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I need a couple weeks of space how to do that without them freaking out

Imscrewed123

By Imscrewed123
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Imscrewed123 New Member

Imscrewed123

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My friend with benefits and my good friend are related. Me and my friend with benefits have kept our relationship a secret. And because he's a douchebag he gets mad when he doesn't get what he wants. So if I don't have sex with him when he wants it turns into a fight he acts like a little kid he says he'll tell my best friend about our relationship. He tries to kick me out when I come over to hang out with friend and then he says sorry but I know he doesn't mean it because he does it again. I tried to end it multiple times but he sort of blackmails me that's how it feels To me I know I'm letting him walk all over me but he sort of holds the power because if my friend ever found out about our relationship we wouldn't be friends anymore and this is someone who's been very important to me for many years I would have never even slept with her family member if I didn't trust him because I've also known him for many years. Anyway I just want this whole thing to go back to the way it was before me and my friends with benefits started being friends with benefits when I come over I try to just hang out with her but if I end up spending the night there's always a problem and sometimes I drink with my friend so it's not as easy as driving home. How can I get him to stop being an ******* and let things go back to the way they used to be. One of my biggest concerns is that my friend will notice something weird is going on between us and I want to keep the secret forever but I don't think it's possible I'm very confused help.

Arieswoman Established Member

Arieswoman

Posted
Posted

Imscrewed123,

 

How can I get him to stop being an ******* and let things go back to the way they used to be.
?

 

You can't.

That's because he is an ******** and a nasty manipulative one at that.

 

You should never reward a blackmailer, because they'll always come back for more. This "friend with benefits" certainly isn't a friend and it seems you are getting more problems than benefits. :rolleyes:

 

Dump this "FWB" waste of oxygen, and do it now. No contact and no "hanging out".

 

If your good friend asks questions, tell them you had a disagreement and you don't want to talk about it. If they are a good friend then they should respect your privacy. If they don't then maybe your in the market for a new friend as well.

 

If the FWB choose to "tell tales" then you'll have to deal with that later.

 

Your biggest mistake was getting involved with two people who are related, so in future don't get drawn into any semi-incestuous relationships.

  • Like 1
shinycheek New Member

shinycheek

Posted
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Why do you want to live a life of secrets?

Beside you call her your friend but you want to have secrets ?

 

He will tell when ever he feels like it. So your friend better hear it from you.

 

That way he wont be able to hold that against you and you will be free from the stress of holding secrets.

 

This situation sound so abusive and ugly. And dont get it how you can sleep with someone after being abused like this.

You need to stop fwbf activity's and work on your self esteem and get with a bf that really respect you.

  • Like 1
salparadise Established Member

salparadise

Posted
Posted

You need to neutralize the blackmailing one way or another. There are a few possibilities... tell your friend yourself, get some equally undesirable info on him, threaten consequences that you know he'd dread.

 

I don't understand why your friend would be so upset––what's the relationship? Brother? Why would that necessarily cause an end to your friendship?

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Imscrewed123 New Member

Imscrewed123

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You need to neutralize the blackmailing one way or another. There are a few possibilities... tell your friend yourself, get some equally undesirable info on him, threaten consequences that you know he'd dread.

 

I don't understand why your friend would be so upset––what's the relationship? Brother? Why would that necessarily cause an end to your friendship?

her nephew. Hes an adult. And something else I didnt add in is that we are both in relationships. So we are both cheaters which is another reason i want to keep it secret. Because this is my friends nephew Im easy with him im not doing everything defense wise that i can. Like ive told him ill tell his gf if he tells anybody. But he acts like he doesnt care but im sure he does. But i really dont want to do that. When he gets aggressive i just use passive resistance.

springy Established Member

springy

Posted
Posted (edited)

You've known him for many years but did not know he was a jerk? So...nephew, as in you watched him grow from a child to an adult? What are your ages?

 

I think you are going to have to face the music, pay the piper on this one if you want to be rid of the fwb. You might not have a boyfriend after this, but...do you really care about him anyway? You started doing some other guy. I can't relate, as this is not a lifestyle I understand although it seems quite common for some. If you can't be faithful to someone just be single. Why are you still with the boyfriend?

 

At any rate, you may lose a close friend and your boyfriend, but maybe it's not such a bad idea to learn from it all (hopefully) and start fresh. There is no easy way out of the tangled web you have weaved here.

 

Best case scenario (for you, but not for your bf or good friend), fwb is bluffing to get what he wants and won't tell anyone because it would mean losing his relationship too.

