B33F24 Posted October 12, 2016 Posted October 12, 2016 Hey everyone, I was wondering if anyone could give me some tips or insight as to why I constantly have issues with my mind jumping to conclusions or essentially assuming the worst in situations. To be more clear, if something out of the ordinary ever happens in a relationship, my brain almost instantly jumps to the worst possible conclusion, no matter what I try. I have, over time, learned to recognize this and get myself to chill out, but I am still not entirely sure why it happens. It could be a girlfriend being in a bad mood, acting off one day, taking longer to respond than usual, etc... For some reason it triggers something in my mind to start assuming the worst possible outcome. When I recognize this happening I usually just sit and think, why am I feeling this way? What happened to make me think of this reasoning? What has my significant other done to make me think this? Have they ever given me a reason to come to this conclusion? Doing this usually brings me to my senses but why it happens in the first place doesn't make sense too me. Thanks in advance!
Poe77 Posted October 12, 2016 Posted October 12, 2016 Its a learned response to being hurt and back stabbed so many times I do believe..I do it to when some one is having a off/bad day I often think its something I did or they are mad at me..some times that's just not the case but it still feels like it..On the other hand I have had those "bad feelings" about situations before and been spot on so its hard to know when to trust your gut and when its just over reacting..im still working on it myself so I feel ya..
Miss Spider Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 I have this too. Is yours just limited to dating? Sometimes when we have experiences let downs in life we come to suspect those and become pessimistic. There most likely was a time in your life where you felt secure and positive, but something ripped that rug from under you and it has stuck with you. You may need therapy for it to be more resolved. Like CBT. 1
RecentChange Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 Is this only in relationships? I hate to psychoanalyze, but I have noticed a pattern in pessimistic / anxious or what I call "worst case scenario guy" - is that they lacked security and predictability in their childhood. Chaotic home life etc. And I think that sticks with people in a way where their mind often jumps to the worst possible out come at any sign of instability. Where as people who were raised in an extremely secure environment are more likely to have the "everything will be okay" reaction. Might not be true for you. But you certainly are not alone in this thought pattern. I agree with another poster that counseling may provide you with some tools to address this behavior. 1
Miss Spider Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 Is this only in relationships? I hate to psychoanalyze, but I have noticed a pattern in pessimistic / anxious or what I call "worst case scenario guy" - is that they lacked security and predictability in their childhood. Chaotic home life etc. And I think that sticks with people in a way where their mind often jumps to the worst possible out come at any sign of instability. Where as people who were raised in an extremely secure environment are more likely to have the "everything will be okay" reaction. Might not be true for you. But you certainly are not alone in this thought pattern. I agree with another poster that counseling may provide you with some tools to address this behavior. Hi I'm not the op but I find this interesting. What is meant by 'chaotic' ? My parents fought a lot verbally, but that's it. I did worry they would divorce sometimes. I never worried I wouldn't be "ok" or have the self awareness to even understand that when I was a child ? But would that still be enough ? Does this mean that people with completely stable childhood(insofar as that's possible. I think childhood is a traumatic time for just about everyone) don't worry? I just had a thought that overthinking can also be caused by having too much time to think. Anyway, there is this concept called "depressive realism". Some studies have shown pessimists actually have a more accurate evaluation of reality.
hestheone66 Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 I agree that there is a relationship between insecurity if any sort while growing up and pessimistic outlooks. I also think there are basic temperamental building blocks that influence how anxious we are when rationally there is nothing to worry about. To those that think a degree of pessimism is realistic, well maybe but sadder. I am very low on worry scale. I've been through divorce, loss of homes, Business failures, abusive relationships, having no money, having lots of money....I have a motto, I'm so grateful for all of those experiences..I have good friends, my health. And I don't allow negative thoughts in...I used to but with discipline you can retrain your thought patterns.. consciously committing certain negative words from my vocab (no, never, can't, won't,but, etc) is they key to changing ingrained unhelpful patterns..we will all die, that's inevitable. We can't avoid some suffering..embrace all the experiences you have and be hopeful of all the opportunities life presents
RaiderII Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 Sounds like a thought process common in anxiety. Speak to a CBT therapist about how to reframe your 'catastrophic thinking'. Some basic thought challenging exercises could help you to manage these thoughts before they have an impact on your external world such as relationships.
Recommended Posts