lady_stark Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 (edited) I've just started seeing a guy who I've known for a very long time (10+ years). We had coffee for our first date yesterday afternoon and then we went back to his place to watch a movie and some funny youtube videos. All we've done so far is hug and have a short kiss. Not got as far as making out yet... He left his Facebook open as he was in the kitchen making coffee, and a message popped up from his ex girlfriend. They had been together 3 years and he was the one who ended the relationship, as he didn't have romantic feelings for her anymore. They broke up about 6 weeks ago... I know that's quite recent, but the fact he did the breaking up and lost romantic feelings made me presume he was over it. I wasn't intending to snoop at all, the idea of doing such a thing horrifies me, but my curiosity got the better of me and I started scrolling up. The conversations were pretty long, but there was nothing sexual or romantic in them, they were just being friendly. In fact I'd say she was the one being more friendly - she was using a ton of emoticons, but he wasn't. However, he was the one who initiated all the conversations... The past week they had spoken every day and he initiated them all. I don't understand why he would do that if he broke up with her because he'd be giving her false hope, wouldn't he? Especially since he told me she was very upset when he first broke up with her and she struggled with his decision a lot. Although I'm glad there wasn't anything romantic in the conversations, at one point he did tell her she was an amazing and wonderful person, and he was thanking her multiple times for her 'kind words'. She even asked him for coffee and he responded saying that it would be nice. I'm a bit concerned to be honest and wondering whether I should continue seeing him... What do you guys think? Do you think he might still have feelings for her? Edited October 13, 2016 by lady_stark
Zahara Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 I wouldn't date someone post 6 weeks break-up. Coupled with the fact that they're still talking and he keeps initiating communication with her wouldn't be ideal situation that I would like to get tangled into. And if he didn't have romantic feelings for her, not sure why he's the first to keep reaching out. Don't always trust what people say. But if it were the case, it's unkind to keep hanging her on a string if that was how he truly felt about her.
babylonsfire Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 I know you've known him a long time, but I would give it at least 6 months, 6 weeks, just isn't long enough imo.
Redhead14 Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 Yes, 6 weeks is too soon for him to be dating anyone seriously. If you like him enough, keep it casual and keep dating others. But, frankly, now that you've gone down this road, you're gonna be gun shy with him and so it's not going to be comfortable for you. I'd back off, if I were you. What has his dating pattern been with you? I mean was he coming on hard and fast? Has he been hesitant, inconsistent? Either of those two scenarios is not a good thing. People who are trying to dissociate from a break up and distract themselves from processing it, come on really fast only to burn out fairly quickly. People who are kinda forcing themselves to date, are hesitant and inconsistent and they know they aren't ready and can't be all in for a new relationship either.
Author lady_stark Posted October 13, 2016 Author Posted October 13, 2016 What has his dating pattern been with you? I mean was he coming on hard and fast? Has he been hesitant, inconsistent? Either of those two scenarios is not a good thing. People who are trying to dissociate from a break up and distract themselves from processing it, come on really fast only to burn out fairly quickly. People who are kinda forcing themselves to date, are hesitant and inconsistent and they know they aren't ready and can't be all in for a new relationship either. Well, because we've known each other so long it felt quite natural to me. We haven't seen each other in years but we used to hang out in groups 5+ years ago and he's exactly the same person now as he was then. He hasn't been coming on hard and fast, far from it. He's been a gentleman. This makes me wonder now though if the fact he hasn't come on too strongly and has been a gentleman means he's not ready for something serious because of her.
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