Kbo12 Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 I'm at a loss right now. Two years ago, I met my now ex on tinder. Our relationship progressed very quickly, and by the time we hit six months, he bought a house and wanted me to move in with him. Our communication has always been rocky. I'm emotional and he is not. Towards the end, we were doing poorly. We broke up once last September but we got back together pretty much the next day. We continued living together and dating until this April, when I came home from work one day and he pretty much said screw it and told me to move back in with my mom. I had been going through an illness for the past few months, and I was being less than good to him, so he told me he'd had enough. I begged and pleaded with him to take me back but he refused. I finally just told him that if he wanted to be friends, we could be, but I was giving up. I ended up going over to his house and he initiated kissing me and trying to hook up. He explained that he would like to take things slow and try to work things out. I agreed to this and he began taking me on dates and being overall nice to me. Things were going well for about a month. He then started to become withdrawn and stopped inviting me places. He would have me come over to his house, but we wouldn't go out or go on dates. Eventually, it got to the point where I was begging him to talk to me. If I didn't initiate a conversation, he would go days without talking to me. This went on from may to September. In September, he told me that he didn't want to be in a relationship it all right now. I was pretty devastated. He made it clear that he doesn't want to hear from me for a long time because he doesn't want to deal with anyone's emotions. He went on to explain that he didn't want a relationship because he wanted to be selfish for himself. He said it's just what he needs right now. He said all he wants to do is just hang out with his friends and skydive (a hobby he is heavily involved in). He made it clear that he didn't want a relationship. A few days later, I saw that he's on tinder. I was floored. I can't stop thinking about how he must have just lied to me. It's not that he didn't want a relationship, he just didn't want a relationship with ME. It hurts quite a bit and I find myself trying to rationalize things. Maybe he's not serious about finding someone on tinder? Maybe it's just so he can find something casual and not an actual relationship. So, my question is, has anyone else been in this situation before? Why would he be on tinder after saying he doesn't want a relationship? I'm heartbroken.
VienneseCoffee Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 Hi, I'm sorry for the pain you're feeling. Yeah I think it is quite common for people to use the "I don't want to be in a relationship" line when breaking up to soften the blow and appear less dickish. It's possible he was lying to you or maybe he's just looking for girls to hook up with on Tinder and he's not intending to be serious with any of them. I was pretty upset when I saw my ex re-activated his online dating profile after he said he needed a break to think about what he wanted out of life and some other random garbage. I guess fundamentally it doesn't matter because the real issue is they wanted out.
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