Leojax Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 This girl and I have been in a REALLY weird space lately. We haven't really been talking this past month. I'll admit we've both been playing games and haven't been too sure about her interest level. The last time we spoke I reached out to her and she seemed receptive. She then initiated contact 9 days later and said she said "Called to talk. I wanted to address the elephant in the room so to speak lol". She called me which she never really does, didn't leave a vm but followed up with a text saying this. 1.Address the elephant in the room the same as 'we need to talk'? 2.Rejection looming?
Toodaloo Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 Quit playing games and just be brave enough to be honest. She is expecting you to dump her because you are not really all that interested. If you are then pull your finger out and start acting it.
Author Leojax Posted October 13, 2016 Author Posted October 13, 2016 Quit playing games and just be brave enough to be honest. She is expecting you to dump her because you are not really all that interested. If you are then pull your finger out and start acting it. Huh? She's the one who went silent for 9 days.
Toodaloo Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 Huh? She's the one who went silent for 9 days. Probably because she was waiting to see how long it took you to contact her. Quit the tittle tattle. If you like each other get on with it. If you don't like her dump her. It really is that simple. If you like her and tell her and she goes all silent again dump her. Playing silly games gets you absolutely zero. 5
Emmafive Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 Probably because she was waiting to see how long it took you to contact her. Quit the tittle tattle. If you like each other get on with it. If you don't like her dump her. It really is that simple. If you like her and tell her and she goes all silent again dump her. Playing silly games gets you absolutely zero. I don't know. If I'm interested in someone I'm not going 9 days, especially after they initiated. I would think it would be my turn so to speak. Things could be fine OP, but my guess is it's not. She went 9 days without saying anything, then just randomly says she wants to talk. If she was testing you so to speak she could've just started a new conversation with you but instead she gave you the ominous "we need to talk". Usually when someone says this good news doesn't follow. If she hadn't gone 9 days without speaking to you or at least eased her way into saying she wanted to talk then I would be more optimistic. If the tables were turned and man did that to me I would think he was withdrawing and this we need to talk/address the elephant in the room talk was him gearing up to end things... 1
lightfoot Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 I think it's rejection looming, I'm sorry. 1
smackie9 Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 I think you should just eject her and not bother "having a talk". There is no real interest here and you know it. 1
Author Leojax Posted October 13, 2016 Author Posted October 13, 2016 I think you should just eject her and not bother "having a talk". There is no real interest here and you know it. No interest on her end?
mushroomlol Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 I wouldnt wait for 9 days to text the guy I am interested in. Either she's seeing someone else and suddenly remember that you exist, or she just sees you as a friend.
Author Leojax Posted October 13, 2016 Author Posted October 13, 2016 I wouldnt wait for 9 days to text the guy I am interested in. Either she's seeing someone else and suddenly remember that you exist, or she just sees you as a friend. But unfortunately all signs that she's not interested. Funny that you mentioned seeing me as just a friend. A few weeks ago I said I was around her way and she said "oh ok cool". Took that as her blowing me off/not interested. So after 2 weeks after that she told me that her friend saw that I was around her way and wanted to grab coffee and ended with the text "miss you". Correct me if I'm wrong here, but I thought she was toying with me or is it was a friendly invitation, even with the "miss you". So 2 weeks before you blow me off, now that your friend tells you I'm around now you want grab coffee after 2 weeks? So I blew her off (wrong move I know). So that's when I reached out to her a few days later and we just talked like normal and she didn't bring up what happened. So this is when after 9 days of no contact (I was last to initiate) she randomly calls and said she wanted to talk. So my question is, at the time I thought her asking to get coffee with the miss you was her being interested but now, it seems like she was just trying to be friendly wasn't it?
kendahke Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 This girl and I have been in a REALLY weird space lately. We haven't really been talking this past month. I'll admit we've both been playing games and haven't been too sure about her interest level. The last time we spoke I reached out to her and she seemed receptive. She then initiated contact 9 days later and said she said "Called to talk. I wanted to address the elephant in the room so to speak lol". She called me which she never really does, didn't leave a vm but followed up with a text saying this. 1.Address the elephant in the room the same as 'we need to talk'? 2.Rejection looming? 1. yes 2. possibly, depending upon your answer and demeanor. My suggestion is to stop the game playing and directly address your issues. You two just may be incompatible and this is how it plays out between you two. Life is too short for BS--don't waste time with game playing. Own your adult voice and speak up for what you need. 1
kendahke Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 A few weeks ago I said I was around her way and she said "oh ok cool". And to that, you said? "OK... I'll be by to pick you up"? Or did you just let that drop? To me, if you didn't say "OK... I'll be by to pick you up", then that means your disinterest in her was palpable enough to knock her nose out of joint and she took offense to the lack of initiative on your part. "Oh, ok cool" sounds like she had interest that you were nearby. I dont' know what else you expected for her to say, but the fact that you didn't step up and show some initiative is telling. You both sound incompatible if you're both being tripped up by game playing... 1
BlueIris Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 No interest on her end? Do you want to date her or not? Or do you only want to date her if she wants you, or wants you more than you want her? Because if that's the case, you don't want her- so end it. 1
Author Leojax Posted October 13, 2016 Author Posted October 13, 2016 And to that, you said? "OK... I'll be by to pick you up"? Or did you just let that drop? To me, if you didn't say "OK... I'll be by to pick you up", then that means your disinterest in her was palpable enough to knock her nose out of joint and she took offense to the lack of initiative on your part. "Oh, ok cool" sounds like she had interest that you were nearby. I dont' know what else you expected for her to say, but the fact that you didn't step up and show some initiative is telling. You both sound incompatible if you're both being tripped up by game playing... See there's a reason for that. Not too long before that she called things off with me, well tried to. She apologized a week later after no contact. I accepted her apology and then she never responded to me and went 4 days without speaking to me. She finally called me at 1 AM. So when I said I was around her way I was just being cautious.
