Bialy Posted October 12, 2016 Posted October 12, 2016 When I'm first dating someone, my first non-physical cue that someone is really digging me is the level of communication. If I have a great first date with someone, it's pretty normal for me to know he is interested because he wants to keep the conversation going in some way, shape, or form. Whether it be texting, talking over the phone, or a combo of the two. I think that's just normal. But maybe it's not for others...? I've been a couple dates with someone and we have had two good dates. In between those two dates, I don't hear much from him. What gives? I feel like I shouldn't have to make anyone change their communication style. He could either not be THAT into me or he's just used to going through periods of just not thinking it's necessary. Any thoughts on this?
basil67 Posted October 12, 2016 Posted October 12, 2016 When I'm first dating someone, my first non-physical cue that someone is really digging me is the level of communication. If I have a great first date with someone, it's pretty normal for me to know he is interested because he wants to keep the conversation going in some way, shape, or form. Whether it be texting, talking over the phone, or a combo of the two. I think that's just normal. But maybe it's not for others...? I've been a couple dates with someone and we have had two good dates. In between those two dates, I don't hear much from him. What gives? I feel like I shouldn't have to make anyone change their communication style. He could either not be THAT into me or he's just used to going through periods of just not thinking it's necessary. Any thoughts on this? You could be overthinking this. If a guy is into you but doesn't communicate on a level to meet your needs, then he's not the right guy for you. And if he's not the right guy, why worry about what he's feeling?
thecrucible Posted October 12, 2016 Posted October 12, 2016 The real test is to see if he will compromise over things and be willing to make adjustments to his daily routine. I mean I don't need nor want constant texting. If a guy can't keep up communication even to a basic degree (say 1 text a day) when we are bf and gf stage without getting resentful then he's not for me. Anyway to cut this post short - it's a combination of observing his behaviour and also seeing how he responds to certain requests. I mean you don't know if you don't ask. 1
Author Bialy Posted October 12, 2016 Author Posted October 12, 2016 Good feedback. The real test is to see if he will compromise over things and be willing to make adjustments to his daily routine. So far, I've been the one who has been asked to adjust to his routine. A baseball game was delayed and he asked if we could have our date the following day.
Shining One Posted October 12, 2016 Posted October 12, 2016 Different people have different communication preferences. I strongly prefer in-person communication over phone or text. Thus, I will communicate very little in between dates, but I'm willing to lengthen dates to keep a conversation going. Rather than go on a 2-hour date and follow it up with a 2-hour phone/text conversation, I prefer to just have a 4-hour date. With that being said, I'm usually willing to meet a woman half way on her communication needs. Unfortunately, half way is often not enough. 3
Author Bialy Posted October 13, 2016 Author Posted October 13, 2016 Different people have different communication preferences. I strongly prefer in-person communication over phone or text. Thus, I will communicate very little in between dates, but I'm willing to lengthen dates to keep a conversation going. Rather than go on a 2-hour date and follow it up with a 2-hour phone/text conversation, I prefer to just have a 4-hour date. With that being said, I'm usually willing to meet a woman half way on her communication needs. Unfortunately, half way is often not enough. I'm the same way. I prefer in person communication over all else - meeting up spontaneously and planned. But in between those times, I like to touch base and for someone to wish me a good morning or evening. It's nice. Doesn't have to be a long conversation over the phone or via text either. And I know there are guys who like that.
Ami1uwant Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 If im understanding you this is early on during the first few dates with little communication between dates. That actually is closer to the norm. What I have found is communication is important in successful dates. If you talk in between dates you may run out of conversational material. This is especially true on dates that involve just meeting for dinner. If you fo activity dates then the activity stimulate conversation. 2
Jammer25 Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 With that being said, I'm usually willing to meet a woman half way on her communication needs. Unfortunately, half way is often not enough. This is a big problem I've had in my dating life as well. Too often, the women I've dated have not been willing to compromise on the level of communication that is fitting for the relationship. More so with those who needed constant communication. I'm a fairly strong introvert, so the above extreme saps my energy big time. I too prefer in-person communication as such. So when a woman is needier than I am comfortable with and stubborn about it, my personality just can't take it long-term. It really does require reinforcement about what each person's communication style is. And at least for myself, you can't completely cater to the other person or you just end up getting tired of the communication and not having energy to do other things. It's like trying to change a big part of who you are.
Miss Spider Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 (edited) Yeah some people just prefer face-to-face communication. I am one of them. I loathe text, phone, (email is okay, but a bit antiquated).It says nothing about interest level. But as someone else mentioned, if a guy I'm really into asks for it, I will probably compromise. But still be a little annoyed. This may cause friction between a person who relies on these modes of communication and a person who hates them even if willing to change. Might be a deal breaker Edited October 13, 2016 by Cookiesandough
gorf Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 so let him know how much you like the in between communication: texting, quick checking up seeing how your day is and how things are etc, just showing you care and are interested. Do it for him first, and any reply he gives, thank him for it and let him know how it makes you feel when he checks up on you, seeing how your day is going, wishing you a goodnight cause it actually makes you sleep better. ya know, he might not be thinking how much it effects you and your well being. Let him know, maybe you will see a change once he realities what it means to you and sees in himself how much he has been neglecting.
