twilight Posted July 9, 2005 Posted July 9, 2005 I should be happy, I finally got a job after nine months of looking but I'm not, I split up with my boyfriend just over 3 weeks ago and can physically feel the pain of a broken heart I miss him so much, I cant sleep, I cant eat, I cry all the time. we got together April 2004, last summer was fantastic, I had never felt so happy but eventually jealousy got the better of me. He has a daughter who lives about 20 mins from me with her mum. He goes over there to see her, which I never had a problem with until I found out what time his daughter went to bed...he would always stay there a few hours after. I know now that I was selfish to be jealous, he gets on well with his ex (who is a single parent now) and he said in the hours after his daughter went to bed, they would chat and have a coffee....but my mind went elsewhere. it didn’t help that by October last year she still didn’t know anything about me. so I introduced myself through a website we are all members of. B/f wasn’t at all happy about me doing this, I can see his reasons why, he didn’t want her to get angry with him, I think he is scared she will stop him seeing his daughter or something if he upset her in anyway. anyway...after I introduced myself, things between me and him started to cool off, whereas he would come up most weekends or we'd talk almost every night on the phone for hours, he was now starting to ignore me, wouldn’t answer any emails/texts, didn’t come up or call as often. I am a very persistent person and my biggest hate in life is being ignored, so when he ignored me, I would keep texting/mailing/phoning him....he knows what I am like yet he still does it! and I know it p*sses him off yet I cant stop myself (both as bad as each other really). things gradually got worse and by February I really thought he didn’t care about me, I had hardly seen or spoken to him since Christmas......I very stupidly went and had a one night stand, just for some attention (something I really regret), he found out about it and understandably wasn’t happy (I totally ignored the one night stand when he tried contacting me again and always told my b/f when he did, I wanted to show him that I wouldn’t keep any secrets from him), but even after that things just carried on like they were, he would come up occasionally and we'd talk occasionally. I have told him how sorry I am so many times yet he continue to "punish" me, he says he has tried to work at our relationship but I feel by ignoring me and not seeing me that he hasn’t. I guess I finally pushed too hard and he finished it. Less that 2 weeks later I found out he stayed at his ex's for the weekend, I think he was babysitting the kids but it tore me apart knowing he was so close and yet, I couldn't see him. I cant stop thinking about him and what he is doing, its becoming an obsession (and I know that unhealthy!) I phoned him last night to tell him about my job offers (its just habit to want to share everything with him still), he said he would email a list of things to do to my computer because I am having problems with it....he didn’t. I know what websites he uses and one is a forum, last night he posted something about the fact he might miss the big brother highlights but wasn’t sure but knew he definitely wouldn’t be on the forum (he is there all time usually, even during work!) why did he do this when he knows I would see it? did he do it because he knows he will get a reaction? (which he totally ignores) does he do it because he knows it hurts me? He hasn’t been signed into this forum since 8.43am and my stomach has been in knots all day, I constantly feel sick, I cant sleep, I’ve cried nearly all day because I think he is with another woman. I don’t know what to do, this is driving me crazy! I love him so much...right now I don’t even have the will to live let alone cope with this new job on Wednesday!!! sorry this is a bit of a long post and probably not very well written and full of spelling mistakes but I had to do something....haven’t even stopped crying long enough to type it I feel so stupid for messing up something that made me so happy I haven't slept at all all night, I cant get these horrible images out of my head that he has spent the night lying in someone else’s bed, in someone else’s arms its only been 3 weeks, did I mean that little to him? I have tried not contacting him, the best I got was 4 days but the things he does and says on the forums he visits get the better of me. I cant understand why he did/said what he did the other night when he knows how I will react and how much it hurts me. he has some stuff of mine and I wanted him to bring it back this weekend and hoped we would also get time to chat because I have so many unanswered questions. I wanted to get it done this weekend so I could try and start afresh with my life on Wednesday when I start my new job. am I wrong to feel the way I do and in the things I do? I know a lot of our break up was my own fault but he makes me feel it was ALL my fault. I cant hate him, I love him too much, all I wanted was a chance to prove to him how I felt but he wont give me that. my jealousy all got out of control because he kept me secret from his ex for so long and wouldn’t sit and talk about how I felt. he and his ex are now calling me a "bunny boiler" and it really hurts to know he thinks like that (it doesn’t bother me what his ex thinks, she doesn’t know me) my actions are totally out of character for me and I’d of thought he would of known me better to realise that. why doesn’t he realise that if he only answered me the first time, then I wouldn’t have to be so persistent in getting the answers I NEED! I don’t think I will ever trust a man again, I have always been open and honest with him about how I feel, good or bad but he doesn’t seem to listen and wont sit down to have a serious chat to clear the air and sort this out. my heart is in his hands and he just keeps tearing it apart. I have had break ups before and have bounced back from them pretty quickly but this one is different, I have NEVER loved or wanted to be with someone so much.
