greenman77 Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 I've been dating a girl I met online for a month. We've been on 3 dates so far and the last date was on Saturday. Everything seems to be going very well and we both seem to be into each other a lot. Here's the situation. On Sunday, the day after our last date, she texts me that she had just found out that day that a good friend of hers from school had passed away and that she was (understandably so) completely devastated. She also told me that she was gonna go off the grid for a few days in order to process what had happened and that she wanted to let me know so that I didn't think she had lost interest and that we'd speak soon. I feel absolutely horrible that this happened to her and of course I completely understand her wanting to go off the grid for a while and I will give her all the space that she needs. Even though we have only known each other for a little while, I am starting to develop strong feelings for her and ever since she told me what happened, I can't stop thinking about her and worry about how she is. We haven't spoken since she sent me that text on Sunday. I'm not completely sure about what to do next. Should I not text her at all and just wait for her to text me when she's ready? What if I send her a text this weekend just saying that I was thinking about her and hope that she's doing okay? What do you guys think? Any advice would be much appreciated as I've never been in this type of situation. Thanks.
hippychick3 Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 I think that by today it would be perfectly fine and very thoughtful to send a text saying you're thinking of her and to let you know when she's feeling up to getting together again.
Redhead14 Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 I've been dating a girl I met online for a month. We've been on 3 dates so far and the last date was on Saturday. Everything seems to be going very well and we both seem to be into each other a lot. Here's the situation. On Sunday, the day after our last date, she texts me that she had just found out that day that a good friend of hers from school had passed away and that she was (understandably so) completely devastated. She also told me that she was gonna go off the grid for a few days in order to process what had happened and that she wanted to let me know so that I didn't think she had lost interest and that we'd speak soon. I feel absolutely horrible that this happened to her and of course I completely understand her wanting to go off the grid for a while and I will give her all the space that she needs. Even though we have only known each other for a little while, I am starting to develop strong feelings for her and ever since she told me what happened, I can't stop thinking about her and worry about how she is. We haven't spoken since she sent me that text on Sunday. I'm not completely sure about what to do next. Should I not text her at all and just wait for her to text me when she's ready? What if I send her a text this weekend just saying that I was thinking about her and hope that she's doing okay? What do you guys think? Any advice would be much appreciated as I've never been in this type of situation. Thanks. I wouldn't interrupt her grieving. She was pretty clear about going off the grid, meaning "I need to be left alone for a bit". If you had been seeing each other longer, I might suggest a light supportive text. Leave it be for a bit.
Author greenman77 Posted October 13, 2016 Author Posted October 13, 2016 Yeah, I think I'll give it a few more days. Maybe I'll send her a quick text this weekend not looking to start a conversation but rather just to tell her know I'm thinking of her and hoping she's okay.
Gaeta Posted October 14, 2016 Posted October 14, 2016 (edited) She is tip toeing toward the back door, trying to make an exit without too much noise. This a friend from school, not a sibling or a parent that died. My ex-husband unexpectedly died after 4 dates with my ex-boyfriend. I was devastated, we had spent 15 years together and we had a child together. Not only I was experiencing the loss of someone but I had to emotionally support our daughter and help her in every step of burying her father. I did not go off the grid with the new boyfriend. Yes we all mourn our own way, I still think 5 days with no news from her is a bad sign. It's a friend, she doesn't have to be with family, does not have to arrange funerals, does not have to attend attorneys for succession, nothing of that. No do not text her. Edited October 14, 2016 by Gaeta
carmelita Posted October 14, 2016 Posted October 14, 2016 I'm only going to chime in here because I've worked in palliative care going on fifteen years now. The one thing when people ask me questions about mourning is , as the above poster stated, everyone mourns in their own way. That being said, death affects everyone differently, and the comment " it wasn't family" I actually disagree with. Every death affects everyone differently, as I said, and we can not outside of it judge or decide someone's reaction. Who knows what's up really in the non contact, but I would give at least a week and nor make any judgements in the immediate. A thinking of you text is never wrong in these situations, and a non reply is okay on her end as well, as much as social etiquette dictates she should.
Lansing Posted October 14, 2016 Posted October 14, 2016 In this type of situation I think you should consider what type of relationship you want with her... Do you want someone that will just "shut down" completely when they are stressed or someone that will look for support. I know you are in the early stages so I would think more about this... If you texted her and she was mad that you texted her, would that be something that would make you think she is a better partner? If I was in your situation I would send a text something like : "Hi, just wanted to send you a quick note to say I have been thinking about you. I hope you are doing as good as possible given the situation and if you want to talk or want a distraction I am here when you feel ready" 2
phineas Posted October 14, 2016 Posted October 14, 2016 5 days and you haven't heard from her? good school friend? Why not just good friend? I'm wondering just how many good friends from school she's killed off from so far. 1
Gaeta Posted October 14, 2016 Posted October 14, 2016 5 days and you haven't heard from her? good school friend? Why not just good friend? I'm wondering just how many good friends from school she's killed off from so far. My sentiment as well. This is a friend from school, not a friend-friend. She is going off the grid meaning because a friend-from-school died she did not continue her courses this week? She did not speak to anyone? She didn't get online to pay her bills? no no no, life went on for her. If it was her best friend, if it was a family member close to her I would understand going off the grid. I bet she is active on social media. 1
smackie9 Posted October 14, 2016 Posted October 14, 2016 Send her some flowers (nothing big or romantic...something cheerful) with a note saying "So sorry about your friend" or "Hope you are doing OK" or some sentiment.
