savvy2008 Posted October 15, 2016 Posted October 15, 2016 I dated a guy for roughly 8 months and it was serious. We were planning vacations together, planning to go out of the country together, and he was very close to my son. He broke it off literally out of the blue saying he felt like I was watching him, then that he doesn't know how to do relationships and wants to work on himself alone and stop being passive aggressive, figure out why he pushes people away. I struggled with it back then because it was so random, he had just given me a key to his place, we had been planning a trip together and the week prior he invited me and my son to go on another trip with him, a few months in advance. I decided not to talk to him a few days after the break up. That was November, and I've been doing great. Things have always been awkward with him since. I've seen him a few times briefly because we work for the same company, but different locations. He has maintained a level of awkwardness (walking away when he sees me, keeping his head down like he didn't see me, etc.). A couple weeks ago my manager was at my ex's location and said my ex asked about me and if it's true that I'm up for a promotion, then said to tell me hi, if I cared. A week or so after that, he messaged my best friend's fiance on a gaming system, claiming he wanted to catch up and talk about a new show, compare notes. He deleted my friend and her fiance on facebook after he realized that I had deleted him. So the fiance was mad that he got deleted then my ex, many months later is talking again like their buddies. Yesterday I sent my ex a message saying I got the message from my manager and I wanted him to know I don't hold any grudges or have hard feelings like it seems he thinks I do. He responded saying he's glad I don't and that he doesn't want it to be awkward either. He said he wants to keep moving forward and be friends. Then said if I ever need anything or need help with something I think he could help with, to never hesitate to ask him. He then said he hoped me and my son, and family are doing well and that he hopes we were ok during the recent hurricane. I thought it was a weird response considering that he was the one being all weird about me and then he says he wants friendship like he wasn't the one being super awkward all this time. Friendship? I don't know. I expected much less than that when I messaged him and was wanting to clear the air about him seeming to think I hated him. Now I wonder if I shouldn't have contacted him. Thoughts? I'm not sure what would be best moving forward. 1
lilmissjava Posted October 15, 2016 Posted October 15, 2016 I surmise that if you still hold even the smallest of torches not to go the friend route. Your expectations may exceed what he would allow himself to put forth as a friend if that were the case. Moving forward you have two options. Continue to be reachable and there for him when he wants to communicate as "friends", Or, the other option (for which I would take) is to continue on the way you have been and don't make yourself available to a friend request when it was clear you were blind sided with his decision to push you away for good last year. If you have been doing well, why jeopardize that on a few meaningless inquiries from an ex? 1
mortensorchid Posted October 15, 2016 Posted October 15, 2016 If you had not been in communication for over six months, there is no relationship whatsoever. You can say "I want to be friends" and that's fine, but you're not exactly. How many have said that in the past and how many are you friends with today? Not many, I'm guessing. I think he said that because you reached out after all the months of silence but he doesn't really mean it. Move on. 1
Popsicle Posted October 15, 2016 Posted October 15, 2016 When a guy who has awkwardly broken up with you or whom you have broken up with says "I want to be friends" what he means is "I miss you and still want to date you but absolutely nothing has changed and I'm scared that things may go sour again, so if I say 'friends' then I hope to still get the benefits of being with you, yet still screw up at the same time and nobody will feel bad (especially me)". It's sort of an attempt at going for the backdoor. I know, my ex did this. 1
Omei Posted October 15, 2016 Posted October 15, 2016 When a guy who has awkwardly broken up with you or whom you have broken up with says "I want to be friends" what he means is "I miss you and still want to date you but absolutely nothing has changed and I'm scared that things may go sour again, so if I say 'friends' then I hope to still get the benefits of being with you, yet still screw up at the same time and nobody will feel bad (especially me)". It's sort of an attempt at going for the backdoor. I know, my ex did this. Same with mine I gave him a big fat no. 1
Popsicle Posted October 15, 2016 Posted October 15, 2016 Same with mine I gave him a big fat no. Me too. Popsicle 1
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