guild11 Posted October 12, 2016 Posted October 12, 2016 Hey guys, I have a situation and wanna ask you how you would deal with it, The situation is like this, my GF have a new neighbor(woman) she and my GF became friends and they spend time together at her house after work day, After a while a friend of the neighbor start to come by, He is 32 and recently got divorced, we talked few times and nothing serious. Few days ago my GF says to me "I wanna tell you something but don't get angry, that guy tried to hit on me he said I'm pretty and wants to know me more, I told him to back off and that you are my boyfriend" She said that he messaged her with what he said but when I asked her to show me the messages she said she deleted them and no reason for that. Since then he keeps coming over, tags along as a friend. I find it very disrespectful with the fact that he knew that I'm her BF. I had situations like this when I was a teen, and it usually ended with violent lynching. What should I do now ? Talk to him peacefully ? Or let it as it is ? I'm 26 and my GF is 27.
Mrin Posted October 12, 2016 Posted October 12, 2016 Quick analysis: 1. Dude hits on GF: bad 2. GF tells dude to back off: good 3. GF tells you about conversation with dude: very good 4. GF deleted text messages: very bad 5. Dude keeps hanging around GF: very bad So something isn't adding up. Either GF didn't really tell the dude to back off or didn't do it strong enough (can't tell - no text messages) or Dude isn't respecting your GF wishes. Either way, the only way to get to the bottom of this is to speak to Dude. Good luck! 2
pteromom Posted October 12, 2016 Posted October 12, 2016 It's also possible that the dude respected her rejection of him and is truly now just hanging around GF's friend as another friend. It's hard to know. The only thing I find shady is the deleting of text messages. People with nothing to hide hide nothing. I would keep my radar up but wouldn't do anything else at this point. 2
Gaeta Posted October 12, 2016 Posted October 12, 2016 You are not a teen anymore so let adults solve their problems like adults, which means it's your girlfriend's problem, not yours. The guy is probably just coming by to hang out with the neighbor. So here are my questions: * How come he had your GF's number? * How come your GF still hangs as much at neighbor when this guy is present? * Why did GF tell you at all? I get random text from men I have briefly dated, I get hit by random guy in metro, I don't bother my BF with those. I reject and delete and don't think about it again. 2
Author guild11 Posted October 12, 2016 Author Posted October 12, 2016 You are not a teen anymore so let adults solve their problems like adults, which means it's your girlfriend's problem, not yours. The guy is probably just coming by to hang out with the neighbor. So here are my questions: * How come he had your GF's number? * How come your GF still hangs as much at neighbor when this guy is present? * Why did GF tell you at all? I get random text from men I have briefly dated, I get hit by random guy in metro, I don't bother my BF with those. I reject and delete and don't think about it again. He added her on the facebook and they chat from there, I don't know what going on there because usually I'm at work so my GF goes to her neighbor who lives next door and he comes over too, he also lives around the corner.
Marc878 Posted October 12, 2016 Posted October 12, 2016 He added her on the facebook and they chat from there, I don't know what going on there because usually I'm at work so my GF goes to her neighbor who lives next door and he comes over too, he also lives around the corner. She's 27 and knows his intentions so if he's still on her Facebook that's discerning. He's still hanging around for a reason and it's not a good sign that she's still in contact. If it was a woman doing this to you how would she feel about it? Maybe your gf is not long term material. I'd keep my eyes and ears open. You're at the age if there is something you don't want to waste time on this. 1
Poutrew Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 Something doesn't add up in this scenario. To put it more succinctly, something rotten is in the state of Denmark. You really need to get into your girlfriend's facebook page. I'd bet a bag of krispy cream donuts that they are communicating with each other. Don't confront GF. She'll just say that she doesn't want to be the bad guy and hurt the old guys feelings. But to not worry because he is too old, too fat, and stinks. When you read the face book comments, be prepared for her to be saying the exact opposite to him. Basically, the more she acts repulsed, the more she digs him. So why, you may be asking, did she even bother to tell you? Guilt. By liking the guy, she is feeling guilty towards you. Also, if something happens, say if the girl she is hanging with has a big mouth and slips up, then she will have a cover story: plausible deniability . So what should you do? Nothing, zip, nada. Remember she is only a girlfriend, not a wife or the mother of your children. Just walk away and go NC. In that case, you might want to thank the guy for forcing your girlfriend to reveal her skanky side before she becomes your wife and baby momma. 1
Author guild11 Posted October 13, 2016 Author Posted October 13, 2016 She's 27 and knows his intentions so if he's still on her Facebook that's discerning. He's still hanging around for a reason and it's not a good sign that she's still in contact. If it was a woman doing this to you how would she feel about it? Maybe your gf is not long term material. I'd keep my eyes and ears open. You're at the age if there is something you don't want to waste time on this. We talked about it again, she got angry and tells me that I'm not letting it go, and apparently she changed the version also, when I asked for deleted messages she said he was hitting on her while they were together, she said he he did multiple times and also messaged her, I asked why she lied and how come she didn't told him to back once so he could get understand . She doesn't explain me anything .