westernxer Posted July 9, 2005 Posted July 9, 2005 Ever heard of paralysis by analysis? Stop reading the forums... it's driving you mad.
ggallin13 Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 Wow! You are really wigging yourself out. None of this is healthy at all, from the pressuring him to the one night stand--all of it. Sheesh. I am not trying to be mean, but if you can't sleep and physically feel bad then something is really, really wrong, especially if it has been as long as it has. Stop visiting the forums where he posts. Stop emailing him. Forget about him totally. You ahave obviously crossed a line with him (bunny-boiler?) there is no coming back from . Force yourself to so other things before you get a restraining order placed on you. Introducing yourself to his ex was a bad move. I think that he should have told her about you, but I don't know what their relationship is like, and it may have affected his being able to see his kid. Not cool. Reallyu, move on.
StanleyKnife Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 Introducing yourself to his ex was a bad move. I think that he should have told her about you, but I don't know what their relationship is like, and it may have affected his being able to see his kid. Not cool. He shouldnt have been so secretive about the ex really. Any mildly anxious person would want to know more about who their partner is spending time with. I think its his fault this happened and if he's gonna run the risk of leading 2 separate lives he runs the risk of them colliding. I think I see things from twilights perspective, also being a bit anxious in relationships. and being the kind of person who just likes to have all the cards on the table before calling it a day. Even from this perspective it seems you need to get over him as soon as possible. If you dont want to find someone else right away to help get over him, take up a hobby or something. I started the gym when I broke up - makes u feel better about urself. Maybe then ull realise how much more you're worth and look back on this post and think what was I smoking....
Drivetildriven Posted July 11, 2005 Posted July 11, 2005 You broke up with him right? God I wish my ex felt half for me of what you do for him. She needs to see me with another woman, fast.
Merin Posted July 11, 2005 Posted July 11, 2005 Well.. Wow.. First IF this Guy is referring to you as the "Bunny Boiler" You for real need to change your behaviours.. I know you're hurting, I know you're upset.. BUT seriously IF that is the light he is now seeing you in trust me when I say if you continue to give off that vibe and impression to him based on what you're doing/saying then not only is he NEVER going to give you another opportunity, it could also get you into some legal trouble if he so chose to want to get a restraining order against you. Secondly.. while I don't think it was a good idea to introduce yourself to his Childs Mother especially being that you pretty much already knew he wasn't ready for that.. I can see why it made you feel uncomfortable that he had not done so.. sorry but yeah My BF also has 2 Wee Peeps with his EXW and if he had been going over to her house and hanging out like that I would've been pissed off too, and even more so if he refused to make her aware I was in his life.. while yes he does share little people with his EX IMO that doesn't mean the 2 of them need to be hanging out together regardless of how well they get along... BUT honestly IF he wasn't willing to make her (his Ex) aware of the relationship he has/had with you, coupled with the fact he was hanging out with her when it had nada really to do with thier Kiddo.. My feeling on that is he isn't over his EX and was/is somehow hoping the 2 of them will work things out and he didn't want her to know there was someone else in his life out of fear of closing that door so to speak. As the others have already told you, you really need to force yourself to stop checking the sites where he post's whatever, you need to stop calling/emailing/texting... as much as you want answers to the Whys from him, IMO it's kind of obvious that he wasn't ready to let go of his EX and he wasn't/isn't ready to committ to a relationship with you... sorry
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