malebroken Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 My ex broke up with me 3weeks ago. We have a 15month old baby together. She says she loves me n is in love with me but it won't work as I find it hard to cope with her existing children aged 14,15,18. She hasn't given me any chance to fix. She said she wanted us be best friends still n I could go round any time n go out as a family each weekend. I reacted badly and had a rant - she has now blocked me n won't let me see baby currently. Any thoughts, advice .Going mad here
bummer Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 Try to approach new situations with her and her children in the most mature, adult, dad-like way you can. Because of your involvement and child with her, you have some responsibility to her and her older children to be a role model. It's your choice to be positive or negative. It's your choice to blame and not take responsibility. It's your choice to yell and rant or be calm, accepting and supportive. Think of your own childhood and a strong positive role-model. Emulate positive, strong, secure qualities for everyone's sake when you are near them. Good luck.
Toodaloo Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 If you don't get on with the older kids its not going to work. Did you not notice before you had the baby with her that you were not getting on with them? Get yourself calm. Sort out maintenance payments and access agreements then stick to it. Do not do the cosy family days out. It will confuse the living daylights out of you.
basil67 Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 So what's the story about the older kids? Can you change your attitude/approach to them?
Author malebroken Posted October 14, 2016 Author Posted October 14, 2016 I see them very spoilt. When we first got together it was great as I didn't care so never said anything. As I was going to me their step dad later I thought they needed more disaplain. I've never shouted at them, but because I gave my opinions to my ex she resent it. The kids used to really like me, now because their mums upset they don't. II've offered not to interfere or have family meetings to resolve, even offered family counseling. She just days it won't work so it's over, she wants a quiet life
Toodaloo Posted October 14, 2016 Posted October 14, 2016 I see them very spoilt. When we first got together it was great as I didn't care so never said anything. As I was going to me their step dad later I thought they needed more disaplain. I've never shouted at them, but because I gave my opinions to my ex she resent it. The kids used to really like me, now because their mums upset they don't. II've offered not to interfere or have family meetings to resolve, even offered family counseling. She just days it won't work so it's over, she wants a quiet life Let her have it. Spoilt brats are no fun and bad parents are a turn off. If she doesn't have the courage to bring up her children to have manners and become a decent part of society then that is on her not you. Worry about your own child and raising that one right. Things do not change. She is going to do what she does and that is how it will be. I know its hard but walk away and keep your distance. Don't listen to any of the "I love you rubbish" because its just her messing with your head and trying to take the easy route out. 1
Author malebroken Posted October 14, 2016 Author Posted October 14, 2016 Can't stop analysing my whole relationship, burden with guilt. I haven't cheated or been abusive, but just all the little things I've done over the years. I thought we had a near perfect relationship but on sorting reflecting I can only see bad at the minute. Is this normal behaviour?
Author malebroken Posted October 14, 2016 Author Posted October 14, 2016 You are right about the kids and not changing.
Author malebroken Posted October 16, 2016 Author Posted October 16, 2016 I still love my ex, she says she still in love with me, but it's over at doesn't work She's put a plan in place for the baby that means I go hers twice a week Mon n Thursday s play with baby n alternate Saturday's, 1 I have him, 1 we go out as a family. As you can imagine it's totally messing with my head. Do I go n never mention us make it only about the baby? I would like her back. She also txts me as if I'm just her friend We broke up 3 weeks ago n I know she isn't happy on her own n struggles with the baby Please give thoughts
carhill Posted October 16, 2016 Posted October 16, 2016 Whether married or coupled, relationships can and do end and, when children are involved, part of that thing of bodily maturity of creating a child attends to the behavior as co-parents of the child. Sounds like your ex isn't making trouble for you as a co-parent so consider that a gift, focus on the child and consider her to be the past. You will always have contact with her to some extent due to your child together, basically until you or she dies. What you do with that is up to you. Billions of people around the world deal with it daily. You'll make it.
cucumber95 Posted October 16, 2016 Posted October 16, 2016 So who doesn't want to be with who? If you don't want to be with her and her to stop message you. Then just say to her in face that you are not going to be friend, that you only want contact with your baby, then tell her that you will only contact but that you only contact about baby. But you should consider working things out, if you love each other, try to speak, don't fix what have been before, start new and fresh? for you and her and as well for baby? consider this.
