Lovezen_30 Posted October 14, 2016 Posted October 14, 2016 So I'm in the process of setting up a date with a guy for next week. He looks cute, seems to have a lot going for him and we seem to have a lot in common in terms of lifestyles/values (obviously this is JUST from a snapshot on the website). At first I liked asking how my day was going etc, but now I'm getting annoyed. I try to distance myself from social media etc as much as possible when I'm not working as I have a very technology-based job (his job, meanwhile, is the opposite). So now, we're sorting out the details of the date and he is STILL asking me Qs about my day late at night when he gets home from work. I think he is just excited about me (ot appears to be), but is there any way to tell him to tone it down in a way that won't be hurtful to him? I don't want to cancel the date because I'm still intrigued to find out what he's like in person.
GemmaUK Posted October 14, 2016 Posted October 14, 2016 I think it's a conversation that ought to be had these days. it's like this now but you have no idea if it will slow down or actually escalate. In three dating situations for me the guys all escalated to the point of insanity. If I didn't respond I would get a where at you text, then a few of those, then an email to work and also to home.. I did have a conversation with each guy about texting but they would chill for a day or two and start right back up again. I have since then had early conversations with men I have gone on dates with where me having brought it up confirms that we wouldn't be compatible. 1
Author Lovezen_30 Posted October 14, 2016 Author Posted October 14, 2016 I think it's a conversation that ought to be had these days. it's like this now but you have no idea if it will slow down or actually escalate. In three dating situations for me the guys all escalated to the point of insanity. If I didn't respond I would get a where at you text, then a few of those, then an email to work and also to home.. I did have a conversation with each guy about texting but they would chill for a day or two and start right back up again. I have since then had early conversations with men I have gone on dates with where me having brought it up confirms that we wouldn't be compatible. I have no way of knowing. I don't get the impression he is actually a HUGE technology person, almost like he thinks it's expected. I was going to ignore his questions about my day and stick to plans only, but I don't want to seem rude. What do you think? It's a bit awkward having to bring it up before the date has even taken place. I'm cautious about being in contact with someone pre-date because my last date was like this and turned out out to be nuts. It was a fast burn and a fast fade, but I want to give this guy the benefit of the doubt for now.
GemmaUK Posted October 14, 2016 Posted October 14, 2016 I have no way of knowing. I don't get the impression he is actually a HUGE technology person, almost like he thinks it's expected. I was going to ignore his questions about my day and stick to plans only, but I don't want to seem rude. What do you think? It's a bit awkward having to bring it up before the date has even taken place. I'm cautious about being in contact with someone pre-date because my last date was like this and turned out out to be nuts. It was a fast burn and a fast fade, but I want to give this guy the benefit of the doubt for now. So either have that phone call now (I assume you have already had a call - it's not a good idea not to) or have that conversation on the date. Don't have the conversation via text. You wanna give him a chance so therefore speak to him and let him know you are Ok with less of the texts. He isn't a mind reader but he will and is putting you off before you've even been on date #1. He has no clue about you so he is most likely going with what has worked previously - some women and some men love a tonne of texts - some women and some men don't. 1
Redhead14 Posted October 14, 2016 Posted October 14, 2016 So I'm in the process of setting up a date with a guy for next week. He looks cute, seems to have a lot going for him and we seem to have a lot in common in terms of lifestyles/values (obviously this is JUST from a snapshot on the website). At first I liked asking how my day was going etc, but now I'm getting annoyed. I try to distance myself from social media etc as much as possible when I'm not working as I have a very technology-based job (his job, meanwhile, is the opposite). So now, we're sorting out the details of the date and he is STILL asking me Qs about my day late at night when he gets home from work. I think he is just excited about me (ot appears to be), but is there any way to tell him to tone it down in a way that won't be hurtful to him? I don't want to cancel the date because I'm still intrigued to find out what he's like in person. Just say something like "I'm looking forward to meeting you in person on X day and we should save some conversation for when we meet :)" Or don't respond late at night. Respond in the morning and say "I got your message last night, I go to bed at X time and don't answer my phone after that, Looking forward to meeting you on X day."
