singlelife Posted October 14, 2016 Posted October 14, 2016 What's up with all this? There seems to be women who want an alpha male but not really. Can you ladies please explain what you want from a man?
Buddhist Posted October 14, 2016 Posted October 14, 2016 Well if we were all sharing the same mind and weren't individuals I think it would be easier to figure out. Women aren't a homogenous collective all wanting the same things. Some want one thing, another something different entirely. There is also no such thing as a human alpha male because we aren't wolf packs, our society does not function in identical ways to a wolf pack. Some people have partners, other's don't. There is no societal hierarchy that determines whether or not you find a partner. There are just billions of diverse individuals who partner up with others for varying reasons. 10
Haydn Posted October 14, 2016 Posted October 14, 2016 After 8 pints some blokes imagine they have transformed into this so called `Alpha` where as, they are in fact just slobbering and incoherent. Can you remember to close the fridge door? Do you know where towels are kept? Can you negotiate your way through all her bathroom products to find your razor? Are you prepared to snuggle up and watch the `Gilmore girls?` If you can then you are on your way.... Forget all these labels. People are people (Usually, some people are horrible) 3
PrettyEmily77 Posted October 14, 2016 Posted October 14, 2016 What's up with all this? There seems to be women who want an alpha male but not really. Can you ladies please explain what you want from a man? Thoughts from one woman: Emotionally stable, healthy outlook, witty, caring, intellectually curious, don't take things personally or too seriously, financially responsible, loyal, open-minded and genuine. And single. What letter of the Greek alphabet does that fall under? 4
Wade Lamare Posted October 14, 2016 Posted October 14, 2016 What's up with all this? There seems to be women who want an alpha male but not really. Can you ladies please explain what you want from a man? There is also no such thing as a human alpha male because we aren't wolf packs, our society does not function in identical ways to a wolf pack. Well said Buddhist. Unfortunately men have been fed a bunch of over generalised bull doo doos in recent years. 'They' can't even agree on what categories to use. Alpha, beta, gamma, delta all seem to be different or non existent in each woo psych website. All too often 'Alpha' is confused with unwarranted arrogance. Obviously there are men that are phenomenally successful with the ladies and/or very successful with their careers. Success breeds confidence, confidence breeds success. Most, not all I'll grant you, of the 'alphas' that I've had pointed out to me are tall, handsome guys. It's rather easy to be regarded as 'alpha' when the dice are loaded in your favour. It's rather like regarding Superman as a hero, it's very easy to be a hero when knives, bombs and bullets can't even scratch you. The other so called alphas are the wealthy guys, success breeds confidence. Give me your average 'beta' male, gift him a fortune, upgrade his looks and add a few inches to his height and I'd almost guarantee he'd be regarded as alpha as f*** within the year. What women want? I'm not a woman so won't presume to speak for them but I strongly suspect that what most women want is; A man who is confident and competent at work and around the home and is reasonably ambitious. Dresses well, clean, hygienic and well groomed. Is as much at home doing man things around the house as he is helping her out with folding laundry, cooking a meal, helping out with the kids, whizzing around with the vacuum cleaner now and again. It's your home too! A man she can rely and depend on, a man who has her back when she needs it. A man who can make slow sensual love to her one day but another day is so lost in lust for her that he has to have her now on the kitchen table! She needs to feel desired, not just another kitchen appliance. Spontaneity. Surprise her from time to time. Be a man, she has children she doesn't want another one. A man who will take the lead when appropriate, share the lead when appropriate and defer to her lead when appropriate. I highly suspect that what most women don't want is a guy who is very overweight, shovels burgers and pizzas down his gullet and chugs beer. Leaves her to do everything, complains bitterly about his lot in life but never actually does anything about it. Sits around all night playing World of Warcraft, comes to bed at 1 am and wants roll on roll off sex. In reality most men are neither alpha nor beta, we have both alpha and beta (for want of a better term) traits in varying degrees. My wife calls me her Balpha Cocky Cook. Her ideal, or as close to ideal, blend of beta and alpha, cocky *blushes* and cook as I love cooking and especially like pleasing her with something I have cooked for her. @singlelife, what has sparked off this question?