Redhead14 Posted October 16, 2016 Posted October 16, 2016 I still love my ex, she says she still in love with me, but it's over at doesn't work She's put a plan in place for the baby that means I go hers twice a week Mon n Thursday s play with baby n alternate Saturday's, 1 I have him, 1 we go out as a family. As you can imagine it's totally messing with my head. Do I go n never mention us make it only about the baby? I would like her back. She also txts me as if I'm just her friend We broke up 3 weeks ago n I know she isn't happy on her own n struggles with the baby Please give thoughts but it's over at doesn't work - You have to accept and respect that. She is dealing with this in a very mature way and putting the interests of the baby at the top of her priorities. She is offering to maintain a co-parenting relationship and I give her high marks for that. And, that is what you should be doing as well. I know she isn't happy on her own n struggles with the baby -- She has chosen to end the relationship with you and she needs to learn to live with the consequences and responsibilities/obstacles of being a single parent. Own your responsibilities as a father and focus on that. The opportunity for repairing the relationship will be bolstered/supported by how you behave from now on. Showing her you are a responsible father/man would be a good start.
Author malebroken Posted October 16, 2016 Author Posted October 16, 2016 Thank you. It's just hard to accept n be round her when I love her n she loves me. Last two times I've come away she's hugged me n started crying. She constantly txt me to say 'sorry it come to this'
Author malebroken Posted October 17, 2016 Author Posted October 17, 2016 Update.. We had a long chat tonight n unfortunately she has now told me she fell out of love with me 18months ago whilst pregnant with our son. She tells me she will never want to be with me again but will be friends for our son As you can imagine I'm heartbroken n feel lied too. I suppose now I have no option but to move on The issue I have, is she says the pregnancy made her feel differently about me. I am now her emotional but I'm doubting my ability to be a good to our son. He doesn't deserve any of this, but I'm partly resenting having him. Please don't judge things are raw at the min Help?
carhill Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 This is good information for future use. Women aren't a math problem which has a finite and immutable solution. They can go sideways on you at any time, for any reason or no reason at all and you have absolutely zero control over it and no formula on the planet will ever guarantee consistent or absolute success. It's absolutely possible she's being completely honest and her pregnancy did change her feelings for you. Boom, done. She could've met someone else for whom her feelings were more pronounced. Boom, done. Etc, etc. Good luck with the little one. That's our future. Take good care. 1
cucumber95 Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 So sorry for you :/ I would think that baby will make love stronger... my advice is to just move on, don't be friends with her, just focus on your baby. 1
Author malebroken Posted October 18, 2016 Author Posted October 18, 2016 OK. So last night says can do it alone but we can be friends. This morning rang me twice to say he was ill n needed me I took medicine round n left I rang layer to see he was Kk n was angry for me calling ????
cucumber95 Posted October 18, 2016 Posted October 18, 2016 She is really weird... ignore that she is angry, just focus on yourself and baby, ignore her completly.
Author malebroken Posted October 27, 2016 Author Posted October 27, 2016 Need some outside advice. My ex contacted because she thought I was going on a date with someone else.. I wasn't. She was extremely mad n ranting. She told me last week she didn't live me, yet tonight her actions seem to indicate other wise. She said her life was he'll n at breaking point, yet again last week said she was happy without me. I know I have to move on n stop hoping, but I really don't think she is over me. She's also told friends she hates her life at the min. Am I clutching at straws?
Author malebroken Posted October 28, 2016 Author Posted October 28, 2016 She texted this morning to say sorry for the rant last night. She says she's so angry n hates how things are now. She now gone to have her hair cut n coloured n transforming her appearance
Author malebroken Posted October 28, 2016 Author Posted October 28, 2016 Can anyone please advise. I feel sick n ill now with it all
Author malebroken Posted October 28, 2016 Author Posted October 28, 2016 Can anyone please advise. I feel sick n ill now with it all
Toodaloo Posted October 28, 2016 Posted October 28, 2016 Sounds like the baby blues to me. I don't think the suggestion should come from you but perhaps you could ask a friend to raise the issue with her. Explain that you are worried that she may have it and that you just want to make sure she is OK so could they have a quiet word to make sure. Ignore the rants etc. Hang up if you need to. The rants are not about you. For the moment I think you need to concentrate on your child. Spend time with your baby. Spend time with your baby away from her. As I said before trying to be a cosy little family will do your head in and it is. So you pick up your child and you spend time with your child as your childs father. You do not have her hanging about you while this is going on. You go out to the park with your child or wherever but you do not do it as a cosy little family... You do it on your own. You are no longer her partner so she does not get the benefits of you any more. Cut the family crap out. It will make it easier in the long run.
Author malebroken Posted October 28, 2016 Author Posted October 28, 2016 Thank you. She was put on antidepressants after having the Abby, but she stopped taking after a month. She now blames me for making her ill. She partly resents the baby, saying I wouldn't have had if knew it would be like this, but now he's here I love him n will just have to get on with it etc
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