gaius Posted October 15, 2016 Posted October 15, 2016 Just stop replying when he asks. Don't reward his boring conversation with attention. Next time you text him after you've ignored you can slip in a brief "day is good" answer then move on to what you want to talk about. Easy breezy. If he can't read between the lines and adjust his behavior accordingly then he's dumb and you should get rid of him. 2
BaileyB Posted October 15, 2016 Posted October 15, 2016 Just say, "my day was busy but good. I've got a lot to do tonight. Good night - I'll see you soon." Then, when you meet if things like like you will see him again, you can tell him that you prefer not to text during the day when you are working and have that discussion... Good luck to you. 1
Bialy Posted October 15, 2016 Posted October 15, 2016 "I'll tell you all about my week when we meet up. Can't wait to meet you! :-)" 4
Nightwriter Posted October 15, 2016 Posted October 15, 2016 Many guys today are clueless when it comes to communication. Why do they decide to be best friends all of a sudden with someone they just met? Don't they have a life? I do get it though. A lot of guys get giddy and eager when a pretty girl gives them attention and think the love bomb approach works. They forget the art of intrigue and attraction. It could be an indication of insecurity. As others have said, if you want texting to slow down, don't respond very quickly and respond with short answers and no questions back, and say, "we'll talk more when we see each other." 1
preraph Posted October 15, 2016 Posted October 15, 2016 At the point when you share your phone number with someone, tell them right then, Hey, fair warning, I don't like chit chat, but texting is handy for making plans, so feel free to use it for that. I'm not someone who will keep in touch with you throughout the day for no reason. 1
Fuerza Posted October 15, 2016 Posted October 15, 2016 With my latest date, I told him straight out that I wanted to wait till the date, when I explained to him why, he actually said he never had seen it that way and it made sense to him! So yes, some men or women even or a bit clueless about this. 1
Author Lovezen_30 Posted October 16, 2016 Author Posted October 16, 2016 Many guys today are clueless when it comes to communication. Why do they decide to be best friends all of a sudden with someone they just met? Don't they have a life? I do get it though. A lot of guys get giddy and eager when a pretty girl gives them attention and think the love bomb approach works. They forget the art of intrigue and attraction. It could be an indication of insecurity. As others have said, if you want texting to slow down, don't respond very quickly and respond with short answers and no questions back, and say, "we'll talk more when we see each other." I think he is just eager. I feel a bit giddy myself, which is interesting because on the last few dates I've been on, I've been nervous but never giddy. ANYWAY - I stopped responding to the banal questions & then he went AWOL for 2 days, apologising because he was travelling in a place with no signal He's stopped asking annoying questions for now! I'm going to tell him that because I work in technology I disconnect in the evenings for the most part. Our date is lined up for in 2 days time. Wish me luck!
Author Lovezen_30 Posted October 16, 2016 Author Posted October 16, 2016 At the point when you share your phone number with someone, tell them right then, Hey, fair warning, I don't like chit chat, but texting is handy for making plans, so feel free to use it for that. I'm not someone who will keep in touch with you throughout the day for no reason. Great advice. Straight to the point and will save me a huge headache going forward. Also, if the guy IS the sort to want to be in touch 24/7, it might weed me out naturally.
Author Lovezen_30 Posted October 20, 2016 Author Posted October 20, 2016 The first date went really well, we were together for nearly 4 hours before I realised he was going to miss his train if we didn't leave ASAP. We shared a nice kiss at the end and he said he would love to go out again. I said yes, he asked what I want to do and I told him straight up I really appreciate when a guy goes 50/50 on plans (because I planned the specifics of the 1st date). He said ok, made a couple of suggestions and said 'just let me know which day you're free.' So I text him asking if he's free on Sunday, he replies 'Yeah I'll be free on Sunday.' AHH. Why can't he then just say 'Do you want to meet *HERE* at *X time*? I'm thinking of not replying at all because I will not be the planner as I have been previously. Should I just drop it now?
