cleebie Posted July 9, 2005 Posted July 9, 2005 My ex left me five months ago and as much as I would love to get back together with him, I know that there is no chance of it happening. We were together 5 years and lived together for 4.5 years. i now find myself alone and I don't know if I am going to be able to cope. It is funny how everything about my life has now changed because he has gone. My future is now less secure now that I am paying all the rent, bills etc on my own, I have no money to save for the future, I cannot save any money for a deposit on a flat and will never be able to and I am seriously worrying about what will happen to me when I retire and I don't own my own home - will I end up homeless? What if i get sick and can no longer work? All this had made be realise how difficult life is if you are alone and I am scared. I don't see how I will meet anyone else - I am a very shy person with not much confidence and the idea, after being with someone for 5 years, of starting from scratch and having to meet strangers and be rejected over and over again terrifies me so there is a very real prospect that I will be alone for the rest of my life. I am worried everyday of something happening that I wont be able to deal with. I just want my old life back when I was happy. Has anyone got any advice? How have you coped with suddenly being on your own?
boundlessspirit Posted July 9, 2005 Posted July 9, 2005 Starting over is terrifying. Although it sounds little self absorbed, "reinvent" yourself. Go get your nails done, join a gym, try a new hair style, check out a new bar. Focus on yourself and things you like to do. As far as being shy that's ok. If you learn how to make eye contact and then pull away at the right time when in a bar or restaurant or at the gym you won't have to make the first move to talk. He'll come to you. Always act like you are thinking of something interesting and it will intrigue him. Also, once into a conversation, ask questions about him. Make him talk about himself.
jgs78 Posted July 11, 2005 Posted July 11, 2005 I know where you are coming from. About a year ago, my ex of 7 years broke up with me and I thought it was the end of the world. I lived with him for 4 years and my whole life revolved around him. I was unemployed and had just moved from California to New York and didn't really know anyone. I basically hit rock bottom and what really helped was talking to someone. I'm not saying this works for everyone, but I definitely think it made a difference in my life. The best advice I can give to you is totally clichéd, but it's true, you just have to take it day by day. You will see that with each day that passes, it gets easier. To get over things, I started to try and get my life back in order. I started focusing on myself and tried to get back into the things that I missed when I was with him. It's amazing but one day you wake up and you just aren't in so much pain anymore. It really does just happen all of a sudden like that. You will be okay, make sure to tell yourself that everyday. Surround yourself by friends, get help if you think it will make a difference, get back into doing things that you like to do. Do anything you can to focus on NOT being alone. Hang in there, I really do understand what you are going through. If I can make it, and a ton of the people on this website have made it through tough breakups, you can get through this too.
chris1063 Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 Cleebie I understand fully what you are going through. My ex and i split after 6 years. We have been apart for 5 months and she has got somebody new. It is very difficult adapting to being alone but the simple fact is unless you are going to end your life you HAVE to get through as tough as it may be. Not sure what your situation is regarding friends but mine have been a real support. Talk things through with somebody and try to stay positive. It's not the same as having that special somebody I know, but it will help you. You'll have better days and absolutely awful days but the feelings will pass with time. Try not to give yourself too much time to think about things. If you have financial worries i would suggest speaking with somebody who can give you some advice on how to arrange your finances to help you plan for the future a bit more. Nothing that anybody can say will make you feel better but trust that things WILL get better for you. None of us know what the future holds. You seem like a good person and there is somebody else out there for you. Make sure you keep yourself open otherwise you may miss the opportunity when it comes. Keep your chin up. Chris
fish soil Posted July 14, 2005 Posted July 14, 2005 5 months isn't long enough. At 1st it's all grief, then it's mostly grief with a few good moments, then it's 50% grief with 50% good. 1 year later your days are mostly all good with moments of grief. Have you ever been alone B4?, it's harder if you never have. Time does heal. I wouldn't make any major decisions right now...just wait some time.
butterfly29 Posted July 14, 2005 Posted July 14, 2005 I come to this forum, read other people's posts and give them my lame advices that they already know about.
J dub Posted July 14, 2005 Posted July 14, 2005 Originally posted by butterfly29 I come to this forum, read other people's posts and give them my lame advices that they already know about. LOL dont we all?
Leah Posted July 14, 2005 Posted July 14, 2005 First I'd like to say I'm sorry for your situation, I know it's alot of stress and worry for you. I went through this same sort of situation myself so I can sympathize, with me though it wasnt a man, but a relative who caused both me and my son to come close to losing everything. You didn't say your age or age range. I'd be curious to know that. Many women here in America (women over 35) are opting to go back to college or university, or to learn a trade at a vocational school. I'm not sure if that's an option for you or not, but I think it would help you out financially if you could do that. Could help you live independently. Were you and ex married? I wonder if you might have come out a little better if you had been? You could probably meet someone else ... I'm sure you could, but I dont think I'd live with them without marriage and if they dont want to marry you then it's a safe bet they probably wont stay. Good luck cleebie
JS17 Posted July 14, 2005 Posted July 14, 2005 Originally posted by J dub LOL dont we all? yeah, we all do, it's just good to hear from outside of your own brain once in a while
greenhorn Posted July 14, 2005 Posted July 14, 2005 1. Eat much 2. Sleep much 3.Work much 4. Never keep your brain empty, always do something. 5.Do strenous work outs so that you fall to sleep the moment you go to bed. 6.Come to LS
butterfly29 Posted July 14, 2005 Posted July 14, 2005 Agree with greenhorn and I also go to SLAA meetings. That was so healing for me, like going to a clinic to get therapy. I started having urges about a week ago. And now with the meetings and this forum I must add I am doing a lot better. Today I was actually excited at the thought of looking for another guy. But I know I am not ready yet. I need to work on myself some more. But I do feel like I am on the pathway to a healthier life.
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