Girl rescheduled date, am I okay not to worry in this situation?

[fmfan08]

Been seeing this insecure girl, who's confidence had been knocked from her ex cheating on her, etc. We've been talking for a while now, every day, whether she starts the conversations or I do.

 

We had plans for our third date this Saturday.

 

Last night we were talking, hitting messages back and forth where she said her mum doesn't watch a tv show she does so she's had to go upstairs. I said I'm with her mum on that and I don't watch it either, something she's going to have to change (aka make me watch it).

 

An hour later, assuming she was watching her tv show, she sends me a message saying "Why am I gonna have to change? And I dunno if I can come Saturday now. I planned last month to go out with the girls from uni and they've just reminded me. Can we do next Saturday instead? Xxxx"

 

She then sends me a screenshot with her conversation from two weeks ago arranging this and tells me "Just so you know I'm not having you on".

 

I said I couldn't do next weekend due to spending it with my grandad and family for his 90th birthday, but I asked if she's free in the week.

 

She said she's free in the week but tired (due to work). Then suggests "What about next Sunday? Xxxx"

 

I tell her it's still the same, grandad's birthday weekend and I'm staying over there. She says "We will just have to do a weekday then xxxx".

 

I suggest movies/dinner if she's tired, instead of bowling, she says "At least bowling would keep me awake. Plus I'm at cinemas Monday so don't wanna go twice in one week xxxx".

 

I asked if she's going to see a certain movie with her family and she says "No a friend xxxx". So I reply with cool. She responds with a thumbs up and then "Sorry xxxx".

 

Then I say she doesn't have to be sorry as she already had plans, it happens and that we'll arrange something during the week if she wants. She says "If I had remembered I would have been able to tell you but it completely slipped my mind until one of the girls just said. I hardly get to see them . Xxxx"

 

So I end the conversation saying " I'm back in work tomorrow, I'll let you know what days i'm free then. Anyway, early night for me. Sweet dreams!".

 

She replies "Night night xxxx" then sends a second reply saying "I feel like you've gone in a mood with me now because of that xxxx".

 

I'll find out my work times today and tell her, but do you think it sounds promising? I guess we'll find out when the plans actually work out. I'd say I'm more worried about her going to the cinemas with a friend, incase it's some other guy, even though she's free to do that.. Or what if she's avoiding the movies so I don't put my arm around her? We usually hold hands, so I guess I could test that again.

[Zippy2000]

This is why texting can be hard work.

 

 

To answer your question. Yes, its is ok for you NOT to worry about it. Why?

 

 

She told you a month before she had plans and sent a screen shot to remind you.

 

 

She`s already gave you a counter offer or a week day BUT has signposted you she may be tired.

 

 

You are over thinking this. Let her come to you sometimes. Back off and give her breathing space. If she cant make it, then she cant. Make it the week after. Stop being so keen becuase this can off putting.

 

 

Also stop testing her for holding hands. Its not a game or a test.

[babylonsfire]

Way overthinking this one bud, cool the jets down a bit before the jitters and insecurities kill the next few dates for you!

 

We had plans for our third date this Saturday.

 

Last night we were talking, hitting messages back and forth where she said her mum doesn't watch a tv show she does so she's had to go upstairs. I said I'm with her mum on that and I don't watch it either, something she's going to have to change (aka make me watch it).

 

An hour later, assuming she was watching her tv show, she sends me a message saying "Why am I gonna have to change? And I dunno if I can come Saturday now. I planned last month to go out with the girls from uni and they've just reminded me. Can we do next Saturday instead? Xxxx"

 

She then sends me a screenshot with her conversation from two weeks ago arranging this and tells me "Just so you know I'm not having you on".

 

You already had plans for a third date, she obviously felt bad about cancelling and wanted to show you evidence so you didn't have these exact thoughts, sounds like she's got a decent head on her shoulders and actually knows how insecure a guy can really be and/or flakiness can really look. It sounds like, if you had agreed then and there; that the rest of this conversation wouldn't even have happened.

 

I tell her it's still the same, grandad's birthday weekend and I'm staying over there. She says "We will just have to do a weekday then xxxx".

 

Again man, you're totally in the clear, she doesn't want to do a weekday date cause of work and being tired; but is willing to anyways, instead of just seeing you the following weekend or on a less busy work week, that means something went right the first two dates.

 

I suggest movies/dinner if she's tired, instead of bowling, she says "At least bowling would keep me awake. Plus I'm at cinemas Monday so don't wanna go twice in one week xxxx".

 

Movies/cinema is a really hard date until you know someone, unless you know immediately you'll both like the movie. One, a lot of the movies at the cinema are two hours long, that means sitting in a theater for 2 hours+ with little conversation/intellectual interaction. If there's little or no physical interaction, that almost is like going alone, if there is physical interaction and you push an early boundary too far, that can make the date awkward for later; makes a thin road to walk.

 

Also, movies have a way of affecting our mood, if the movie is dull and boring and she can't wait to get out of there, that's going to leave an impression of the date as having also been dull and boring, not what you want in an early date.

 

Now its not always bad, you can always pick a good movie, that you both like, sneak some conversation in before the movie, have a little fun during the movie, share a snack, and have the right amount of physical/social interaction during the movie, without coming across as a creep or the idiot that talks the whole movie; but that's a hard line to walk, so unless she makes a mention of a specific movie she really wants to go see, or you know her tastes well, or have a whole day planned around the movie (like a weekend day), I'd avoid that personally.

 

I'd say I'm more worried about her going to the cinemas with a friend, in case it's some other guy, even though she's free to do that..

 

1.) Has she given any indication that its another guy, or she's involved with other guys right now? What would make you feel that way, I generally see movies with my friends all the time, and we're all males, very rarely do we even take a girl with us, even when we're dating for a lot of the above reasons. I know several females in a similar situation.