 

But really, just fess up. It's gotta be stressful living a life of deceit, especially when it involves hiding things from people you say you love or care about so much.

Edited by springy
  • 4 weeks later...
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Imscrewed123 New Member

Imscrewed123

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Ive known my fwbs for almost 6 or 7 years met through his mother when he WAS still a minor im 5 years older than him. Anyway weve been having sex regularly(twice a week) for 9 almost 10 months. We dont kiss very often sometimes we makeout. He will stop sex and kiss me a few times or hell kiss me to initiate sex but never kisses me just to kiss me . The sex is normally in doggy style which is my fav unless he asks for something diffrent. I caught him going through my phone once and idk how he learned my password , once i was online chatting with some random guy and he came up behind me I thought he just wanted to feel on my body because thats what he was doing but I looked and he was reading my convo with the guy. Since the start hes always said things like you love me and I know you gota love me and "im beloved". Once we were fighting and i wasnt giving him what he wanted and he yelled love me at me. & i said no he said why and i said because. One time we were in the middle of sex and he said Ive been wanting you for a while ( anyone know what a while means??) I think he may have been attracted to me since we met but he was very young then i was already an adult and didnt even notice him back then. Recently things have been less back and forth with us in the last two months we've barely fought or had a disagreement but yesterday we got into it and i left his house mad but before i left he came to see if I was still upset, twice, and he's never done that before. I know a relationship between us wouldnt be successful but i still want him to like me and care about me.

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morrowrd Established Member

morrowrd

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Posted

I'm curious.....why would you want to be in this relationship? It's awkward, it's cheap...its just about sex. How would you feel to have a man who wants to take you out just to enjoy your company, your voice, your smile - a man who is into you. And when there's sex, it's loving and nurturing.

 

What you have now is so below what a real relationship is about.

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Imscrewed123 New Member

Imscrewed123

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It is all about sex and im personally fine with that im just having difficulty figuring out if he genuinely cares about me as a person who's known him for years because he can be pretty disrespectful and I let him get away with it for a long time but since I've been standing up for myself it's been more of how it was before we became FWBs. Im just trying to peice things together so i can try to predict how it's going to be down the line

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Satu Established Member

Satu

Posted
Posted

"Does my fwb have feelings?"

 

Yes. Absolutely. So do you.

 

Every relationship is a serious relationship, even if one or both parties don't realise it.

 

In 'FWB' relationships, the feelings are there, but they are obscured by denial and repression.

 

Sorry to break it to you sister, but he's your boyfriend.

 

 

Take care.

ThisOverThat Member

ThisOverThat

Posted
Posted
"Does my fwb have feelings?"

 

Yes. Absolutely. So do you.

 

Every relationship is a serious relationship, even if one or both parties don't realise it.

 

In 'FWB' relationships, the feelings are there, but they are obscured by denial and repression.

 

Sorry to break it to you sister, but he's your boyfriend.

 

 

Take care.

 

Indeed.

 

I've done the same thing with women in the past and was told by multiple friends and family members of mine that these Casual Women (as I described them in the stories I told) of mine were in fact Girlfriends whether I knew it or not. They were right, of course, as all situations were operating under the basic parameters of a Boyfriend/Girlfriend type of deal.

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Daisy-oliviaWentcher Established Member

Daisy-oliviaWentcher

Posted
Posted

In my FWB relationships in the past, it was more about control than anything else. The guy would treat me cheaply and even say " I love you" but it was all in an attempt to have me on a leash. He would still sleep with others, but as soon as I did the same thing, his " I love yous" and paranoia intensified. Double standards for him was very familiar. I don't think either of you has genuine feelings for each other, but you may be in lust with another. Usually, in the end, someone may have feelings for the other person, but I doubt it's sincere and, as I have stated before and I'll repeat, it usually is about control, even more than sex.

  • 3 weeks later...
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Imscrewed123 New Member

Imscrewed123

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There's this family that I'm friends with I'm pretty close to all of them but I'm closer to two of them it's my best friend and I see her everyday and I'm also Fwbs with one of the family members and i really need a break from that messy fwbs relationship i basically wana drop off the face of the earth until i can get my head straight and I dont know how my good friend will take it. I dont care about the fwbs because hell already know whats up. But i dont want my good friend to think its cuz of her. Im basically looking for good excuses for not hanging with them anymore for a while hopefully with out hurting my good friend or outing my situation to her.

Edited by Imscrewed123
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