Gloria25 Posted October 14, 2016 Posted October 14, 2016 (edited) The women's movement has taught women to have disrespect for men now a days. Any action that women would do to demonstrate nurturing (cooking, cleaning, even sexing their man), is seen as demeaning. The other day at work, one of my coworkers, married over 20 years, was saying how he didn't have time to get something to eat for breakfast cuz he didn't leave home early enough to stop anywhere. I don't play that crap. If I had a husband, I'd set the coffeemaker to brew so he could grab/go on his way out. I'd, the night before, lay out his lunch bag on the counter with his coffee cup, utensils, and stuff like fruit, etc. If he was into those breakfast sandwiches, I'd either have some in the fridge made myself or bought at super with w/o fruit in a convenient container so he could grab and go....that's what you do for your man. Mind you, cuz this guy's sacrifices, they live pretty darn swell...and, their kids are grown, up and out, so wife can't make the time to do this sweet gesture to her man? Geeesh Me, I already do that for Mum. I come home tired and spent from work, but make sure I cook so she can have food to take. You do that to show you care. Years ago, when I was getting out of the military and was doing transitional briefings, there was a white guy and Asian wife. She got up to get herself some tea, but made sure she got for her husband first. And the way she presented it to him shows love, caring, and respect. I have yet to see an American woman do that for a man. My last FWB, 42yr old guy. After he insisted on working on my vehicle in the cold, I couldn't help but walk over with a warm cup of coffee for him. No, he didn't ask for it and/or drink it all, but you should have seen how his face lighted up. I mean, on one meet, I just put my hair in a cute ponytail, light make-up, and a casual top/bottom with strappy shoes and he was like 'You did this (getting dolled up) for me? And, I'm like WTF/WTH??? It's so sad that men now a days are treated with such disrespect and disdain from women - that they, like my 42yr old FWB, are starving to simply be treated sweetly. Gosh, some men are so not used to it and/or don't know of a kind woman, that they think it's smothering them. The things I mentioned above (making sure your man has food to take to work, bringing him something to drink as he's doing chores) are small gestures, but go a long way. So, women seek out "beta" males now a days, cuz they essentially want a 'partner'...a wallet, sperm donor, and babysitter. A roommate that she doesn't have to be bothered with cuz he should take care of himself (cooking, cleaning, and masturbating cuz she's too busy with work and kids to deal with his 'needy' self...yes, anytime a man wants basic nurturing, he's needy, a horny dog or can do it for himself so leave her alone already). But biology kicks in, and while some women are dominant and like a "pet", some women grow to yearn for an 'alpha make' to fulfill the biological need for a strong provider/protector. And, that's where your typical 'modern/progressive' woman will cheat on her beta, lump of a wimp husband at home watching their kids cuz she's "boored" or her coworkers (at work, which is her priority over husband and kids) "gets" her more than her husband). You see, we humans have pre-programmed biological needs - yet God gives us free will. So, women, especially with the confusion inferred by the women's movement, are in constant struggle to meet the biological urge to nest with a strong man, yet can't resist the power and control that comes with jumping on the 'Girls should kick boys in their knees' campaign the women's movement brought on...especially when men have oppressed and continue (usually in other countries) continue to oppress, discriminate, and/or terrorize women. I mean watch that show "Women" on Vice channel and gosh darn, women all over the world, in this day/age are getting kicked pretty harsh. So, sorry for the long rant, but I feel it was necessary to make my point. Edited October 14, 2016 by Gloria25 3
wmacbride Posted October 14, 2016 Posted October 14, 2016 i met my spouse long before all this alpha and beta crap was a thing. I will say that before I met him,I dated a man who would fit the definition of alpha. It was part of his being extremely abusive both mentally and eventually, physically. If I were to go looking for someone to date, it would not be an "alpha" type person, as to me, that is now a code word for a big, bullying jerk.