 

2.) You mention she's free to do that, but you don't really want her to/it seems like it would impact the "dating" if you do so. Why? Have some confidence/trust/security in yourself. You haven't had any conversations about exclusivity, boyfriend/girlfriend, or relationships yet right? There's no sex involved yet right? So what's the big deal anyhow?

 

Or what if she's avoiding the movies so I don't put my arm around her? We usually hold hands, so I guess I could test that again.

 

1.) Movie theater is a bad spot to try and put your arm around her first time, nowhere she can run to, nowhere she can get away, unless she's very confident in herself, its generally not easy for her to say hey, look it, I'm not comfortable with this. If you haven't had your arms around her yet, that seems like the wrong spot to try it first. A lot could go wrong with that.

 

2.) Hand-holding being a test? What does that test? I hold hands with random 2 or 3 year olds as they cross a street. I've held hands with 70 year old woman to help them over a curb. It's a very limited physical interaction and I would hardly call it a test/measure of a dating/relationship. Generally speaking, good measures of dating are conversation, level of interest, and hugs/kisses/sex; in that order if you're seeking a more long term relationship, which from the sounds of it, you are. Reverse the order if you want something shorter-term/fun.

 

3.) Physical intimacy, doesn't require a lot of work, when you're having fun, and in general close proximity, on something that you both mutually consider a date, it seems to just...flow/come naturally. With different people, that's at different times, sometimes its the first date, sometimes its the 10th, sometimes its the 3rd or 4th. I wouldn't worry about it early in dating, just keep putting yourself in fun situations, with good conversation, and enjoy yourself, let everything else do its work.

[Lansing]

I am more wondering why she keeps saying your name when you text?? I assume that is what you have covered up with xxxx. I don't mention people's name every time I text them something

 

I think you should be okay, as others said don't over think it. She is obviously concerned that her cancelling has annoyed you. I understand being "tired" after work but still to go grab a drink or even do bowling during the week would be good. Skip the movie.

[Miss Peach]

I think it's promising because she offered proof and tried to reschedule. This is trying to show you she's not blowing you off.

[fmfan08]

I am more wondering why she keeps saying your name when you text?? I assume that is what you have covered up with xxxx. I don't mention people's name every time I text them something

 

I think you should be okay, as others said don't over think it. She is obviously concerned that her cancelling has annoyed you. I understand being "tired" after work but still to go grab a drink or even do bowling during the week would be good. Skip the movie.

 

Oh no that's her just sending kisses, when I was copying her messages down I just copied them too without thinking

 

On reflection, I have overthought it. She did give me proof anyway. I ask her yesterday how is bowling next thursday at 8pm and she said "Yeah that's fine with me". Movies after that would be too late and she is already going Monday anyway.

 

We've pretty much been talking every day for the last couple of months, but today is probably the first time we haven't which I thought was a bit odd, as if I don't initiate anything then she would, but she hasn't. Then again today was supposed to be our date until she said she had plans to go out with friends so probably doesn't want to get into a lengthy conversation.

[fmfan08]

My only problem is she doesn't seem very active in our conversations, shorter replies but responds quickly. It's a huge contrast from the first 2-3 weeks we spoke, where she'd sent like 3-4 lines with lots of emoji's, now it's just one sentence, maybe two and hardly any emoji's. Although, if I reply with one word answers like "yeah" she'll then ask me a question like how was work so...

 

Then again, she has agreed to meet up so that's all that matters. I guess actions > bad texting habits.

 

I know she also hates it when I assume things too. I thought her short replies meant she was busy and that when she said she was tired, I joked about her falling asleep on me. She said something like "That one is all down to you... if you just assume you won't get very far. Not with me anyway".

 

I do assume a lot But guessing she sees something potentially more out of this if she's saying "if you just assume you won't get very far, not with me anyway". She's definitely a direct sort of person who'd rather you ask her if there was a problem than just think there is.

Edited October 15, 2016 by fmfan08

[fmfan08]

Meh, kind of debating whether she wants to see me at all now and feeling a bit confused.

 

She gave me solid proof of her reason to cancel this Saturday (meeting with her uni friends), but I've just seen her facebook at the end of the night and that suggests anything but.. She has a couple of posts, one at 6pm where she's tagged a friend with a picture of a candle and one at 9pm where she's talking about a popular singing tv show that was on.

 

I mean sure she's agreed to meet me this Thursday but why give me proof that she's hanging with her uni friends when all it seems she's doing is sitting in and watching tv?

 

Although on Friday, she told me she went into work and finished early after being sick and felt really awful, so highly probable that sickness carried into Saturday and she just stayed home instead (had to cancel plans with friends too). Still, for someone who usually contacts me if I don't (we've spoken every day) she didn't bother today when I decided not to initiate.

 

Meh, suppose we'll see Thursday won't we..

[Lansing]

You are definitely over thinking things. You lack of confidence might be coming across too and that is what she made the comments about your "assumptions". Don't be trying to look at her FB figuring out what she is up to. Have the confidence that she is interested in you until she says "no" to dates if she ever does. You are going to be the downfall of this if you keep focussed on it too much and keeping count on who texted who first or how many days it has been.

 

I dated a girl that always thought something was "wrong" if I got busy with something and didnt text her back right away or didn't initiate conversation/text all of the time. It was really frustrating to have her second guess my feelings/interest.

 

Don't take things too seriously. You can't put this girl on such a pedestal. If it doesn't work out it isn't a big deal. Try to work on not stressing out so much. I know in the moment it can be hard but you are better to take a deep breath and not hyperfocus on this dating situation so muvh. Instead of being home yourself on a Saturday night checking out her FB you could have been out with friends,etc.