babylonsfire Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 Different people have different communication preferences. I strongly prefer in-person communication over phone or text. Thus, I will communicate very little in between dates, but I'm willing to lengthen dates to keep a conversation going. Rather than go on a 2-hour date and follow it up with a 2-hour phone/text conversation, I prefer to just have a 4-hour date. With that being said, I'm usually willing to meet a woman half way on her communication needs. Unfortunately, half way is often not enough. Me and the ShiningOne think exactly alike. I would much rather keep texts/emails, any form of written communication basically, to as little as possible. Simple questions, lining up our next in person date, or a Skype/Duo/Hangout/Facetime communication if we've been dating long enough. I personally hate being on the phone, not a huge fan of texting/email back and forth all night. But I have no problem communicating for hours if I'm into you.
Popsicle Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 Men always underestimate the importance of communication to women. If you can't talk in between dates because you don't have enough to say, how in the hell are you going to talk when you're in a relationship with them? 2
katiegrl Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 (edited) Of course most people prefer *in person* rather than phone or text. The OP is talking about *in between* dates. Unless you see each other every single day, which for me would be completely suffocating, there are going to be days when you are not able to speak *in person*. On *those* days, she would like to keep in touch. Which is perfectly reasonable. For me, I prefer text or email. For others it's phone. Imo it doesn't really matter the method, what is important is that two people are communicating! I think that is important. A couple of days without is not a big deal to me though, at least is the early stages. Edited October 13, 2016 by katiegrl 1
babylonsfire Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 Of course most people prefer *in person* rather than phone or text. The OP is talking about *in between* dates. Unless you see each other every single day, which for me would be completely suffocating, there are going to be days when you are not able to speak *in person*. On *those* days, she would like to keep in touch. Which is perfectly reasonable. For me, I prefer text or email. For others it's phone. Imo it doesn't really matter the method, what is important is that two people are communicating! I think that is important. A couple of days without is not a big deal to me though, at least is the early stages. yeah I understand that, in the early phases especially, I'd prefer not to, both guys and girls, myself and others, tend to overanalyze things, easier to not overanalyze, if there's less communication. The longer you're with someone and the more you get to know them, you can gradually ease into more and more, and longer and longer conversations, without the "overanalysis" 1
Shining One Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 Men always underestimate the importance of communication to women. If you can't talk in between dates because you don't have enough to say, how in the hell are you going to talk when you're in a relationship with them?I've never had trouble talking to my girlfriends in person. I have had trouble handling and responding to the 100+ texts a day some women are capable of.
katiegrl Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 (edited) yeah I understand that, in the early phases especially, I'd prefer not to, both guys and girls, myself and others, tend to overanalyze things, easier to not overanalyze, if there's less communication. The longer you're with someone and the more you get to know them, you can gradually ease into more and more, and longer and longer conversations, without the "overanalysis" Well again just me personally, I need to keep in touch to keep the connection alive. At least whatever connection we have developed up to that point. This early stage is so precarious, it is very easy to lose the connection for whatever reason. I am not talking about long drawn out convos, just a quick touch base in between dates. I think people have a tendency to over-think and over-analyze when the other is silent and *not* communicating in between dates. Just like OP is doing! And the many other people (men and women) who create threads because his/her partner hasn't responded to a text and isn't communcating. People go nuts over-thinking when this happens! I mean, let's say you only see each other once a week at the beginning. You mean to tell me it's okay to not communicate on the six days in between? I would interpret that as low interest from the guy, and thus would lose interest myself. ETA:. Shining One -- 100 texts? That's the stuff bunny boilers are made of! LOL Edited October 13, 2016 by katiegrl 1
Shining One Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 Shining One -- 100 texts? That's the stuff bunny boilers are made of! LOLBelieve it or not, they were actually fairly normal women. Imagine a normal multi-hour conversation on random topics. Now, break that conversation up into lots of texts and that's what happened. I actually enjoyed the content of the conversations (most of them), but my fingers did not.
katiegrl Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 Believe it or not, they were actually fairly normal women. Imagine a normal multi-hour conversation on random topics. Now, break that conversation up into lots of texts and that's what happened. I actually enjoyed the content of the conversations (most of them), but my fingers did not. Ok ... that makes more sense, tnx for clarifying. Multi-hour convos over text in between dates would be a bit much for me though. Just me That said, I did have that type of communique with a man once, but he lived 6000 miles away so obviously we couldn't meet in person. It was over email though, which I prefer over texting. And yeah I enjoyed it too.
Jejangles Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 I'd say it's pretty normal to have limited contact between dates during early dating, especially if you have the next date set up already. For about the first month my now boyfriend and I didn't chat between dates. We'd go on a date, set up the next then get in touch as the next date was approaching. Our communication increased as our relationship got more serious. Now we chat via text every day, and always say good morning and good night. I personally found guys who wanted to chat every minute of the day in early dating tiring, like they were trying to rush me into an intimacy we hadn't built yet. But we're all different - you could just say to the guy on your next date what type of communication you like and see what he says.
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