BluesPower Posted October 14, 2016 Posted October 14, 2016 Gloria25...That is just a great post. Yes we men love to be taken care of and a lot of women just don't care. I frankly have never had time for the ones that don't. But you know, that goes both ways as well. I tend to dote on women in a lot of ways, just dote on my wife now though. I enjoy cooking for her, and taking care of her as well. I always open doors for all women. I always make sure that she is safe and happy. I don't know, it just seems like the thing to do. It is not that women are weak but I just feel the need to care for and protect them for some reason. 1
elaine567 Posted October 14, 2016 Posted October 14, 2016 It is not that women are weak but I just feel the need to care for and protect them for some reason. But many men don't, we live in an entitled and privileged world so some men will take and take and take and that is why so many women nowadays do not feel the desire to "care" for their man in the way that Gloria describes. It gets old very quickly when she is doing it all and he is basically doing nothing apart from working, eating and sleeping and playing on his xbox. Teamwork is great, she does her bit, he does his, fantastic, but working fulltime AND being the unpaid nanny, housekeeper, skivvy and expected to bow down to the lord and master and cater for his every whim too, IS degrading, it doesn't need a feminist to point that out. 2
fenix Posted October 14, 2016 Posted October 14, 2016 But many men don't, we live in an entitled and privileged world so some men will take and take and take and that is why so many women nowadays do not feel the desire to "care" for their man in the way that Gloria describes. It gets old very quickly when she is doing it all and he is basically doing nothing apart from working, eating and sleeping and playing on his xbox. Teamwork is great, she does her bit, he does his, fantastic, but working fulltime AND being the unpaid nanny, housekeeper, skivvy and expected to bow down to the lord and master and cater for his every whim too, IS degrading, it doesn't need a feminist to point that out. Entitlement goes both ways... it is definitely very often seen on women too... You seem to only see the negative on men looking to all your posts.... wow lady! wow! 1
jen1447 Posted October 14, 2016 Posted October 14, 2016 ^Either that or maybe it's just this is a thread discussing what women want, from women's perspectives. 3
Author singlelife Posted October 14, 2016 Author Posted October 14, 2016 I was just asking. I know I am laid back but if a women were considered alpha herself I would not even be interested. I want someone who we can get along but not who would want to dominate everything. All these people saying men are weak and all this are just too much. You seem too difficult to get along with. 2
Popsicle Posted October 14, 2016 Posted October 14, 2016 Alpha. I like men who behave like alpha males. I tend to not like the ones that go around calling themselves alpha. They are just silly and usually aren't alpha. 4
Gaeta Posted October 14, 2016 Posted October 14, 2016 The thing with alpha male is that most people have the wrong definition of what is an alpha male. A real alpha male is not domineering and arrogant he is just confident, persistent, protective, proud, he is also humble, grounded, quiet and hard working. When I hear people talking about alpha males as men that come and take, are domineering, arrogant, aggressive, loud, they just got it all wrong. I always take the wolf pack example. The alpha male of a wolf pack does not bark, or fight, or act arrogant and defiant. He does not need to. He leads with his stamina and charisma. It's the insecure pack members that bark, defy and fight because they live in fear. In humans world fear is called insecurity. So to answer your question yes I want a man that is confident, persistent, protective, proud, humble, grounded and hard working. If you are asking if I want a man that is arrogant, aggressive, loud, domineering, than the answer is no. I do not want a wannabe alpha male. 3
wmacbride Posted October 14, 2016 Posted October 14, 2016 Gloria25...That is just a great post. Yes we men love to be taken care of and a lot of women just don't care. I frankly have never had time for the ones that don't. But you know, that goes both ways as well. I tend to dote on women in a lot of ways, just dote on my wife now though. I enjoy cooking for her, and taking care of her as well. I always open doors for all women. I always make sure that she is safe and happy. I don't know, it just seems like the thing to do. It is not that women are weak but I just feel the need to care for and protect them for some reason. holding doors is polite taking care of the person you love, be they male or female, is a loving act 1
Popsicle Posted October 14, 2016 Posted October 14, 2016 I like boxers (men who box or do MMA for sport) so I don't mind those who fight. At least he could defend and protect me. Just don't hit me! (I'm a girl).