Gaeta Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 We talked about it again, she got angry and tells me that I'm not letting it go, and apparently she changed the version also, when I asked for deleted messages she said he was hitting on her while they were together, she said he he did multiple times and also messaged her, I asked why she lied and how come she didn't told him to back once so he could get understand . She doesn't explain me anything . So he hit on her multiple times and she let it happen, then she told him she is not interested and she has a BF and he continues hitting on her? and she continues letting it happen. Not only she lets it continue but she visit the place where she knows he'll be. After reading your last thread, the one where you talk about breaking up because you know she is not the one, I think this relationship is at its end. I'd even say she is shopping herself a new man, she knows you tried to break up with her not long ago and sh$t will hit the fan again with you. On top of that she is moving away for a job? so this will become a long distance relationship? Nah, not worth it. This relationship has run its course.
hippychick3 Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 I agree that the relationship is coming to an end. This is not someone who values your relationship with her. If she did, she would NOT befriend him on FB and continue to hang out with him. Knowing that he hit on her, it's just inappropriate. The deleting of texts is odd but what is also odd is that you mistrust her enough to have to ask to see them. You already didn't trust her...and for good reason it seems.
Author guild11 Posted October 13, 2016 Author Posted October 13, 2016 I agree that the relationship is coming to an end. This is not someone who values your relationship with her. If she did, she would NOT befriend him on FB and continue to hang out with him. Knowing that he hit on her, it's just inappropriate. The deleting of texts is odd but what is also odd is that you mistrust her enough to have to ask to see them. You already didn't trust her...and for good reason it seems. We messaged today while she was at work, I told that we need a serious talk, I said we have huge communication problems and trust issues. She said that we should've done it a long ago and that I'm the one with trust issues, and then she said that she will delete that guy from facebook and stop talking with him completely. I haven't replied anything. that something that she should've done in 1at place.
mikeylo Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 She should have stopped the guy at the first go. You shouldn't have to ask. Otoh, some guys pester even though they have been rejected and told that the girl has a bf. Losers, ego boosting, you name whatever. She might have to told you to keep lines of trust between you open. Deleting could be either. Maybe didn't feel like having them on her phone ?
Marc878 Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 We talked about it again, she got angry and tells me that I'm not letting it go, and apparently she changed the version also, when I asked for deleted messages she said he was hitting on her while they were together, she said he he did multiple times and also messaged her, I asked why she lied and how come she didn't told him to back once so he could get understand . She doesn't explain me anything . If you want some closure you need both sides of the communication which would be the deleted texts. Not cutting him off immediately is a red flag. If I were you I'd take some time and think. Is she worth it? In the long term trust or lack of it is not what you want in your life. You're not married she's just a gf. If the shoe was on the other foot she wouldn't like it would she?
Author guild11 Posted October 13, 2016 Author Posted October 13, 2016 If you want some closure you need both sides of the communication which would be the deleted texts. Not cutting him off immediately is a red flag. If I were you I'd take some time and think. Is she worth it? In the long term trust or lack of it is not what you want in your life. You're not married she's just a gf. If the shoe was on the other foot she wouldn't like it would she? We are to together for almost 2 years, when we started dating I gave her really hard time because I wasn't experienced in long term relationship, she didn't leave me and went thru it all. She is the first woman that I actually fell in love with, I don't know how ended in this situation that we are constantly fighting . Also she was the one who took my phone and read my facebook/whatsapp messages while I was away. Since then we turn more hostile to each other . I told myself not once that she isn't the one but I don't have the guts to leave her, whenever I think of break up I get all the memories that I had with her.
preraph Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 Tell the gf, Well, thanks for telling me. Now that you know his intentions, of course you can't just lead him on by letting him hang around you still.
Friskyone4u Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 Quick analysis: 1. Dude hits on GF: bad 2. GF tells dude to back off: good 3. GF tells you about conversation with dude: very good 4. GF deleted text messages: very bad 5. Dude keeps hanging around GF: very bad So something isn't adding up. Either GF didn't really tell the dude to back off or didn't do it strong enough (can't tell - no text messages) or Dude isn't respecting your GF wishes. Either way, the only way to get to the bottom of this is to speak to Dude. Good luck! Buddy, up until she started deleting his text messages or message it seemed lke she had this under contriol i disagree with you talk to this guy. You girlfriend should want to tell her friend she is not hanging out with her any more unless this guy is NOT present and that if he shows up you your girlfriend is leaving. i refuse to believe this guy keeps showing up unless someone is welcoming him there. This is on your girlfriend to fix, not you. She apparantly has either not poured cold water on his balls clearly enough or he is just plain stupid. But what she should have been showing you is a text back to him telling him in no uncertain terms that she wants no part of him and if he is present she will not be. And why does he have her contact information???? If her GF gave it to him, then this girlfriend has to go because she is no friend of your relationship.
elaine567 Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 I told myself not once that she isn't the one but I don't have the guts to leave her, whenever I think of break up I get all the memories that I had with her. Don't waste her time or yours. The relationship has run its course that is why you are fighting and unhappy - just do it today. This is not about some bloke hanging around, there will always be some bloke hanging around, this is about you trying to find a reason to split up with her and pin the blame on her. Dating is all about finding people you gel with, not about finding someone and then trying to change them, or about sticking around forever and a day miserable, as you are too scared to leave.
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