rednails85 Posted October 14, 2016 Posted October 14, 2016 A little background: I have been seeing a guy for a little over a month and a half. We are a great match. He is super considerate and I feel like we can talk for hours about anything. He initiates the majority of our dates and contact - I have planned two dates, him the rest. We have been sleeping together for two weeks, and I met a few of his friends last weekend. It was clear he had told them a lot about me and they seemed to be under the impression I would be coming around often. He told me he's told his parents about me but we are not at the place yet where I would meet them. Although I have not told him this yet, I am hoping to introduce him to my friends next week. We have not talked about exclusivity, but we are both looking for a relationship. Last night I cooked him dinner and we had a lovely evening chatting, drinking wine, etc. He invited me to a very expensive dinner next week. Everything was going great. However, this morning we were laying in bed and something weird happened that I can't stop thinking about. He told me he had a dream about me where I got mad at him. I asked him what I was mad about, and he stuttered and stammered and said "it was bizarre." I said "Okay.. what did I do when I got mad?" He said I got upset with him and didn't want to go wherever we were going, and that it wasn't the type of thing where I should be upset. I said "We were going somewhere fun, don't get upset!" He said "We barely know each other. There was no reason for you to be getting upset." He behaved normally the rest of the morning, except that we normally have sex in the morning and this time we didn't. I don't know why but I can't help but think his dream was about me finding out he was seeing someone else and getting upset about that. I don't know otherwise why he wouldn't tell me what I was mad about. I don't know why he would even bring it up if he wasn't wanting to tell me what I got mad about. It's also upsetting to me that he said "we barely know each other." Obviously that's true - we've only known each other a month and a half - but it is so different than his other behavior. Now I'm thinking I need to back off or something even though he has been the initiator. It's just a dream but that doesn't mean it won't affect how he's feeling. I'm trying not to think about this too because I know only time will tell whether his behavior changes. I know you guys can't read his mind but I was hoping to get some more perspective on this.
smackie9 Posted October 14, 2016 Posted October 14, 2016 You are getting yourself all riled up over NOTHING. I think the dream was based on his fear of losing you and it upset him greatly so much so he wanted to talk about it. All he was looking for was some comfort and reassurance. Stay normal and move on from this. 4
JewelD Posted October 14, 2016 Posted October 14, 2016 If you've been sleeping together consistently, I'd also feel a bit miffed at the "We barely know each other" comment. Maybe he says it was a dream, but there was a reason he phrased it that way to you. "We barely know each other, you shouldn't be getting mad". Could be his way of prepping you for some bs he's about to lay down in the near future or he wants to clarify boundaries. Basically saying, just because you're fooling around doesn't mean you're his gf or that he's going to deal with you getting mad at him over anything. I'd probably pull back a little. We don't know each other but you feel comfortable sleeping in my bed and eating dinner I cooked? But then again, I always think it can be a downfall to be acting like gf/bf without being exclusive. If exclusivity is what you want at some point anyway. 2
Toodaloo Posted October 14, 2016 Posted October 14, 2016 If you've been sleeping together consistently, I'd also feel a bit miffed at the "We barely know each other" comment. They have been together for a month and a half. They don't know each other. It is that simple. You can't magically tape on time. It takes time to get to know someone. OP just ignore it and be your normal happy self. It was a bad dream nothing more. And with the best will in the world who wants to have sex when they have just had a nightmare? 2
gorf Posted October 14, 2016 Posted October 14, 2016 He said I got upset with him and didn't want to go wherever we were going, and that it wasn't the type of thing where I should be upset. I said "We were going somewhere fun, don't get upset!" He said "We barely know each other. There was no reason for you to be getting upset." Now I'm thinking I need to back off or something even though he has been the initiator. It's just a dream but that doesn't mean it won't affect how he's feeling. I'm trying not to think about this too because I know only time will tell whether his behavior changes. I know you guys can't read his mind but I was hoping to get some more perspective on this. You got upset and did not want to go where he was taking you. You should not have been upset, in his opinion. Additionally, you should also not be upset because you barely know each other. Could be a lot of things. But its a dream, so he told you cause of how it made him feel. Who knows, I wouldnt jump to conclusions. Could be he is feeling pressured about dating and worried you are starting to not appreciate the effort time and money he puts into them. Or he takes that as an example for you as a person, dates aside, because of dating. I dunno, I could speculate all day and try to interpenetrate dreams.. but without boring anyone, I would say this is the first impression I got from it. But maybe not you. Maybe he was watching tv or was in the store and heard people talking etc etc. Who knows. I would give it more time, I know you are upset and worried, but dont let it show to him. That will only keep him from telling you more.. if there even is any more to it than stress.
JewelD Posted October 15, 2016 Posted October 15, 2016 They have been together for a month and a half. They don't know each other. It is that simple. You can't magically tape on time. It takes time to get to know someone. OP just ignore it and be your normal happy self. It was a bad dream nothing more. And with the best will in the world who wants to have sex when they have just had a nightmare? Oh please, give me a break. They don't know each other entirely, but if you feel comfortable enough sleeping with someone, I'd imagine there would be some intimacy. Which is why I said she should pull back a little and stop sleeping with him so much. It's just an odd thing to say, no, you don't know each other entirely, but you're not strangers who just met at the damn club 2 hours ago either. and why exactly did she need to hear that anyway? I don't care what anyone else thinks, if he feels you two barely know each other, why does he deserve sex with you on a consistent basis? and sleeping over afterwards. OP, if you want exclusivity with this guy, I would dial it back, at least on the sex. You're giving him the benefits of a relationship without actually being in one. That's why you were taken aback by his comments. You might be in a little deeper than he is. 1
Author rednails85 Posted October 18, 2016 Author Posted October 18, 2016 An update: he came over three days later, and without prompting, brought up the dream. He said that we were walking to a big party he wants to invite me to in 2-3 weeks, and he mentioned the name of the girl that is hosting it. This is a girl we have talked about on a previous date, who he sort of has a weird history with. In the dream I got upset that he mentioned the girl and didn't want to go to the party. He said he had been having inner turmoil about not wanting to invite me to a party that was still 2-3 weeks away since that was too soon. He said he knew I thought it was weird that he wouldn't tell me about it, but really like that I could tell he wasn't ready to tell me and didn't press the issue. I thanked him for telling me, because I had wondered what it was about.
elaine567 Posted October 18, 2016 Posted October 18, 2016 An update: he came over three days later, and without prompting, brought up the dream. He said that we were walking to a big party he wants to invite me to in 2-3 weeks, and he mentioned the name of the girl that is hosting it. This is a girl we have talked about on a previous date, who he sort of has a weird history with. In the dream I got upset that he mentioned the girl and didn't want to go to the party. He said he had been having inner turmoil about not wanting to invite me to a party that was still 2-3 weeks away since that was too soon. He said he knew I thought it was weird that he wouldn't tell me about it, but really like that I could tell he wasn't ready to tell me and didn't press the issue. I thanked him for telling me, because I had wondered what it was about. I could be wrong here, but he did have had 3 days to make up that little story to explain himself...
Author rednails85 Posted October 18, 2016 Author Posted October 18, 2016 I could be wrong here, but he did have had 3 days to make up that little story to explain himself... True, but I didn't bring it up, and he did go ahead and invite me to the party which is 2 weeks from now..
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