Author Leojax Posted October 13, 2016 Author Posted October 13, 2016 Do you want to date her or not? Or do you only want to date her if she wants you, or wants you more than you want her? Because if that's the case, you don't want her- so end it. I want to date her but I also don't want to be made a fool of either. I'm not sure if she's toying with me or not and that's where I'm at right now.
kendahke Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 See there's a reason for that. Not too long before that she called things off with me, well tried to. She apologized a week later after no contact. I accepted her apology and then she never responded to me and went 4 days without speaking to me. She finally called me at 1 AM. So when I said I was around her way I was just being cautious. Ok. Well, I think it depends upon whether or not you want to be arsed about a relationship with someone whose communications skills are this juvenile. Seriously--you both need to pull up your big kid pants and have an adult conversation about what is going on. If you're not that interested in her, then now is the time to just set her adrift and find someone else who isn't this stunted in their ability to conduct themselves as an adult.
BlueIris Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 I want to date her but I also don't want to be made a fool of either. I'm not sure if she's toying with me or not and that's where I'm at right now. if anyone you know would consider you a fool for caring, get rid of that person. That's a heartless (or immature or cowardly) person. Caring is the best thing to do. Seize the day.
Author Leojax Posted October 13, 2016 Author Posted October 13, 2016 if anyone you know would consider you a fool for caring, get rid of that person. That's a heartless (or immature or cowardly) person. Caring is the best thing to do. Seize the day. Thanks. You're right I really appreciate that. Given the update I gave kendaki, doesn't it seem like she's been toying with me/ stringing me along?
Sendmewings Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 It does seem like she is toying with you. Listen to your gut. I would never wait nine days before responding. Seems like she might be dating other people. When you said you were around her place maybe she was waiting to see if you would actually invite her to coffeee as in officially say it. Either way she sounds flakey
Miss Peach Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 (edited) Probably because she was waiting to see how long it took you to contact her. Quit the tittle tattle. If you like each other get on with it. If you don't like her dump her. It really is that simple. If you like her and tell her and she goes all silent again dump her. Playing silly games gets you absolutely zero. I totally agree with this. My XBF of 15 months picked a fight with me to get a reaction (as was starting to become his pattern) and it didn't go according to his plan. When he took me home I asked if he wanted to talk and he just left me with excuses so I never initiated anything. He waited 3 days to contact me (via email) and it started with 'Why didn't you call me'. I responded back the next day asking whether he was ready to talk as I couldn't even open that message to reply back without getting pissed off. He emailed me back yes and included a generic apology where he lectured me for not responding to him soon enough. I met him in person to try to discuss and it was the same. He got promptly dumped. This is a guy who wanted to marry me but I took it off the table due to his juvenile communication skills. If this woman is worth it to you, pick up the phone and talk this out and stop playing games. I am surprised how intuitive most men are. When you talk listen carefully and own your part as most of the time both people did things which contributed to the problem. If she can't see her part then it might be worth letting go. Edited October 13, 2016 by Miss Peach
BlueIris Posted October 14, 2016 Posted October 14, 2016 Thanks. You're right I really appreciate that. Given the update I gave kendaki, doesn't it seem like she's been toying with me/ stringing me along? You're doing it again. Just date her. Take her out. Do fun things. If she doesn't like you, you'll find out.
eightytwenty Posted October 14, 2016 Posted October 14, 2016 The innocence of gamers.. Y'all need to quit playing games and go outside and have fun!!!
Toodaloo Posted October 14, 2016 Posted October 14, 2016 Thanks. You're right I really appreciate that. Given the update I gave kendaki, doesn't it seem like she's been toying with me/ stringing me along? She is probably trying to in the attempt to be coy and alluring. Playing games like this is just plain dull and stupid. Just quit talking to her. It wearing me out just reading it all for pities sake so the fairys at the bottom of the garden are more likely to give you straight answers than this one. The problem with these games is that you get stupid books that people then use to try and improve their dating lives. This girls tactics are straight from "The Rules". "The Rules" is well known as a dating book and professes to be amazing but it does encourage game playing and messing about. There are other books that are much better but less well known. But "The Rules" got a lot of press and was marketed very well so people went out and brought it and believed it. There are also PUA (Pick Up Artistry) books for guys that have the same effect and cause the same problems... Playing games is NOT the same as acting with self awareness, confidence, dignity and respect. It is the polar opposite. But there you go. As I said this whole thing is annoying the daylights out of me and I am just reading about it so my advice is to remove the annoyance from your life. You will be happier for it.
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