fenix Posted October 14, 2016 Posted October 14, 2016 (edited) ^Either that or maybe it's just this is a thread discussing what women want, from women's perspectives. How you transcribe -what women want- to "men are entitled"... (generalization!@) Just curious... how women perspective on what women want can lead to the assertion that men are entitled.... Edited October 14, 2016 by fenix 1
elaine567 Posted October 14, 2016 Posted October 14, 2016 How you transcribe -what women want- to "men are entitled"... (generalization!@) Just curious... how women perspective on what women want can lead to the assertion that men are entitled.... I did not say ONLY men were "entitled" or that ALL men were "entitled", my exact words were "we live in an entitled and privileged world and some men..." 3
Gloria25 Posted October 14, 2016 Posted October 14, 2016 (edited) How you transcribe -what women want- to "men are entitled"... (generalization!@) Just curious... how women perspective on what women want can lead to the assertion that men are entitled.... IMO, many women now a days consider basic nurturing of a man (cooking, cleaning, sexing - even serving him a glass of water) as requests from an "entitled" mindset of a man. Look, I can see where women don't feel motivated to nurture a man in dual-income homes cuz both come home from an 8 hr day. Then, ok, you're not husband/wife/lovers...you're "roommates. Good luck on doing loving gestures for a "partner"/"roommate". I was listening to my favorite podcaster. A black guy called in distressed. Wife works, they have a son she dumps off in daycare and wife doesn't wanna make time to have sex with him. He tells her his concerns and she, instead of making time for him, runs out and adds going back to school so that her plate is even more full. My question for women like her her is 'Why get married if you wanted to be left alone? You like having a beta whipping boy or something?' It's like women pick a "beta", weak guy cuz they want a housewife with a penis. Someone to stay home and watch her kid cuz she has better things to tend to besides him and the kid. I agree with the issues with definition of "alpha". Some think alpha is beating his chest, 6 feet or taller, and an abusive guy. Nah, alpha for me is a man who won't tolerate abuse from your modern/progressive woman and to women like that, in his eyes he's a bully. Tell a woman she needs to lose weight and/or look nice for her man, cook, clean, watch a kid, nurture = alpha bully. Edited October 14, 2016 by Gloria25 2
OneLov Posted October 14, 2016 Posted October 14, 2016 (edited) Not sure how this question can be answered if no one can agree on a working definition of "alpha" and "beta" males? This site is rather hilarious. Alpha vs Beta Males Take What He Wants Attitude – alpha males are not jerks or rude but they believe they are entitled, this allows them to do things and request things an ordinary person would not. ******** Makes sense. If you are a star and see a "hot piece," just grab her p****. You don't need her consent. You're the man; you're above those ordinary sissy la-la's. God made that p**** for you too grab. Even if he didn't, who cares? Your an Alpha; you do not care what God would do. Edited October 14, 2016 by OneLov
jen1447 Posted October 14, 2016 Posted October 14, 2016 How you transcribe -what women want- to "men are entitled"... (generalization!@) Just curious... how women perspective on what women want can lead to the assertion that men are entitled.... Title of thread: "Do women want alpha males or Beta males?" OP's original question: "What's up with all this? There seems to be women who want an alpha male but not really. Can you ladies please explain what you want from a man?" Elaine has no obligation to speak to men's perspectives and/or cover real or perceived inequities between the sexes bc the OP didn't ask about that. 1
Gaeta Posted October 14, 2016 Posted October 14, 2016 And why women have to chose between alpha and beta when there is a variety of omega, gamma, sigma males in between. 2
carhill Posted October 14, 2016 Posted October 14, 2016 In any one demographic, examine the men who have the most success with women, their behaviors, their style, their life, and you'll find your answers OP. Each is different and within it women are different, but there are commonalities which define who a successful man is. Examine specifically legal partnerships, where the woman is on the hook legally for her choice. Pay real close attention to those. I think your focus on want is key. Want drives attraction; it's an emotional state. The man who is successful with women has them wanting him, fueling their attraction with his presence and behaviors and social status. Remember demographics; that's important. Your demographic may be markedly different than mine or another person's. Each is relevant to that person. Still, within those milieus, the same standards apply regarding want and attraction, just the specifics change. Whenever I read alpha beta I think of a grocery store
katiegrl Posted October 14, 2016 Posted October 14, 2016 The thing with alpha male is that most people have the wrong definition of what is an alpha male. A real alpha male is not domineering and arrogant he is just confident, persistent, protective, proud, he is also humble, grounded, quiet and hard working. When I hear people talking about alpha males as men that come and take, are domineering, arrogant, aggressive, loud, they just got it all wrong. Totally agree! What you describe (bolded) is "machismo/macho" behavior, definitely " NOT "alpha." BIG difference! Alpha is what you describe in your first paragraph!
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