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16-yr-old grl + 19-yr-old guy...too much of an age diff?


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Posted

Okay, so I like this guy I work with at camp. I'm a 16-year-old girl and he's a 19-year-old guy. The real problem is that his birthday is 22 days before mine, so for 22 days, he will be 4 years older than me.

 

I've only just met him last week, but he's definitely flirting with me, so I'm trying to get some advice in case the chance ever arises.

 

I have no desire for sex, and I intend to make that crystal clear to him if something ever does happen between us. (You can also tell me if it's natural to think sex is sort of gross when you are my age...I'm also a bit concerned about that...)

 

Another problem is that he lives about an hour away. I see him whenever I go to work at camp, but he's a senior staff and I'm junior staff so we're not even allowed to be one-on-one with each other, and camp is only for the summer. So the distance could also turn out to be a problem...

 

So what do you think? A 3-year age difference and then a 22-day-long 4-year age difference. Is it possible and/or okay, especially with someone who lives so far away? And is it okay to think sex is gross at 16-years-old? Please let me know...I'm looking for advice. Thank you so much.

 

~AngelSighingSoftly

Posted

It's doubtful a long distance relationship will work out for you with anybody. At your age, it's likely you're wanting something more immediate and accessible.

 

From a legal standpoint, in most states he would be committing a criminal act (contributing to the delinquency of a minor) by kissing, touching or just about anything with you. Having sex with you would be statutory rape, although you have made it clear you don't want to go there. I think he needs to find someone slightly older for himself or wait until you reach 18.

 

You might want to do some research into the specific laws in your city and state regarding your situation. You can do this by calling your local law enforcement agency.

 

Meanwhile, I don't think it would be a problem being friends with the guy on email, telephone, etc. as long as you have a chaperone with you when he's in town.

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Posted

I've been looking online and all I can find is laws against having sexual intercourse with a much older man. Since that's not the case, I'm not sure of the laws, and I don't particularly want to call the law enforcement agency to find out.

 

But you still feel that it would be wrong to even hold hands with this guy? You (or anyone else) wouldn't happen to have a website or something you think would be useful for this sort of thing, would you?

 

~AngelSighingSoftly

Posted

Sweetie, I highly doubt that a 19 year-old man is going to be content with holding hands.

 

Be his pen pal. Befriend him. But save any romantic notions until you are 18. Two years goes by reallllly fast.

Posted

By the way.... at 16 sex IS gross. It's messy, sometimes uncomfortable, and you have to worry about pesky things like pregnancy and STDs. Hold on to your virginity, at least until you're an adult -- you'll thank me later.

Posted
And is it okay to think sex is gross at 16-years-old?

 

I think it's perfectly normal to not want sex at that age. In fact, I think it's pretty f*cked up for people to be having sex that young. Nothing wrong with it at all, and if someone tells you otherwise, I'd question what exactly is wrong with them. And so you know, I'm not some old fart, prude telling you this. I'm only 23, and I see friends my age who have 7 & 8 year old kids, and it just blows my mind.

 

So what do you think? A 3-year age difference and then a 22-day-long 4-year age difference. Is it possible and/or okay, especially with someone who lives so far away?

 

The chances that a 19 yr old guy isn't looking for sex are pretty slim. And if he's going out of his way to travel great distances to come see you, you'd better believe he's gonna be hoping for a big payoff, not just holding hands. You can be friends with him, and email and call. Try to always have other people with you if you hang out in person. If you ever are alone with him and it takes a romantic turn, don't be afraid to make it crystal clear that you don't want to have sex. There's absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting to.

Posted

"You can also tell me if it's natural to think sex is sort of gross when you are my age..."

 

it's gross at all ages - it's just that we are all sick perverts so we like it gross. It's really gross once the rash, crabs, and boils find thier home down there.

Posted
Originally posted by AngelSighingSoftly

I've been looking online and all I can find is laws against having sexual intercourse with a much older man. Since that's not the case, I'm not sure of the laws, and I don't particularly want to call the law enforcement agency to find out.

 

But you still feel that it would be wrong to even hold hands with this guy? You (or anyone else) wouldn't happen to have a website or something you think would be useful for this sort of thing, would you?

 

~AngelSighingSoftly

 

I doubt that you will find any reliable information on sex laws via the internet, especially laws concerning age of consent. If you do manage to find something helpful, it will most likely come from your own city's municipal archives. More than likely, you won't be able to get a direct answer without consulting the local police, or possibly even a District Attorney.

 

To play it safe, a person who is eighteen or older should not be involved with any person under the age of eighteen.

 

To me, it's a little creepy to think that a nineteen year-old is flirting with a sixteen year-old.

 

As Tony mentioned, even kissing this man could be illegal in some states. Even if certain things may seem to be alright within a state, different cities may have their own laws which forbid such things.

 

I don't think it's a good idea to pursue any type of relationship with someone so much older than you.

  • Author
Posted
Originally posted by VirginiaBob

"You can also tell me if it's natural to think sex is sort of gross when you are my age..."

 

it's gross at all ages - it's just that we are all sick perverts so we like it gross. It's really gross once the rash, crabs, and boils find thier home down there.

 

 

Wow! Haha! That really makes me look forward to the whole thing, doesn't it?! Thanks for the honesty and the bit of humor.

 

And thanks to everyone who has helped out. I obviously don't know what guys think, but, yea, he probably is more looking for sex than non-sexual stuff. So I guess I'll have to get to know him a little more and see how it goes.

 

But you said that once I turn 18 it wouldn't be so much of a problem to date a 21-year-old? Is that allowed? Anyway, when I get to be that age, I probably won't even like him anymore. Welcome to teenage love, right?

 

Thanks, everyone!

 

~SighingAngel

Posted
Originally posted by AngelSighingSoftly

But you said that once I turn 18 it wouldn't be so much of a problem to date a 21-year-old? Is that allowed?

Heck yeah. You'd both be legal adults. And he could even buy you a beer.

Posted

Do you live with your parents? I think it would be best to consult with them about their feelings in this matter. They are the ones who will share any negative burden that may come upon you as a result of this association. They are also the ones who could cause you serious problems if they objected to such but found out while the relationship was in progress. Depending on their temperment, they could cause some serious problems for your guy friend.

 

Talk to your parents about this...or talk to the police. Get some authoritative advice.

Posted

Sweetheart, you can't even get into an R rated movie by yourself.

 

Why does this guy have to date someone that much younger than him?

 

Agewise it's not too big a difference but life/maturity wise, you're worlds apart.

Posted

I was 15 and had a 17 year old girlfriend before. My parents didn't care for her, so once she turned 18, we went on a date, and my parents called the police on her for kidnapping me. That was the end of that relationship.

  • Author
Posted

Oy, advice overload!

 

Thanks for all your guys' advice. I'm going back to camp for a week tomorrow, so I'll make it clear that friendship is the way to go. Thanks so much!

 

~SighingAngel

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