Can't understand this older man-am I rejected?

[ShootingStarlet]

I met a guy while I was in another city last Summer, we had a really great date and because I thought I may never see him again, we hooked up. There was a big age gap between us, but it didn't seem to matter, in fact, I've never been so attracted to a man before because I have never felt that sense of real respect and chemistry with the guys I've dated before, who were my age. Anyway, I can't stop thinking about him.

But he's been travelling a lot for work over the Summer, going all over the world for his job, and he's only just back home this month so I sent him a message asking if he'd like to meet up again...suggesting I could fly to his city...but I got a strange response that didn't answer my question at all and I'm not sure if I've been rejected or not?

I thought older men were straight forward, this guy is not very straight forward, it's hard to tell what's going on!

[GorillaTheater]

I thought older men were straight forward, this guy is not very straight forward, it's hard to tell what's going on!

 

 

Seems fairly clear to me: he doesn't want to have to explain you to his wife.

[Kelley]

If he is not saying yes I would love to see you again, then take it as he is not interested. Age is nothing even older guys can string women along, lie, cheat etc. Don't let him mess you around, if he is not giving you the right signals move on.

 

 

I met a guy while I was in another city last Summer, we had a really great date and because I thought I may never see him again, we hooked up. There was a big age gap between us, but it didn't seem to matter, in fact, I've never been so attracted to a man before because I have never felt that sense of real respect and chemistry with the guys I've dated before, who were my age. Anyway, I can't stop thinking about him.

But he's been travelling a lot for work over the Summer, going all over the world for his job, and he's only just back home this month so I sent him a message asking if he'd like to meet up again...suggesting I could fly to his city...but I got a strange response that didn't answer my question at all and I'm not sure if I've been rejected or not?

I thought older men were straight forward, this guy is not very straight forward, it's hard to tell what's going on!

[Midnight_Madness]

Hi,

 

I think your older partner, like you, thought you meeting and connecting was a once off thing. Because of this opinion/viewpoint I think he may have been overwhelmed, surprised and possibly even hesitant after receiving your offer of visiting.

 

This is not necessarily good nor bad, his following reactions will be the decider of that truth. He may need time to adjust to the idea... Or he may not want chance losing the wonderful image he has of your last meeting... The possibilities are limitless.

 

Best of wishes for the future .

[elaine567]

I got a strange response that didn't answer my question at all and I'm not sure if I've been rejected or not?

 

What did he actually say?

[ShootingStarlet]

To give a little more of the specifics....we met on tinder, he actually lied about his age to make him seem a couple years younger than he is, so my tinder picked him up because he said he was in his later 30's. He's a pretty high profile person which I found out while I was on the date. When I messaged him to ask him if he was interested in seeing me again, I also asked if he had pre planned it that I would end up in his apartment, because the way it happened was quite smooth, like I wasn't sure if that was always his plan or just happened because we were both getting on pretty well and there was definite attraction.

He just said that he hadn't pre-planned it to have led to hooking up, he was just going with the flow of the night, and then answered me when I said he could say no to seeing me again if he thought I was too young and naive for him, which he said he didn't think I was naive....and then basically said that he doesn't plan his life but he likes to 'let things happen naturally' and said 'with the right openness, we'll find what we really need' and ended the reply.

 

I replied back saying he didn't answer if he wants to see me again but he hasn't seen that message yet. He said he's seperated from his wife but that they're best friends and speak everyday ...maybe he is still in love with her/married...

 

It's just hard to tell because he hasn't said 'you're sweet, but no, I'm afraid that won't work well for me, I am very sorry, but you're a nice girl blah blah' or hasn't said 'yes, I would like to see you again, not sure when, but yes'

 

Gosh I don't know what I'm going to do if men never give straight answers! haha

[elaine567]

He has not given you a straight answer because he is being evasive and being evasive usually means no. Yes you could perhaps "persuade" him to hook up again, but to what end? He doesn't sound at all keen.

 

He is only separated, so unless you want to get involved in all the shenanigans with an ex wife and divorce and all the emotional baggage that that usually brings, I would give him a wide berth.

Rebounds never usually work out well, and it will be you that gets hurt.

[The_Onceler]

To give a little more of the specifics....we met on tinder...

 

Dammit! I am joining Tinder.

 

 

OK, sorry to make light of this, but I think the others here have pegged it. For whatever reason(s), this guy seems to have liked you and found you attractive, but is clearly not shopping for anything that smells like a relationship.

 

Isn't that why people join Tinder in the first place?

[chiefbwette]

While i don't sense any serious relationship from your encounters, you can still have more fun with this old man for as long as you want if you followed this simple married or not married senior men dating principles.

 

Communication limits, they don't like it when you always initiate text message conversations let alone talking about what you did with them in messages.

Now they do this for some reason, they often lie about the status of their relationships most of the times they say they are separated when in-fact they are in marriage. These kind of men respect their wives very much that the last thing they want is your so called naive messages popping when they are with their wives or their phone are in vicinity of their children. that's why he called you naive.

 

You really need to be patient when you involve your self in a married old man relationship, you will only get to see him when he feels like and that's the only time you can talk about your experiences.

 

I am not sure if this is the kind of relationship you really want... but that is it so now you know.

[aloneinaz]

He views your one meet/date/hooked up as exactly that. A one time booty call. Nothing more, nothing less.

 

You said you met him on tender? Highly probably he's not separated but rather is still married.

 

I wouldn't text him again.

[Robert]

Note from moderation: this thread has been closed to avoid confusion with the concurrently running thread here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/other-man-woman/598619-he-said-he-single-her-facebook-status-says-she-s-married

 

Please post to that thread instead of here.

 

Thank you,

~6