like the garbage he decided she was...

 

Oh dear.

Entitlement rules.

 

That paragraph is so ridiculous that for once, words fail me.

[Gr8fuln2020]

based on both of their behavior neither were looking for a relationship so i fail to see why that should even be a factor in this.

 

I don't understand what you are suggesting here.

 

I certainly cannot speak for the girl, but the OP's post suggests that he was more interested in the sex than any relationship. I don't have a problem that he or neither were looking for a relationship.

 

My response clearly states that he should be upset about being played, but that his personal contentions and observations extraneous to that is questionable.

 

I certainly would not make him out to be a rapist. No way. Again, you (OP) should be upset, but don't make yourself out to being more than you are.

[Popsicle]

Why, are you seriously implying that I'm a potential rapist? wow.

 

I wasn't saying you're a rapist, I was telling you about how rapists think and what gets them in these situations. There are have been plenty of men who have thought the way you have, went ahead and pushed the sex, and payed a steep price afterwards. I was warning you to protect yourself because you don't know her. There are also guys who have been falsely accused of rape and I'm sure they felt the same way you do. They just were unlucky in that the woman they had the encounter with was trigger happy. I would tell my own son to protect himself and adjust his attitude in the same way. There are no laws against hurt feelings but there are laws against rape and an accusation alone can ruin your life.

 

Now I would not be stupid enough to take this sort of risk but I have a friend who does it all the time. She even gets naked with them, then says no. It is a test on her part.

[j_flow]

The truth is he didn't respect her as a human being enough to accept her saying no.

 

To him, she was just a flirty, selfie posing, ONS quality, two a penny, throwaway sort of a "thing" that was supposed to put out and when she didn't, he got mad in the same way a man paying for a prostitute would get mad if she said she didn't want to have sex with him.

 

In the OP's mind, it wasn't her "place" to say no, he was the one making the decisions, she was only there to pleasure him, but when she said no, his ego was bruised, how dare this "thing" refuse him. Who does she think she is? and so he got mad and threw her out, like the garbage he decided she was...

 

Oh dear.

Entitlement rules.

 

This couldn't be any further from the truth.

[elaine567]

This couldn't be any further from the truth.

 

Did you not really read what he wrote?

[Nowty V]

Absolutely could not disagree. They were playing each other!

 

Caught in his own trap.

[phineas]

I don't understand what you are suggesting here.

 

I certainly cannot speak for the girl, but the OP's post suggests that he was more interested in the sex than any relationship. I don't have a problem that he or neither were looking for a relationship.

 

My response clearly states that he should be upset about being played, but that his personal contentions and observations extraneous to that is questionable.

 

I certainly would not make him out to be a rapist. No way. Again, you (OP) should be upset, but don't make yourself out to being more than you are.

 

i thought your use of the word relationship just didn't make sense here as if there was some expectation of it on either party.

 

Nothing more, nothing less.

[j_flow]

Did you not really read what he wrote?

 

Seems to me he got all the right signals in terms of her wanting to proceed sexually. When he acted on those signals he was rejected and felt terrible. When he felt terrible he kicked her out.

 

You can argue he should be more accepting that a lot of women will do this and learn to get over it. However I think he wasn't totally wrong to go with his emotions and to kick her out. Any other way and he would be repressing his true feelings, no? Additionally I don't think there were a lot of ways her staying would have helped his emotional state anyhow.

 

He didn't think she was trash. He was vulnerable enough to risk trying for sex and get rejected. That's why it hurt so much more.

[Shining One]

Anyone, man or woman, has the right to say no to sex at any point during the process.

Anyone, man or woman, has the right to direct someone to leave their home at any time.

 

The OP is not entitled to sex and the woman in question is not entitled to a night in his home.

[j_flow]

Anyone, man or woman, has the right to say no to sex at any point during the process.

Anyone, man or woman, has the right to direct someone to leave their home at any time.

 

The OP is not entitled to sex and the woman in question is not entitled to a night in his home.

 

This is what I'm talking about!

[Swan89]

Seems to me he got all the right signals in terms of her wanting to proceed sexually. When he acted on those signals he was rejected and felt terrible. When he felt terrible he kicked her out.

 

You can argue he should be more accepting that a lot of women will do this and learn to get over it. However I think he wasn't totally wrong to go with his emotions and to kick her out. Any other way and he would be repressing his true feelings, no? Additionally I don't think there were a lot of ways her staying would have helped his emotional state anyhow.

 

He didn't think she was trash. He was vulnerable enough to risk trying for sex and get rejected. That's why it hurt so much more.

 

That's summed it on how I felt perfectly. It did feel very hurtful to be rejected like that.

[Popsicle]

Seems to me he got all the right signals in terms of her wanting to proceed sexually. When he acted on those signals he was rejected and felt terrible. When he felt terrible he kicked her out.

 

You can argue he should be more accepting that a lot of women will do this and learn to get over it. However I think he wasn't totally wrong to go with his emotions and to kick her out. Any other way and he would be repressing his true feelings, no? Additionally I don't think there were a lot of ways her staying would have helped his emotional state anyhow.

 

He didn't think she was trash. He was vulnerable enough to risk trying for sex and get rejected. That's why it hurt so much more.

 

That's fair.

 

But don't go trying to talk to her anymore after this.

 

I bet he still wants to talk to her but is whining that she may think negatively of him now.

[Toodaloo]

Right, well thankyou for your insight. I hate the idea of having personality flaws and I can see your point, and I'm always striving to improve myself even though occasionally I mess up and go about things the wrong way. I think we'll just have to chalk this one up as a learning curve and move on?

 

Chalk it up and learn from it.

 

The "Alpha" male that everyone keeps going on about would have simply shrugged it off, snogged a bit more and gone to bed.

 

Simply because their brains lead their actions and they are in full control of the penis - not the other way round.

 

Quit reading books about PUA tactics and instead get books on charisma and modern manners etc. It helps when you get yourself into situations like this to already have a plan and know how to deal with it and how to handle it.

[Swan89]

That's fair.

 

But don't go trying to talk to her anymore after this.

 

I bet he still wants to talk to her but is whining that she may think negatively of him now.

 

I really don't. I lost interest in her for playing me like that.