LargoLagg Posted October 20, 2016 Posted October 20, 2016 Just stop replying when he asks. Don't reward his boring conversation with attention. Next time you text him after you've ignored you can slip in a brief "day is good" answer then move on to what you want to talk about. Easy breezy. If he can't read between the lines and adjust his behavior accordingly then he's dumb and you should get rid of him.No. That will send the message "not interested." Put up with it until your date, then just tell him. It's all about compatibility, after all.
LargoLagg Posted October 20, 2016 Posted October 20, 2016 The first date went really well, we were together for nearly 4 hours before I realised he was going to miss his train if we didn't leave ASAP. We shared a nice kiss at the end and he said he would love to go out again. I said yes, he asked what I want to do and I told him straight up I really appreciate when a guy goes 50/50 on plans (because I planned the specifics of the 1st date). He said ok, made a couple of suggestions and said 'just let me know which day you're free.' So I text him asking if he's free on Sunday, he replies 'Yeah I'll be free on Sunday.' AHH. Why can't he then just say 'Do you want to meet *HERE* at *X time*? I'm thinking of not replying at all because I will not be the planner as I have been previously. Should I just drop it now?You might want to go with "are you going to pick me up?" Don't offer specifics. Maybe he's good at the chit chat, bad at the communicating necessary information. An open ended question like that is basically forcing him to tell you some details. Maybe he's going to blow you away, but not all the pieces are in place and so he can't give you details yet. Give him a chance, you Type A personality! 1
Author Lovezen_30 Posted October 20, 2016 Author Posted October 20, 2016 You might want to go with "are you going to pick me up?" Don't offer specifics. Maybe he's good at the chit chat, bad at the communicating necessary information. An open ended question like that is basically forcing him to tell you some details. Maybe he's going to blow you away, but not all the pieces are in place and so he can't give you details yet. Give him a chance, you Type A personality! Ha ha You say I'm type A but he told me he's more or less a self-prescribed extrovert on the date! Although I did like him. There was something special and unusual about him. The only main issue is I am more of a city girl and I feel he comes from a completely different background being a fully-fledged country boy. A lot of traditions and actions I can't relate to, although I do love the country. My biggest fear is setting myself up to be the aggressor in the relationship (if we get that far) - and I really don't want that!
LargoLagg Posted October 20, 2016 Posted October 20, 2016 Ha ha You say I'm type A but he told me he's more or less a self-prescribed extrovert on the date! Although I did like him. There was something special and unusual about him. The only main issue is I am more of a city girl and I feel he comes from a completely different background being a fully-fledged country boy. A lot of traditions and actions I can't relate to, although I do love the country. My biggest fear is setting myself up to be the aggressor in the relationship (if we get that far) - and I really don't want that!Yeah, I had a friend who was country boy, living in the city, and he found this beautiful girl who really liked him. They were fast and furious and everything was great until he cooked up some squirrel for her. Mmm-mmm! That single act of country kindness told her that they were too far apart culturally, and it marked the beginning of a very rapid end. So you're not worried about nothing. Personally, I think you're ok with a generic update request. Not aggressive, and it might even shore up his confidence a little.
Kamille Posted October 20, 2016 Posted October 20, 2016 If you want him to take the lead, let him take the lead. Avoid setting up the day of the next few dates. (Why did you?) I would drop the conversation there and wait and see if he comes up with a plan. He already knows you want him to plan the next date so I would expect him to do so. As much as you can, don't let this become a reason to become anxious. Let him show you who he is and if he is your match. Sit back, observe and focuse on enjoying getting to know him. 1
Author Lovezen_30 Posted October 20, 2016 Author Posted October 20, 2016 Yeah, I had a friend who was country boy, living in the city, and he found this beautiful girl who really liked him. They were fast and furious and everything was great until he cooked up some squirrel for her. Mmm-mmm! That single act of country kindness told her that they were too far apart culturally, and it marked the beginning of a very rapid end. So you're not worried about nothing. Personally, I think you're ok with a generic update request. Not aggressive, and it might even shore up his confidence a little. That made me laugh because I have a family of squirrels living in a tree outside my window. I can just imagine - 'hey forget the supermarket, dinner is right on our doorstep what do you mean by a generic update request? I didn't quite understand sorry!
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