Mrin Posted October 14, 2016 Posted October 14, 2016 Question - when she sent her text did you respond at all? Also, I am suspect of some of the more sinister explanations offer above because of this. "She also told me that she was gonna go off the grid for a few days in order to process what had happened and that she wanted to let me know so that I didn't think she had lost interest and that we'd speak soon." 1
Author greenman77 Posted October 14, 2016 Author Posted October 14, 2016 Hi all. So she texted me again earlier today before I got a chance to send her a message so it's all good. Thank you all for your help anyways! 4
preraph Posted October 14, 2016 Posted October 14, 2016 She asked for space, so do not contact her by text or phone until she contacts you. But go buy a sympathy card at the store and snail mail it to her.
phineas Posted October 15, 2016 Posted October 15, 2016 Hi all. So she texted me again earlier today before I got a chance to send her a message so it's all good. Thank you all for your help anyways! And? When are you seeing her again? 1
Author greenman77 Posted October 17, 2016 Author Posted October 17, 2016 I met a girl online. We've been dating for just over 4 weeks. Started chatting almost 6 weeks ago. We're having our 4th date on Wednesday night. So far everything has been great. We've held hands, cuddled, kissed and made out a few times. I really like this girl and I definitely see a future with her. I'd really like for us to be exclusive but I'm wondering if it's too soon to bring up any kind of DTR talk just yet? After our next date she will be away for almost 2 weeks because of work. I'm not very experienced when it comes to dating so I'm not sure even what to say. What do you guys think? Is it too soon to bring it up? Thanks!
Author greenman77 Posted October 17, 2016 Author Posted October 17, 2016 And? When are you seeing her again? We are having dinner on Wednesday 3
smackie9 Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 You have only seen each other 4 times.....that isn't enough to shake a stick at.
babylonsfire Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 Hi all. So she texted me again earlier today before I got a chance to send her a message so it's all good. Thank you all for your help anyways! Our insecurities are our own downfall man, it happens to the best of us! Glad to hear it though 1
babylonsfire Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 I've been dating a girl I met online for a month. We've been on 3 dates so far and the last date was on Saturday. Everything seems to be going very well and we both seem to be into each other a lot. Here's the situation. On Sunday, the day after our last date, she texts me that she had just found out that day that a good friend of hers from school had passed away and that she was (understandably so) completely devastated. She also told me that she was gonna go off the grid for a few days in order to process what had happened and that she wanted to let me know so that I didn't think she had lost interest and that we'd speak soon. I feel absolutely horrible that this happened to her and of course I completely understand her wanting to go off the grid for a while and I will give her all the space that she needs. Even though we have only known each other for a little while, I am starting to develop strong feelings for her and ever since she told me what happened, I can't stop thinking about her and worry about how she is. We haven't spoken since she sent me that text on Sunday. I'm not completely sure about what to do next. Should I not text her at all and just wait for her to text me when she's ready? What if I send her a text this weekend just saying that I was thinking about her and hope that she's doing okay? What do you guys think? Any advice would be much appreciated as I've never been in this type of situation. Thanks. if this is the same girl, which I'm assuming it is; then yes. One, like smackie said, 4 dates, not long enough/enough to have the relationship talk. Two, she just got done grieving, and I know you're all into her, and nervous/excited at the same time, but not a great time to bring up a talk like that, right now, she needs/wants to have fun Three, if you're unsure of the relationship (you weren't sure how the death of her friend impacted it, or what was up with her lack of texts for a few days after grieving) how can you have a realistic, confident talk, and be like hey, this is what I want, what do you want? You need to build your own confidence in the relationship first.
ctlguy Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 Yea too early for that because the number of dates. Time wise yes only if you can seen each other a lot more and had sex. Try to ramp up up the times you see her without over doing it and just enjoy it. I met a girl online. We've been dating for just over 4 weeks. Started chatting almost 6 weeks ago. We're having our 4th date on Wednesday night. So far everything has been great. We've held hands, cuddled, kissed and made out a few times. I really like this girl and I definitely see a future with her. I'd really like for us to be exclusive but I'm wondering if it's too soon to bring up any kind of DTR talk just yet? After our next date she will be away for almost 2 weeks because of work. I'm not very experienced when it comes to dating so I'm not sure even what to say. What do you guys think? Is it too soon to bring it up? Thanks!
Miss Peach Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 I've had guys try that early. I've noticed men seem to know after a few dates. For me I feel more comfortable around something like 10 dates where I have gotten to know him and figured out what type of guy he is.
ThisisIt606 Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 I had a guy tell me on the 4th date that he really liked me, wasn't seeing anyone else and wanted to see where it goes with me. Under normal situations I would have been elated, however I was not very into this guy and not fully over my ex as this point. So him bringing it up really creeped me out. In all fairness, no matter when he brought it up I would have been turned off bc I wasn't that into him. I think as long as you are fairly confident she's into you it's ok. However if she's still processing / recovering from the death the timing of you question is prob off and should wait.
Author greenman77 Posted October 17, 2016 Author Posted October 17, 2016 Yeah I think I got a bit ahead of myself there haha! Thank you all! I'll definitely wait a little longer.
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